Argument117 第一次发文 这是我的第一篇 ^^

woyuanyiUID: 173024

117 The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument.
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664w 100mins...第一次写Argue 大家往死里拍吧~~

In this memo, the business manager concludes that by increasing the stock of home office machines, such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines, changes, and the stock of office supplies, such as paper, pens, and staplers at all Valu-Mart stores, the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of their stores. To support this conclusion, the arguer cites a survey reveling that over 70 percent of the respondents require to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past and that Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past. Sound as it were first seen, the argument, after carefully considered, proves a categorical deduction, which may obscure the real trend of office workers thus probably lead to no more profits for the office-supply departments.

A threshold problem of the survey is that it fails to indicate whether the representatives are representative and what proportion of people actually responded. Firstly, it is quite possible that these respondents are only selected in one or only a few states. Perhaps they are not all residents where there is a Valu-Mart store. In this case, the result of the survey may not prove a typical reflection of the people who live near all the Valu-Marts. Secondly, the survey should not be valid if some people among the survey population lack the energy to respond; in such cases, the "work-at-home trend" may be merely the effect of indolence of some people.

Besides, the manager treats a lack of impressive sales in the office-supply departments in the past as constituting sufficient proof that increasing the stock of home office machines will definitely turn out profitable. There may be several factors accounting for the lack of sales in the office-supply departments in the past. For example, perhaps the whole nation was suffering a economic depression and people have been motiveless in purchasing anything. In this case, the "work-at-home trend" would mean nothing to the department at all. It is equally possible that the management did not function effectively then. As a result, the manager can only expect a higher profit by dealing with the managing problem first, which is a "bottle-neck".  

Moreover, a detailed description of comparison concerning the sales between the department of office machines and other departments is needed in order to justify whether investigating home office machines will be the most profitable. Instead of giving a comparison, the manager simply substantiates that there would be a variation if the stores transfer its stocks into home office machines. Perhaps, other departments are also taking effective measures and accordingly they may achieve a more desirable profit. And perhaps, there is some other department whose performance is much better than that of the office-supply departments, even if the office-supply departments has taken a sharp increase in its proceeds. Only the arguer rule out all these possibilities, can he or she come to a appropriate approach to development to the store.

Even assuming that the author can substantiate all of the foregoing assumptions, the justification that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of the stores is still unwarranted. The arguer does not weigh the advantages and disadvantages of increasing the home office machines. It is easy to understand that by doing so, we may in turn loss some other opportunities of other products, which may be more promising than the home office ones.

To sum up, the arguer rests on both equivocal foundations and ill-logical reasoning. To bolster the argument, the arguer should provide specific evidence about his or her basic assumption that they may achieve a deluge of return if they choose home office machines and that there is a immediate need for doing so. At the same time, to better assess the argument, it is suggested that the argument's proponent establish a stronger relationship that increasing home office machines will make the office-supply departments the most profitable component of their stores.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-7 at 10:51 ]

udoUID: 2114276

我来回拍，一会儿发上来

woyuanyiUID: 173024

谢谢^^

liutingtingUID: 2118407

不好意思,我也是第一次贴帖子, 我还不熟改作文的格式,所以......
1.第一段列举办公用品不用这么详细,用stock of office supples 概括一下就好.
2 representatives 改成respondents.
3. Perhaps they are not all residents where there is a Valu-Mart store.我不明白这句话想表达什么意思.
4.Secondly, the survey should not be valid if some people among the survey population lack the energy to respond.should  改 would .if 改 because the arguer fail to take into account other people who lackthe energy to respond.
5.It is equally possible that the management did not function effectively then. the management is not so  effective.
我觉得你能用很多比较,怎么讲比较正式啊闪光的词汇.但是有时好像辞不达意.还有有些长句结构很乱,不大容易看懂.
加油哦,第一篇很不错了

udoUID: 2114276

In this memo, the business manager concludes that by increasing the stock of home office machines, such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines, changes, and the stock of office supplies, such as paper, pens, and staplers不要抄题目，就算抄也不要抄这么长！ at all Valu-Mart stores, the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of their stores. To support this conclusion, the arguer cites a survey reveling that over 70 percent of the respondents require to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past and that Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past.要简历的复述 Sound as it were first seen, the argument, after carefully considered, proves a categorical deduction, which may obscure the real trend of office workers thus probably lead to no more profits for the office-supply departments.

A threshold problem？？这个怎么觉得别扭 of the survey is that it fails to indicate whether the representativesrespondents are representative and whatare the proportion of people actually responded. Firstly, it is quite possible that these respondents are only only 放在one前面selected in one or only去掉 a few states. Perhaps they cannot represent are not 去掉are not all加the residents where there is a Valu-Mart store. In this case, the result of the survey may not prove a typical reflection of the people who live near around all the Valu-Marts. Secondly, the survey should not be valid if some people among the survey population population???什么意思lack the energyenergy？你想说什么 to respond; in such cases, the "work-at-home trend" may be merely the effect of indolence of some people. 这个理由没看明白，建议楼主修改语句

Besides, the manager treats a lack of impressive sales in the office-supply departments in the past as constituting sufficient proof that increasing the stock of home office machines will definitely turn out profitable. There may be several factors accounting for the lack of sales in the office-supply departments in the past. For example, perhaps the whole nation was suffering a economic depression and people have been motiveless in purchasing anything. In this case, the "work-at-home trend" would mean nothing to the department at all. It is equally possible that the management did not function 这个词可以这么用吗？ effectively then. As a result, the manager can only expect a higher profit by dealing with the managing problem 这个有些离题，或者应该说具体些 first, which is a "bottle-neck".  

Moreover, a detailed description of comparison concerning the sales between the department of office machines and other departments is needed in order to justify whether investigating home office machines will be the most profitable. Instead of giving a comparison, the manager simply substantiates that there would be a variation这个词不好，要指明是什么样的变化 if the stores transfer its stocks into home office machines. Perhaps, other departments are also taking effective measures and accordingly they may achieve a more desirable profit. And perhaps, there is some other department whose performance is much better than that of the office-supply departments, even if the office-supply departments has taken a sharp increase in its proceeds. Only the arguer rule out all these possibilities, can he or she come to a appropriate approach to development to the store.

Even assuming that the author can substantiate all of the foregoing assumptions, the justification that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of the stores is still unwarranted. The arguer does not weigh the advantages and disadvantages of increasing the home office machines. It is easy to understand that by doing so, we may in turn loss some other opportunities of other products, which may be more promising than the home office ones. 这个观点挺新颖的，这段最好把第一句精简一下，最后再举个细节化的例子就更好了

To sum up, the arguer rests on both equivocal foundations and ill-logical reasoning. To bolster the argument, the arguer should provide specific evidence about his or her basic assumption that they may achieve a deluge of return if they choose home office machines and that there is a immediate need for doing so. At the same time, to better assess the argument, it is suggested that the argument's proponent establish a stronger relationship that increasing home office machines will make the office-supply departments the most profitable component of their stores.


继续努力，第一次写不容易，建议多看看精华区的专题

woyuanyiUID: 173024

谢谢二位捧场:)