Issue212 by zephyrqq

zephyrqqUID: 2260290

ISSUE212 - "If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable."
字数：465   597       用时：01:00:00  加30分钟        日期：2008-2-21 23:33:45
重写的在8楼

基本观点：否定
1.在某些特殊情况下，一个目标是不是worthy，不同的人之间很难达成一致
2.即使是对于公认有价值的目标，不合法不符合道德标准的手段都不是合理的
3.即使目标有价值，没有与法律道德相冲突的方法也不一定合理，如果采取这些方法会得不偿失get more kicks than halfpence

There is a kind of attitude among some people that as long as a goal is worthy the way by which to attain it is certainly justifiable. However, in my opinion, this assertion might be somewhat arbitrary. Actually, ends, even valuable ones, cannot justify all the means.

The first reason why I do not think it is unjustifiable to attain worthy goals by any means lies in the fact that the word "worthy" is a word which involves too much personal preference, especially under some special circumstances. Whether a certain goal, for example to clone a human being, is worth or not? This might often be quite controversial question. The answers to this question might vary from one person to another due to their different cultural backgrounds, living environments, standpoints, even religious beliefs. In a word, their judgement towards the worth of a goal largely depend on their own value systems, which can hardly be the same. If we cannot arrive at an agreement on whether a thing is worthy doing or not, how can we go on to discuss the means to achieve it?

Furthermore, given that there are always something we could come to an agreement on the value of a goal, this does not necessarily mean that this goal can be attained by any way. At least, we cannot violate laws or conflict with social moral standards. It is undeniable that the goal of earning one's living is worthwhile enough. Nevertheless, what if one try to attain this worthy goal by stealing or robbing? Should we think a thief is sustaining his living by a justifiable method? Definitely, the answer is negative, for the reason that this means do harm to the interests of others and this illegal and immoral behavior exert detrimental influence on our society. This simple case illustrates the point that even a goal is virtually worthy, the means to it might not be necessarily justifiable. Acting on this contention, we must be more meticulous and reflect more before choosing a way to reach a valuable goal.

Another important reason is that some method, though within laws and have nothing to do with ethics, might result in adverse effect. There is always possibility that the disadvantages brought by inappropriate means even preponderate over the advantages gained by attaining the worthy goals. Acquiring as much knowledge as possible is absolutely an admirable goal, whereas if one, in the hope of reaching this goal,  studies excessively arduous and therefore at the price of damaging his or her health severely, few of us would think his or her way of studying is a recommendable one. The explanation is simple: it is not worthwhile for any of us to struggle for a goal but end up with getting little benefit and much harm. In conclusion, if the curse incurred by the means could be more manifest than the blessing brought by its aim, the means could not be viewed as a justifiable one.

For all these foregoing reasons, one does not have to go very far to see that ends cannot always justify the means. For one thing, sometimes it is extremely difficult for us to make an agreement on the worth of a goal without controversy. For other thing,  although we can make sure that some goals are worthwhile, not all the means by which we can attain that goal are justifiable. In order to avoid unfavorable consequences caused by bad means, it is wise of us to try to find appropriate ways in the purpose if reaching valuable goals instead of taking granted that any means is reasonable.

[ 本帖最后由 zephyrqq 于 2008-3-6 19:24 编辑 ]

firhadayUID: 2287086

占一个~下午看好给你回~

firhadayUID: 2287086

There is a kind of attitude among some people that as long as a goal is worthy the way by which to attain it is certainly justifiable. However, in my opinion, this assertion might be somewhat arbitrary. Actually, ends, even valuable ones, cannot justify all the means.
摆明观点，不错~ arbitrary，我觉得你是带有让步的否定吧~继续看，觉得开头很棒的，特别是语言啊！！！！赞的。。。。。。
The first reason why I do not think it is unjustifiable to attain worthy goals by any means lies in the fact that the word "worthy" is a word which involves too much personal preference, especially under some special circumstances我带着期待看这个是指什么条件，但是我发现我失望了，呵呵，你这里的some的后面还是加点具体的情况吧. Whether a certain goal, for example to clone a human being, is worth or not? This might often be quite controversial question. The answers to this question might vary from one person to another due to their different cultural backgrounds, living environments, standpoints, even religious beliefs. In a word, their judgement towards the worth of a goal largely depend on their own value systems, which can hardly be the same. If we cannot arrive at an agreement on whether a thing is worthy doing or not, how can we go on to discuss the means to achieve it?

达成一致的值得就是值得了吗？难道不达成一致的值得就不是值得了，显然这个理解我认为有问题，这个样子说吧，我文章中说过，对中东的一些人来说，用人体炸弹来解决冲突很值得，但是对于把生命，健康看的很重要的，没有这种宗教信仰的人来说，显然前者的做法不值得。
其实这个段落还有个疑问就是，你TS说是因为个人的理解不同，所以定义不同。然后，你段落的结尾说的是因为值得的概念理解不能达到一样，所以不能讨论，个人感觉有点怪~
我举个例子试试哦，
我说对于克隆人的理解每个人都不一样，有人觉得值得，有人觉得不值得，再没有达成一致前，我们怎么可以讨论怎么去克隆呢？
我说不出具体的问题，（偶有严重的表达障碍！！！），但是我觉得你的这里的提法有问题。
再列举个反例
Bush要发动战争，他觉得值得。但是其他很多国家觉得不适合。最后还是发动了战争。
显然这个不是值得不值得的问题。不是大家都认同值得了，才可以去做一个事情的。
对于值得的理解应该是，
有人觉得做的事情值得但对于别人来说不值得
有人觉得做的事情不值得。但在别人看来值得。
还有在提供一点思路：
你说的值得只是从同时期人来说；
那么对于不同时期的人来说呢？
对于不同的事情，不同的行为呢？
不同的国家，社会？？？
把定义可以拓宽，这样会把自己的思维深度变大！
而且，最重要的是，对于值得的定义永远不会一样，如果因为不一样就不行动，那么世界是怎么进步的？

Furthermore, given that there are always something we could come to an agreement on the value of a goal, 我知道你想做一个连接，但是如果按我上面说的就成立的话，那么我觉得还是有问题的，前提都不成立，你在前提上作出的推论有说服力？this does not necessarily mean that this goal can be attained by any way. At least, we cannot violate laws or conflict with social moral standards. It is undeniable 我不觉得你举的例子是不可否认的，问题可能就是出在enough上吧，个人感觉，你把非常值得定义成挣钱，偶感觉不合适。同样，我来说个例子，你就明白了，如果我是一个富人，富到thousands of millons（当然这个有点不可能，其实，我还是很梦想的。。。。。扯远了，回来），你说我会认为去挣钱很值得吗？你在第1段中把值得定义成为，对于不同的人不同，要相同了才会可以行动，那么难道你觉得你会觉得你和贼一样觉得偷是值得的吗？（不要打我，我举个例子，如果有冒犯，8好意思。。。。！！！！） that the goal of earning one's living is worthwhile enough. Nevertheless, what if one try to attain this worthy goal by stealing or robbing? Should we think a thief is sustaining his living by a justifiable method? Definitely, the answer is negative, for the reason that this means do harm to the interests of others and this illegal and immoral behavior exert detrimental influence on our society. This simple case illustrates the point that even a goal is virtually worthy, the means to it might not be necessarily justifiable. Acting on this contention, we must be more meticulous and reflect more before choosing a way to reach a valuable goal.其实我认为论证的方式是很不错的，结构比较紧密的，值得我学习，但是，我提点个人建议吧：
首先，要选取合适的例子。你在这个段落中就引用了一个很有争议的“不可否认”
其次，把要表达的意思表达清楚
总结下这个段落，
其实你是想说，即使是觉得值得的，但是采取的方式也要合理，合法。然后你是用了一个反例来证明自己的观点。OK这个模式没有问题，细节么~有待改进！（具体怎么改，我也不清楚，但是我觉得你这个段落很上个段落是有点矛盾的to some extent，）Another important reason is that some method, though within laws and have nothing to do with ethics, might result in adverse effect. There is always possibility that the disadvantages brought by inappropriate means even preponderate over the advantages gained by attaining the worthy goals. Acquiring as much knowledge as possible is absolutely an admirable goal, whereas if one, in the hope of reaching this goal,  studies excessively arduous and therefore at the price of damaging his or her health severely, few of us would think his or her way of studying is a recommendable one. The explanation is simple: it is not worthwhile for any of us to struggle for a goal but end up with getting little benefit and（改成but可能更好吧） much harm. In conclusion, if the curse incurred by the means could be more manifest than the blessing brought by its aim, the means could not be viewed as a justifiable one.
这个段落没有什么问题，但我总是觉得只单纯从人的个人行为来考虑一个问题，感觉有点不单一，你还可以说科学带来的问题，比如，为了达到一个值得的目的的技术，他带来的利益与弊端的分析，比如媒体为了吸引公众注意，而发放很多的丑闻，分析个利弊。其实作文题目本来就是很多很好的例子的思考方向。例子互通万岁！！！呵呵~MS又扯远了。For all these foregoing reasons, one does not have to go very far to that ends cannot always justify the means.有点拗口的，不知道有没有问题，我语法不好 For one thing, sometimes it is extremely difficult for us to make an agreement on the worth of a goal without controversy. For the other thing,  although we can make sure that some goals are worthwhile, not all the means by which we can attain that goal are justifiable. In order to avoid unfavorable consequences caused by bad means, it is wise of us to try to find appropriate ways in the purpose if reaching valuable goals instead of taking granted that any means is reasonable.
总结的语言和方式都可以，但是没有全，不过我认为问题不大。哈哈

为什么每次我改好I都头晕了呢？？？（我对自己说的，忽略我~~~）

总结：
从全文来看，LZ对于语言的掌握不错，对于文章的结构有自己的理解和把握，在段落之间有明显的要承接的想法，把整个文章的发展作了个主线来发展，段落之间有衔接。值得学习！！！
但是，我认为LZ可以提高的部分有：
1．             希望可以能有更加FIT的例子
2．             希望LZ在每个段落内可以加强思维深度，考虑的更深入些


其他的还不知道，暂时就这点了吧！讨论哦！！！！
（我相信你一定想和我交流想法的，MS有点自恋了）
我对于这个题目的理解不好，还是希望能和你讨论的，等待ing!!!


把从文档弄出来就是没有颜色了,好奇怪啊,发了个文档上来,你自己看吧!,哪个MS更清晰!

fainting_robinUID: 2336582

看提纲，感觉受ARGUMENGT的影响很深么~~~
层层让步的说。。。

firhadayUID: 2287086

来模仿liyue24的风格下~
my 2 cents:loveliness:
这个么,我觉得用A的方式来分析也不错诶!至少会在段落上有整体感~呵呵,
不过
LS的,看了你的文章
我真的好震撼啊
你的思维方式,思维深度
真是PF啊!

zephyrqqUID: 2260290

兄台你果然好辩才：）
我第一段其实是想说按题目的这句话去做不可操作啊，对于一件事是不是值得的都不能作出一个定论，那怎么去评价他的方法呢。。我不知道这个意思怎么表达出来。。最后那个discuss 我改成assess是不是好一点？

earning one's living是谋生不是赚钱啊，一个人连谋生都不值得了吗，都有争议啊？我真没有想到。富人不能算谋生了吧。。

看了你的修改没觉得自己是考虑的不好，你太谦虚了，起码你思想比我有深度，我想想，想清楚一点在和你讨论吧：）

[ 本帖最后由 zephyrqq 于 2008-2-24 00:40 编辑 ]

zephyrqqUID: 2260290

好久没有听到这么过瘾评论了，兴奋得睡不着觉，花了一个多小时，重新改了一些，欢迎大家再给点意见~划线的句子是去掉不要的

There is a kind of attitude among some people that as long as a goal is worthy the way by which to attain it is certainly justifiable. However, in my opinion, this assertion might be somewhat arbitrary. Actually, ends, even valuable ones, cannot justify all the means.

The first reason why I do not think it is unjustifiable to attain worthy goals by any means lies in the fact that the word "worthy" is a word which involves too much personal preference, especially under some special circumstances a worthy goal in the eyes of some people might become a unworthy one in the eyes of others. 我带着期待看这个是指什么条件，但是我发现我失望了，呵呵，你这里的some的后面还是加点具体的情况吧. Whether a certain goal, for example to clone a human being, is worth or not? This might often be quite controversial question. The advocators of Human cloning would cherish its medical value, while the opponents might be worried about its ethical confliction. The answers to this questionThe evaluations of worth towards a goal might vary from one person to another due to their different cultural backgrounds, living growing environments, standpoints, even religious beliefs. religious beliefs even their living times. In a word, their judgement towards the worth of a goal on worth largely depend on their own value systems, which can hardly be the same. If we cannot arrive at an agreement on whether a thing is worthy doing or not, how can we go on to discuss assess the justness of means to achieve it?


Furthermore, given that there are always something we could come to an agreement on the value of a goal, 我知道你想做一个连接，但是如果按我上面说的就成立的话，那么我觉得还是有问题的，前提都不成立，你在前提上作出的推论有说服力？this does not necessarily mean that this goal can be attained by any way. At least, we cannot violate laws or conflict with social moral standards. It is undeniable that the goal of earning one's living a factory to enhance its profits is worthwhile enough. Nevertheless, what if one its workers try to attain this worthy goal by stealing or robbing? by some illegal behavior. For example, they reduce their cost by producing substandard products and doing harm to the interests of customs, or they randomly dump their industrial pollutant without perform legal treatment, in the hope of saving expense.  Should we think a thief is sustaining his living bya justifiable method? these approaches as justifiable ones? Definitely, the answer is negative, for the reason that this means do harm to the interests of others and this illegal and immoral behavior exert detrimental influence on our society. This simple case illustrates the point that even a goal is virtually worthy, the means to it might not be necessarily justifiable. Acting on this contention, we must be more meticulous and reflect more before choosing a way to reach a valuable goal.

Another important reason is that some method, though within laws and have nothing to do with ethics, might result in adverse effect. There is always possibility that the disadvantages brought by inappropriate means even preponderate over the advantages gained by attaining the worthy goals. Acquiring as much knowledge as possible is absolutely an admirable goal, whereas if one, in the hope of reaching this goal,  studies excessively arduous and therefore at the price of damaging his or her health severely, few of us would think his or her way of studying is a recommendable one. The explanation is simple: it is not worthwhile for any of us to struggle for a goal but end up with getting little benefit and but（改成but可能更好吧） much harm. In conclusion, if the curse incurred by the means could be more manifest than the blessing brought by its aim, the means could not be viewed as a justifiable one.

For all these foregoing reasons, one does not have to go very far to see that ends cannot always justify the means.有点拗口的，不知道有没有问题，我语法不好 For one thing, sometimes it is extremely difficult for us to make an agreement on the worth of a goal without controversy. For the other thing,  although we can make sure that some goals are worthwhile, not all the means by which we can attain that goal are justifiable. In order to avoid unfavorable consequences caused by bad means, it is wise of us to try to find appropriate ways in the purpose if reaching valuable goals instead of taking granted that any means is reasonable.

去掉修改痕迹的版本
There is a kind of attitude among some people that as long as a goal is worthy the way by which to attain it is certainly justifiable. However, in my opinion, this assertion might be somewhat arbitrary. Actually, ends, even valuable ones, cannot justify all the means.

The first reason why I do not think it is unjustifiable to attain worthy goals by any means lies in the fact that a worthy goal in the eyes of some people might become a unworthy one in the eyes of others. Whether a certain goal, for example to clone a human being, is worth or not? This might often be quite controversial question. The advocators of Human cloning would cherish its medical value, while the opponents might be worried about its ethical confliction. The evaluations of worth towards a goal might vary from one person to another due to their different cultural backgrounds, growing environments, standpoints, religious beliefs even their living times. In a word, their judgement on worth largely depend on their own value systems, which can hardly be the same. If we cannot arrive at an agreement on whether a thing is worthy doing or not, how can we go on to assess the justness of means to achieve it?


Furthermore, given that there are always something we could come to an agreement on the value of a goal, this does not necessarily mean that this goal can be attained by any way. At least, we cannot violate laws or conflict with social moral standards. It is undeniable that the goal of a factory to enhance its profits is worthwhile enough. Nevertheless, what if its workers try to attain this worthy goal by some illegal behavior. For example, they reduce their cost by producing substandard products and doing harm to the interests of customs, or they randomly dump their industrial pollutant without perform legal treatment, in the hope of saving expense.  Should we think these approaches as justifiable ones? Definitely, the answer is negative, for the reason that this means do harm to the interests of others and this illegal and immoral behavior exert detrimental influence on our society. This simple case illustrates the point that even a goal is virtually worthy, the means to it might not be necessarily justifiable. Acting on this contention, we must be more meticulous and reflect more before choosing a way to reach a valuable goal.

Another important reason is that some method, though within laws and have nothing to do with ethics, might result in adverse effect. There is always possibility that the disadvantages brought by inappropriate means even preponderate over the advantages gained by attaining the worthy goals. Acquiring as much knowledge as possible is absolutely an admirable goal, whereas if one, in the hope of reaching this goal,  studies excessively arduous and therefore at the price of damaging his or her health severely, few of us would think his or her way of studying is a recommendable one. The explanation is simple: it is not worthwhile for any of us to struggle for a goal but end up with getting little benefit but much harm. In conclusion, if the curse incurred by the means could be more manifest than the blessing brought by its aim, the means could not be viewed as a justifiable one.

For all these foregoing reasons, one does not have to go very far to see that ends cannot always justify the means.For one thing, sometimes it is extremely difficult for us to make an agreement on the worth of a goal without controversy. For the other thing,  although we can make sure that some goals are worthwhile, not all the means by which we can attain that goal are justifiable. In order to avoid unfavorable consequences caused by bad means, it is wise of us to try to find appropriate ways in the purpose if reaching valuable goals instead of taking granted that any means is reasonable.

[ 本帖最后由 zephyrqq 于 2008-2-24 09:42 编辑 ]

zephyrqqUID: 2260290

今天重写了一篇，words：586, 不知道有没有进步


1.承认题目中的逻辑在促进目标的实现方面有一定价值
2.但是这种哲学被误解和误用以满足个人或群体的贪婪时就会有害
3.即使在与法律和伦理标准无关的情况下，也所有能够达到目的的方法都是一样的。


There is a kind of attitude among some people that as long as a goal is worthy the way by which to attain it is certainly justifiable. However, in my opinion, this assertion might be somewhat arbitrary. Actually, ends, even valuable ones, cannot justify all the means.

Admittedly, this philosophy acclaims that “ends justify any means” could be valuable to some degree when it lends supports to prompt the realization of goals. It is helpful to political leaders who aim at making government more stable and enjoy more prestige among its citizens. More or less, some policies of government might inevitably harm part of the interests of its citizen. For example, every government gets its financial revenues partly from all kinds of taxes. By convincing its people that collecting money to construct their own country or community is a worthy goal, the government could easy persuade them that taxing is a justifiable means instead of a unjustifiable one. This case might throw light on the fact that emphasis on the worth of goal hold the magic power to divert attention from the quality of means and therefore could propel the achievement of some worthy goals.

Nevertheless, if this doctrine had been misinterpreted and abused, especially for the greed and egoism of an individual or a group of people, it would bring detrimental outcomes. The first reason involves the fact that a worthy goal in the eyes of some people might become a unworthy or even unjustifiable one in the eyes of others due to their different value systems and standpoints. The war between nations serve as a typical example. A stronger country might think it is justifiable to make itself amplify their territory by aggressing a weaker one. If it do think so and do so, this action would bring about pain and death to numerous people of the aggressed country, who doomed to think this goal itself, aim at robbing land from another country, is totally unjustifiable. Just as it is unreasonable for a person to pursuit personal profits by stealing, looting or even murdering, it is unjustifiable for a nation to enhance itself by invading another one. If every individual unlimitedly to attain what is worthy to self-feelings by any means, there would be chaos in our society. And if every nation do that, there would be disaster to the whole world. In short, it is unjustifiable to reach one’s own “worthy” goal at the cost of doing harm to others.

In addition, even when it has nothing to do with the legal and ethical standards, such is the circumstance of practical life: It do makes difference to attain a goal by diverse means—all the means would not be of the same quality. Although “all the roads lead to Rome”, this does not mean all the roads are identical. There are long ones and short ones, better ones and worse ones. One who would like to achieve a goal just like a chemist who would like to obtain a chemical product through chemical reactions. The chemist always hope to find a ideal series of reactions which could produce the product he or she need with minimum useless or harmful side-products, while one should try to realize worthy goal by a reasonable means which would incur the least unfavorable consequences. It is unjustifiable to choose a worse means with too much adverse effect instead of a better one.

In a word, if a goal is worthy, it is wise of us to achieve it by justifiable means.

[ 本帖最后由 zephyrqq 于 2008-2-24 13:28 编辑 ]

justinweiUID: 2234137

There is a kind of attitude among some people that as long as a goal is worthy the way by which to attain it is certainly justifiable. However, in my opinion, this assertion might be somewhat arbitrary. Actually, ends, even valuable ones, cannot justify all the means. 末句破题相当到位

Admittedly, this philosophy which acclaims that “ends justify any means” could be valuable to some degree when it lends supports to prompt the realization of goals. It is helpful to political leaders who aim at making government more stable(aim at a more stable government) and enjoy more prestige among its citizens. More or less, some policies of government might inevitably harm part of the interests of its citizen. For example, every government gets its financial revenues partly from all kinds of taxes. By convincing its people that collecting money to construct their own country or community is a worthy goal, the government could easy(easily) persuade them that taxing is a justifiable means instead of a unjustifiable one. This case might throw light on the fact that emphasis on the worth of goal hold the magic power to divert attention from the quality of means and therefore could propel the achievement of some worthy goals. 例子展开不够充分，并没有说清楚什么是公平和不公平的税收政策，不能将政府为建设而征税不能一概而论，需要根据具体情况权衡利弊。对于divert attention from the quality of means这一点，牺牲眼前利益而谋取长远发展的例子更强势。


Nevertheless, if this doctrine had been misinterpreted and abused, especially for the greed and egoism of an individual or a group of people, it would bring detrimental outcomes. The first reason involves the fact that a worthy goal in the eyes of some people might become a unworthy or even unjustifiable one in the eyes of others due to their different value systems and standpoints. The war between nations serve as a typical example. A stronger country might think it is justifiable to make itself amplify their territory by aggressing a weaker one. If it do think so and do so, this action would bring about pain and death to numerous people of the aggressed country, who doomed to think this goal itself, aim at robbing land from another country, is totally unjustifiable. Just as it is unreasonable for a person to pursuit personal profits by stealing, looting or even murdering, it is unjustifiable for a nation to enhance itself by invading another one. If every individual unlimitedly to attain what is worthy to self-feelings by any means, there would be chaos in our society. And if every nation do that, there would be disaster to the whole world. In short, it is unjustifiable to reach one’s own “worthy” goal at the cost of doing harm to others. 觉得应该把国家和个人的例子次序调换，程度由轻转重

In addition, even when it has nothing to do with the legal and ethical standards, such is the circumstance of practical life: It do makes difference to attain a goal by diverse means—all the means would not be of the same quality. Although “all the roads lead to Rome”, this does not mean all the roads are identical. There are long ones and short ones, better ones and worse ones. One who would like to achieve a goal just like a chemist who would like to obtain a chemical product through chemical reactions. The chemist always hope to find a ideal series of reactions which could produce the product he or she need with minimum useless or harmful side-products, while one should try to realize worthy goal by a reasonable means which would incur the least unfavorable consequences. It is unjustifiable to choose a worse means with too much adverse effect instead of a better one. 类比很确切。

In a word, if a goal is worthy, it is wise of us to achieve it by justifiable means.

值得学习的地方：开头的破题在借用模版的基础上，加入了合理深入地分析，毕竟有内涵才是王道；对犯方合理成分的分析难能可贵；段间和段内过渡自然；除了第二段之外主体部分论证逻辑严密。
需要改进的地方：冠词a an 的使用；例子的分析方式可以避免平铺直叙；结尾如果没时间宁可不要，因为全文都在讲反面，突然来了个正面理论的结尾二没有其他背景有些突兀。
我的连接：https://bbs.gter.net/thread-805070-1-1.html

hacker198679UID: 2336889

谢谢了！

fainting_robinUID: 2336582

我也来学习~~~:handshake

PS： 根据你的意见，我修改了一下，主要是把那个削弱自己观点的例子修改了，其他就是一些语法。有空可以再去看一眼。

[ 本帖最后由 fainting_robin 于 2008-2-25 09:01 编辑 ]

firhadayUID: 2287086

很认真的孩子,学习你的精神~

最後の使徒UID: 2257608

There is a kind of attitude among some people that as long as a goal is worthy the way by which to attain it is certainly justifiable. However, in my opinion, this assertion might be somewhat arbitrary. Actually, ends, even valuable ones, cannot justify all the means(ganrantee all the means being justified, 注意前后的主体成分一致).

Admittedly, this philosophy acclaims that “ends (直接按题目用goals不是更精确么?) justify any means” could be valuable to some degree when it lends supports to prompt the realization of goals. It is helpful to political leaders who aim at making government more stable and enjoy more prestige among its citizens(从后文举的例子并不能直接看出stable和prestige, 倒是接近于collect funds and implement policies, 所以这种词的选择上需要斟酌一下). More or less, some policies of government might inevitably harm part of the interests of its citizen (and this concern can help them persuade those being harmed, 注意把话说完, 作为抽象分析层面的句子, 这句话应该是能独立解释你的分论点的). For example, every government gets its financial revenues partly from all kinds of taxes.(先提出困难, 再说明用处. Eventually, taxes may cause citizen opposing since money is essential for people's life.) By convincing its people that collecting money to construct their own country or community is a worthy goal, the government could easy persuade them that taxing is a justifiable means instead of a unjustifiable one. This case might throw light on the fact that emphasis on the worth of goal hold the magic power to divert attention from the quality of means and therefore could propel the achievement of some worthy goals.

总体而言论证还不错, 语言很清楚. 部分句子之间的逻辑联系不够明显, 在推理的时候可以再推敲下用词组句. 另外在展开主题句的时候直接指向了政府和领导, 有些局限, 这个应该举例的时候说. 在展开时说比如means taker这种比较笼统的会让你的视野更广阔.

Nevertheless, if this doctrine had been misinterpreted and abused (建议改成can be easily utilitized by greed and egoism...因为你并没有定义什么是directly interpreted and disabused, 所以这两个带有主观成分的动词的出现就显得没有依据, 另外也不能直接构成对题目观点的反驳. 就好象我说"包子很好吃", 别人反驳说"这句话如果被曲解成纸包子很好吃就会被卖纸包子的利用了", 那显然不能证明我观点的错误性.), especially for the greed and egoism of an individual or a group of people, it would bring detrimental outcomes. (这里可以两起一段)The first reason involves the fact that a worthy goal in the eyes of some people might become a unworthy or even unjustifiable one in the eyes of others due to their different value systems and standpoints. The war between nations serve as a typical example. A stronger country might think it is justifiable to make itself amplify their territory by aggressing a weaker one. If it does think so and does so, this action would bring about pain and death to numerous people of the aggressed country, who doomed to think this goal itself(这句话没看懂想说什么"死到去想这个目的它本身"? doom接不定式表目的? 另外这里也没必要嵌套, 意思转换比较明显的话就另起一句好了), aim at robbing land from another country, is totally unjustifiable. Just as it is unreasonable for a person to pursuit personal profits by stealing, looting or even murdering(这句没有来头, 前面是在论证国家层面的问题, 忽然就跳到了个人层面, 而个人层面的却用了一个判断句作为默认的前提假设, 这样缺乏支持, 使结构变得不太合理. 而且前面你在说"每个国家对战争看法不一样", 那么这里我想你是想得出一个符合我们道德观念的结论, 那么只要考虑说要尊重人性,道德等等标准就可以了, 没必要再引申到个人层面. 一定要说的话不妨作为另外一个例子放到前面. 而且就象firthaday指出的, 个人也好国家也好, 不是层面的变化就能改变你的论证深度, 而是应该有不断的追问事实原因的精神, 分析大局的洞察力), it is unjustifiable for a nation to enhance itself by invading another one. If every individual unlimitedly to attain what is worthy to self-feelings by any means, there would be chaos in our society. And if every nation do that, there would be disaster to the whole world. In short, it is unjustifiable to reach one’s own “worthy” goal at the cost of doing harm to others(the innocent. 注意限定, 前面让步的时候你都说过对一些人的损害是有用的了)(and definitely, the issue in this sense cannot be accepted注意和命题本身的联系).

In addition, even when it has nothing to do with the legal and ethical standards, such is the circumstance of practical life(such指代的是什么? 这句想要表达的东西不太清楚): It(, it 这个应该是word自动修改的BUG) do makes (印象中do强调式应该是does make?) difference to attain a goal by diverse means—all the means would not be of the same quality. Although “all the roads lead to Rome”, this does not mean all the roads are identical.(justifiable的确也有reasonable的意思, 不过你在表达主题句的时候最好说明你是针对题目的哪个点说的, 比如这里说的应该是"any", 那么就需要先正面回应题目: we cannot justify any means even if it fits the legal and ethical standards, since diverse means may be of diverse qualities. 虽然表达的东西是一样的但在结构上这样更合理些.) There are long ones and short ones, better ones and worse ones. One who would like to achieve a goal just like a chemist who would like to obtain a chemical product through chemical reactions.(good analogy!) The chemist always hope to find a ideal series of reactions which could produce the product he or she need with minimum useless or harmful side-products, while one should try to realize worthy goal by a reasonable means which would incur the least unfavorable consequences. It is unjustifiable to choose a worse means with too much adverse effect instead of a better one.

In a word, if a goal is worthy, it is wise of us to achieve it by justifiable means(这句作为总结太潦草了, 而且有循环因果的嫌疑, 题目是为了定义justifiable, 而你这里直接使用了justifiable, 等于走出了题目的讨论范围, 可以用just, reasonable, effective等词, 但要避免用原词).

总评:

你的文章行文严密而且表达精确, 已经是很不错的了. 但阻碍你得高分的可能有两个因素:

1, 举例的高度和深度, 有关这个建议看一下OB斑竹的帖子:

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-346412-1-5.html

2, 行文的结构性. 现在文章的几个论点相互孤立, 仅仅靠让步假设来联系, 这样写argument还可以, 写issue就显得不够用了. 比如让步那里的例子, 完全可以在后文重复使用, 然后指出它被错误利用的情况, 这样能让文章整体性强很多.

zephyrqqUID: 2260290

恩恩，辛苦~太感谢了~~
这么多好心人帮助我， 我一定要努力~理清楚思路之后再改一下。
祝福你飞跃成功，offer多多~

zephyrqqUID: 2260290

ISSUE212 - "If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable."

There is a kind of attitude among some people that as long as a goal is worthy the way by which to attain it is certainly justifiable. However, in my opinion, this assertion might be somewhat arbitrary. Actually, goals, even valuable ones, cannotguarantee all the means being justified.

Admittedly, this philosophy acclaims that worthy goals justify any means” could be valuable to some degree when it lends supports to prompt the realization of goals. It is helpful for means takers to prevent their goal from being interfered. For example, more or less, some policies of government might inevitably harm part of the interests of its citizen, and this concern can help them persuade those being harmed. Every government gets its large part of financial revenues from all kinds of taxes. Eventually, taxes may cause citizen opposing since money is essential for their life. By telling its people that collecting money to construct their own country or community is a worthy goal, the government could easy convince them that taxing is a justifiable means instead of a unjustifiable one. This case might illustrate that emphasis on the worth of goal hold the magic power to divert attention from the quality of means and therefore could propel the achievement of some worthy goals.

Nevertheless, this doctrine can be easily utilized by greed and egoism of an individual or a group of people, and bring detrimental outcomes. Just as it is unreasonable for a person to pursuit personal profits by stealing, looting or even murdering, it is unjustifiable for a nation to enhance itself by invading another one. If every individual unlimitedly attains what is worthy to self-feelings by any means, there would be chaos in our society. And if every nation do that, there would be disaster to the whole world.  Imagine that powerful country might think it is worthwhile to amplify their territory and then attain this goal by aggressing a weak country is justifiable. If it does think so and does so, this egoistic action would bring about pain and death to numerous people of the aggressed country. In short, it is unjustifiable to reach one’s own “worthy” goal at the cost of doing harm to the innocent, and definitely, the issue in this sense cannot be accepted.

In addition, we cannot justify any means even if it fits the legal and ethical standards, since diverse means might be of diverse qualities.One who would like to achieve a goal is just like a chemist who would like to obtain a chemical product through chemical reactions. The chemist would hope to find a ideal series of reactions which could produce the product he or she need with minimum useless and harmful side-products, while one should try to realize worthy goal by a reasonable means which would incur the least unfavorable consequences. It is unjustifiable to choose a worse means with too much adverse effects, instead of a better one.

In a word, if a goal is worthy, it is wise of us to achieve it by reasonable means. Although “all the roads lead to Rome”, this does not mean all the roads are identical. There are long ones and short ones, better ones and worse ones. Although many means could be taken to justify a worthy goal, there are just ones and unjust ones.