生如夏花小组第9次作业, 坚持到底才是男人

portsxuUID: 2342632

非常抱歉耽搁了这么久,真的很抱歉

独立写作: (学习和教育)

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer

口语:

有人认为大学应该免费，有人认为大学应该收费。你的观点是什么

Currently the concern about whether art and music should be the obligatory course for every student in secondary school, tantalizingly, poses a question to those schools’ management board. It arouses a variety of controversial issues judging from divergent aspects, however, as far as I am concerned, the benefits brought by those artistic classes outweigh their negative sides.

To begin with, one reason for my propensity is that all students own the right to access those subjects they learn. Undoubtedly, music and art could be never be excluded from students’ course list, because they serve as means to satisfy people’s rudimentarily spiritual needs. They consecutively functions to help students develop a sense of aesthetic appreciation while other subjects such as physics serves to help us deal with phenomenon in our daily life theoretically. The value of those classes could not be neglected even for students want to further their study in the way seemingly not related to arts. For example, an architect should be familiarized with physical concepts, moreover, a sense of art appreciation would also be a necessary accessory to him or her. It would be weird to imagine a building designed entirely without sensuous concern. As a matter of fact, Sydney opera house, stands as one of the exemplary combination of art and physics.

Furthermore, art and music classes are really amazingly helpful for comforting and relaxing those students in adolescent age. I still remember how exhausted I feel after a whole morning’s mathematics class. It was really torturous. We students do not only need physical education to relax our muscles, but a music class to satiating our spirits. So it came as a surprise when our music class teacher introduced us Bach’s Brandenburg concerto, it was so euphonious that our concerns were immediately swept away.

On the contrary, some opponents would argue that the participating of art and music class occupies the time which is originally belong to other classes, and students could listen to music or learn to paint in their leisure time. Nevertheless, I think no matter physics or arts, we students learns things better while following the right direction, and teachers in secondary school could shoulder the responsibility. Again, students would waste their time if they do not know the right way. Only under right circumstances that they are systematically taught, could they obtain the the advantages of art and music classes by which they recover their mood and energy therefore could study more efficiently in other classes

After these factors are taken into account, I suppose it could be no longer complicated for us to vindicate that music and art classes contribute to students’ personal development a lot. Hence it would be more reasonable if they are included in secondary schools’ courses.

portsxuUID: 2342632

well, in my opinion, students should pay for their university couses

first of all, university usually have many facilities to maintain, such libraries, fresh books should be introduces in so students could learn the newes knowledge. and labs, the facilities should be often renovated so students could get more practical experience

moreover, universities could use studens's fee to hire better professor and teachers, which benefis the studens' education

in addition, universites could use part of the payments to build a scholarship system, to encourage students work harder

ernest81888UID: 2247639

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer

口语:

有人认为大学应该免费，有人认为大学应该收费。你的观点是什么

Currently the concern about whether art and music should be the obligatory course for every student in secondary school, tantalizingly, poses a question to those schools’ management board. It arouses a variety of controversial issues judging from divergent aspects, however, as far as I am concerned, the benefits brought by those artistic classes outweigh their negative sides.

这个开头。。。。摸版用的不错啊。呵呵


To begin with, one reason for my propensity is that all students own the right to access those subjects they learn, (后面最好直接跟个原因，不然来个undoubtedly,有的突兀）Undoubtedly, music and art could be never be excluded from students’ course list, because they serve as means to satisfy people’s rudimentarily spiritual needs. They consecutively functions to help students develop a sense of aesthetic appreciation while other subjects such as physics serves to help us deal with phenomenon in our daily life theoretically. The value of those classes could not be neglected even for students want to further their study in the way seemingly not related to arts. For example, an architect should be familiarized with physical concepts, moreover, a sense of art appreciation would also be a necessary accessory to him or her. It would be weird to imagine a building designed entirely without sensuous concern. As a matter of fact, Sydney opera house, stands as one of the exemplary combination of art and physics.
（语言不错，用词准确多样，最后加句小结更好）


Furthermore, art and music classes are really amazingly helpful for comforting and relaxing those students in adolescent age. I still remember how exhausted I feel after a whole morning’s mathematics class. It was really torturous. We students do not only need physical education to relax our muscles, but a music class to satiating our spirits. So it came as a surprise when our music class teacher introduced us Bach’s Brandenburg concerto, it was so euphonious that our concerns were immediately swept away. （要注意句子的多样性和连贯性, 下面是我改写你的一段话。不足之处请指教）

Furthermore, studying art and music at school is truly a amazing thing that it help us in comforting and relaxing, expecially for those who are within adolescent ages. For example, it is hard to imagine a student who has focus all his energy on a whole morinng's mathematics class would still have an favorable attitude towards educational activities. In fact, it must be a really torturous thing! On the other hand, what we need most at this time is not as a physical education that providing our muscles to relax, but is something that could appease our spirits'stress such as playing an euphonious classic music or enjoying a landscape painting from a famous master. Therefore, in this way, stress, presure, unhappiness could be immediately swept away.



On the contrary, some opponents would argue that the participating of art and music class occupies the time which is originally belong to other classes, and students could listen to music or learn to paint in their leisure time(第一句是你的主题句子吗？如果不是，那换成一句主题句子，然后把这句句子写成第二句，Like, a good direction from teacher allows us get a well-konwn on arts）. Nevertheless, I think no matter physics or arts, we students learns things better while following the right direction, and teachers in secondary school could shoulder the responsibility. Again, students would waste their time if they do not know the right way. Only under right circumstances that they are systematically taught, could they obtain the the advantages of art and music classes by which they recover their mood and energy therefore could study more efficiently in other classes

After these factors are taken into account, I suppose it could be no longer complicated for us to vindicate that music and art classes contribute to students’ personal development(life吧，那个是不是有点窄？） a lot. Hence it would be more reasonable if they are included in secondary schools’ courses.

进步很大啊，用词多样，看来花的工夫可见一斑。继续加油啦，PS你这篇我改的挺认真的，希望你也好好琢磨下

[ 本帖最后由 ernest81888 于 2007-7-23 01:33 编辑 ]

ernest81888UID: 2247639

well, in my opinion, students should pay for their university couses

first of all, university usually have many facilities to maintain, such libraries, fresh books should be introduces in so students could learn the newes knowledge. and labs, the facilities should be often renovated so students could get more practical experience

moreover, universities could use studens's fee to hire better professor and teachers, which benefis the studens' education

in addition, universites could use part of the payments to build a scholarship system, to encourage students work harder

口语棒！！

portsxuUID: 2342632

改写的那段逻辑比我的清晰有力多了,先是举例,再是递进,收下了:handshake