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[未归类] Issue100 笨笨的第一篇Issue,请多关照哈 [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-7-5 11:04:55 |显示全部楼层
Issue100 The pressure to achieve high grades in school seriously limits the quality of learning. An educational environment without grades would promote more genuine intellectual development.
  
I fundamentally agree with the speaker that the pressure of achieving higher grades serves to limit the quality of learning. Meanwhile, whether the educational environment of no grades promote development in intellect seems to be dubious , at least in my point.
  Many problems involves in the procedures of pursuing higher grades ,and in turn, undermine the quality of academic performance for students. First, pressure to get grades would seriously limits the depth of student's study. Some courses perhaps have little influence upon their admission standards of graduation ,but do help in the future experience of working or researching. Secondly, such pressure would render the students possesses little time to develop their own "self", in which I mean to find where lie the true interesting in the academic field. For that matter, students spend less time to explore the creativity inside of themselves, and enjoy even less pleasure than that more freed educational environment bring to them.
   Although a environment of education with less grade pressure and more freedom
would promote the academic quality, a procedure totally without any such pressure seems unfortunately to shaken the argument’s fundament. It is so possible that without any grade pressure the majority would lose their motivation and target of endeavor, although certain genuine ones would be motivated by more freedom to develop by interesting of their own. For the reason, to best improve the education quality of school, to some extent we should keep the pressure of achieving grades upon the students, as we use academic interesting our most efficient agent to stimulate the passion to develop the quality of school performance.
In sum, to achieve high grades is not the full meaning of our education, and not what the society want our system of education to do for it as well. It is just a certain kind of measure by which we keep our students make progress, and maybe not the most efficient one. The best way to do so is to grant our student more privileges to develop freely, and hence motivate them inherently with more efficiency

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发表于 2005-7-5 11:08:28 |显示全部楼层
1H就写了340多字,是不是太少了,不过第一篇吗,嘿嘿

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发表于 2005-7-5 12:27:09 |显示全部楼层

[color=salmon]我来看看,大家互相学习^_^[/color]

Issue100 笨笨的第一篇Issue,请多关照哈

Issue100 The pressure to achieve high grades in school seriously limits the quality of learning. An educational environment without grades would promote more genuine intellectual development.

[首先,建议段与段之间要空出一行来,不要空两个字母吧;那样看起来明朗一些^_^]
  
I fundamentally agree with the speaker that the pressure of achieving higher grades serves to limit the quality of learning. Meanwhile, whether the educational environment of no grades promote [promotes,主语是educational environment] development in intellect seems to be dubious, at least in my point.
[开头提出自己的观点,比较明确;可是下文看完后就。。。很有问题的说]

Many problems involves in the procedures of pursuing higher grades, and in turn, undermine the quality of academic performance for students. First, pressure to get grades would seriously limits [limit] the depth of student's study. Some courses perhaps have little influence upon their admission standards of graduation, but do help in the future experience of working or researching. Secondly, such pressure would render the students possesses little time to develop their own "self", in which I mean to find where lie the true interesting in the academic field. For that matter, students spend less time to explore the creativity inside of themselves, and enjoy even less pleasure than that more freed educational environment bring to them.
[建议把此段中的两个论点分开成两段来展开写,那样论证更加有力且字数也就上去了。。。]

Although a [Admittedly, although the] environment of education with less grade pressure and more freedom would promote the academic quality, a procedure totally without any such pressure seems unfortunately to shaken the argument’s fundament. It is so possible that without any grade pressure the majority would lose their motivation and target of endeavor, although certain genuine ones would be motivated by more freedom to develop by interesting of their own. For the reason, to best improve the education quality of school, to some extent we should keep the pressure of achieving grades upon the students, as we use academic interesting our most efficient agent to stimulate the passion to develop the quality of school performance.
[这段作为让步的,本来也不错,可是上面这样的句子,读起来有些混乱。。。]

In sum, to achieve high grades is not the full meaning of our education, and not what the society want our system of education to do for it as well. It is just a certain kind of measure by which we keep our students make progress, and maybe not the most efficient one. The best way to do so is to grant our student more privileges to develop freely, and hence motivate [motivates] them inherently with more efficiency.
[结论说得较为空泛,由于上面的论述也是不够深入;再一个就是与开头的呼应问题,感觉上也连贯不起来咯~]

[既然说了pressure to achieve high scores 对于learning 是有害的,然后又说了no grade的情况下也是很值得怀疑的,这本来不会有逻辑上的冲突。因为可以采取折中,就是要追求一定程度的score,且评价制度要综合考虑,score只是一个方面。这样大概就不会形成恶性竞争high score了吧。。。我想作者这里也是想这样说的吧,但是论证起来就偏离了,且没有深入并提出可行的建议或是方法,显得这是在空谈。。。这也导致了字数的不够。。。]

<我水平也是很一般,看看后,自己觉得有这么一些问题存在就说出来,请原作者以及其他高手指点^_^>

(我看了这习作后,也想了一个提纲吧,敬请指点:
Position:认为pressure to achieve high scores 对于learning 的quality是有害的。。。
Support 1:学生只为high scores为学习,有可能引发恶性竞争。例子:大学里的选课,学生为了高分就选易避难,如身边有个某些同学为了高分奖学金就不选某门很重要但很难的课程;这样使得自身基础的不牢靠。。。
Support 2:由于学生的分数将体现教师的能力教学水平等,导致教师之间也攀比所教学生的分数,严重者甚至弄虚作假。。。且教学出发点不是learning的quality,而是瞄准考点,教授即使在不懂的情况下如何得分等等;这样学生得不到良好的开发引导。。。
Support 3:家长甚至社会对于学生的评价若只看是否获得高分,将导致家长乃至整个社会对于未来一代综合素质培养的忽略。。。而一旦学生走出校园,他们将面临很大的pressure,就是因为工作跟考试很不一样。。。
Admittedly:承认考试追求高分的不好,但是没有考试也不好。考试能够检查学生学习的情况,敦促学生复习学过知识,已经综合解答问题的能力。更重要的是能提供一种衡量的尺度,比如想考入大学之类,对于大多数人是用考试分数来衡量的,但是对于某方面很突出的也有例外,如***。。所以考试评分是必须的,但是对于成绩的追求要有个度。
Conclusion:呼应开头,呼吁评价学生的体系要更加完善,像考试评分这些只是一部分,这样能减轻学生对于high score 追求的pressure。
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发表于 2005-7-5 14:42:38 |显示全部楼层

多谢多谢

一觉醒来,没想道大侠已经帮偶改了,心里那叫一个感动啊,禁不住还要说声谢谢啊

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发表于 2005-7-5 15:22:14 |显示全部楼层

多谢多谢

一觉醒来,没想道大侠已经帮偶改了,心里那叫一个感动啊,禁不住还要说声谢谢啊

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Scorpio天蝎座 荣誉版主

发表于 2005-7-5 16:06:35 |显示全部楼层

chenda8201

提纲列的好清楚,有启发!

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发表于 2005-7-5 21:41:17 |显示全部楼层
Issue100 笨笨的第一篇Issue,请多关照哈

Issue100 The pressure to achieve high grades in school seriously limits the quality of learning. An educational environment without grades would promote more genuine intellectual development.
  
I fundamentally agree with the speaker that the pressure of achieving higher grades serves to limit the quality of learning. Meanwhile, whether the educational environment of no grades promote development in intellect seems to be dubious , at least in my point.
  Many problems involves in the procedures of pursuing higher grades ,and in turn, undermine the quality of academic performance for students. [ are involved in ??? ]  First, pressure to get grades would seriously limits the depth of student's study [limit]. Some courses perhaps have little influence upon their admission standards of graduation ,but do help in the future experience of working or researching. Secondly, such pressure would render the students possesses little time to develop their own "self",[ possesses or possess ??? "make" is easy to use] in which I mean to find where lie the true interesting in the academic field [倒装有问题?]. For that matter, students spend less time to explore the creativity inside of themselves, and enjoy even less pleasure than that more freed educational environment bring to them.
   Although a [an] environment of education with less grade pressure and more freedom
would promote the academic quality, a procedure totally without any such pressure seems unfortunately to shaken [shake?] the argument’s fundament. It is so [quite] possible that without any grade pressure the majority would lose their motivation and target of endeavor, although certain genuine ones would be motivated by more freedom to develop by interesting [the interest ?, curiosity is better] of their own. For the reason, to best improve the education quality of school, to some extent we should keep the pressure of achieving grades upon the students, as we use academic interesting our most efficient agent to stimulate the passion to develop the quality of school performance.
In sum, to achieve high grades is not the full meaning of our education, and not what the society want our system of education to do for it as well. It is just a certain kind of measure by which we keep our students make progress, and maybe not the most efficient one. The best way to do so is to grant our student more privileges to develop freely, and hence motivate them inherently with more efficiency  

总的来说分析方面比我好

语言和用词需要improvement (有些地方我看得不是很懂 特别是一些短句)

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RE: Issue100 笨笨的第一篇Issue,请多关照哈 [修改]

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Issue100 笨笨的第一篇Issue,请多关照哈
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