issue41 第一次写，尽情拍啊，有拍必回

ardorousUID: 2115432

Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science.
------正文------
Discussing nonmainstream areas, to be a curse or a blessing, normally , people demonstrate a disagreement with it. However, in a profound sensitive heart, the fascinating of nonmainstream areas , such as astrology , fortune-telling , and psychic appealingly attract people 's attention . In some people's experience , ironically, a fond of scientific fields usually do not come from the care for mainstream science , but from the nonmainstream areas, which perform no strict disciplines ,rather than steady system or theory . They provide us with imagination and miracle knowledge.
However , though most of time people ignore the relationship between nonmainstream areas and  mainstream areas , or even criticize it as pseudoscience .Anonmainstream areas  ,in fact ,are  predecessors of a conventional science. For instance ,alchemy , in modern scientific eye's , as a pseudoscience ,is stream from the middle age. At first , the goal of it is to invent something that will lead to the permanent body for the sovereignty , however , the research and experiment of this area eventually become the source of the contemporarily basic principle of chemistry .  
Moreover , it is the nonmainstream sciences that endow more imaginations and visions, and they perform as supplements to the traditional sciences and attracting more to an individual ,thus contriving for the spread of scientific development .people may remember a episode in the novel of <<Jane. Eyre>> , when the Rochester acted as a aged woman for fortune telling , this part of novel leads to the prominent communication between Jane and Rochester, and is the most admirable part in my eyes .It proves that people show the interest in that sort of areas , put their mental and emotional expectation into it , look forward for a splendid results. In addition , to my experience , nonmainstream sciences not only bring about the inevitable mental entertainment , it also enlightens our preference in science , as a child , I indispensably devoted much of time on the novel of Jules Verne's , such as<< the 80 days to travel around the world>> and so forth ,these amazing novels are based on the unconvincing assumptions , however ,at last they lead me to choose a major of chemistry , owing to the childhood curiosity of nonmainstream science.
It is true that overlooking the negative effects that extravagant nonmainstream will bring to us will bring about a catastrophe. In China , recently , there is a disaster called the FaLunGong , which is based on the faith to a religion comes from the India, telling the people to attend in it , you will become healthier and happier , it is a really catastrophe for china , million upon million people join in and at last instead of obtaining a better life gaining a breakage of marriage , a suicide of himself , a misdeed to attack his family , leading to the chaos of Chinese citizen 's normal life . After the restraining from the government , this activity has been abandoned after all . To establish a policy for constraining the negative effects , contemporarily appreciate the advantage it may lead to , only through this way to balance a rational element and an emotional fact can we reach the goal that further attribute to the prosperity of human technological development.:$

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-12 at 23:04 ]

ardorousUID: 2115432

ZEALPALADINUID: 192560

首先提个意见，排版太乱，让人没法看啊，不过看你是第一次，就。。。

语言的功底应该是不错的，但就题目而言，虽然对与非主流是主流的祖宗，及非主流可以引发人们对科学的兴趣两方面论述的不错，但是不是这就是vital role了呢？很显然不是，无论是论点还是论证都忽视了这个问题，在我看来这个角色问题是题目中需要作者论述的一个部分。个人意见，仅供参考

iPodUID: 2105485

我来占位咯~
谢谢你的修改
我的回帖后天送上~

linxiao1983UID: 203095

Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science.
------正文------      
Discussing nonmainstream areas, to be a curse or a blessing, normally , people demonstrate a disagreement with it. However, in a profound sensitive heart, the fascinating of nonmainstream areas , such as astrology , fortune-telling , and psychic appealingly attract people 's attention . In some people's experience , ironically, a fond of scientific fields usually do not come from the care for mainstream science , but from the nonmainstream areas, which perform no strict disciplines ,rather than steady system or theory . They provide us with imagination and miracle knowledge.

However , though most of time people ignore the relationship between nonmainstream areas and  mainstream areas , or even criticize it as pseudoscience .Anonmainstream areas  ,in fact ,are  predecessors of a conventional science. For instance ,alchemy , in modern scientific eye's , as a pseudoscience ,is stream from the middle age. At first , the goal of it is to invent something that will lead to the permanent body for the sovereignty , however , the research and experiment of this area eventually become the source of the contemporarily basic principle of chemistry .  

Moreover , it is the nonmainstream sciences that endow more imaginations and visions, and they perform as supplements to the traditional sciences and attracting more to an individual ,thus contriving for the spread of scientific development .people may remember a episode in the novel of <<Jane. Eyre>> , when the Rochester acted as a aged woman for fortune telling , this part of novel leads to the prominent communication between Jane and Rochester, and is the most admirable part in my eyes .It proves that people show the interest in that sort of areas , put their mental and emotional expectation into it , look forward for a splendid results. In addition , to my experience , nonmainstream sciences not only bring about the inevitable mental entertainment , it also enlightens our preference in science , as a child , I indispensably devoted much of time on the novel of Jules Verne's , such as<< the 80 days to travel around the world>> and so forth ,these amazing novels are based on the unconvincing assumptions , however ,at last they lead me to choose a major of chemistry , owing to the childhood curiosity of nonmainstream science.
虽然我对用来例证的小说知之甚少，不过从表述来看，这段论证挺充分的   
It is true that overlooking the negative effects that extravagant nonmainstream will bring to us will bring about a catastrophe. In China , recently , there is a disaster called the FaLunGong , which is based on the faith to a religion comes from the India, telling the people to attend in it , you will become healthier and happier , it is a really catastrophe for china , million upon million people join in and at last instead of obtaining a better life gaining a breakage of marriage , a suicide of himself , a misdeed to attack his family , leading to the chaos of Chinese citizen 's normal life . After the restraining from the government , this activity has been abandoned after all . To establish a policy for constraining the negative effects , contemporarily appreciate the advantage it may lead to , only through this way to balance a rational element and an emotional fact can we reach the goal that further attribute to the prosperity of human technological development.
   对每一段作者自己提出的论点，论证的不错！语言也很流畅，
遗憾的是，感觉不是紧扣题目，
你的outline大致是：1。对科学的有益补充2。也可能酿成大祸

感觉第二段由于举了flg的例子导致主题有点偏
个人意见：）
不知道ets怎么看，毕竟米国人好像有时候很发散，  

另外，这篇文章和中国学生常写的传统正反论证“五段文"结构不太一样，刚开始看有点分不清论点分布
我觉得既然是AW，有了analyse的能力展现应该就可以，但我也说不清这么写是不是对ETS胃口，呵呵，呼唤高人解答

我的issue138
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=301329
欢迎狠拍，不留情！

[ Last edited by linxiao1983 on 2005-7-17 at 17:39 ]

ardorousUID: 2115432

Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science.
------正文------
Discussing nonmainstream areas, to be a curse or a blessing, normally , people demonstrate a disagreement with it. However, in a profound sensitive heart, the fascinating of nonmainstream areas , such as astrology , fortune-telling , and psychic appealingly attract people 's attention . In some people's experience , ironically, a fond of scientific fields usually do not come from the care for mainstream science , but from the nonmainstream areas, which perform no strict disciplines ,rather than steady system or theory . They provide us with imagination and miracle knowledge.


However , though most of time people ignore the relationship between nonmainstream areas and  mainstream areas , or even criticize it as pseudoscience .Anonmainstream areas  ,in fact ,are  predecessors of a conventional science. For instance ,alchemy , in modern scientific eye's , as a pseudoscience ,is stream from the middle age. At first , the goal of it is to invent something that will lead to the permanent body for the sovereignty , however , the research and experiment of this area eventually become the source of the contemporarily basic principle of chemistry .  


Moreover , it is the nonmainstream sciences that endow more imaginations and visions, and they perform as supplements to the traditional sciences and attracting more to an individual ,thus contriving for the spread of scientific development .people may remember a episode in the novel of <<Jane. Eyre>> , when the Rochester acted as a aged woman for fortune telling , this part of novel leads to the prominent communication between Jane and Rochester, and is the most admirable part in my eyes .It proves that people show the interest in that sort of areas , put their mental and emotional expectation into it , look forward for a splendid results. In addition , to my experience , nonmainstream sciences not only bring about the inevitable mental entertainment , it also enlightens our preference in science , as a child , I indispensably devoted much of time on the novel of Jules Verne's , such as<< the 80 days to travel around the world>> and so forth ,these amazing novels are based on the unconvincing assumptions , however ,at last they lead me to choose a major of chemistry , owing to the childhood curiosity of nonmainstream science.


It is true that overlooking the negative effects that extravagant nonmainstream will bring to us will bring about a catastrophe. In China , recently , there is a disaster called the FaLunGong , which is based on the faith to a religion comes from the India, telling the people to attend in it , you will become healthier and happier , it is a really catastrophe for china , million upon million people join in and at last instead of obtaining a better life gaining a breakage of marriage , a suicide of himself , a misdeed to attack his family , leading to the chaos of Chinese citizen 's normal life . After the restraining from the government , this activity has been abandoned after all . To establish a policy for constraining the negative effects , contemporarily appreciate the advantage it may lead to , only through this way to balance a rational element and an emotional fact can we reach the goal that further attribute to the prosperity of human technological development.

cssUID: 173612

[ Last edited by css on 2005-7-18 at 00:26 ]

cssUID: 173612

------正文------
Discussing nonmainstream areas, to be a curse or a blessing, normally , people demonstrate a disagreement with it. 指代不明，是说不同意curse还是blessing,还是不同意非主流？However, in a profound sensitive heart, the fascinating of nonmainstream areas , such as astrology , fortune-telling , and psychic appealingly attract people 's attention . 个人意见，however转折后，应该给出一个意见而不是事实In some people's experience , ironically, a fond of scientific fields usually do not come from the care for mainstream science , but from the nonmainstream areas, which perform no strict disciplines ,rather than steady system or theory . They provide us with imagination and miracle knowledge.


However , 这个however 从何谈起啊though most of time people ignore the relationship between nonmainstream areas and  mainstream areas , or even criticize it as pseudoscience .Anonmainstream areas  ,in fact ,are  predecessors of a conventional science. For instance ,alchemy , in modern scientific eye's , as a pseudoscience ,is stream from the middle age. At first , the goal of it is to invent something that will lead to the permanent body for the sovereignty 我好像记得是为保长生不老的？例子很恰当, however , 呵呵，这个词不到重大转折不用的the research and experiment of this area eventually become the source of the contemporarily basic principle of chemistry .  


Moreover , it is the nonmainstream sciences that endow more imaginations and visions, and they perform as supplements to the traditional sciences and attracting more to an individual ,thus contriving for the spread of scientific development .people may remember a episode in the novel of <<Jane. Eyre>> , when the Rochester acted as a aged woman for fortune telling , this part of novel leads to the prominent communication between Jane and Rochester, and is the most admirable part in my eyes .这个和主题句关系不大阿It proves that people show the interest in that sort of areas , put their mental and emotional expectation into it , look forward for a splendid results. In addition , to my experience , nonmainstream sciences not only bring about the inevitable mental entertainment , it also enlightens our preference in science , as a child , I indispensably devoted much of time on the novel of Jules Verne's , such as<< the 80 days to travel around the world>> and so forth ,these amazing novels are based on the unconvincing assumptions , however ,at last they lead me to choose a major of chemistry , owing to the childhood curiosity of nonmainstream science. 据自己的例子好像不是很有代表性，不妨说很多儿童如何如何，这个例子和第一段也有交叉

It is true that overlooking the negative effects that extravagant nonmainstream will bring to us will bring about a catastrophe. In China , recently , there is a disaster called the FaLunGong , which is based on the faith to a religion comes from the India, telling the people to attend in it , you 间接引语中用这个代词很怪will become healthier and happier , it is a really catastrophe for china , million upon million people join in and at last instead of obtaining a better life gaining a breakage of marriage , a suicide of himself , a misdeed to attack his family , leading to the chaos of Chinese citizen 's normal life . After the restraining from the government , this activity has been abandoned after all . 删去！To establish a policy for constraining the negative effects , contemporarily appreciate the advantage it may lead to , only through this way to balance a rational element and an emotional fact can we reach the goal that further attribute to the prosperity of human technological development. 楼主用的是6分范文的结构？不是5段的？怎么没开头没结尾呢？第二段又起笔就是however.虽然结构不是最重要的，但好结构条理上让人觉得清晰

btw,mainstream也可以讲一下啊

yzyangqinUID: 183574

多谢楼主对拙作提出的宝贵意见，下面拍得可能有点儿狠，别怕疼啊^_^

首先是关于正式书写格式，虽然是细节问题，我想如果不注意还是会有负面影响吧，希望大家能够讨论确定一下
1、段与段之间应该是一行空格，开头不用缩进
2、逗号，句号要紧跟在前一个字母之后
3、引用书名应该怎么写呢？  好像不是用《》的，英文输入就没有《》吧

Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science.
------正文------
Discussing nonmainstream areas, to be a curse or a blessing, normally , people demonstrate a disagreement with it. However, in a profound sensitive heart, the fascinating of nonmainstream areas , such as astrology , fortune-telling , and psychic appealingly attract people 's attention . In some people's experience , ironically, a fond of scientific fields usually do not come from the care for mainstream science , but from the nonmainstream areas, which perform（貌似不妥） no strict disciplines ,rather than steady system or theory . They provide us with imagination and miracle knowledge.

However , though most of time people ignore the relationship between nonmainstream areas and  mainstream areas ,（这里没有把对象表达完整，应该是nonmainstream areas of inquiry, or nonmainstream science，前面也有这个问题） or even criticize it as pseudoscience .Anonmainstream areas  ,in fact ,are  predecessors of a（去掉a） conventional science. For instance ,alchemy , in modern scientific eye's , as a pseudoscience ,is stream（mainstream）from（since） the middle age（s,不加s就是中年的意思了）.（by the way,楼主似乎偏爱这种句型，开篇第一句就是这样，感觉这种表达比较生硬，有汉语直译的意思） At first , the goal of it is to invent something that will lead to the permanent body for the sovereignty , however , the research and experiment of this area eventually become the source of the contemporarily basic principle of chemistry .  （这段立意非常好，但是感觉重要的部分-就是最后这句话其实可以更加简单明了）

Moreover , it is the nonmainstream sciences that endow more imaginations and visions, and they（改为that） perform as supplements to the traditional sciences and attracting more（改为be more attractive） to an individual ,thus contriving for（改为contribute to） the spread of scientific development .people（Readers） may remember a episode in the novel of Jane. Eyre（书名的引用问题？）, when the Rochester acted as a aged woman for fortune telling（ telling fortune） , this part of novel leads to the prominent communication between Jane and Rochester, and is the most admirable part in my eyes .It proves that people show the （去掉the）interest in that sort of areas , put their mental and emotional expectation into it , look forward for a splendid results. In addition , （according） to my experience , nonmainstream sciences not only bring about the inevitable（貌似不妥） mental entertainment , it also enlightens our preference in science , as a child , I indispensably devoted much of time on the novel of Jules Verne's , such as<< the 80 days to travel around the world>>（书名的引用问题？）， and so forth ,these amazing novels are based on the unconvincing assumptions , however ,at last they lead me to choose a major of chemistry , owing to the childhood curiosity of nonmainstream science.

It is true that overlooking the negative effects that extravagant nonmainstream will bring to us will bring about a catastrophe. （这句可以更简洁）In China , recently , there is a disaster called the FaLunGong（FaLunGong is not a disaster in itself）, which is based on the faith to a religion comes from the India, telling the people to attend in it , you will become healthier and happier , it is a really catastrophe for china , million upon million people join in and at last instead of obtaining a better life gaining a breakage of marriage , a suicide of himself , a misdeed to attack his family , leading to the chaos of Chinese citizen 's normal life .（这句太长了，语法和意思都没有控制好，建议修改） After the restraining from the government , this activity has been abandoned after all （at last）. To establish a policy for constraining the negative effects , contemporarily appreciate the advantage it may lead to , only through this way to balance a rational element and an emotional fact can we reach the goal that further attribute to the prosperity of human technological development.（又是类似开篇的句型，建议修改）

总的来说，楼主立意很好，思路清晰。
但个人认为语言驾驭方面存在一定的问题，这也是包括我在内很多Gter的通病，最典型的就是用词草率，不能表达确切含义；长句晦涩难懂，没有一个干净利落的主心骨，语法容易出问题

不知道楼主主研的范文是哪些，我认为老美280是不错的参考

[ Last edited by yzyangqin on 2005-7-18 at 18:52 ]

iPodUID: 2105485

Discussing nonmainstream areas, to be a curse or a blessing, normally , people demonstrate a disagreement with it. However, in a profound sensitive heart, the fascinating of nonmainstream areas , such as astrology , fortune-telling , and psychic appealingly attract people 's attention . In some people's experience , ironically, a fond of scientific fields usually do not come from the care for mainstream science , but from the nonmainstream areas, which perform no strict disciplines ,rather than steady system or theory . They provide us with imagination and miracle knowledge. [开头很新颖的，就是过长啊，一般来说不要超过三行]
However , though most of time people ignore the relationship between nonmainstream areas and  mainstream areas , or even criticize it as pseudoscience .Anonmainstream areas  ,in fact ,are  predecessors of a conventional science. For instance ,alchemy , in modern scientific eye's , as a pseudoscience ,is stream from the middle age. At first , the goal of it is to invent something that will lead to the permanent body for the sovereignty , however , the research and experiment of this area eventually become the source of the contemporarily basic principle of chemistry .  [好象楼主很喜欢用逗号隔开定语啊，这种用法是比较地道，但不要用太多。凡事过犹不及]
Moreover , it is the nonmainstream sciences that endow more imaginations and visions, and they perform as supplements to the traditional sciences and attracting more to an individual ,thus contriving for the spread of scientific development .people [大写] may remember a episode in the novel of <<Jane. Eyre>> [英文里可没有书名号这玩意，不要有中国思维。去掉书名号，只用大写就够了] , when the Rochester acted as a aged woman for fortune telling , this part of novel leads to the prominent communication between Jane and Rochester, and is the most admirable part in my eyes .It proves that people show the interest in that sort of areas , put their mental and emotional expectation into it , look forward for a splendid results. In addition , to my experience , nonmainstream sciences not only bring about the inevitable mental entertainment , it also enlightens our preference in science , as a child , I indispensably devoted much of time on the novel of Jules Verne's , such as<< the 80 days to travel around the world>> and so forth ,these amazing novels are based on the unconvincing assumptions , however ,at last they lead me to choose a major of chemistry , owing to the childhood curiosity of nonmainstream science.
It is true that overlooking the negative effects that extravagant nonmainstream will bring to us will bring about a catastrophe. In China , recently , there is a disaster called the FaLunGong , which is based on the faith to a religion comes from the India, telling the people to attend in it , you will become healthier and happier , it is a really catastrophe for china , million upon million people join in and at last instead of obtaining a better life gaining a breakage of marriage , a suicide of himself , a misdeed to attack his family , leading to the chaos of Chinese citizen 's normal life . After the restraining from the government , this activity has been abandoned after all . To establish a policy for constraining the negative effects , contemporarily appreciate the advantage it may lead to , only through this way to balance a rational element and an emotional fact can we reach the goal that further attribute to the prosperity of human technological development.[这一段~哇~十一段~这是我        GTER里看的最长的一段了！！光是看到这阵势就够吓人的了，更何况改呢。不过我还是改了。举例很不错啊，都是名著啊。看来楼主很爱看书啊。但是一个自然段举几个例子就足以说明问题了，不要写太多了。]

总结一下，首先是格式问题，没有办法看啊。所以顶帖的人不多吧，我猜。建议看看别人的排版格式，下次要改啊。在是分段的问题，我上面说过了，就不累叙了。
楼主的语言不错，但好象没有说到最关键的点子上去，题目说的 play a vital role in society楼主考虑到了没有呢？建议楼主多思考一下。以上意见仅供参考，不知楼主满不满意，欢迎与我交流讨论与互改！

我是这耀眼的瞬间，是这划过天边的刹那火焰。