Argument 153【jet】第五次作业

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Argument 153
The following is from an editor in the Midvale Observer, a local paper.
“Even since the 1950’s, when television sets began to appear in the average home, the rate of crimes committed by teenagers in the country of Alta has steadily increased. This increase in teenage crime parallels the increase in violence shown on television. According to several national studies, even very young children who watch a great number of television shows featuring violent scenes display more violent behavior with in their home environment than do children who do not watch violent shows. Furthermore, in a survey conducted by Observer, over 90 percent of the respondents were parents who indicate that prime-time television---programs that are shown  between 7 p.m. and 9 p.m.---should show less violence. Therefore, in order to lower the rate of teenage crime in Alta, teenage viewers should demand that television programmers reduce the amount of violence shown during prime time. ”

17.59 word 447
Conclusion from the author in the local paper, which is that television programmer should deduce the amount of violence show during prime time to lower the rate of teenage crime in Alta., seems to be reasonable, but at the second glance, there are some flaws in the argument from several reasons.
First of all, a reference from national survey, which is mentioned in this argument as an important evidence, can not support the conclusion here, because the survey is something about the whole nation, but Alta. As everyone knows, different location has its own problems, which may be not coincident to the nation. There is a possibility that the local people is violent and has no close relationship to the violent display, or the gentle local inhabitants are not influenced by the violent scenes. Thus, that violent program influence local teenage crime can not be supported.
Secondly, the survey by Observer is not eloquent, for the reason that there is no more details about how many parents are asked, how old are they and whether they can stand for all Alta parents. As a comprehensive survey, respondents show cover the area that it want to investigate, which is a flaw of this argument without being mentioned. Moreover, even if the respondents are quantified, the survey is also meaningless because this is just parents’ suggestion and lack of science support. Maybe they mistake to consider a excellent chase program to violent display, because of different experience of life, and they want to watch their old film but television is out of their control.
Finally, even if the possibilities above are not true, the most part of responsibility of teenage crime should attribute to their parents, but television. As everyone knows that most children are lack of the ability to distinguish right and wrong, and families play a important role in childhood. So the parent’s guidance is necessary and a good parent will induct his son far away from real violent program to avoid teenage crime. When a child is watching violent program at prime-time, it is easy for parents to turn to another channel if not all channel is full of violence, which is reasonable.            .  
In sum, the conclusion is not convincing and to strengthen it the author should provide more reliable data about the reason of local teenage crime increase. What’s more, Observer’s survey should be perfected. The most important evidence of this argument is that whether the parent of these criminous teenager tried their best to keep their children from violent program and that these children was influenced was out of their control. Till perfect these problem, I can not think this argument is convincing.

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Conclusion from the author in the local paper, which is that television programmer should deduce the amount of violence show during prime time to lower the rate of teenage crime in Alta., seems to be reasonable, but at the second glance, there are some flaws in the argument from several reasons.(第一段简练 清楚表达自己的观点  不错 但是有几处表达个人感觉很别扭 红色标出)

First of all, a reference from national survey, which is mentioned in this argument as an important evidence, can not support the conclusion here, because the survey is something about the whole nation, but (not)Alta. As everyone knows, different location has its own problems, which may be not coincident to(with) the nation. There is a possibility that(汉语式英语) the local people is violent and has no close relationship to(with) the violent display, or the gentle local inhabitants are not influenced by the violent scenes. Thus, that violent program influence local teenage crime can not be supported.

Secondly, the survey(maded) by Observer is not eloquent, for the reason(欠妥) that there is no more details about how many parents are asked, how old are they and whether they can stand for all Alta parents. As a comprehensive survey, respondents show cover the area that it want to investigate, which is a flaw of this argument without being mentioned. Moreover, even if the respondents are quantified, the survey is also meaningless because this is just parents’ suggestion and lack of science support. Maybe they mistake to consider a excellent chase program to violent display, because of different experience of life, and they want to watch their old film but television is out of their control.(理由不错 但是表达能力还是不够)
Finally, even if the possibilities above are not true(个人感觉好--汉！), the most part of responsibility of teenage crime should attribute to their parents, but television. As everyone knows that most children are lack of the ability to distinguish right and wrong, and families play a important role in childhood. So the parent’s guidance is necessary and a good parent will induct his son far away from real violent program to avoid teenage crime. When a child is watching violent program at prime-time, it is easy for parents to turn to another channel if not all channel is full of violence, which is reasonable. (不要太绝对的表达个人观点  只提建议就OK了 最好的办法)      
     
In sum, the conclusion is not convincing and to strengthen it the author should provide more reliable data about the reason of local teenage crime increase. What’s more, Observer’s survey should be perfected. The most important evidence of this argument is that whether the parent of these criminous teenager tried their best to keep their children from violent program and that these children was influenced was out of their control. Till perfect these problem, I can not(don't) think this argument is convincing.



你写的是153啊 作业是53 还是给你看啦 虽然没看过题目
呵呵 说的不对的地方还请见谅啊  目的是希望对你有帮助
逻辑很清楚啊 理由也面面俱到  但是就是表达方面差点火候 呵呵 加油;d: