Argument53 <米国有米aefiter第10次作业>

aefiterUID: 2134740

TOPIC: ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
WORDS: 417          TIME: 0:26:00          DATE: 2007-1-19





The arguer's conclusion that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness are not supported by the arguments provided above; and the further extention of this conclusion that shyness during infancy will continue into later life commints the same mistake. Because all the information in this argument just points to the reality, the arguer mistakenly relates this to a certain kind of correlation, and by assumption without evidence, the arguer believes this correlation directly indicates the causal relationship between the melatonin and shyness, and the continuation of shyness into later life.

Firstly, the research objects, the twenty-five infants who showed signs of mild distress after they were exposed to some stimuli, may not be proper to this research. Although we know these infants did act abnormally compared with other children, this anomaly was not necessarily because of the time when they were conceived. Perhaps, these infants were not chosen randomly but rather collected from a certain organization that provides aid for shy children; and this alternative case will undermine the power of the correlation. As the arguer cannot account for the process of the selecting of those 25 infants, the further study of the study may not reflect the true circumstances.

In addition, even we assume those 25 infants are selected without artificial interference, the assertion that shyness of those children is the result of a time of improper conception is unfounded. The arguer still took the correlation as a necessary causal relation for granted. 25 infants is not a large enough sample to draw the suggested conclusion. Although there is information about the melatonin's effect to brain function, this information is not provided in details. If this effect of the hormone can only act on grown-ups brains, or their mothers of the 25 infants did not experience a decrease of daylight in autumn, as is assumed by the arguer, this argument is feckless to account for the reason of children's shyness.

Finally, extended conclusion that shyness caused in infancy by melatonin will continue into later life is subject to doubt. The arguer can only draw such conclusion when he assumes no other factors act to shy children caused by melatonin during their development of body and mind. However, this assume is not well supported by the arguer. Moreover, the evidence relying on teenagers' own identification as shy is unreliable. If their own identification of their own characters is influenced by their parents, or teachers, or their environment of lives, this identification will distort their real characters.

cckantUID: 2247822

The arguer's conclusion that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness are not supported by the arguments provided above; and the further extension of this conclusion that shyness during infancy will continue into later life commits the same mistake. Because all the information in this argument just points to the reality, the arguer mistakenly relates this to certain kind of correlation, and by assumption without evidence, the arguer believes this correlation directly indicates the causal relationship between the melatonin and shyness, and the continuation of shyness into later life. 首段不错

Firstly, the research objects, the twenty-five infants who showed signs of mild distress after they were exposed to some stimuli, may not be proper to this research. Although we know these infants did act abnormally compared with other children, this anomaly was not necessarily because of the time when they were conceived. Perhaps, these infants were not chosen randomly but rather collected from a certain organization that provides aid for shy children(后半句的臆测过于指定一个可能性比较小的事件，会破坏驳论的力度); and this alternative case will undermine the contingency of the correlation. As the arguer cannot account for the process of the selecting of those 25 infants, the study upon this set of sample may not reflect the true circumstances.

In addition, even we assume those 25 infants are selected randomly, the assertion that shyness of those children is the result of a specific time of conception(没有所谓的合适不合适的时间，只是怀孕的时间不一样在性格上有稍微的差别而已，improper的使用显得附加了一个主观态度) is unfounded. The arguer still took the correlation as a necessary causal relation for granted. 25 infants is not a large enough sample to draw the suggested conclusion. Although there is information about the melatonin's effect to brain function, this information is not provided in details. If this effect of the hormone can only act on grown-ups brains, or their mothers of the 25 infants did not experience a decrease of daylight in autumn(不可能吧，只要在地球上进化来的高等生物都会受到日照变化的影响吧), as is assumed by the arguer, this argument is feckless to account for the reason of children's shyness.
Finally, extended conclusion that shyness caused in infancy by melatonin will continue into later life is subject to doubt. The arguer can only draw such conclusion when he assumes no other factors act to shy children caused by melatonin during their physical and mental development. However, this assumption is not well supported by the arguer. Moreover, the evidence relying on teenagers' own identification as shy is unreliable. If their own identification of their own characters is influenced by their parents, or teachers, or their environment of lives, this identification may distort their real characters.

Summary comment:
1. 一个结尾总结段会使结构工整些
2. 第二个论据应该着重讲melatonin和shyness因果关系的缺失
3. 语言应力求直接简练，感觉一个自然段内的论述可以更加紧密的围绕该段中心句论述

[ 本帖最后由 cckant 于 2007-1-20 12:04 编辑 ]

aefiterUID: 2134740

感谢ls，很久没写了
共同进步
:handshake