Issue154 继续努力中,求拍!必回!

小猫儿UID: 2297873

TOPIC: ISSUE154 - "Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."
WORDS: 651          TIME: 0:43:13          DATE: 2007-3-8

When parents and communities have been used to leave children in schools to receive normal education, there is much doubt whether leave the children with schools and teachers alone is actually helpful for the development of children.

Fundamentally, education is necessary for every human being's normal grow, which is just like to paint in a vacant paper. When we fist open our eyes and give out first cry, we have no knowledge either of attractive scientific marvels or of necessary ethics we should obtain. As we grow up day by day, we get to understand the friendliness to people as well as correct controlling of varies of machines, all of which is obtained during the accept of education.

As is known to all, teachers are professors in educating children because they have received professional training about this. Great teachers tend to bring about preeminent students. The outstanding philosophy Plato, who is a student of Socrates, as excellent as Plato, is regarded as the father of the western philosophy. His idea that all special things have the same substance which is called by him as generalization in them is inherited from similar ideas of Socrates. Teachers have much deeper knowledge than the common people, which is large enough for them to teach students. What is more, it is teachers who have taken training lessons that have the ability and skills to implant their knowledge into the brain of their students. Teachers, eulogized as the mental doctors, are professors in area of teaching, which can not be acquired by common parents or communities.

However, merely leaving children with teachers is far away from enough for the normal grow of children. A teacher, who is frequently ordered to educate tens of children at one time, can not reach deep understanding of every student, which can cumber the normal development of the children. On the other hand, parents can do quite well in this respect. The predominant physical  scientist Einstein is overlooked as an idiot by his teacher in his childhood because of the teacher's neglect of his special potential. It is so dangerous when we imagine that if little Einstein felt upset by his teacher's critics and thus also considered himself as a fool he would never have been the one who were awarded for the twenty-third Nobel Prize as his discovery of the photoemission. Such neglect can not be avoided since the teachers face tens of students every day. Parents, who mostly have only one or two children to care for, has much more time and energy than teachers and can gained far deeper understanding of their children about what is the actual  interests of their children. Children can received more support when people who most comprehend them spend more energy and time on them.

In addition, the whole society also has its merits to make every effort to create excellent environment for helping the development of children. In many countries of the Europe, the whole society provides as much convenience for children as they can. For example, all museums are open to students for free. When taking human physiology lessons, students can visit museums to see manikins as well as listening to teacher's explanations of humans' varieties of organs and tissues, which not only renders the lessons more attractive and interesting, the students also get more expressive knowledge in their minds. So far, more and more countries have called for attention of the whole society to create more helpful environment for the development of the children, who are the future of any nation.

To sum up, parents and communities should be as much involved as they can when considering the full-scale development of children aside from common education at schools. Parents should be more concerned to their children instead of leaving them merely with teachers. The governments can also help a lot by creating more helpful environment for the development of children.

iq28UID: 2152875

When parents and communities have been used to leave children in schools to receive normal education, there is much doubt whether leave the children with schools (这么临近出现同样的话不是很好呵呵) and teachers alone is actually helpful for the development of children. (单薄了一点~最好可以给出你的立场)

Fundamentally, education is necessary for every human being's normal grow, which is just like to paint in a vacant paper. When we fist open our eyes and give out first cry, we have no knowledge either of attractive scientific marvels or of necessary ethics we should obtain. As we grow up day by day, we get to understand the friendliness to people as well as correct controlling of varies of machines, all of which is obtained during the accept of education. (危险,看到这里都是在说教育是必要的,和题目并不是联系很紧密.主题句还是没有出现)

As is known to all, teachers are professors in educating children because they have received professional training about this. Great teachers tend to bring about preeminent students. The outstanding philosophy Plato, who is a student of Socrates, as excellent as Plato, is regarded as the father of the western philosophy. His idea that all special things have the same substance which is called by him as generalization in them is inherited from similar ideas of Socrates. (这段要说明老师为什么可以教学生,就应该重点说明老师对于别的普通人的优势,就像下一句说得那样,而不应该在例子中间再说到拨拉图多么有什么影响之类的话) Teachers have much deeper knowledge than the common people, which is large enough for them to teach students. What is more, it is teachers who have taken training lessons that have the ability and skills to implant their knowledge into the brain of their students. Teachers, eulogized as the mental doctors, are professors in area of teaching, which can not be acquired by common parents or communities.

However, merely leaving children with teachers is far away from enough for the normal grow of children. A teacher, who is frequently ordered to educate tens of children at one time, can not reach deep understanding of every student, which can cumber the normal development of the children. On the other hand, parents can do quite well in this respect. The predominant physical scientist Einstein is overlooked as an idiot by his teacher in his childhood because of the teacher's neglect of his special potential. (例子和前面的理论其实已经很近了~一个说是教师无法触及学生的深处,一个是爱因斯坦被忽略~再加一点或者改ts或者改写一下例子就bingo了) It is so dangerous when we imagine that if little Einstein felt upset by his teacher's critics and thus also considered himself as a fool he would never have been the one who were awarded for the twenty-third Nobel Prize as his discovery of the photoemission. Such neglect can not be avoided since the teachers face tens of students every day. (这一句就是我想要在前面看到的~连接例子跟理论的话~~能再早一点出现就好了~) Parents, who mostly have only one or two children to care for, has much more time and energy than teachers and can gained far deeper understanding of their children about what is the actual  interests of their children. Children can received more support when people who most comprehend them spend more energy and time on them. (不错!到这里我看到了5分的希望)

In addition, the whole society also has its merits to make every effort to create excellent environment for helping the development of children. In many countries of the Europe, the whole society provides as much convenience for children as they can. For example, all museums are open to students for free. When taking human physiology lessons, students can visit museums to see manikins as well as listening to teacher's explanations of humans' varieties of organs and tissues, which not only renders the lessons more attractive and interesting, the students also get more expressive knowledge in their minds. (这个例子已经很bingo了,再苛求一点,我觉得举人文或者社交方面的例子会比理工科的例子更好~更能突出community的突出优点~~) So far, more and more countries have called for attention of the whole society to create more helpful environment for the development of the children, who are the future of any nation. (用陈述事实结尾个人不是很喜欢...可能再总结升华还是最好的吧)

To sum up, parents and communities should be as much involved as they can when considering the full-scale development of children aside from common education at schools. Parents should be more concerned to their children instead of leaving them merely with teachers. The governments can also help a lot by creating more helpful environment for the development of children. (估计是没时间了~结尾不怎么出彩~你上次说得那个结尾3句话的就是那次那个erater说的呵呵)

我觉得你现在issue水平应该已经在我之上了呵呵
文章层次清晰
论证也步步为营
bingo
就是第一个body看了感觉有点莫明其妙
如果删掉直接进入主题
再加强一点语言...maybe you may receive a score of 6
加油