（8.6）Argument110【超越自我小组】第二次作业

hermituforestUID: 2354296

TOPIC: ARGUMENT110 - The following appeared in a memo from the Principal of Sherwood Junior High School.

"It appears that the lighting in Sherwood High's classrooms, which have large windows but minimal overhead light sources, is impairing student academic performance and teacher morale. Records show that during December and January, the two months with the fewest hours of daylight, attendance rates fall, average daily class participation drops, and grades decline. Teacher resignations are also highest during these months. According to a study of Tundra Vocational School, which experiences entire seasons with little daylight, students' grade point averages increased when Day Glow light bulbs, which mimic sunlight, were installed in classrooms. This study suggests that Sherwood can improve students' academic performance and teachers' morale by using Day Glow light bulbs in winter."
WORDS: 440          TIME: 01:29:07          DATE: 2008-8-6 22:30:11

The speaker concludes that Sherwood High (SH) should use Day Glow (DG) light bulbs in winter just as Tundra Vocational School (TVS) to improve their students’ academic performance and teacher's morale. To support his idea, the speaker point out during the times with fewest hours of daylight, class participation and grade drops along with the highest teachers' highest resignation. Also TVS improved their students' grade point by using Day Glow light bulbs. However, this assertion is made too hasty.
First of all, fewer there are no absolute connection between lower daylight and participation and grade drops. SH students' lower participation and grade drops may have several reasons. Maybe students have other activities to participate then which waste their time to study. Or perhaps their teacher's resignation and the new teacher they do not like. Teachers' highest resignation can also cause by several possibilities. Such as December and January are the end and the beginning of one year, so they want change job at the beginning of the year; or the school's heating facility is too bad to make them comfortable; or just the women teachers have babies then. So the dropping of students' grade and participation and highest teachers' resignation cannot totally attribute to minimal overhead light sources.
Even if the minimal overhead light sources are responsible for the students' grade and participation and highest teachers' resignation, SH should not assure that the DG products are the best choice for them. The speaker said SH must choose the DG products because TVS improved their students’ grade points by using their products are not proper. It is a false analogy that SH and TVS has different situations. The sunlight in the two schools may be not completely the same. Even assume their situations are the same, there are not any other companies' products showed to us. With the only one product information, the speaker should not make conclusion.
Even assume that the DG is the best company among its competitors, there is no evidence that DG's products helped TVS's improvement. They improved, maybe because some new ideas are brought up, or perhaps their students study harder, or maybe even the teachers gave them higher grades from being expelled as the teaching evaluate began. Also, the speaker did not give us the time when their improvement happened. If it happened in summer, the products like DG have little use.
In the end, the speaker failed to provide enough persuasive evidences to indicate the SH must buy DG's product to ameliorate their problem. I think what they should do is to find the teaching method and the benefits of teachers rather than the unimportant external factors

vryUID: 2288609

The speaker concludes that Sherwood High (SH) should use Day Glow (DG) light bulbs in winter just as Tundra Vocational School (TVS) to improve their students’ academic performance and teacher's morale. To support his idea, the speaker point out during the times with fewest hours of daylight, class participation and grade drops along with the highest teachers' highest resignation. Also TVS improved their students' grade point by using Day Glow light bulbs. However, this assertion is made too hasty.（可以省略一些字数）First of all, fewer there are no absolute connection between lower daylight and participation and grade drops.（病句。there are no absolute connection between the strength of daylight and participation and grade drops.） SH students' lower participation and grade drops may have several reasons. Maybe students have other activities to participate then which waste their time to study. Or perhaps their teacher's resignation and the new teacher they do not like. (学习了~~) Teachers' highest resignation can also cause by several possibilities. Such as December and January are the end and the beginning of one year, so they want change job at the beginning of the year; or the school's heating facility is too bad to make them comfortable; or just the women teachers have babies then. So the dropping of students' grade and participation and highest teachers' resignation cannot totally attribute to minimal overhead light sources.Even if the minimal overhead light sources are responsible for the students' grade and participation and highest teachers' resignation, SH should not assure（should not assure 改一改）that the DG products are the best choice for them. The speaker said SH must choose the DG products because TVS improved their students’ grade points by using their products are not proper. It is a false analogy that SH and TVS has different situations.（主语从句的意思。  你这里变成两个情况不同是错误类比。改成  It is a false analogy that SH and TVS has similar situations. 或者 It is a false analogy since SH and TVS has different situations.） The sunlight in the two schools may be not completely the same. Even assume their situations are the same, there are not any other companies' products showed to us. With the only one product information, the speaker should not make conclusion.Even assume  that (even if ) the DG is the best company among its competitors, there is no evidence that DG's products helped TVS's improvement.(提高语言的准确度，这里说不是主因就好了。。全盘否定不好，因为那个学校本来缺乏光的) They improved, maybe because some new ideas are brought up, or perhaps their students study harder, or maybe even the teachers gave them higher grades from being expelled as the teaching evaluate began. Also, the speaker did not give us the time when their improvement happened. If it happened in summer, the products like DG have little use.In the end, the speaker failed to provide enough persuasive evidences to indicate the SH must buy DG's product to ameliorate their problem. I think what they should do is to find the teaching method and the benefits of teachers rather than the unimportant external factors

一个我们两个文章里面都没有的东西。如何明确情况。。。argumengt有破有立才是完整。。。。如果能提出怎样确定是否是光的问题，那个灯泡行不行。。。这样，比直接否定要好，argument喜欢用一种可能性当全部。。。但我们不要把这种可能性否定掉

啊拉UID: 2527432

The speaker concludes that Sherwood High (SH) should use Day Glow (DG) light bulbs in winter just as Tundra Vocational School (TVS) to improve their students’ academic performance and teacher's morale. To support his idea, the speaker point out during the times with fewest hours of daylight, class participation and grade drops along with the highest teachers' highest resignation. Also TVS improved their students' grade point by(忘了是否要用被动..) using Day Glow light bulbs. However, this assertion is made too hasty.First of all, fewer there are no absolute connection between lower daylight and participation and grade drops.(这一句个人没看的太懂…是否是倒装…) SH students' lower participation and grade drops may have several reasons. Maybe students have other activities to participate then(有which 应该不用再then了) which waste their time to study. Or perhaps their teacher's resignation and the new teacher they do not like.(这句意思有些模糊…是教师的辞职是因为他们不喜欢新老师么?还是说学生缺席是由于老师辞职?) Teachers' highest resignation can also cause by several possibilities. Such as December and January are the end and the beginning of one year(还是表述不够清…这句的意思容易让人理解为两个月既是一年的开始,又是一年的结束), so they want to change job at the beginning of the year; or the school's heating facility is too bad to make them comfortable; or just the women teachers have babies then. So the dropping of students' grade and participation and highest teachers' resignation cannot totally attribute to minimal overhead light sources.Even if the minimal overhead light sources are responsible for the students' grade and participation and highest teachers' resignation, SH should not assure that the DG products are the best choice for them. The speaker said SH must choose the DG products because TVS improved their students’ grade points by using their products are not proper. It is a false analogy because SH and TVS has different situations. The sunlight in the two schools may be not completely the same. Even assume their situations are the same, there are not any other companies' products showed to us. With the only one product information, the speaker should not make conclusion.Even assume that the DG is the best company among its competitors, there is no evidence that DG's products helped TVS's improvement. They improved, maybe because some new ideas are brought up, or perhaps their students study harder, or maybe even the teachers gave them higher grades from being expelled as the teaching evaluate began(这句表达有点chinglish,个人认为宁可放弃复杂的从句追求短句,而用maybe because做连接感觉不是很通顺). Also, the speaker did not give us the time when their improvement happened. If it happened in summer, the products like DG have little use.(以上攻击顺序可以互换一下,可以先说不一定是DG产品改善了TVS,再者强调even ifDG确实改善了,但我们仍然可以不用他,因为还有比DG更好的产品.当然这样攻击纯属个人爱好…=.=)In the end, the speaker failed to provide enough persuasive evidences to indicate the SH must buy DG's product to ameliorate their problem. I think what they should do is to find the teaching method and the benefits of teachers rather than the unimportant external factors(argue的结尾不是很重要…所以没有问题-.-)
(总的来说文章写得还是很不错的,没有模板的束缚写起来应该比较舒服,攻击的顺序安排的很紧凑.By the way 模板是否纯在和思维的广度没有必然联系,比如说你的这篇文章的逻辑链是基于1.光线影响学生老师---2.DG是否为同类产品中最好的—3.DG是否帮助了TVS进步. 这样的逻辑链稍显松散,有时更像是散状攻击.至于更好好的逻辑链我也没考虑清楚…现在脑子里整天想的是模板的问题…)