issue144 同主题写作（堆砌论据，没有分析）

cellophane05UID: 2135343

TOPIC: ISSUE 144 - "It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."

*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
WORDS: 410          time：43min        DATE: 2006-7-11

The lasting value art provides is the share of emotion, inspiration, exploration. Admittedly, critics, as the professional advisor, have their duty to interpret art works in a more deep and comprehensive perspective. However, the most important value is created by artists for the reasons as follow.

For one thing, in the regime of paintings, artists are the critical roles to creat far-reaching art works, especially in the painting style transition. Take Vicent Van Gogh as an example. Van Gogh is the representative of early abstract, and his value has transcended his contemporary, including those art critic. He was gotten his reputation, even basic respect in his day. In his paintings, the objective is not the pursuit for reality, but the expression of emotion with exaggerate line, color, and brush stroke. However, his great works, like Starry Night, Sunflower, are considered as great treasure nowadays. It is Gogh who delivers the lasting value for us, not critics.

Another thing is related to the fields of music. Inspiration and emotion are characteristics for a music art, which can only be achieved by musician's experience. Beethoven, a great German musician, sticked to compose in his weak listening with great enthusiasm. It is his power from his botom that consists his immortal classic masterpieces, such as the ninth sophony. When we listen to his works, we even can feel the feeling and experience of Beethoven.

When it comes to the field of novel, it is exactly the same that writer takes initiative to express the lasting value for us. Look back on history, plenty of inspiring and insightful books are derived from brave writers. In the high development of industry, the society is sufferring a tremendous change. More, whose materpiece is The Utopia, distinguished the negative outcome of industrilization: unfair, inequalibrum. Utopia indicates More's believe that a society with equal opportunity and fair treatment is the substitution of the comtemporary society. Such a great allege is from More's careful scrutiny and profound contemtation. It is impossible for critics to propose such revolutional and fresh opinion.

In conclusion, as the creative body of art, artist expresses his or her emotions, feeling, and insightful thought through art works. Even the critics help us to appreciate the meaningful content in the works, give guide line for the artist, his or her effect is limited to the their own knowledge. Therefore, the artist is the person who provide last values, which may be recognized after a long time.

[ 本帖最后由 cellophane05 于 2006-7-12 23:40 编辑 ]

mayaUID: 199038

谢谢你帮我改，你不知道对我有多大帮助，这两天看作文看的都要崩溃了，以为自己越写越差。虽然一点意见不过对我有很大鼓励，非常感谢
我先占个座，晚上看完书回来一定给你改上：）

mayaUID: 199038

TOPIC: ISSUE 144 - "It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."

*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
WORDS: 410          time：43min        DATE: 2006-7-11

The lasting value art providesprovided by artists is the share of emotion, inspiration, exploration. Admittedly, critics, as the professional advisor, have their theduty to interpret art works in a more deep and comprehensive perspective. However, the most important value is created by artists for the reasons as follow.

For one thing, in the regime of paintings, artists are the critical roles to creat far-reaching art works, especially in the painting style transition. Take Vicent Van Gogh as an example. Van Gogh is the representative of early abstract paintings, and his value has transcended his contemporary, including those art critic这里看不懂了？超过critics的价值，什么意思？. He was gotten his reputation, even basic respect in his day. In his paintings, the objective is not the pursuit for reality, but the expression of emotion with exaggerate line, color, and brush stroke. However, his great works, like Starry Night, Sunflower, are considered as great treasure nowadays. It is Gogh who delivers the lasting value for us, not critics.你这段在例子上写的太多了，重点应该集中在论证是artists而不是critics创造了永恒的价值，而你只是在最后突然冒了一句不是critics

Another thing is related to the fields of music. Inspiration and emotion are characteristics for a music art, which can only be achieved by musician's experience. Beethoven, a great German musician, sticked to compose in his weak listening with great enthusiasm. It is his power from his botom that consists his immortal classic masterpieces, such as the ninth sophony symphony不要把例子孤零零放在这里，要展开哈. When we listen to his works, we even can feel the feeling and experience of Beethoven.

When it comes to the field of novelliterature, it is exactly the same (it is equally that)that writer takes initiative to express the lasting value for us. Look back in retrospect with historyon history, plenty of inspiring and insightful books are derived from brave writers. In the high development of industry, the society is sufferring froma tremendous change. More, whose materpiece is The Utopia, wasdistinguished the negative outcome of industrilization: unfair, inequalibrum. Utopia indicates More's believe beliefthat a society with equal opportunity and fair treatment is the substitution of the comtemporary society. Such a great allege is from More's careful scrutiny and profound contemtation. It is impossible for critics to propose such revolutional and fresh opinion.同样的问题，例子说了要论证哈

In conclusion, as the creative body of art, artist expresses his or her emotions, feeling, and insightful thought through art works. Even the critics help us to appreciate the meaningful content in the works, give guide line for the artist, his or her effect is limited to the their own knowledge. 语法问题Therefore, the artist is the person who provides lasting values, which may be recognized after a long time. 最后要总结，没有支持你的论点
最大的问题就是用了过多的语言在例子上，一定要论证，不然列例子没什么用的哈
思路是挺清楚的，但是要解决上面的问题哈

[ 本帖最后由 maya 于 2006-7-12 02:08 编辑 ]

cellophane05UID: 2135343

建议很好，
我要再修改修改！

practice makes perfect!

cellophane05UID: 2135343

顶一下，各位大牛提提修改后的意见吧