Argument65 [April作文互助小组]第二周作业

rita_moyoUID: 2274069

65 The followingappeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores locatedthroughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety ofboth domestic and imported cheeses. Lastyear, however, the five best-sellingcheeses at our newest store were alldomestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin.Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates anincreasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since ourcompany can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is todiscontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrateprimarily on domestic cheeses." （48）


1、一个新店不具代表性且新店客流不稳定，没法和过去的纪录进行对比
2、过去一年好卖不代表今年好卖，好卖不代表盈利多
3、杂志上面的调查不具有代表性
4、不一定盈利

In this memo, to improve profits, the president decided to focus on domestic cheeses and stop stocking imported cheese. To support this decision, the president cited the fact that last year the five best-selling cheeses at their newest store belonged to domestic cheeses, and along with a survey from Cheeses of the World magazine indicating an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. On the other hand, the president supposed that to discontinue stocking imported cheese was a way to reduce expenses which would cause their profits improved. From my perspectives, however, this argument suffered many fatal fallacies which made itself unreasonable and unwise as a business decision.

To begin with, this argument failed to convince me by only basing on the achievement from the newest store. First, I have great certain reasons to doubt whether one store can be representative of overall stores. There are many respects influencing the sale achievement, such as location, types of consumers, the price of products and so forth. Either respect change will make a store varied. It is entirely possible that the newest store located in a place where most residents prefer taste of domestic cheese to imported one. Or consumers in that store are middle-income and lower-income group who care the price the most and consequently buy domestic cheeses frequently. Second, I am not assure whether statistics of the newest store is powerful in showing the situation of cheese market. Usually, the newest store has not stable clients and it has no history to compare with the recent data, so the result in the newest store can not reflect trend in people’s preference. Accordingly, the sell results from the newest store is unreliable not only for its not representative of overall but also for its instability for a long time.

Even if I were to concede the result from the newest store is constructive, it is insufficient to make sure the five best-selling domestic brands in the last year will still sell well this year. And the most important thing is that even though domestic brands would be still in favor this year, whether domestic cheese can be more profitable than imported cheese is uncertain because the memo provided no information about the unit price of both domestic and imported cheese. Perhaps, one piece of imported cheese worth twice than domestic one, and then the best selling doesn’t mean the most profit.

As for the survey, obviously, it is also not representative of all the consumers because it only came from the subscribers of the magazine. It is a wide understanding that not all the subscribers would like to turn back the survey and moreover, not all the consumers are suppose to subscribe the magazine.

Last but not the least, the arguer unwisely regarded giving up stocking the imported cheeses as the best choice to improve profits. Given the memo, we can not weigh which one choice is more profitable, saving money from stocking imported cheese or making money after the balance. Without weighing revenue against expense the argument’s conclusion is premature at best.

In sum, the argument is logically flawed and therefore unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it the author must either provide more cogent evidences which can be representative of overall stores and consumers throughout the USA, or provide more specific about the price of the two kinds of cheese.

[ 本帖最后由 rita_moyo 于 2008-3-26 00:02 编辑 ]

hshansongUID: 2358850

In this memo, to improve profits, the president decided to focus on domestic cheeses and stop stocking imported cheese. To support this decision, the president cited the fact that last year the five best-selling cheeses at their newest store belonged to domestic cheeses, and along with a survey from Cheeses of the World magazine indicating an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. On the other hand, the president supposed that to discontinue stocking imported cheese was a way to reduce expenses which would cause their profits improved.(这句话似乎有点多余) From my perspectives, however, this argument suffered many fatal fallacies which made itself unreasonable and unwise as a business decision.

To begin with, this argument failed to convince me by only basing on the achievement from the newest store. First, I have great certain reasons to doubt whether one store can be representative of overall stores. There are many respects influencing the sale achievement, such as location, types of consumers, the price of products and so forth. Either respect change will make a store varied. It is entirely possible that the newest store located in a place where most residents prefer taste of domestic cheese to imported one. Or consumers in that store are middle-income and lower-income group who care the price the most and consequently buy domestic cheeses frequently. Second, I am not assure whether statistics of the newest store is powerful in showing the situation of cheese market. Usually, the newest store has not stable clients and it has no history to compare with the recent data, so the result in the newest store can not reflect trend in people’s preference. Accordingly, the sell results from the newest store is unreliable not only for its not representative of overall but also for its instability for a long time(第二点似乎和下面论述有点重复, 似乎都是指last year的数据并不代表它一直都这样的销售情况 instability).

Even if I were to concede the result from the newest store is constructive, it is insufficient to make sure the five best-selling domestic brands in the last year will still sell well this year. And the most important thing is that even though domestic brands would be still in favor this year, whether domestic cheese can be more profitable than imported cheese is uncertain because the memo provided no information about the unit price of both domestic and imported cheese. Perhaps, one piece of imported cheese worth twice than domestic one, and then the best selling doesn’t mean the most profit.(卖的好 跟有没有利润 可以单独拿出来说 而这段首句似乎是从 时间范围 上去攻击  这两个分开说比较好点吧)

As for the survey, obviously, it is also not representative of all the consumers because it only came from the subscribers of the magazine. It is a wide understanding that not all the subscribers would like to turn back the survey and moreover, not all the consumers are suppose to subscribe the magazine.

Last but not the least, the arguer unwisely regarded giving up stocking the imported cheeses as the best choice to improve profits. Given the memo, we can not weigh which one choice is more profitable, saving money from stocking imported cheese or making money after the balance. Without weighing revenue against expense the argument’s conclusion is premature at best.

In sum, the argument is logically flawed and therefore unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it the author must either provide more cogent evidences which can be representative of overall stores and consumers throughout the USA, or provide more specific about the price of the two kinds of cheese.

行文流畅 但是有些地方把多个攻击点合在一起说 好像显得结构不是很清晰.
不妥之处 欢迎讨论!

gingerleeUID: 2454321

In this memo, to improve profits, the president decided to focus on domestic cheeses and stop stocking imported cheese. To support this decision, the president cited the fact that last year the five best-selling cheeses at their newest store belonged to domestic cheeses, and along with a survey from Cheeses of the World magazine indicating an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. On the other hand, the president supposed that to discontinue stocking imported cheese was a way to reduce expenses which would cause their profits improved. From my perspectives, however, this argument suffered many fatal fallacies which made itself unreasonable and unwise as a business decision.

To begin with, this argument failed to convince me by only basing on the achievement from the newest store. First, I have great certain reasons to doubt whether one store can be representative of overall stores. There are many respects influencing the sale achievement, such as location, types of consumers, the price of products and so forth. Either respect(any factor may) change will make a store varied. It is entirely possible that the newest store located in a place where most residents prefer taste of domestic cheese to imported one. Or consumers in that store are middle-income and lower-income group who care the price the most and consequently buy domestic cheeses frequently. Second, I am not assure whether statistics of the newest store is powerful in showing the situation of cheese market. Usually, the newest store has not stable clients and it has no history to compare with the recent data, so the result in the newest store can not reflect trend in people’s preference. Accordingly, the sell results from the newest store is unreliable not only for its not representative of overall but also for its instability for a long time.

Even if I were to concede the result from the newest store is constructive, it is insufficient to make sure the five best-selling domestic brands in the last year will still sell well this year. And the most important thing is that even though domestic brands would be still in favor this year, whether domestic cheese can be more profitable than imported cheese is uncertain because the memo provided no information about the unit price of both domestic and imported cheese. Perhaps, one piece of imported cheese worth twice than domestic one, and then the best selling doesn’t mean the most profit.

As for the survey, obviously, it is also not representative of all the consumers because it only came from the subscribers of the magazine. It is a wide understanding that not all the subscribers would like to turn back the survey and moreover, not all the consumers are suppose to subscribe the magazine.

Last but not the least, the arguer unwisely regarded giving up stocking the imported cheeses as the best choice to improve profits. Given the memo, we can not weigh which one choice is more profitable, saving money from stocking imported cheese or making money after the balance. Without weighing revenue against expense the argument’s conclusion is premature at best.

In sum, the argument is logically flawed and therefore unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it the author must either provide more cogent evidences which can be representative of overall stores and consumers throughout the USA, or provide more specific about the price of the two kinds of cheese.

你的批改我看过了，谢谢很有建设性，我在你给我的修改之后回复了。顺便也过来拜读了一下你的：）红的地方是我觉得你一针见血的攻击值得我学习的。我感觉我自己写的好象就总是绕阿绕的，没到一针见血的地步！

[ 本帖最后由 gingerlee 于 2008-3-30 00:52 编辑 ]