ISSUE51 [FF小组]第一次作业---by oyhd 第一次修改

oyhdUID: 2490181

TOPIC: ISSUE51 - "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and
interests of each student.
什么才能被称作有效的教育？不是仅仅让学生学到了具体的一门或两门知识，而是对整个人生，至少是事业发展，有积极的意义才是有效的教育。并且一个人在不同的教育阶段，各方面的情况是会发生改变的。因此怎样才能使教育有效，是一个复杂的问题。
1。当人在初级教育时应以兴趣为主。如果对所学内容没有兴趣小孩子容易厌学，这个后果很严重。例子：爱迪生因为学习不能满足他的兴趣而退学。
2。当处在中级教育的时候，理性变强兴趣已经不是唯一的学习动力。但同时对自己的需要也不是很明白。这时候应该由教育学家设立合理全面的统一课程，以防日后需要却没学。例子：有调查表明我市%80中学生对未来的人生没有明确的目标和具体的规划。
3。当上了大学以后或者更高的教育层次，就应该以个人需要为主才能达到有效教育。这也是越来越多的课是由学生自己选的原因。例子：为了照顾大多数同学导致对学的很好的同学来说课程太过简单没有帮助。
终而言之，使教育的有效的方法是根据情况不同而变化的。

word                               time                                               data
613                               2:23:35                                         10/28/2008



What can be called " effective education" ? Effective  education is not only the  one which can just give students some knowledge of one or two particular courses, but can also guide the whole life of the students, at least the career development. And given that in different education levels the aim of the education is changing ,the issue about whether the education can be regarded as an effective one is complex.
  
At the primary level of the education ,the edcuation can be effective only when it is designed to meet the individual's interest. The chief reason is that as a child many a person cannot concentrate on the things they do not like .They can learn little even if they are driven to study those boring things. What is worse ,if they fail to find any things that is attractive for them , some of them may lose the motivation to learn everything forever .A famous inventor ,Edison Thomas , was once dropped out from the primary school because he do not like what was taught in that school and can not to learn them any longer. Thanks to his mother who taught the little Edison something interesting herself ,Edison then could get his passion for inventing back. And now we can have the light bulb and orther inventions . So the main aim of the primary edcuation is to put the enthusiasm of the learning into the heart of the children.

When the children grow up and become teenagers ,the education in this level do not need to be desigened to meet the individual's interest or need .Because teenagers can control themselves much better than the children . They now know that the interest is not the solo motivaton for study.That means they can learn more knowledge without their favor. In addition,during this period most of  them still do not know what they really need .A recent survey conducted in my city  show that 73 persent of the middle school students do not have a clear plan for their further life or career . as it is well known that the more subjects the student learn , the more choices they may have.  Thus, in the sake of helping them to find  better choice about career or life ,education should provide them a wide range of knowledge which may not meet their interest. For the reason that the more subjects they learn , the more choice they may have.  

After the middle school students going to the university or college ,they always know what they really need . Since they now learn for a clear goal , the education should be designed to fullfill their need.  If the university cannot give their students what they need ,they student would have to learn all by themelves. In that case how can you expect the education to be effective? And the fact that more and more courses can be chosen by the students may be a good way to satisfy their need for learning.

To sum up ,we cannot argue that the education can be effective only when it can meet one's interest and need. And in order to give students the truly effective education we should design the education according to the different characteristics in differrnt education level .  









[ 本帖最后由 oyhd 于 2008-11-3 18:32 编辑 ]

firhadayUID: 2287086

LZ要打磨语言，更细致的，我觉得让版友来互改吧~
What, in your mind, can be called " effective education" ?为什么用这样的句型？你觉得合适么？至少我认为在what后面直接in my mind不合适，然后，用被动也不合适吧！
Effective education is not only the education重复的名词 which can just give students some knowledge of one or two particular courses, but can also guide the whole life of the students, at least the career development.
And given the different education levels ,the situation a student may confronted with 这个句型，不合适吧 is changing.
Thus, the issue about what we can do to guarantee a effective education is a complex one.  题目是要求我们保证高效的教育么？不要走题太远~

LZ把语言好好练习吧，文章没有仔细的看，留给版友了
这个开头
我认为
句子写的不顺利
多看看东西吧~好好联系哈
共勉之！


[ 本帖最后由 firhaday 于 2008-10-28 23:01 编辑 ]

oyhdUID: 2490181

谢谢.
其实我一直觉的我作文的语言问题比较突出.
写的不够,改的不够.
该要加大强度了.

crazy_calmUID: 2260690

我来小组互改了，FF小组28号。第一次作业帖4楼~~
纯属个人意见，不一定正确，LZ自己斟酌~

一、语言方面
1、拼写错误，基本的语法错误和一些我觉得很明显可以替换的词汇和句子我已经标红或者改正，见下面全文。

2、我个人觉得楼主在表达观点的时候，个别比较绝对化的词和表达应该少用。比如only, forever等等，要显得有余地，这样看上去更严密。同时多加修饰词对意思进行缓冲。

3、全文读下来语法说不出大问题，但是个别句子有从汉语直接译成英语的感觉。

二、文章结构
1、文章首段提出评价教育的有效性是一个复杂的问题，可以看出文章总的态度是具体问题具体分析，而且大体是一个同意两个反对，但是在结论段首句又完全同意了issue的观点，是否不太妥当。

2、第一二段都有一个例子，相对论证更清晰一些，第三段讲到大学教育的时候缺少引证，略显单薄。而且这一段的切入点本身有漏洞，到了大学就一定可以说明学生拥有了清晰的自我认识了吗？事实上，仅仅提供繁多的科目而不对学生加以引导，学生往往会选择容易拿到学分的课程，而不一定是对自己有用的课程。即使学生有很好的学习目标，但是作为学生对没有学习过的课程是缺乏深层理解和认识的，如何能保证学生选择到最合适的课程？这些都恰恰说明了高等教育需要进一步引导而不仅仅只是提供课程。LZ可以从这个方面再深入论证一下。

3、我觉得LZ按照教育不同的阶段来分别论证的结构很清晰，逻辑也很顺畅。但是进一步的思考，虽然这是一个具体问题具体分析的事实，但是作为教育本身应该是有一个在更高层次的存在的目的或意义，可以把这三者统一起来的。教育上个不同的阶段不应该是独立隔开的，如果LZ能找到一个统一的点，在三者的分别论证中穿插总结，用一根线把三点连起来，最后在结论中强化，逻辑上会显得更为紧密。换句话说，教育有效性不仅仅体现在按照教育不同阶段的不同特点设计，而是说这种按需设计的做法本身还有一个更高的目标，这个目标才是教育有效性的真正体现，按需设计是手段，而不是最终结果。

下面是我修改后的全文，可能我修改得东西本身还有错误，LZ谨慎对待~

Which type of education design can be called effective? Effective education does not only give students some knowledge of one or two particular courses, but can also enlighten the whole life of the students, at least provide some career guidance. And given the different education levels, students have distinct features. Thus, the issue about how to define education's effectiveness is complicated.   


At the primary level of the education ,the education can be effective only when it is designed to meet the individual's interest. The chief reason is that as a child many persons can not concentrate on the things they do not like .They can learn little even if they are driven to study those boring things. What is worse ,if they fail to find any things that is attractive for them , some of them may lose the motivation to learn everything forever .A famous inventor ,Edison Thomas , was once dropped out from the primary school because he do not like what was taught in that school and could not learn them any longer. Thanks to his mother who taught the little Edison something she found interesting, Edison then could get his passion for inventing back. And now we can have the light bulb and other inventions. So the main purpose of the primary education is to put the enthusiasm of the learning into the heart of the children.

When the children grow up and become teenagers ,the education in this level do not have to be designed to meet the individual's interest or need .Because teenagers can control themselves much better than the children . They now know that the interest is not the solo motivation for study. That means they can learn more knowledge under the rational instruction other than just counting on their favor. In addition, during this period most of them still do not know what they really need. A recent survey conducted in my city shows that 73 percent of the middle school students do not have a clear plan for their further life or career. As it is well known that the more subjects the student learn, the more chances they may have.  Thus, in the sake of helping them to find better ones, education should provide them a wide range of knowledge some of which may not fully meet their interests. It is for better adaption in future’s competitive life that students acquire basic knowledge and abilities from secondary education.

After the middle school students are going to the university or college where they should probably know what they really need for that they begin to study for a clear goal. So the education should be designed to fulfill their need. Providing that a student wants to become a physical scientist and has learned much of a course in this field, however, general introductions of this course given by the professor for major understanding certainly cannot please his/her appetite. That student would have to learn all by himself/herself if he/she wants to learn something deeper. How can you expect the education to be effective when it cannot give any useful information? Therefore, to ensure the effectively in this higher education level, the education should be arranged with the regard to the individual’s need.

To sum up, we cannot expect the education to be effective only when it can meet one's interest and need. And in order to give students the truly effective education we should design the education according to the different characteristics in different education level.  

LZ有空也可以去帮我看看~~不甚欢迎:handshake

[ 本帖最后由 crazy_calm 于 2008-10-29 13:49 编辑 ]

crazy_calmUID: 2260690

仔细再看看，三段内容应该是两个同意加一个反对了，刚才说的不对。

倒数第二段我已经替换成新的了。但是最后总结段的第一句还是不恰当，毕竟第三段论证是偏向反对issue观点的。

oyhdUID: 2490181

可能是我表达的问题,我是打算反对.
我最后一段第一句说的是我们不能简单的宣称只有满足个人兴趣的教育是有效的.

crazy_calmUID: 2260690

哦，是我理解错误了。。。不是你的错OTL……
不过也可改成这样，To sum up,we cannot simply assert that effectiveness of education only depends on  whether it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.
更容易理解。

oyhdUID: 2490181

根据斑竹及28crazy_clam的建议我对文章的句子及部分论证进行了修改.可能还是有许多问题,希望大家予以指正.
Effective  education is not the one that can only give students some

knowledge of one or two particular courses , but the one will benefit the whole

life of the students or their career. Moreover ,in different education levels

situations of the student are dissimilar. Thus, how to define the true

effectiveness of the education is complicated.

At the primary level of the education ,the education can be effective only

when it is designed to meet the individual's interest. The chief reason is that

as a child many a person cannot concentrate on the things they do not like.

That means they can learn little even if they are driven to study those boring

things. What is worse ,if they fail to find any things that is attractive for them

during this period, some of them may even lose the motivation to learn

everything. A famous inventor ,Edison Thomas , was once dropped out from

the primary school because he do not like what was taught in that school and

can not learn them any longer. Thanks to his mother who taught the little

Edison something interesting  ,Edison then could get back his passion for

inventing. And now we can have the light bulb and other great inventions . So

the main aim of the primary education is to put the enthusiasm of the learning

into the heart of the children .And that enthusiasm can be very useful in their

whole life and career.

As the children grow up and become teenagers ,the education should not to

be designed to meet the individual's interest or need .Because teenagers can

behave themselves much better than the children .And now they know that the

interest is not the solo motivation for study. Therefore , interest is not so

important for them to learn something. In addition, what people need are

usually based on what they want . A recent survey conducted in my city  show

that 73 percent of the middle school students do not have a clear plan for their

further life or career . Thus, most of the  teenagers do not know what they

really need. As it is well known that the more subjects the student learn , the

more choices about career and life they may have. So in the sake of helping

them to find  better goals about career or life in this education level , education should provide them a wide range of knowledge.

When the students go to the university or college ,they always know what

they really need since they now study for a clear goal . So the education

should be designed to fulfill their need. Providing that a student want to

became a physical scientist and have learned much in a field , however ,to

make every student understand this course the professor can just give some

general introductions. So that student would have to learn all by

himself/herself if he/she want to learn knowledge further. How can you expect

the education to be useful for the life or career of the students when it cannot

provide any useful things ? Therefore ,to insure the effectiveness in senior

education level , the education should be arranged with the regard to the

individual’s need.

To sum up ,we cannot simply conclude that the education can be effective

only when it can meet one's interest and need. In order to give students the

truly effective education we should design the education according to the

different characteristics in different education level .