issue150 【kito组智恩的作业】

智恩UID: 2160717

Issue 150
Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.

【提纲】
1 T&I 的确可以给人们提供大量的tour information【例子，the National Geographic Web和 Discovery channel】
2 从television和Internet上获取的信息，与experience personally是different
(1) Tour is an effective way to reduce stress.
(2) Tour could make people hold an ordinary mind.
(3) It is a convenient approach to meet friends who have different backgrounds and diverse culture. Collide with  create Wit sparkles
(4)总结一下，这些都是T 和I 所不能给的
3 To some extent, television and Internet stimulate the curiosity of people to travel. According to Maslow,••••

【正文】
Will tourism become obsolete because of the use of television and worldwide Internet? Admittedly, through television and Internet we could obtain a large amount of information, especially some well-known places we have not visited. However, I disagree with the author’s statement. Because television and Internet not only provide people a general impression of unvisited places but also act as an impetus of stimulating people’s curiosity for the tourism.

To begin with, I agree with the author insofar as it is more convenient for people to acquire information through television and computer connections. With data resources and a number of search engines, people can get a world of information at their fingertips. If people go to National Geographic Web, it is available to acquire much tour information with vivid pictures. For instance the Grand Bahama Island, the web would inform people about definite cost of traveling there, the local customs, weather conditions and so on, which give people a general impression. Regarding television, Discovery channel guides people into Africa, Sphinx in Egypt and so forth. All in all, both television and personal computers inform people an enormous data of some interesting places.

However tourism could not be replaced by the development of television. Firstly, tour is an effective way to reduce stress. In contemporary society, due to the intense competition stress is a part of life but too much stress is a partner of death. People could avoid excessive levels of stress by periodic tour. During traveling, people are involved in the beautiful scenes and forget the boring and worries temporarily. According to a survey conducted by a university, the life expectancy could be greater if people travel to some less stress cities termly such as Hawaii than people who stay all their life in some urban cities such as New York. In order to keep a healthy mind and avoid emotion disorders, periodical tour is one of the efficient ways. Secondly, tour could make people keep an ordinary mind. Take my own experience for example. Before I saw the sea, I was annoyed deeply by some personal affairs. But when I entered into the beach and saw such an unlimited sea, I was astonished and felt human beings are only a tiny part of the world and what I thought was seriously important became inappreciable at once. The great sea tells me that if a person desires to succeed, he or she must keep an ordinary mind without caring much for benefits and loss. Thus the maintenance of ordinary mind enhances people to succeed. Furthermore it is a convenient approach to meet friends who have different backgrounds and diverse culture. To some extent, the collision of different cultural backgrounds is in favor of creating wit sparkles. Hence although television and Internet carry enormous tour information, traveling could not be replaced.

In addition the electric media not only could be a substitute for tour but also can stimulate and be an impetus for traveling to some extent. According to the need hierarchy theory of Maslow, human beings have a need to satisfy curiosity. The general introduction and vivid photos on the television and Internet arouse people’s interests. The more information obtained by people, the more desire to experience personally. As a matter of fact, the information offered by the electric media urges people to travel.

In summary, even if in such a information explosive era, television and Internet could not be a substitute of tourism since tour is beneficial for people’s life in a number of respects.What is more, such electric media enhances tourism to some extent.

谢谢修改！        

[ 本帖最后由 智恩 于 2006-1-29 02:50 编辑 ]

智恩UID: 2160717

自己顶一个！

tomatopotatoUID: 129913

Will tourism become obsolete because of the use of television and worldwide Internet? Admittedly, through television and Internet we could obtain a large amount of information, especially some well-known places we have not visited. However, I disagree with the author’s statement. Because television and Internet not only provide people a general impression of unvisited places but also act as an impetus of stimulating people’s curiosity for the tourism.

To begin with, I agree with the author insofar as it is more convenient for people to acquire information through television and computer connections. With data resources and a number of search engines, people can get a world of information at their fingertips. If people go to National Geographic Web, it is available to acquire much tour information with vivid pictures. For instance the Grand Bahamas Island, the web would inform people about definite cost of traveling there, the local customs, weather conditions and so on, which give people a general impression. Regarding television, Discovery channel guides people into Africa, Sphinx in Egypt and so forth. All in all, both television and personal computers inform people an enormous data of some interesting places.

However tourism could not be replaced by the development of television. Firstly, tour is an effective way to reduce stress. In contemporary society, due to the intense competition stress is a part of life but too much stress is a partner of death. People could avoid excessive levels of stress by periodic tour. During traveling, people are involved in the beautiful scenes and forget the boring and worries temporarily. tourist can escape into the world of fantasy and thus forget the boring and worries temporarilyAccording to a survey conducted by a university, the life expectancy could be greater if people travel to some less stress cities termlysuch as Hawaii than people who stay all their life in some urban cities such as New York. In order to keep a healthy mind and avoid emotion disorders, periodical tour is one of the efficient ways. Secondly, tour could make people keep an ordinary mind. Take my own experience for example. Before I saw the sea, I was annoyed deeply by some personal affairs. But when I entered into the beach and saw such an unlimited sea, I was astonished and felt human beings are only a tiny part of the world and what I thought was seriously important became inappreciable at once. The great sea tells me that if a person desires to succeed, he or she must keep an ordinary mind without caring much for benefits and loss. Thus the maintenance of ordinary mind enhances people to succeed. Furthermore it is a convenient approach to meet friends who have different backgrounds and diverse culture. To some extent, the collision of different cultural backgrounds is in favor of creating wit sparkles. Hence although television and Internet carry enormous tour information, traveling could not be replaced. 好例子

In addition the electric media not only could be a substitute for跟下面的论点有矛盾 tour but also can stimulate and be an impetus for traveling to some extent. According to the need hierarchy theory of Maslow, human beings have a need to satisfy curiosity. The general introduction and vivid photos on the television and Internet arouse people’s interests. The more information obtained by people, the more desire to experience personally. As a matter of fact, the information offered by the electric media urges people to travel. 这一段感觉不是很好，可以说，呵呵我也不知道

In summary, even if in such a information explosive era, television and Internet could not be a substitute of tourism since tour is beneficial for people’s life in a number of respects. What is more, such electric media enhances不是单数吧 tourism to some extent.
全文行文特别流畅，好佩服啊，而且例子不少，收藏好好学习！
我的帖子https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=
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[ 本帖最后由 tomatopotato 于 2006-1-28 13:55 编辑 ]

jingjingtousUID: 2164820

Issue 150
Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.

【提纲】
1 T&I 的确可以给人们提供大量的tour information【例子，the National Geographic Web和 Discovery channel】
2 从television和Internet上获取的信息，与experience personally是different
(1) Tour is an effective way to reduce stress.
(2) Tour could make people hold an ordinary mind.
(3) It is a convenient approach to meet friends who have different backgrounds and diverse culture. Collide with  create Wit sparkles
(4)总结一下，这些都是T 和I 所不能给的
3 To some extent, television and Internet stimulate the curiosity of people to travel. According to Maslow,••••

【正文】
Will tourism become obsolete because of the use of television and worldwide Internet? Admittedly, through television and Internet we could obtain a large amount of information, especially some well-known places we have not visited. However, I disagree with the author’s statement. Because television and Internet not only provide people a general impression of unvisited有这个词吗？我不知道也places but also act as an impetus of stimulating直接用stimulation就好了呀？ people’s curiosity for the去掉 tourism.开头不错，可以再简练些，不要especially...你认为怎么样？

To begin with, I agree with the author insofar as it is more convenient for people to acquire information through television and computer connections. With data resources and a number of search engines, people can get a world of information at their fingertips.Nic sentence! If people go to National Geographic Web, it is available to acquire much tour information with vivid pictures只是生动的图像吗？应该还有文字说明哦？. For instance the Grand Bahama Island, the web would inform people about去掉 definite cost of traveling there, the local customs, weather conditions and so on, which give people a general impression. Regarding television programs, Discovery channel guides people into Africa, Sphinx in Egypt这个告诉了人们什么样的旅游信息呢？应该稍微说下吧？ and so forth. All in all, both television and personal computers internet什么时候变成personal computer了？ inform people an enormous data of some interesting places.也可以，不过interests of places风景名胜是否更好些呢？你看呢？
感觉这段论证的不错，分别分析了TV和internet分别带给人们旅游的信息，但这跟旅游过时有什么关系呢？最好论证一下大量的信息其实是在刺激人们旅游的兴趣。

However tourism could not be replaced by the development of television. Firstly, tour is an effective way to reduce stress. In contemporary society, due to the intense competition stress is a part of life but too much stress is a partner of death.感觉这句有些多余，直接切入正题论证如何？ People could avoid excessive levels of stress by periodic tour好. During traveling, people are involved in the beautiful scenes and forget the boring and worries 可以复数吗？ temporarily. According to a survey conducted by a university, the life expectancy could be greater if people travel to some less stress cities 这个表达有误，agreeable cites/places termly such as Hawaii than people who stay all their life in some urban cities such as New York.这句表达有问题，显然你是在用if 从句和people who stay..作比较，你看这样改行不？people who travel to some agreeable places would obtain greater life expectancy than those who stay at urban cities all the time. In order to keep a healthy mind and avoid emotion emotional disorders, periodical tour is one of the efficient ways.这句就不讲了吧，感觉和你下面所说的keep an ordinary mind 有点重复，其实你可以把这两点合一块讲的，减轻压力就能使一个人保持平常心对吗？ Secondly, tour could make people keep an ordinary mind. Take my own experience for example.最好不要说自己的例子，呵呵 Before I saw the sea, I was annoyed deeply by some personal affairs. But when I entered into walk along the beach and saw such an unlimited sea without the horizon, I was astonished and felt that human beings are only a tiny part of the world and what I thought was去掉 seriously important became inappreciable at once. The great sea tells me that if a person desires expects to succeed, he or she must keep an ordinary mind without caring much for benefits and loss. Thus the maintenance of ordinary mind enhances people to succeed.这个例子过于冗长，感觉好像在讲一个人要成功就应该保持一颗平常心，似乎和旅游没关系了（但是单独拉出来看，能激起共鸣，我也有过这种感受，我也喜欢看海 Furthermore it is a convenient这个词值得推敲，是因为方便才在旅游时交朋友吗？ approach to meet friends who have different backgrounds and diverse culture cultures. To some extent, the collision of different cultural backgrounds is in favor of creating wit sparkles 这个词在你上篇文章也出现过哟. Hence, although television and the Internet carry can impart people enormous这个词能表示很多的大量的吗？你看用 a large quantity of怎样？ tour information, traveling could not be replaced.

In addition， the electric electronic media not only could be a substitute for tour but also can stimulate and be an impetus for traveling to some extent. 这句话自相矛盾，不应该是substitute电视没有替代旅游的作用，这与你的主题相违背According to the need hierarchy theory of Maslow, human beings have a need to satisfy their curiosity. The general introduction and vivid photos on the television and the Internet arouse people’s interests. The more information obtained by people, the more desire to experience travel personally. As a matter of fact, the information offered by the electric electronic media urges people to travel. 我个人认为你这段紧接第二段的论证会比较好

In summary, even if in such a an information explosive era 这个表达有点怪怪的，你看这样如何：an era of imformation boom, television and Internet could not be a substitute of tourism since tour is beneficial for benefits people’s life in a number of respects.What is more, such electric the electronic media enhances tourism to some extent.感觉结尾有些草率

智恩的这篇文章写的不错，可能我批的重了点，不要生气哟！我觉得你可以把第三段的一二两个观点结合起来，且例子感觉没有说说服力，第四段可以紧接第二段论证，这样感觉比较有说服力。可以试着从其它角度论证，比如旅游可以促进不同国家民族的人们之间的了解和尊重，可以尝遍人间美食，可以通过和当地人交流了解当地的文化，可以开拓视野，获得经验，留下美好的回忆，而TV&I 传播的信息不一定是最真实的，所以旅游是T&I 无法替代的，是永远不会过时的。

jingjingtousUID: 2164820

呵呵，这是俺的：
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