issue50 谢谢拍砖 从上一篇大家的点拨中学到很多

86390216UID: 2102486

------题目------
In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculties should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach.
------正文------
With the development of our society, the press of finding good jobs and the serious of competition call for a high quality of instruction at the college and university. Should all faculties be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the course they teach? I could not agree with the speaker, because working in the academic world is the main work for faculty. That should they spend time working outside the academic world depends on the faculty's time, interest and the subjects they are teaching.

Of course, if some faculties spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the course they teach can bring many benefits to the quality of instruction. First, the faculty put what they teach to the reality, so they can combine the academic world and the real world, which will put them into deep thinking about some problems and get more success in the academic world. Second, the faculty who put time working outside can bring new ideas to their classes. They will put vivid examples they have experienced to help students learn the knowledge better. They will tell students about a lot of things happened in nowadays in the society. One of the goals of education is to help students be more reliable to the society to find food jobs, so making them recognize the society is a necessary part of the education. Third, from the introduction of the faculty who has both academic and practical experiences, students can know what characters and abilities they should prepare for future.

Although there are many benefits for improving the quality of instruction by requiring faculty spending time working outside, we still should not to say that all faculties should be required. Different faculties in different department have their own traits. Should they be required to work outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach depends on the time, the interest and the nature of the subject they teach. Firstly, the most important work that faculty should do is working well in the academic world. For example a faculty who teaches economy, is not a businessman who put his time on how to run well a company and earn a lot of money. Academic work requires a lot of time of the faculty. Perhaps they have litter time to spend on working outside the academic world. If they are required to do so, the academic work will be influent which will hurt the quality of instruction at the end.

Secondly, working outside the academic world will not improve the quality of instruction necessity. Moreover, some faculties who will devote themselves to the academy maybe have no interest in working outside the academic world at all. If they are required by the powers to do so, which will loss their creativity and positivity.

Finally, some subjects like the physical and history, do not contact with our society very close, which require more attention in the academic world. If the faculties of these departments are required to do so, which areas should they work? Our society should have faculty researching history although the knowledge of these subjects is not put into practice directly.

In sum, the faculty of the college and university should not be required to work outside the academic world .The speaker should consider the difference of faculty and subjects when making a decide.

86390216UID: 2102486

上一篇拍砖中特别感谢fengbo，呵呵，感谢为我拍文章的同行者，特别结尾有没有更好的意见提出来，希望考过的，正在准备的都给我意见。真挚感谢

seraph_hydeUID: 184809

我觉得这篇文章是不是应该围绕着instruction来写啊，也就是说应该多讲一下对教学的影响，就想你的BODY1，可以在展开写，多写几段，把后面的都略写合并成一个admittedly的部分，当然论点就要改一下了

86390216UID: 2102486

那样论点都改了呀 难道论证部分不是应该阐述论证论点吗？后面的部分针对“all faculty”来批驳论者的观点，这样有什么不妥么？？大家给点看法吧 谢谢

chenda8201UID: 171368

------题目------
In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculties should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach.

------正文------
With the development of our society, the press of finding good jobs and the serious of competition call for a high quality of instruction at the college and university. Should all faculties be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the course they teach? I could not agree with the speaker, because working in the academic world is the main work for faculty. That should they spend time working outside the academic world depends on the faculty's time, interest and the subjects they are teaching.
[开篇观点越看越觉得confuse了，先是不同意speaker的claim，即faculty should not be required to working outside the academic，然后强调faculty’s main work is research in academic world，从后面的论证可看出，这应该是作者想说的吧，即是本文的论点；可是接下来有来个should the faculty be required to working outside the academic depends on some factors，然后在后面的主要论证部分还再次强调这个viewpoint，可是论证的过程一直在讨论faculty出来work的不好方面，这也就是在论证faculty should not be required to work outside academic world，而根本就没有depend on some factors所展开后预想的几种结构的讨论。这是导致我看不明白这里所要表明的论点的原因吧～不知作者作何解？想听听^_^]

Of course, if some faculties spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the course they teach can bring many benefits to the quality of instruction […. 这句话有问题啊，说了if怎么样后就没下文了。。。]. First, the faculty put what they teach to the reality, so they can combine the academic world and the real world, which will put them into deep thinking about some problems and get more success in the academic world. Second, the faculty who put time working outside can bring new ideas to their classes. They will put vivid examples they have experienced to help students learn the knowledge better. They will tell students about a lot of things happened in nowadays in the society. One of the goals of education is to help students be more reliable to the society to find food [good] jobs, so making them recognize the society is a necessary part of the education. Third, from the introduction of the faculty who has both academic and practical experiences, students can know what characters and abilities they should prepare for future.
[这段作文让步的，承认一些faculty work outside academic 的好处，写得不错吧～]

Although there are many benefits for improving the quality of instruction by requiring faculty spending [spends] time working outside, we still should not to say that all faculties should be required. Different faculties in different department have their own traits. Should they be required to work outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach depends on the time, the interest and the nature of the subject they teach.
[将下面的独立成一段开来，这样结构上与后面的对应；
这里说了是否要work outside the academic should depend on some factors such as faculty’s time, interest and subject/research field，可是接下来全是在否定faculty be required to work outside the college 的不好之处。既然是depend on，那就也有好的效果；不过整篇文章的结构这样，我也一时不知道怎么改才好。。。]

Firstly [用些其他的顺序词吧，如At the first place，然后下面的secondly就可用moreover或furthermore之类了，避免通篇都是first，second。。。], the most important work that faculty should do is working well in the academic world. For example a faculty [,] who teaches economy, is not a businessman who put his time on how to run well a company and earn a lot of money. Academic work requires a lot of time of the faculty. Perhaps they have litter time to spend on working outside the academic world. If they are required to do so, the academic work will be influent [impacted,] which will hurt the quality of instruction at the end.

Secondly [Furthermore / Moreover], working outside the academic world will not improve the quality of instruction necessity. Moreover [既然前面用了moreover这里改成in addition好咯～], some faculties who will devote themselves to the academy maybe have no interest in working outside the academic world at all. If they are required by the powers to do so, which will loss their creativity and positivity.

Finally, some subjects like the physical [physics才是subject] and history, do not contact with our society very close [把close改成closely吧。] [还有这里用了physics是有问题的，怎么可以说physics does not contact with our society very closely，这是常识上的不妥；建议改成pure science，或真的非要physics不可，那就改成理论物理theoretical physics吧], which require more attention in the academic world. If the faculties of these departments are required to do so, which areas should they work? Our society should have faculty researching history although the knowledge of these subjects is not put into practice directly.

In sum, the faculty of the college and university should not be required to work outside the academic world .The speaker should consider the difference of faculty and subjects when making a decide.
[这个conclusion感觉有些问题啊。。。你说should not required to work outside the academic world，这跟你前面的viewpoint以及论证的过程还有最后一句话有些矛盾；虽然be required to 是被动的，细细琢磨好像也没问题，可看起来让人有些confuse。。。]

不过要是我写，估计会只关注subjects that the faculty taught，并且在后面作较为深入的展开，因为我觉得单是academic的subjects分类来讨论应该都有话说吧，如分成纯理科pure science，艺术与历史等art and history等作为一类不提倡faculty work outside，工科engineering，商业business等作为另一类提倡faculty practice in the real world as an example of using the knowledge that they impart to the students in college。
还有再有的就是至于faculty’s time and interest 的问题，由于他们是要教书育人的，在某些科目教学中一定要求有real experiences，他们就不得不去从work outside college中去获得；要不然他们without qualify to teach students的，so they may be fired by the administration of the college or university
像这些其实还可以在brainstorm看看吧
当然，这只是我猜想而已还没去实现呢。。。^_^
呵呵，我就空想，都不知道自己写出来的有多烂。。。:L

86390216UID: 2102486

谢谢楼上，你也是很活跃喔，我很高兴你那么认真给我改，我愿意和你探讨一下：）
全文我是想说 提倡去相关领域工作，说了一段这样做的好处。然后转折说但是不能要求全部的大学教员都必须去，得看个人的情况。因为有的教员投入到科研中，并没有时间去做额外的工作；有的教学没有去相关领域工作的兴趣，也不能够强求；再就是一些学科并没有提供这样去相关领域工作的可能，如历史哲学（是想说哲学的，不好意思）。

86390216UID: 2102486

With the development of our society, the press of finding good jobs and the serious of competition call for a high quality of instruction at the college and university. Should all faculties be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the course they teach? I could not agree with the speaker, because working in the academic world is the main work for faculty. That should they spend time working outside the academic world depends on the faculty's time, interest and the subjects they are teaching.
[开篇观点越看越觉得confuse了，先是不同意speaker的claim，即faculty should not be required to working outside the academic，然后强调faculty’s main work is research in academic world，从后面的论证可看出，这应该是作者想说的吧，即是本文的论点；可是接下来有来个should the faculty be required to working outside the academic depends on some factors，然后在后面的主要论证部分还再次强调这个viewpoint，可是论证的过程一直在讨论faculty出来work的不好方面，这也就是在论证faculty should not be required to work outside academic world，而根本就没有depend on some factors所展开后预想的几种结构的讨论。这是导致我看不明白这里所要表明的论点的原因吧～不知作者作何解？想听听^_^]

I could not agree with the speaker, because working in the academic world is the main work for faculty. That should they spend time working outside the academic world depends on the faculty's time, interest and the subjects they are teaching.
这样的表述的确也具有迷惑性，改为：Although working outside the acdemic world can improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, I could not agree with the speakeer at the point that all facult should be required. That should they spend time working outside the academic world depends on the faculty's time, interest and the subjects they teach.不知道这样是不是可以清晰一些呢？

86390216UID: 2102486

你提到   ：“这里说了是否要work outside the academic should depend on some factors such as faculty’s time, interest and subject/research field，可是接下来全是在否定faculty be required to work outside the college 的不好之处。既然是depend on，那就也有好的效果；不过整篇文章的结构这样，我也一时不知道怎么改才好。。。]

这个问题的确也是一个问题，但是既然我把后面的论点定位在不应该要求所有的教员参加，自然都用这个的负面来证明自己的观点了。在逻辑上，不知道这样写，是不是真的有漏洞，希望有大牛指导一下，事实上真的都顾及的话，考场的时间还可真不允许了，期盼指导啊！！

86390216UID: 2102486

conclusion部分写得也很是仓卒，因为是限时写的，到最后时间快到了，对结尾部分我一直很困惑，不知道怎么样才可以有一个好的结尾，因为我往往又是在重复开头段，知道这样不好，希望大家能提改进意见了！！
再次感谢CHENDA，别的意见都很好，对我的帮助很大，谢谢！有链接给我，我必然认真改你的文章。

chenda8201UID: 171368

I could not agree with the speaker, because working in the academic world is the main work for faculty. That should they spend time working outside the academic world depends on the faculty's time, interest and the subjects they are teaching.
这样的表述的确也具有迷惑性，改为：Although working outside the acdemic world can improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, I could not agree with the speakeer at the point that all facult should be required. That should they spend time working outside the academic world depends on the faculty's time, interest and the subjects they teach.不知道这样是不是可以清晰一些呢？

这样看起来要比原来的要容易理解了～
不过，关键还是你下文中的论证要来紧扣这个viewpoint才好啊

86390216UID: 2102486

我觉得论证基本上还是按照这个思路来了，有什么问题呢，期盼具体指出

chenda8201UID: 171368

Originally posted by 86390216 at 2005-7-6 18:10
这个问题的确也是一个问题，但是既然我把后面的论点定位在不应该要求所有的教员参加，自然都用这个的负面来证明自己的观点了。在逻辑上，不知道这样写，是不是真的有漏洞，希望有大牛指导一下，事实上真的都顾及的话，考场的时间还可真不允许了，期盼指导啊！！

我的看法就是，根据你的viewpoint，你下文的论证中可正反面都写写，那样整个文章的结构就要大调整了：
按照你原来的是想给个admittedly的让步论证faculty work outside college is good in some case，然后用大篇幅来论证faculty work outside the academic world will bring some negative effects。可是从你viewpoint出来，应该是不断比较positive or negative effects 才对啊。比如像后面提到的不同的subjects的问题，on the one hand, 对于某些科目faculty should be required to work outside the academic world to keep with the developments of his or her special knowledge that will be imparted to the students. For example, ********（这里就是要举例讲那些需要faculty去参加实际工作的情况。）. On the other hand, in some research fields, such as pure science and philosophical history, the faculty should devote their time on the academic research in the academic world because in the real world that cannot find the real practice in the form of these subjects, which values are the principles of the nature or the human society and cannot practice in an visible way outside the academic world. 所以，整个行文结构应该改写才好吧～