argument147 [07-10G superstar]第一次作业by Total

totalsm45518UID: 2286658

字数：471  time：00:30:00 今天中午饿肚子写的，感觉思路不是狠清晰，希望大家指教

In this argument, the speaker asserts that the sales of Whirlwind video games are like to increase dramatically in the next few months by taking some advertising actions. To support this conclusion, the arguer cites the responses from a recent survey of video-game players about the favorite features they prefer most in a video game, and Whirlwind has just introduced several games with the very feature according to the survey. However, the argument is flawed in some aspects as it stands.

In the first place, the arguer fails to analyze the exact reason why the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years. Maybe the most important reason is not because they haven’t devised games which are to the taste of game players only. The quality of the games, the easiness of the images and operating keys, and the right aims to advertising the games all may result the declined sales of their products. Without accurate and deep analysis on the exact reason resulting in the failure, the argument is inconvincible.

In the second place, there is no concrete information demonstrating the procedure of the survey which seems so vague and not authoritative. The arguer fails to provide much evidence that there are sufficient game-players prefer different kinds of video games have participated in the survey. Maybe the respondents of the survey are all people who prefer games with lifelike graphics accompanying the most up-to-date computers, which can’t typify all players’ taste. Therefore, the survey lends less support to the arguer’s recommendation.

Additionally, the arguer fails to set up a causal relationship between the action of an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old and the assumption that the sales will increase dramatically. There is no evidence to show that the age-group most like to play video games is 10 to 25, with ignorance of other ages of video-game players. As a result, the extensive advertising campaign directed at the narrow ranges of people is unadvisable.

Finally, the arguer fails to rule out other factors that may influence the sales of the video-games products of Whirlwind. Other competitors in this area will also develop such games thus Whirlwind is not the unique and consequently may lose some markets. Moreover, the inside device and quality of the games are more determined factors that decide whether it will receive good reflection from players.

In sum, the arguer’s simple conclusion that the sales of video-games will increase dramatically is inconvincible and unreasonable. To strengthen the recommendation, the arguer should make deep analysis about the flaws and disadvantages existing in their productions. More surveys from wide ranges of consumers are also demanded. To better support the conclusion, I also have to know other factors information from other producers that might influence the sales of the Whirlwind’s video-games.

huaxinluoboUID: 2326780

In this argument, the speaker asserts that the sales of Whirlwind video games are like to increase dramatically in the next few months by taking some advertising actions. To support this conclusion, the arguer cites the responses from a recent survey of video-game players about the favorite features they prefer most in a video game, and Whirlwind has just introduced several games with the very feature according to the survey. [广告也应算在证据里面]However, the argument is flawed in some aspects as it stands.
In the first place, the arguer fails to analyze the exact reason why the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years. Maybe the most important reason is not because they haven’t devised games which are to the taste of game players only. The quality of the games, the easiness of the images and operating keys, and the right aims to advertising the games all may result the declined sales of their products. Without accurate and deep analysis on the exact reason resulting in the failure, the argument is inconvincible.
[个人感觉这个好像不是主要错误，不过要是说的话，放在最后好一些：即使lifelike 类的游戏畅销，由于其它游戏的滞销问题，也可能导致。。。]
In the second place, there is no concrete information demonstrating the procedure of the survey which seems so vague and not authoritative. The arguer fails to provide much evidence that there are sufficient game-players prefer different kinds of video games have participated in the survey. Maybe the respondents of the survey are all people who prefer games with lifelike graphics accompanying the most up-to-date computers, which can’t typify all players’ taste. Therefore, the survey lends less support to the arguer’s recommendation.
Additionally, the arguer fails to set up a causal relationship between the action of an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old and the assumption that the sales will increase dramatically. There is no evidence to show that the age-group most like to play video games is 10 to 25, with ignorance of other ages of video-game players. As a result, the extensive advertising campaign directed at the narrow ranges of people is unadvisable. [有点懵，如果说广告和销售增长的关系不成立的话，应该指出广告没有吸引力之类的，选择10至25岁的玩家是否正确应该属于调查的问题]
Finally, the arguer fails to rule out other factors that may influence the sales of the video-games products of Whirlwind. Other competitors in this area will also develop such games thus Whirlwind is not the unique and consequently may lose some markets. Moreover, the inside device and quality of the games are more determined factors that decide whether it will receive good reflection from players.
In sum, the arguer’s simple conclusion that the sales of video-games will increase dramatically is inconvincible[inconvincing] and unreasonable. To strengthen the recommendation, the arguer should make deep analysis about the flaws and disadvantages existing in their productions. [flaw 是我们看出来的啊，呵呵] More surveys from wide ranges of consumers are also demanded. To better support the conclusion, I also have to know other factors information from other producers that might influence the sales of the Whirlwind’s video-games.  [有点乱，不如一口气把需要的东西全说出来的好]
昨天下午才开始看argument作文，认识很浅，给不了什么好建议，见谅