ISSUE84 米国有米寒假小组28日第二次作业

cckantUID: 2247822

TOPIC: ISSUE94 - "Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study because acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way to become truly educated."
WORDS: 461          TIME: 0:47:02          DATE: 2007-1-28

Outline:
1, 在信息时代，多科目学习更为优越
2，多科目学习有益于创新＆critical thinking
3，现代社会里，要成为一个educated person, 理解这个世界，需要多样的知识

Should university require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's flied? On the ground that the knowledge profile needed nowadays calls for a wide range of knowledge and the competitiveness in the modern society demands the capability to readily adaptive in newly evolved information, I believe that require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study is a reasonable approach to educate.

To begin with, one should recognize that at the era of information technology, the bulk of information expands explosively, and knowledge evolves so rapidly that undergraduate study in one field is far from sufficient to one's career. However, this is no saying that students should solely concentrate in one field during their schooling. Instead, I argue that one should hence take a variety of courses rather than the students' majors. On one hand, since undergraduate study in one subject is far from enough for one's career, the number of course in the university seems to make no significant difference. On the other hand, taking variety courses prepares one to be adaptive to an unexplored area. More likely, one have taken courses in dramatically different disciplines is better to find their own way to study efficiently, which is essentially the ultimate goal of education.

Moreover, acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is constructive for fostering an innovative and critical mind. In the modern days, creativity and the ability to critical analyze are highly valued. Before the industrial revolution, when literacy rate was low and talented geniuses were infrequently found, knowledge propagation was relatively more important than extending the knowledge frontier, at least it is true for natural science. The modern world of academics does not worry a lot about the propagation of a shining idea, due to revolutionary progress in information technology and modern transportation. In this case, by mutually inspiring and innovative integrating among various academic disciplines, studying across fields is more instructive than what it was in the old time. An illustratable instance is that the most remarkable discovery and scientific advance in the past decades are from the derivative or integrated disciplines like biophysics and econometrics.

Finally, the complexity of the modern community requires that an educated citizen to possess a wide range of knowledge to understand their life. In a monarchy time, a common person does not need to choose their, leader, the kind, or he or she do not need to understand what impact of the incidence of thousand miles away, like Iraq War, would be to his or her life.

In sum, after considering the modern social environment of human being, I hold that letting the college students merely concentrate in a single field for years is not an advisable arrangement.   

似乎文首和后面的论据没有对应得很好，后面几乎没有在adpatability to new info & konwledge的层面展开     

[ 本帖最后由 cckant 于 2007-1-28 17:46 编辑 ]

ntmlgszUID: 2235666

Outline:
1,在信息时代，多科目学习更为优越2，多科目学习有益于创新＆critical thinking
3，现代社会里，要成为一个educated person, 理解这个世界，需要多样的知识
你的帖子的标题的题号弄错了，改下吧

   

Should university require every student to take a variety of coursesoutside the student's flied? On the ground that the knowledge profile needednowadays calls for a wide range of knowledge and the competitiveness [竞争性？应该是竞争意识吧，用词准确点好] in the modernsociety demands the capability to [+be] readily adaptive in newly evolvedinformation, I believe that require [+ing] every student to take a variety of coursesoutside the student's field of study is a reasonable approach to educate.
      
Tobegin with, one should recognize that at the era of informationtechnology,[查下字典吧，有没有这样的连接词] the bulk ofinformation expands explosively, and knowledge evolves[进化不太准确用accumulate吧] so rapidlythat undergraduate study in one field is far fromsufficient to one's career. [这两个句子之间是转折关系吗？] However, this is no saying that students should solelyconcentrate in [on]one field during their schooling. Instead, I argue that one should hence take avariety of courses rather than the students' majors.[这句话的出现导致however的那句话显得多余] On one hand,since undergraduate study in one subject is far fromenough for one's career, the number of course [复数] in theuniversity seems to make no significant difference.[因果关系有问题] On the otherhand, taking variety [这个是名词]coursesprepares one to be adaptive to an unexplored area.[拿个例子说明下你说这句话的理由吧] More likely,one have taken courses in dramatically different disciplines is better to findtheir own way to study efficiently, which is essentially the ultimate goal ofeducation.[为什么能使之有效的学习呢]

[本段缺乏论证，给出的观点都不具有说服性，句子之间缺乏严密性，绿色的2个句子重复]
     
Moreover,acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is constructive forfostering an innovative and critical mind. In the modern days, creativity andthe ability to critical analyze [analysis] are highly valued. Before the industrialrevolution, when literacy rate was low and talented geniuses were infrequently found, knowledgepropagation was relatively more important than extending the knowledgefrontier, at least it is true for natural science.[灿烂的古希腊文明和巴比伦文明，以及后来的文艺复兴，怎么能说天赋的人少，文学水平低呢？] The modernworld of academics does not worry a lot about the propagation of a shiningidea, due to revolutionary progress in information technology and moderntransportation. In this case, by mutually inspiring and innovative integratingamong various academic disciplines, studying across fields is more instructivethan what it was in the old time. An illustratable instance is that the mostremarkable discovery and scientific advance in the pastdecades are from the derivative or integrated disciplines like biophysics andeconometrics.[过于狭隘，应该用伟大的20世纪的发展来说明更好]

[本段论证虽然不错，但是和你的主题句以及提纲脱离，使得论证没有了方向，得不到原有的作用]
   
Finally,the complexity of the modern community requires that an educated citizen topossess a wide range of knowledge to understand theirlife.[掌握大量知识去理解他们的生活？句子逻辑有问题] In amonarchy time, a common person does not need to choose their, leader, the kind,or he or she do not need to understand what impact of the incidence of thousandmiles away, like Iraq War, would be to his or her life.[后面呢？没有下文了]

   

Insum, after considering the modern social environment of human being,[建议这里不要概括的说最好和前面的论证主题联系起来] I hold thatletting the college students merely concentrate in [on] a single field for years is not an advisablearrangement.  [最后的总结并没有突出首段的主题，并且我建议在这里对其做一些补充使得看问题更全面]

   
总评：说实话，改这骗文章真的好费力啊~~呵呵

首先看问题缺乏深度和全面性，这样就不能有6分，其次，没有充分有力的论证和紧密的连接这也不能得5分，外加上用词不大准确和一些语法错误，使得这篇文章没有了竞争力，仔细总结下吧！继续努力~~加油啊