topic 169 同主题写作第7期 欢迎来拍,有拍必回

zqznedUID: 2114587

169. People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important to many people? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice
Music exists in many forms around the world.It spans time and space and has become a necessary in human life.And various tastes,moods,and cultures call for various music.
What can be seen is the taste of a person according to which music he or she likes.Moreover,the type of muic one likes is changeable during growing.For example,when one is still young,he or she would like to listen to faster music,such as pop music and rock music.When one become more mature,he or she may prefer the music that is more smoothing.
Music could reflect the emotion of a person..When we are happy,music could be cheerful and pleasant.When we are sad,music will console us to be less embittered.And when we are worried,music helps to relax our nerves and outside pressure to overcome the difficulty that we are facing.Without music in the world,people will perhaps live a worse life than now and be more painful and stressful.
Music is a useful way of studying the cultures.Different cultures make different styles of music.From the music,we can learn the events that a nation has experienced,and know what people there like or dislike.It helps connect the people and nations throughout the world.
Music has become one of man’s greatest companions through thousands of years.It helps to deal with the highs and lows of life,and it is always right around you whenever you need it.
帮忙看看,感觉少了点

zqznedUID: 2114587

up

zqznedUID: 2114587

一觉睡醒帖子都要被刷没了

susan8940UID: 160449

大概看了下，第一段语言不错，不过如果能强调一句music important for humans就更好啦：）
第二段跟主题有点偏，建议修改下
其它都没什么问题，个别语法错误
只好先看这么多啦，得做语法了，以上个人意见，说的不对楼主见谅哦：）
我的楼主指教下吧https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... page%3D1&page=7

loiswtfUID: 2177029

建议多用一些过渡词或短语什么的，那样文章的结构就清晰很多。思路看上去也会明了不少。个人意见，供参考
字数是少了点

zqznedUID: 2114587

谢谢两位的指点

雷鼠UID: 2159778

如果觉得词少 尽量多些例子,例子废话多些不要紧,这样就丰满多了