argument187 (gestrive) 求猛拍

miao96UID: 2360053

I find the argument logically unconvincing in several aspects.

The threshold problem of the argument is the assumption that ous ancestors were less likely to surffer from depression  because they ate less saturated fat and more polyunsaturated fat. The author provided no evidence to prove this assertion. there are many possible resons for the less rate of suffernig from depression. Comman sense tell us that the pressure of job and quickening life pace are the cause of depression. It is all possible that the high rate of depression was due to the mordern life style: unhealthy diet, irregular life, and so on. Without ruling out this possible scenario, the author cannot convince me that the our ancestor suffered less depression than us today because they ate less saturated fat and more polyunsaturated fat.

Apart from this , another point worth considering is the assertion that modern societies which consume large quantities of fish have a lower depression rate than the United States. Ther are other possibilities contributing to the lower depression rate. Firstly, perhaps in the modern societies such as Japan and Taewan, people have less pressure related to the job and live a healthy life than the United States. It is also possible that the the depression rate is lower because the sensation of the public is weaker than the US, they even do not realize that they get depression and in fact the depression rate is much higher than the US. Therefore, the author's assertion that the modern societies which  consume large quantities of fish have a lower depression rate is unsubstantial.

Given that the ancestor and the modern societies such as Japan and Taiwan have a less depression rate because they ate more fish, the author's recommendation that all the people in the United States should increase their comsumption of fish in order to prevent depression is still doubtful. the author claimed that his recommdetion is based on the link between omerga-3 fatty acids and depression and the omerga-3 fatty acids are found in some fish and fish oils. If all the Americans eat more fish, who can guarantee that the fish which they eat contains the omerga-3 fatty acids which play a key role in the prevention of depression? Moreover, the measure that all the Americans eat more fish cannot guarantee the prevention of depression if the true reasons for the depresssion are not solved, such as unhealthy diet, quikening life pace, pressuare related to the job and so on. Finally, the author fails to consider other measures that are more effective and feasible than consuming more fish, such as taking more exercise and relax oneself, living  a regulare life and healthier diet.

In sum, the argument is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen the argument the author provide evidence the omerga-3 fatty acids can lower the depression rate. Besides, the author should provide imformation about the quantities of the omerga-3 fatty acids in the fish and fish oils, and prove the quanity of the merga-3 fatty acids in the fish and fish oils is sufficient to prevent the depression.

honglingdangUID: 2436513

I find the argument logically unconvincing in several aspects.[argument要求有一个简洁明了了开头，不过这个开头是不是太简洁了一点啊]

The threshold problem of the argument is the assumption that ous[our] ancestors were less likely to surfer[suffer] from depression  because they ate less saturated fat and more polyunsaturated fat. The author provided no evidence to prove this assertion. there are many possible resons[reasons] for the less rate of suffering[suffering] from depression. Comman[common] sense tell us that the pressure of job and quickening[这个次好像用的不太合适，用quickl或者是fast就可以了吧] life pace are the [建议在这加个main或者是chief]cause of depression. It is all possible that the high rate of depression was due to the mordern[modern] life style: unhealthy diet, irregular life, and so on.[我感觉这句的逻辑有一点问题，最好改一下，不要说现代人抑郁多的原因，而是说古代人不抑郁的原因会更好一点。稍微的换几个词就好了] Without ruling out this possible scenario, the author cannot convince me that the our ancestor suffered less depression than us today because they ate less saturated fat and more polyunsaturated fat.

Apart from this , another point worth considering is the assertion that modern societies[用国家或者是地区更好一点，社会的我、范畴好像大了一点] which consume large quantities of fish have a lower depression rate than the United States. Ther[there] are[建议在这用may be，委婉一点表达更严谨] other possibilities contributing to the lower depression rate. Firstly, perhaps in the modern societies such as Japan and Taewan[taiwan], people have less pressure related to the job and live a healthy[用比较级，与前面对应，不过忘了healthy比较级是加more还是加er了，楼主看到别忘了告诉我啊] life than the United States[因为前面的主语是people，后面也应该是人，用Americans]. It is also possible that the the[去掉一个] depression rate is lower [觉得别扭，还是用the lower depression rate好]because the sensation of the public is weaker than the US, they even do not realize that they get depression and in fact the depression rate is much higher than the US. Therefore, the author's assertion that the modern societies which  consume large quantities of fish have a lower depression rate is unsubstantial.

Given that the ancestor and the modern societies such as Japan and Taiwan have a less depression rate because they ate more fish, the author's recommendation that all the people in the United States should increase their comsumption [consumption]of fish in order to prevent depression is still doubtful. the author claimed that his recommdetion[recommendation] is based on the link between omerga-3 fatty acids and depression and the omerga-3 fatty acids are found in some fish and fish oils. If all the Americans eat more fish, who can guarantee that the fish which they eat contains the omerga-3 fatty acids which play a key role in the prevention of depression? Moreover, the measure that all the Americans eat more fish cannot guarantee the prevention of depression if the true reasons for the depresssion are not solved, such as unhealthy diet, quikening[quickening] life pace, pressuare[pressure] related to the job and so on. Finally, the author fails to consider other measures that are more effective and feasible than consuming more fish, such as taking more exercise and relax oneself, living  a regulare[regular] life and healthier diet.

In sum, the argument is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen the argument the author[must] provide evidence[that] the omerga-3 fatty acids can lower the depression rate. Besides, the author should provide imformation[information] about the quantities of the omerga-3 fatty acids in the fish and fish oils, and prove the quanity[quantity] of the merga-3 fatty acids in the fish and fish oils is sufficient to prevent the depression.
同学你在单词拼写上翻了太多不该犯的小错误，在这一点上，跟我很像啊，我这次是用word的语法拼写检查过了才交的作业，要不然错误比你还多，当然，若非是借助了工具的话，你文中的拼写错误我也是不可能检查出来的，不知道你对这个有没有什么办法或想法，我们能一起把这个缺点改掉。
段落过渡和层次之间的连词用的比较好，偶应该好好学习啊。
逻辑上基本上没有什么问题，跟我选取的方面不太一样啊，可以互相借鉴，呵呵