issue185 [米国有米]1.31关于丑闻

绚烂夏花UID: 2245298

Issue185
"Scandal-whether in politics, academia, or other areas--can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."

In order to decide whether scandal is useful or not we have to take a all-around view of its impacts on individuals as well as our society. Under difference circumstances (time, place and fields), the influences may very. In some certain fields, say politics, academia and business, scandals serve as sunlight radiated into the darkness and sometimes bring transformations. Nevertheless, in other fields such as entertainment, scandals, which tend to be appealing though, usually brings no actual benefits to the world but distracting people's attention from crucial and pressing problems instead.

Scandals peel the gorgeous dressing from the dissemblers and forgers. In the field of politics, scandals reveal the truth of some political events hidden from the public. From the Chinese officer corruption to Taiwan's general election scandal, from the Watergate incident to the event of atomic and biochemical weapon in Iraq, the public never fail to find how they are fooled or preached by the politicians. And presently, following the scandals usually goes demonstration calling for reform and transparence. In the field of academia which is thought to be and expected to be the Pure Land , scandals  ,once exposed, are always sensations that shock the  world. Take the example of Korean's Dr. Hwang’s clone fabrication incident. When the real truth was uncovered, the public was shock and academia immediately became much more cautious in examining papers and offering degrees. As a consequence, the academic atmosphere gets purified to a certain extent. When it comes to scandals in the field of business, the collapsing of the respected company Enron quickly comes into my mind. The sequence of the scandal was a critical warning of problems already exists in the fiscal mechanism, the stock market operation and the political system. From then on , the public becomes more critical about the running efficiency of companies and the credibility of the financial report provided by them. Therefore, scandals in fields of politics, academia and business do good the whole benefit of our society.

Nevertheless, scandals revealed in the world of entertainment tend to be counterproductive, generally speaking. Remember the death of Diana Princess? Scandal came into being when the seriously hurt Princess was not sent to hospital in time because paparazzi present were busy taking photos which meant thousands of pounds. Even some scandals are specially made by companies or media to bring fame to some stars while increasing the profits. In my observation, some outdated stars make use of scandals to attract the focus of the messes. Worse still, this kind of scandals usually seems appealing thus causing neglect towards the ingrained and pressing social problems say the African famine and AIDS.

To sum up, from whatever aspects we regard this assertion, though the scandals in some fields can be useful to certain extent for the advancement of the society, nonetheless, it may be counterproductive in some other fields. Therefore, it is indispensable as well as salutary to take an object attitude towards scandals.

[ 本帖最后由 绚烂夏花 于 2007-2-1 09:42 编辑 ]

ntmlgszUID: 2235666

Issue185
"Scandal-whether in politics, academia, or other areas--can be useful.They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer evercould."
         
In order to decide whether scandal is useful or not we have to take aall-around view of its impacts on individuals as well as our society. Under difference [different]circumstances (time, place and fields), the influences may very [be various]. Insome certain fields, say politics, academia and business, scandals serve as sunlight radiated into the darkness [像射入黑暗的阳光？比喻不太恰当吧比喻应该突出丑闻的影响力和发掘性] and sometimes bringtransformations. Nevertheless, in other fields such as entertainment, scandals,which tend to be appealing though, usually brings no actual benefits to theworld but distracting people's attention from crucial and pressing problemsinstead.[观点不错]
   
Scandals peel the gorgeous dressing from the dissemblers and forgers.[拨去伪善的华丽外衣，不推荐这样的比喻，过于晦涩] In the field ofpolitics, scandals reveal the truth of some political events hidden from thepublic. From the Chinese officer [名词所有格] corruption to Taiwan'sgeneral election scandal, from the Watergate incident to the event of atomic and biochemical weapon in Iraq [美国伪造这样事实的丑闻吧], the public never failto find how they are fooled or preached by the politicians. And presently,following the scandals usually goes demonstration calling for reform andtransparence. In the field of academia which is thought to be and expected tobe the Pure Land , scandals  ,once exposed, are always sensations thatshock the  world. Take the example of Korean's Dr. Hwang’s clonefabrication incident. When the real truth was uncovered, the public was shockand academia immediately became much more cautious in examining papers andoffering degrees. As a consequence, the academic atmosphere gets purified to acertain extent. When it comes to scandals in the field of business, thecollapsing of the respected company Enron quickly comes into my mind. Thesequence of the scandal was a critical warning of problems already exists in thefiscal mechanism, the stock market operation and the political system. Fromthen on , the public becomes more critical about the running efficiency ofcompanies and the credibility of the financial report provided by them.Therefore, scandals in fields of politics, academia and business do good thewhole benefit of our society.[能解释下这里的搭配用法吗？偶不明白]
[本段论证相当出色，考虑三个方面，看问题周全]
  
Nevertheless, scandals revealed in the world of entertainment tend to becounterproductive, generally speaking [放前面吧]. Remember the death of Diana Princess? Scandal came into being whenthe seriously hurt Princess was not sent to hospital in time because paparazzipresent were busy taking photos which meant thousands of pounds.[这个例子值得借鉴，不过貌似和娱乐界丑闻没什么关系] Even some scandals arespecially made by companies or media to bring fame to some stars whileincreasing the profits. In my observation, some outdated stars make use ofscandals to attract the focus of the messes [masses]. Worse still, this kind of scandals usuallyseems appealing thus causing neglect towards the ingrained and pressing socialproblems say the African famine and AIDS. [后面最好来个总结，本段论证相对于上段有些不平衡，中间有些部分还应该详细展开来说]
  
To sum up, from whatever aspects we regard this assertion, though the scandalsin some fields can be useful to [+a] certainextent for the advancement of the society, nonetheless, it may becounterproductive in some other fields. Therefore, it is indispensable as wellas salutary to take an object attitude towards scandals.
总评：全文语言上不错行文流畅，看问题全面，论证段第2段不够充分。全文其实写的很好啊。补充一点老美比较喜欢5段，最好再深入些，这样可以补充一段。

绚烂夏花UID: 2245298

多谢批改啊！

前面应该是do good "to" the whole benefit of our society。漏掉介词了：p

绚烂夏花UID: 2245298

Issue185
"Scandal-whether in politics, academia, or other areas--can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."
提纲
1，论点，丑闻在政治学术商业领域有积极的作用，但是在娱乐领域却不是
2，分别叙述丑闻在学术学术商业三个领域的作用
3，娱乐界的丑闻的不利影响
4，总结
Before deciding whether scandal is useful or not we have to, firstly, take an all-around view of its impacts on individuals as well as on our society. Under different circumstances—that is various fields, time and places--the influences of scandal may vary. In some certain fields, say politics, academia and business, scandals usually serve as sunlight radiating into the dark side of the world, rendering the public as well as the government to take actions, which even brings transformations. Nevertheless, in other fields such as entertainment, scandals, which tend to be appealing though, usually brings no actual benefits to the well-being of the society, but distracting people's attention from crucial and pressing problems instead.

Scandals peel the gorgeous dressing from the dissemblers and forgers. In the field of politics, scandals can, to some extent, reveal some political problems kept back from the public, which, if neglected, could trigger great loss to the civilization and the democracy. From the Chinese officers’ corruption to Taiwan's general election scandal, from the Watergate Affair to sexual scandal of President Clinton, the public never fail to find how they are fooled or preached by the politicians. And consequently following the scandals usually goes demonstration calling for reform and transparence of the government or the administration, which, to some extent, improves the political system. In the field of academia as is thought to be and expected to be the Pure Land , scandals, once exposed, are always sensations that shock the whole world. Take the example of Korean's Dr. Hwang’s clone fabrication affair as an example. When the real truth was uncovered, the public was stunned and academia immediately became much more cautious and serious in examining papers and offering degrees. As a result, the academic atmosphere gets more or less purified. When it comes to scandals in the field of business, the collapsing of the respected company Enron quickly comes into my mind. The sequence of the scandal was a sudden aware of problems already existing in the fiscal mechanism, the stock market operation and the political system. After the Enron Affair, the public becomes more critical about the running efficiency of companies and the credibility of the financial report provided by them. Under these circumstances, scandals in fields of politics, academia and business do good the whole well-being of our society.

Nevertheless, scandals revealed in the world of entertainment, generally speaking, tend to be of little use, if not counterproductive. Scandals satisfy the curiosity of the public about the private lives of those celebrities. Undue emphasis on scandals for entertainment, other essential problems calling for profound attention may be obscured. Remember the death of Diana Princess? Scandal came into being when the seriously hurt Princess was not sent to hospital in time because paparazzi present were busy taking photos which meant thousands of pounds. Numerous people remember the affaires of Diana, but few can tell what commonweal Diana was devoted to throughout her life. In addition, some scandals, in fact, are specially made by companies of entertainment--to bring fame and focus to some stars are less popular, or by some media--for profit. The more attention is paid to such scandals for entertainment, the less attention is devoted to curial social problems such as African Famine and AIDS. From this point of view, scandals in the fields of entertainment, appealing as they may be, usually distract the public’s attention towards serious social problems, thus hampering the progress of the world.

To sum up, scandal as a whole is a two edged sward, which plays an indispensable role in the social life. It draws attention from the public and the government, but whether its influence is positive or negative depends on different circumstances.
In fields such as politics, academia and business, scandals tend to draw the public’s attention to supervise and regulate the behaviors of the government, individuals and companies, which may do good to guarantee a favorite social environment and healthy development. However in the field of entertainment, scandals draws undue emphasis on the private lives of the celebrities, which distracts people’s attention toward significant social problems.

expire7UID: 2160574

Issue185
"Scandal-whether in politics, academia, or other areas--can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."
提纲
1，论点，丑闻在政治学术商业领域有积极的作用，但是在娱乐领域却不是
2，分别叙述丑闻在学术学术商业三个领域的作用
3，娱乐界的丑闻的不利影响
4，总结
Before deciding whether scandal is useful or not we have to, firstly, take an all-around view of its impacts on individuals as well as on our society. Under different circumstances—that is (are) various fields, time and places--the influences of scandal may vary. In some certain (some 和certain取其一即可) fields, say politics, academia and business, scandals usually serve as sunlight radiating into the dark side of the world, rendering the public as well as (as well as重复。你的开头段本来就不短了，单词最好不要都使用同等意思下长的那种。) the government to take actions, which even brings transformations (前半句都提到是政治，学术和商业领域。后半句只有政府。不协调，加入for example等类似引导后半句). Nevertheless, in other fields such as entertainment, scandals, which tend to be appealing though, usually brings no actual benefits to the well-being of the society, but distracting ( 这个谓动和pressing都是和bring并列吧，语法错误) people's attention from crucial and pressing problems instead.
经过重新改写的第一段从切合题意、陈述和展开个人观点上面都做得不错了。可惜语法错误让第一段失去不少亮色，同时注意上下句，前后文的对应。这是大家都容易犯的问题。毕竟600字的文章，大家刚开始驾驭不一定能够总是保持考虑周全的。


Scandals peel the gorgeous dressing from the dissemblers and forgers (不错的开头TS). In the field of politics, scandals can, to some extent, reveal some political problems kept back (hidden) from the public, which, if neglected, could trigger great loss to the civilization and the democracy. From the Chinese officers’ corruption to Taiwan's general election scandal, from the Watergate Affair to sexual scandal of President Clinton, the public never fail to find how they are fooled or preached by the politicians (never fail不太懂这个意思。似乎这句话和TS，题目有点无关。). And consequently (consequently和and用一个吧) following the scandals usually goes demonstration calling for reform and transparence of the government or the administration, which, to some extent, improves the political system. In the field of academia as (少个主语？要不is也省去) is thought to be and expected to be the Pure Land , scandals, once exposed, are always sensations that shock the whole world. Take the example of Korean's Dr. Hwang’s clone fabrication affair as an example. When the real truth was uncovered, the public was stunned and academia immediately became much more cautious and serious in examining papers and offering degrees. As a result, the academic atmosphere gets more or less purified. When it comes to scandals in the field of business, the collapsing of the respected company Enron quickly comes into my mind. The sequence of the scandal was a sudden aware of problems already existing in the fiscal mechanism, the stock market operation and the political system. After the Enron Affair, the public becomes more critical about the running efficiency of companies and the credibility of the financial report provided by them. Under these circumstances, scandals in fields of politics, academia and business do good (well in) the whole well-being of our society.

没什么大问题的一段，唯一可说的是例子几乎没有分析，都是举例，略微遗憾。


Nevertheless, scandals revealed in the world of entertainment, generally speaking, tend to be of little use, if not counterproductive (这半句有点画蛇添足之感，也许我没理解对你的意思。). Scandals satisfy the curiosity of the public about the private lives of those celebrities. Undue emphasis on scandals for entertainment, other essential problems calling for profound attention may be obscured. Remember the death of Diana Princess? Scandal came into being when the seriously hurt Princess was not sent to hospital in time because paparazzi present were busy taking photos which meant thousands of pounds. Numerous people remember the affaires of Diana, but few can tell what commonweal (写错了吧？) Diana was devoted to throughout her life (这里感觉写出来与上下文联系不好。). In addition, some scandals, in fact, are specially made by companies of entertainment--to bring fame and focus to some stars are less popular, or by some media--for profit. The more attention is paid to such scandals for entertainment, the less attention is devoted to curial social problems such as African Famine and AIDS. From this point of view, scandals in the fields of entertainment, appealing as they may be, usually distract the public’s attention towards serious social problems, thus hampering the progress of the world (too。为何要加入too?前半段写的Diana似乎与这里的结论无关。如果最后一句作为全段小结，肯定不合适。不过如果作为和Diana的事件互相作为两个方面就比较合适。不过，你没有总结出Diana那种类型是什么？从这段来说，条理不够清楚。即使使用这两个例子，换一下组织方式也会好一点。总说，丑闻在娱乐界不是好事。然后，分说它让大家把注意力放在了一些相对来说不重要的事上面。举例，Diana，丑闻大于生命。而且这种事情越演越烈。举例，公司用丑闻谋取过期明星的名气，报社花费重金获取丑闻，人们茶余饭后都热衷于丑闻。时间都用于了丑闻，相反那些需要大家关注的，比如说AIDS缺失去了大众的关心。最后，小结本段。ISSUE的简单段落写作方式就是TS————展开————举例————小结).


To sum up, scandal (缺少冠词) as a whole is a two edged sward(two-edged sword), which plays an indispensable (不可取代？这个单词的词性十分重，小心使用。比important,甚至essential都强多。) role in the social life. It draws attention from the public and the government, but whether its influence is positive or negative depends on different circumstances. In fields such as politics, academia and business, scandals tend to draw (可以用attract替代) the public’s attention to supervise and regulate the behaviors of the government, individuals and companies, which may do good to guarantee a favorite social environment and healthy development. However (加个逗号) in the field of entertainment, scandals draws (draw) undue emphasis on the private lives of the celebrities, which distracts (distract) people’s attention toward significant social problems. (单词重复使用率比较高，尽量避免吧。不过这个都是小毛病，甚至是严要求了。)

1.      语法，特别是主谓单复错误比较多。严重注意的问题。
2.      组织，还要小心。这个容易犯。特别是长文的驾驭能力。
3.      句子和词汇使用都不错了。单词尽量再换着用一下就更好。
4.      不错的写作能力。

十分抱歉，我始终不能加入颜色。你将就一点看了。加油！

[ 本帖最后由 expire7 于 2007-2-13 22:51 编辑 ]

绚烂夏花UID: 2245298

多谢点评！
学到很多~我会在修改的！：）

绚烂夏花UID: 2245298

Issue185
"Scandal-whether in politics, academia, or other areas--can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."
提纲
1，论点，丑闻在政治学术商业领域有积极的作用，但是在娱乐领域却不是
2，分别叙述丑闻在学术商业三个领域的作用
3，娱乐界的丑闻的不利影响
4，总结
Before deciding whether scandal is useful or not we have to, firstly, take an all-around view of its impacts on individuals as well as on our society. Under different circumstances—that are various fields, time and places--the influences of scandal may vary. In certain fields, say politics, academia and business, scandals usually serve as sunlight radiating into the dark side of the world, rendering people related to take actions for a change or even reform. Nevertheless, in other fields such as entertainment, scandals, appealing though, usually brings no actual benefits to the well-being of the society, but distracts people's attention from crucial and pressing problems instead.

Scandals peel the gorgeous dressing from the dissemblers and forgers. In the field of politics, scandals can, to some extent, reveal some political problems hidden from the public, which, if neglected, could trigger great loss to the civilization and the democracy. But for scandals from the Chinese officers’ corruption to Taiwan's general election scandal, from the Watergate Affair to sexual scandal of President Clinton, the public would have never realized how their rights and interests are violated. Consequently, following the scandals usually goes demonstrations requiring reform and transparence of the government or the administration, which, to some extent, help to improve the political system. In the field of academia regarded to be and expected to be the Pure Land , scandals, once exposed, are always sensations that shock the whole world. When the candal of Korean's Dr. Hwang’s clone fabrication affair came to the spotlight, the public was stunned and academia immediately takes measures to be much more cautious and serious in examining papers and offering degrees. Hence the academic atmosphere gets more or less purified. When it comes to scandals in the field of business, the collapse of the respected company Enron quickly comes into my mind. The sequence of the scandal was a sudden aware of problems already existing in the fiscal mechanism, the stock market operation and the political system. With the lesson of Enron Affair, the public becomes more critical about the running efficiency of companies and the credibility of the financial report provided by them. In a word, under circumstances mentioned above, scandals in fields of politics, academia and business bring positive effect to the whole well-being of our society.

Nevertheless, scandals revealed in the world of entertainment, generally speaking, tend to be of little use, if not counterproductive. Admittedly, it is human nature to be curious about other people especially the celebrities. However, undue emphasis on scandals for entertainment may obscure the significance and urgency of other social problems. Sometime, the media may be so eager to make profits by satisfying the public’s curiosity about celebrities that life has to give way to scandal. Remember the death of Diana Princess? The seriously hurt Princess was not sent to hospital in time because paparazzi present were busy taking photos which meant thousands of pounds. Scandals attract eyes. They are so widespread that companies and media sometimes take advantage of them. Companies use scandals to bring fame and focus to the stars that are no longer popular. And media, for a good selling of their newspapers and magazines. With more and more gossips haunting in mind, people become less and less concerned on serious social problems hampering the well-being of the society. While numerous people remember the affaires of Diana, few can tell the social problems Diana was devoted to throughout her life. And the African famine, AIDS-spread and drug-abuse, unfortunately, would have their urgency faded when confronted with scandals about a famous pop star. Hence, sandals in the field of entertainment tend to have negative influence to the progress of the society.

To sum up, scandal as a whole is a two-edged sward, which has been playing an important role in the social life. It draws attention from the public and the government, but whether its influence is positive or negative depends on different circumstances. In fields such as politics, academia and business, scandals tend to attract the mass’s attention to supervise and regulate the behaviors of the government, individuals and companies, doing good to guarantee a favorite social environment and healthy development. However, in the field of entertainment, scandals draw undue emphasis on the private lives of celebrities, which distract people’s attention toward significant social problems.