issue10 10G，现在才第一篇i。有拍定回

tangentUID: 209829

Issue10: "Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated." 回拍请给链接。

正文：
With the development of industry, the cities collected major of a national polity, economy, population, and media. People life in a information world; movie, music, art, novel, all being called culture highly roused in cities. Billions money supporter by government invested in every aspect of the city to thrive it. Walking among the skyscrapers, shamed by ad's light, one can quest himself/herself that: are those our cultural tradition of country?

In a rural area, such as a little village, patients get together to drink and talk. Native dances, which inherited from ancestor, are frequency hold especially in festival and wedding. Folk song and art, custom, food, all this would not attract attention and headed in newspaper, but they are truly our traditional culture, a historic heritage prevailed hundreds years and a reflecting of country civilization. In the contrast, culture in cities are a kind of culture which generated with the development of city after industrial revolution but instable and switch quickly; it was influenced badly by war, such as first and second world war, Vietnam war and economy, either thrived or depression. We can concluded that the culture generated and preserved in rural area indicates the original spirit and soul in a country.

However, the poverty of the rural area prevents its development and its culture is also in danger.  Contrast to the city that lots of cultural patrons and foundations, the culture in rural region had nobody care about. A statistical data show that in all of the financial support in culture, 95 percent of it invested in cities and only 5 percent in rural area. As we discussed above, significantly increased the financial support on the rural region's culture is necessary.

Admittedly, most of the populations of a country live in the cities so, how to thrive the culture in cities and alleviate the conflict between this two cultures even confluence is still unsolved. Suffered from tight schedule and living in limited apartment, residents in cities interest  sense-exciting culture, such as KongFu movie, impressionism's art and Rock Roll music, which is total different from the rural region's residents who idly live in broad farm, preferring jazz and landscape. So was the cause that generated the difference between two cultures. Keeping the balance of two cultures' development is the base of confluence, and either one thriving but another languishing will aggravate conflict.

A country losing his tradition will also loss his spirit , soul and history, so preserving the rural region's culture, which generate the original culture of a country, will benefit his culture thrive as a whole and guide them in the globalizing time. Government should ensure that the financial support invest on rural area's culture as well as on cities' culture.  Only the balance between two cultures will thrive a country's culture.

总共用了约两个多小时，465个字
回拍请给链接。

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-6-29 at 01:13 ]

tangentUID: 209829

惨了，水平太差

小玩UID: 2111777

Originally posted by tangent at 2005-6-28 18:01
惨了，水平太差

战友，不要妄自菲薄啊～

你先主动去改改别人的，把你的链接留下，别人自然就来改你的了啊～

偶当一回好人，帮你改改吧，一会贴上来:)

zmmaryUID: 2105117

issue10 10G，现在才第一篇i。有拍定回

Issue10: "Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated." 回拍请给链接。

正文：
With the development of industry, the cities collected major用most表达是否好一点, 不过总还是觉得这个句子有些别扭 of a national polity, economy, population, and media. People lifelive in aan information world; movie, music, art, novel, all being called别扭 culture highly roused in cities. Billions money supporter by government invested in every aspect of the city to thrive it. Billions of money from government are invested in every aspect of the city to thrive it.Walking amongbetween the skyscrapers, shamed这个词好像不大好 by ad's light, one can quest himself/herself that: are those our cultural tradition of country?are those the cultural traditions of our country?总觉得这个开头回应得有点偏，把你的观点“亮”出来啊

In a rural area, such as a little village, patients不是这个吧，那个表示farmers的词我一时想不起来了 get together to drink and talk. Native dances, which are inherited from ancestor, are frequency frequently hold especially in festival and wedding. Folk song and art, custom, food, all this these would not attract attention and be headed in newspaper, but they are truly our traditional culture, a historic heritage prevailed hundreds years and a reflecting of country civilization.呜呜，我改不下去了，楼主有没有检查自己的文章，能不能自己看一遍我再来改啊。。。。。。从楼主的语句中大致可以感觉那些弱智的错误楼主是不应该泛的 In the contrast, culture in cities are a kind of culture which generated with the development of city after industrial revolution but instable and switch quickly; it was influenced badly by war, such as first and second world war, Vietnam war and economy, either thrived or depression. We can concluded that the culture generated and preserved in rural area indicates the original spirit and soul in a country.

However, the poverty of the rural area prevents its development and its culture is also in danger.  Contrast to the city that lots of cultural patrons and foundations, the culture in rural region had nobody care about. A statistical data show that in all of the financial support in culture, 95 percent of it invested in cities and only 5 percent in rural area. As we discussed above, significantly increased the financial support on the rural region's culture is necessary.

Admittedly, most of the populations of a country live in the cities so, how to thrive the culture in cities and alleviate the conflict between this two cultures even confluence is still unsolved. Suffered from tight schedule and living in limited apartment, residents in cities interest  sense-exciting culture, such as KongFu movie, impressionism's art and Rock Roll music, which is total different from the rural region's residents who idly live in broad farm, preferring jazz and landscape. So was the cause that generated the difference between two cultures. Keeping the balance of two cultures' development is the base of confluence, and either one thriving but another languishing will aggravate conflict.

A country losing his tradition will also loss his spirit , soul and history, so preserving the rural region's culture, which generate the original culture of a country, will benefit his culture thrive as a whole and guide them in the globalizing time. Government should ensure that the financial support invest on rural area's culture as well as on cities' culture.  Only the balance between two cultures will thrive a country's culture.

tangentUID: 209829

有那么糟糕吗？那也好， 可以置顶了，呵呵
超级难改的作文！

11yvetteUID: 2102418

Issue10: "Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated."

正文:
With the development of industry, the cities collected major of a national polity, economy, population, and media. People life (live) in a (an) information world; movie (Movie) , music, art, (and) novel,(----) all being called culture highly (是不是用intensively比较好~) roused in cities. Billions money supporter (这三个词之间用hyphen连接可能让人更易读一些吧Billion-money-supporter) by government invested in every aspect of the city to thrive it (这里这个it的指代我不是很明白,可以直接用to thrive省略it吗?) . Walking among the skyscrapers, shamed (原意的确是想表达"耻于"这个含义吗?@_@) by ad's light (用neon light如何?) , one can quest himself/herself that: are those our cultural tradition of country?

In a rural area, such as a little village, patients (peasants?) get together to drink and talk. Native dances, which inherited from ancestor, are frequency (frequently) hold especially in festival and wedding. Folk song (既然前面"Native dances"为复数,这里最好也统一"Folk songs") and art, custom, food, all this (these) would not attract attention and headed (would not be attracted or headed) in newspaper, but they are truly our traditional culture, a historic heritage prevailed hundreds years and a reflecting of country civilization. In the contrast, culture in cities are a (用some如何?表示某一种) kind of culture which generated with the development of city after industrial revolution but instable and switch quickly; it was influenced badly by war, such as first and second world war, Vietnam war and economy, either thrived or depression (depressed,与thrived一致). We can concluded (conclude) that the culture generated and preserved in rural area indicates the original spirit and soul in a country.

However, the poverty of the rural area prevents its development and its culture is also in danger (However, it is also in danger that the poverty in the rural area prevents its development and its culture ) .  Contrast (Contrasting) to the city that lots of cultural patrons and foundations (Where lots of cultural patrons and foundations exsist) , the culture in rural region had nobody care about (has been cared about by nobody) . A statistical data (data 本身就是复数,不用冠词a) show that in all of (这里的of可以省略) the financial support in culture, 95 percent of it (也可用which替代it) invested in cities and (可用while,突出一下对比) only 5 percent in rural area. As we discussed above, significantly increased (significant increasing of) the financial support on the rural region's culture is necessary(也可用urgent,表示急需).

Admittedly, most of the populations (对于population的单复数,我也还不是很明白,这里可以探讨啊~~) of a country live (但是population是不用live的啊,因为population不是人,所以前面的populations可以替换为citizens) in the cities so, how to thrive the culture in cities and alleviate the conflict between this (these) two cultures even confluence is still unsolved (so, how to thrive the culture in cities and alleviate the conflict between these two cultures even confluence is a problem that still unsolved). Suffered from tight schedule and living in limited apartment (limited life space如何?) , residents in cities interest (interest in) sense-exciting culture, such as KongFu movie, impressionism's art (impressionism paintings) and Rock Roll (rock and roll) music, which is (are) total (totally) different from the rural region's residents who idly live in broad farm(farms) , preferring jazz and landscape. So was the cause that generated the difference between two cultures. Keeping the balance of two cultures' development is the base of confluence, and either one thriving but another languishing will aggravate conflict (这后半句的意思不是很明晰啊,是不是说一方面大力发展而另一方面缺少投入会加重冲突,如果是这个意思,那和前半句没有"and"的关系啊,这句话还得推敲).

A country losing his tradition will also loss his spirit , soul and history, so preserving the rural region's culture, which generate the original culture of a country, will benefit his culture thrive as a whole and guide them in (into) the globalizing time(作"时代"解吗?用times吧) . Government should ensure that the financial support invest on rural area's culture as well as on cities' culture (此处的"culture"也可以省略) .  Only the balance between two cultures will thrive a country's culture.

全文的结构和逻辑都还是挺好的,最好在首段给出全文的TS,虽然最后总结的时候提到,但毕竟阅卷人是从头读到尾的,首段给出明确的立场有助于他们更好地理解全文.

还有一个问题,全文的单复数最好由始至终都一致,如"rural area"和"city",一开始用单数,就一直用到最后,千万不要开始单数,写着写着就成复数了~~

如果有什么问题,还可以一起探讨^_^:handshake