argument185【0906G ANap Hand 作文互改小组】第5次作业 by goingeast

goingeastUID: 2439824

[431]  补上

The argument is weak, the author recommends that restricting water flow throughout all the 20 floors of Sunnyside Tower will increase their profit further. However, to bolster the recommendation the author nearly refers to nothing, we discuss as following:

In the first place, what factors can change the water usage and the payment of water? The author fails to establish the causal relationship between the fact that the installation the low-flow head and the claim that saving the money which pay for water usage. For one thing, the author based on the assumption that installation the low-flow head can result in the low water usage. That does not make sense. It is highly possible that tenants on the first five floor compensate for lower flow by either taking longer shower or by open their shower valve further than they would otherwise, and perhaps the water usage of these floor has increased as a result. For another, the lower water usage does not mean to the lower cost of water, perhaps the water supplier raise higher rate than before, then the cost will increase. Moreover, the actual readings of water usage before and after the adjustment are not yet available, the assumption is more unbelievable.

In the second place, the author ignores the complaints about the lower water pressure, These complaints indicate that the installation have a few of question. For example, the lower pressure effect on the tenants’ daily water using, which makes them feel inconvenient. Consequencely, they want to leave Sunnyside Tower to find a convenient apartment. From this fact, even if the considerable saving for Sunnyside Corporation, the overall income will decease, which is not worth the candle. Needless to say that consequence of installing low-flow shower head on 20 floors.

In the third place, even if the water usage on the first five floor decrease, there is no evidence to show that water usage on all 20 floors decrease naturally. The water used by showering is a part of water usage. Perhaps some tenants use much more water to wash clothes or current tenants will be replaced by other tenants who use more water. Without ruling out such possibilities, the author can not justifiably conclude that restricting water flow throughout all the 20 floors of Sunnyside Tower will increase profits.

All in all, the argument is unconvincing as it stands, to strengthen it the author must provide clear evidence that the use of a low-flow head in fact reduce total water usage, including the figure comparing water usage before and after installation, thus makes the argument more reasonable.  　

irvine666UID: 2575525

The argument is weak, the author recommends that restricting water flow throughout all the 20 floors of Sunnyside Tower will increase their profit further. However, to bolster the recommendation the author nearly refers to nothing, we discuss as following:

In the first place, what factors can change the water usage and the payment of water? The author fails to establish the causal relationship between the fact that the installation the low-flow head and the claim that saving the money which pay for water usage. For one thing, the author based on the assumption that installation the low-flow head can result in the low water usage. That does not make sense. It is highly possible that tenants on the first five floor compensate for lower flow by either taking longer shower or by open their shower valve further than they would otherwise（这个otherwise是跟前后哪句话对应的？）, and perhaps the water usage of these floor has increased as a result. For another, the lower water usage does not mean to the lower cost of water, perhaps the water supplier raise higher rate than before, then the cost will increase. Moreover, the actual readings of water usage before and after the adjustment are not yet available, the assumption is more unbelievable.

In the second place, the author ignores the complaints about the lower water pressure, These complaints indicate that the installation have（has） a few of question. For example, the lower pressure effect on the tenants’ daily water using, which makes them feel inconvenient. Consequencely, they want to leave Sunnyside Tower to find a convenient apartment. From this fact, even if the considerable saving for Sunnyside Corporation, the overall income will decease, which is not worth the candle. Needless to say that consequence of installing low-flow shower head on 20 floors.

In the third place, even if the water usage on the first five floor decrease, there is no evidence to show that water usage on all 20 floors decrease naturally. The water used by showering is a part of water usage. Perhaps some tenants use much more water to wash clothes or current tenants will be replaced by other tenants who use more water.( 这句话看不懂，而且wash clothes是用showerheader洗么...)Without ruling out such possibilities, the author can not justifiably conclude that restricting water flow throughout all the 20 floors of Sunnyside Tower will increase profits.

All in all, the argument is unconvincing as it stands, to strengthen it the author must provide clear evidence that the use of a low-flow head in fact reduce total water usage, including the figure comparing water usage before and after installation, thus makes the argument more reasonable.  

额...模板很好很强大，不过建议在最后一个月再套，而且不要用已经被用烂的模板比如现在这种，自己编几个。