ISSUE51 [SHINING SEP]

zeelichUID: 2194744

51"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

Although it is commonly held that education is a progress in which produce a well and equal developed person, it is, to some degree, unlikely to be true that formal education would bring out a prodigy or a preeminent erudite, partly in that such progress could not provide a environment fraught with creativity and imagination, a environment which would inspire human's potential power and intellect that will speeds the society along the path of advance to the brilliant human civilization.

Admittedly, formal education has it merits for the reason that it provide a condition under which would people acquire the most of fundamental knowledge. There is no doubt that such basic knowledge would serve us as tools to solve most problems in the daily life. Take Germany for example, which had been emphasized on education since long before. Tuitions for primary school, high school and college are all free for its civilians and equipped with the experienced teachers and the most advanced experimental instruments. Since the first day they attended to the school, German children have been well educated. Thus, during the First World War and the Second World War, Germany had the most preeminent scientists in the world whose inventions, such as rockets, have far-reaching effects on today's technology and society. Even after the Second World War Germany has rapidly resurrected from debris and ruins, mostly attributes to its emphasis on education. Today Germany remains its power and technical advantage country among the developed countries in the world. In such example we could find out that a general education would provide the most needed and basic knowledge to propel the development of human intellect and society.

Despite the advantages of formal education, its deficiencies are conspicuous. Common sense informs me that to be granted some kind of usable talent and to be able to use it to the fullest extent of which you are capable is a kind of joy that is almost unequaled. Just as a line which produces equal products, so the formal education provides no opportunity to fully explore a person's potential power in that it could only provides the same environment, the same function, the same style for everyone that they can not exploit their unique and eminent talent. Therefore, the need for specific designed education for individual is promising. History has witnessed numerous examples: Heinrich Schliemann’s excavations of the fabled city of Ileum, the ancient Troy, were due to his fascination in the Homer's epic Ileum. In his childhood Schliemann was enchanted by the mysterious story of Troy, and he learnt history, geology and geography all by himself. It would be hardly to imagine that a person, who is under the formal education, taught by the similar textbook could make such an amazing exploration. Hence, specific education would be necessary for individuals to wholly develop their interests.

Although benefits of specific education seems overcomes that of formal education, we should notice that there exists a balance between public demand and individual interests. Everyone must depend on the comprehensively development of oneself that he or she can not depart from the society. The essence of our education at any level lies in shaping a useful person who would contribute to advance our society. If a person who focus on too much on self interests development, he or she may deeply trapped in the bog of negative effects, such as arrogance, reclusiveness, and even violence. Harming society may be the result of such effects that the shortcomings of the specific education will eventually undermine its benefits. For instance, every country has prodigies those who showed a kind of surprisingly talent before they attend the school. They were then sent to the special class in which they could receive special designed textbook and lessons which made them steps far beyond their peers. However, rare of these genius have made contributions to the society. In careful retrospect, we could find out that these gifted persons strongly hold their interests and head forward along the path of their own will that they, to various extends, ignore the fundamental knowledge served as the a block adding to the skyscraper of brilliant achievement. Therefore, the proportion between formal education and specific education should be kept.

In short, from what has been discussed above, we may arrive at the conclusion that specific designed education is necessary but could not be truly effective if it totally supplants the formal education. Yet we should still put every effort to expand the opportunities of individuals to develop their sole abilities while make them realize the significance of the basic knowledge.

jinzhemingUID: 2224073

Although it is commonly held that education is a progress in which produce a well and equal developed person,这句话我没有看明白，请解释一下。 it is, to some degree, unlikely to be true that formal education would bring out a prodigy or a preeminent erudite我查了字典似乎不对, partly in that such progress could not provide a environment fraught with creativity and imagination, a environment which would inspire human's potential power and intellect that will speed the society along the path of advance to the brilliant human civilization.
//Speed up advance of the society to the brilliant human civilization in the future//

Admittedly, formal education has it merits for the reason that it provide a condition under which people would acquire the most of fundamental knowledge. There is no doubt that such basic knowledge would serve us as tools to solve most problems in the daily life. Take Germany for example,（以德国的教育为例） which had been emphasized on education since long before. Tuitions for primary school, high school and college are all free for its civilians and equipped with the experienced teachers and the most advanced experimental instruments.主谓不一至 Since the first day they attended to the school, German children have been well educated.（有些夸张） Thus, during the First World War and the Second World War, Germany had the most preeminent scientists in the world whose inventions, such as rockets, have far-reaching effects on today's technology and society. Even after the Second World War Germany has rapidly resurrected from debris and ruins, mostly attributes to its emphasis on education. Today Germany remains its power and technical advantage country among the developed countries in the world. In such example we could find out that a general education would provide the most needed and basic knowledge to propel the development of human intellect and society.
（我觉得这里教育的内容少，而德国的进步多）
Despite the advantages of formal education, its deficiencies are conspicuous. Common sense informs me that to be granted some kind of usable talent（搭配不是很恰当） and to be able to use it to the fullest extent of which you are capable is a kind of joy(为何joy呢？)that is almost unequaled. Just as a line（assembly line） which produces equal products, so the formal education provides no opportunity to fully explore a person's potential power(potential) in that it could only provides the same environment, the same function, the same style for everyone that they can not exploit their unique and eminent talent.(有些重复了) Therefore, the need for specifically designed education for individual is promising. History has witnessed numerous examples: Heinrich Schliemann’s excavations of the fabled city of Ileum, the ancient Troy, were due to his fascination in the Homer's epic Ileum. In his childhood Schliemann was enchanted by the mysterious story of Troy, and he learnt history, geology and geography all by himself. It would be hardly to imagine that a person, who is under the formal education, taught by the similar textbook could make such an amazing exploration. Hence, specific education would be necessary for individuals to wholly develop their interests.

Although benefits of specific education seems overcomes that of formal education, we should notice that there exists a balance between public demand and individual interests. Everyone must depend on the comprehensive development of oneself that he or she can not depart from the society.(我不明白) The essence of our education at any level lies in shaping a useful person who would contribute to advance our society. If a person who focus on too much on self interests development, he or she may deeply trapped in the bog of negative effects, such as arrogance, reclusiveness, and even violence. Harming society may be the result of such effects that the shortcomings of the specific education will eventually undermine its benefits. For instance, every country has prodigies those who showed a kind of surprisingly talent before they attend the school. They were then sent to the special class in which they could receive special designed textbook and lessons which made them steps far beyond their peers. However, rare of these genius have made contributions to the society. In careful retrospect, we could find out that these gifted persons strongly hold their interests and head forward along the path of their own will that they, to various extends, ignore the fundamental knowledge served as the a block adding to the skyscraper of brilliant achievement. Therefore, the proportion between formal education and specific education should be kept.

In short, from what has been discussed above, we may arrive at the conclusion that specific designed education is necessary but could not be truly effective if it totally supplants the formal education. Yet we should still put every effort to expand the opportunities of individuals to develop their sole abilities while make them realize the significance of the basic knowledge.
字数多，但我个人觉得这篇文章写得有些乱，一部分句子的意思我不明白，最好能再修改一下。不过能用自己的话写文章还是值得我学习！

MagicGlaiveUID: 2112081

51"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

字数很多，赞！

Although it is commonly held that education is a progress in which produce a well and equal developed person, it is, to some degree, unlikely to be true that formal education would bring out a prodigy or a preeminent erudite这是个形容词, partly in that such progress could not provide a environment fraught with creativity and imagination, a environment which would inspire human's potential power and intellect that will speeds the society along the path of advance to the brilliant human civilization.

Admittedly, formal education has it merits for the reason that it provide a condition under which would people acquire the most of fundamental knowledge. There is no doubt that such basic knowledge would serve us as tools to solve most problems in the daily life. Take Germany for example, which had been emphasized on education since long before. Tuitions for primary school, high school and college are all free for its civilians and equipped with the experienced teachers and the most advanced experimental instruments. Since the first day they attended to the school, German children have been well educated. Thus, during the First World War and the Second World War, Germany had the most preeminent scientists in the world whose inventions, such as rockets, have far-reaching effects on today's technology and society. Even after the Second World War Germany has rapidly resurrected from debris and ruins, mostly attributes to its emphasis on education. Today Germany remains its power and technical advantage country among the developed countries in the world. In such example we could find out that a general education would provide the most needed and basic knowledge to propel the development of human intellect and society.

德国的例子很好，但是没有证据说明德国的教育就不是“因材施教”啊～

Despite the advantages of formal education, its deficiencies are conspicuous. Common sense informs me that to be granted some kind of usable talent and to be able to use it to the fullest extent of which you are capable is a kind of joy that is almost unequaled. Just as a line which produces equal products, so the formal education provides no opportunity to fully explore a person's potential power in that it could only provides the same environment, the same function, the same style for everyone that they can not exploit their unique and eminent talent. Therefore, the need for specific designed education for individual is promising. History has witnessed numerous examples好句子！: Heinrich Schliemann’s excavations of the fabled city of Ileum, the ancient Troy, were due to his fascination in the Homer's epic Ileum. In his childhood Schliemann was enchanted by the mysterious story of Troy, and he learnt history, geology and geography all by himself. It would be hardly to imagine that a person, who is under the formal education, taught by the similar textbook could make such an amazing exploration这个例子总感觉有点牵强，或者再多强掉一下他的兴趣. Hence, specific education would be necessary for individuals to wholly develop their interests.

Although benefits of specific education seems overcomes that of formal education, we should notice that there exists a balance between public demand and individual interests. Everyone must depend on the comprehensively development of oneself that he or she can not depart from the society. The essence of our education at any level lies in shaping a useful person who would contribute to advance our society. If a person who focus on too much on self interests development, he or she may deeply trapped in the bog of negative effects, such as arrogance, reclusiveness, and even violence. Harming society may be the result of such effects that the shortcomings of the specific education will eventually undermine its benefits. 这个说法未免武断了吧？For instance, every country has prodigies those who showed a kind of surprisingly talent before they attend the school. They were then sent to the special class in which they could receive special designed textbook and lessons which made them steps far beyond their peers. However, rare of these genius have made contributions to the society. In careful retrospect, we could find out that these gifted persons strongly hold their interests and head forward along the path of their own will that they, to various extends, ignore the fundamental knowledge served as the a block adding to the skyscraper of brilliant achievement. Therefore, the proportion between formal education and specific education should be kept.以上这个例子能说明结尾句的观点么？

In short, from what has been discussed above, we may arrive at the conclusion that specific designed education is necessary but could not be truly effective if it totally supplants the formal education. Yet we should still put every effort to expand the opportunities of individuals to develop their sole abilities while make them realize the significance of the basic knowledge.结尾可以再升华一下

文章观点清晰，层层递进，例子丰富，语言得体。
建议在例子选取上再商榷一下:)
写得很好，加油！

zeelichUID: 2194744

呵呵，开始改错
第一句是说尽管教育是一个产生良好和均衡发展的人的过程
erudite 修改成savant
德国的例子再加上句他们的教育是balance education
Heinrich Schliemann的例子再多强调是他自学的成功
结尾段再写一写balance的好处

十分感谢二位的批评和指教啊~~~