COMEON-----作文小组-shuchendsc-10.15作业

shuchendscUID: 2426680

Should some money be given to support the arts or to protect the environment instead? Since both proposals will bring enormous benefits, this is no doubt a tough question. But after weighing up all the pros and cons of both plans, I am convinced that utilizing the money to protect the environment is preferable.

For one thing, investment in protecting the environment will improve people's health standard. Nowadays, people's living circumstances have been damaged day by day. For this sake, more and more diseases keep coming into being to bother everyone. Money that be given to protect the environment will be like fountains in spring. This project surely will bring much rejoice since it helps people to take care of their health.

Furthermore, if people's health is improved, we will have more time and power to enjoy arts. Considering people's basic need, it is easier to understand that health is the priority of people's requires. Without health, we can do nothing unless sleeping in bed with bottles of pills around us. Being unhealthy means the person loses good mood so he gets angry more easily. How can you imagine that a person with unpleasant feelings could have interest in arts?

In addition, now we are living in an era of industry-booming, in which the rate of polluting the earth is accelerating. If we don’t take measures to decrease this trend, our earth is more likely to be ruined by all kinds of wastes. Company’s support is a considerable effort in this environment-protecting plan. We should do our best to encourage this project.

All in all, protecting the environment is protecting ourselves. Let’s spare no effort to take care of our only global to live a better life!

gjunUID: 2537391

Should some money be given to support the arts or to protect the environment instead? Since both proposals will bring enormous benefits, this is no doubt a tough question. But after weighing up all the pros and cons of both plans, I am convinced that utilizing the money to protect the environment is preferable.
For one thing, investment in protecting the environment will improve people's health standard. Nowadays, people's living circumstances have been damaged day by day. For this sake, more and more diseases keep coming into being to bother everyone. Money that be given to protect the environment will be like fountains in spring. This project surely will bring much rejoice(名词形式) since it helps people to take care of their health.(我觉得 这句话不好,给人它能关照我们的健康一样.可一些给我们提供了赖以生存的健康自然环境)
Furthermore, if people's health is improved, we will have more time and power to enjoy arts. Considering people's basic need, it is easier to understand that health is the priority of people's requires. Without health, we can do nothing unless sleeping in bed with bottles of pills around us. Being unhealthy means the person loses good mood so he gets angry more easily. How can you imagine that a person with unpleasant feelings could have interest in arts?(个人觉得这段偏离主题了,是不是想不出什么思路了?)
In addition, now we are living in an era of industry-booming, in which the rate of polluting the earth is accelerating.(TS不明确,只说明了现象,未引出你的具体理由) If we don’t take measures to decrease this trend, our earth is more likely to be ruined by all kinds of wastes. Company’s support is a considerable effort in this environment-protecting plan. We should do our best to encourage this project.
All in all, protecting the environment is protecting ourselves. Let’s spare no effort to take care of our only global to live a better life!(哇,挺少见到号召性的结尾)
我觉得你的写作思路没有拓展开来,主题段的首末两段大同小异都在讲地球正遭受污染,污染的环境致病. 我估计是你写的时候没想出其他的什么好理由.建议有空多看看范文,积累些思路吧.
我认为你的语言功底很不错,如果有了好的思路就无敌啦
以上是个人意见,限于我水平低微,难免有错误,请谅解.

shuchendscUID: 2426680

真是太感谢你了！
我写东西就是太没有思路了，
脑子资源匮乏啊~~~！！
郁闷。。。

gjunUID: 2537391

:confused: 我明明中午帖出来了修改建议啊,怎么没有了呢??? 是不是被删除了呀??

gjunUID: 2537391

哦~~~~看见了,刚才怎么什么都没看见,真见鬼~~:funk: