Argument147 不到两周就考了,谢谢帮忙看看~有拍必复拍!!(附提纲)

carrot_jiayouUID: 2252594

147) 67. The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

偶的文章~
This plausible editorial draws a conclusion that the sales of Whirlwind(W) video games are about to increase dramatically by the support of the survey and the advertising campaign they conducted. This argument suffers from a series of fallacies, which renders it unpersuasive as it stands.

When it is true that the most important feature in a video game is lifelike graphics as the survey provides, the author cannot conclude that such kinds of games W developed will be welcomed by video games players for the following two reasons. 1)The most important feature is not the only important feature. People judge a video game also by its audio effect, characters in the games, fierceness of fighting or the origin of the story, etc. Not all players decide to play a video game just because it has a "so-called" the most important feature--lifelike graphics. 2)What are such games W developed like? The editorial provides no efficient evidence that W is advanced in producing lifelike graphics video games and we do not know exactly what are such games W developed like. We cannot see the confidence that they can draw popular attention. Moreover without how the survey conducted-whether the sample is representative and whether the size of the sample is significant, we cannot convince that the conclusion is reliable.

In a second place, though the advertising campaign is directed as people 10 to 25 years old , which is the group most likely to play video games, and is extensive, it is ineffective in many aspects. In this information era, ads through all sorts of media are everywhere. Towards that, audiences are more intelligent and calm, in stead of making decision all follow the advertisement suggested. Even the extensive advertising strategy works, maybe people 10 to 25 years old are eager to get W video games as the ads calls for, it is also likely that they do not have the right to purchase that kinds of video games. They are too young to decide what to buy, meantime their parents, who have the right, are not pay attention to the advertisement for they are not the aimed audience. Even the advertising is so extensive that their parents are familiar to the W video games, if the games are expensive or full of depression, blood, terrorism, or sex, they inevitably do not buy them for formation of their children's good behavior.

If we concede the survey and the advertising campaign, the final conclusion that the sales of W video games will increase dramatically is still questionable. The sales have been in declined for over two years. An overall deflation in social economy or in video games industry are both responsible for the decline to some extent. If not W maybe has its own problem in produce, supply, sales or some other period in commerce. Without taking account these possibilities, the conclusion of the sales' reverse is unconvincing, let alone the hasty generalization of dramatic increase in the next few months.

Based on a better conducted survey and a more comprehensive advertising campaign, take account economic issues and judge its own problem objectively, the sales of W video games maybe become better.

147是通用题号,67是最新题目顺序中的题号,我标注一下~
算是写成型的第一篇吧,我也是学习了坛子里很多精华后才写的,我没考过托福啊什么的,语言上面确实很吃力,觉得很多词写着写着就不记得了...还有两周就考了,还没限时过~而且每天还要去实验室忙一天,(现在发了这帖就预备出去了,晚上要到6,7点才能回来继续练AW)GTER的日子都压力很大的,我也不罗嗦了,我对自己有信心,不求高分,但求在过程中更多地提升自己,不论英语能力还是分析能力,以及耐力和毅力,没有坚持怎能获得呢?
我知道自己语言不是很好,所以很刻意地追求逻辑性,不过怕自己想到的表述不好~就把我的提纲也附在下面,让大家看起来方便一点!

开头:尽量简练,给BODY留时间,参考了某位版主的模版,自己也修改了.
body1:针对调查,作者给的调查结果不可靠,1最重要的特征不是唯一的特征2W的这类游戏到底如何体现最重要特征我们并不知道.最后稍微提句调查本身样本可能无效.
body2:针对广告,广告不是人们选择的原因,即使是,10-25岁的年龄层不一定是购买者,其父母可能不知道这个广告(因其目标针对性),即使其父母都知道了,价格,游戏存在不良情节,其都会不买.
body3:针对"猛增",忽略社会和自身许多因素,反转都不能保证,何况猛增.
结尾:如果怎么样怎么样,销量还是可能好转的.

欢迎大家留链互拍!希望能被版版指点指点(blessing)~~HOHO...

[ 本帖最后由 carrot_jiayou 于 2007-7-21 22:11 编辑 ]