刚刚写完的一篇，限时＋修改 自我感觉可以，大牛都来拍啊，一定回拍

czl223UID: 2120177

140. "What society has thought to be its greatest social, political, and individual achievements have often resulted in the greatest discontent."

1.同意论题的观点
2.在政治领域，取得了巨大成就，另一方面更加不满
3.经济领域，不满来源于心理而非对经济情况不好的不满
4.个人领域，即使做的了很高的位置，内心压力和成就仍无法得到满足
5. 无论政治经济还是个人领域都取得的巨大的成就，但是由于精神得不到满足引起的更大的困惑。提出要重视这一问题

It is until nowadays that many people argue that what society has made the greatest achievement often has at the same time brings us the greatest discontent in society, politic, and individual levels. I fundamentally agree with this claim although I admit that these achievements, to a large extent, propel the world's development.

To begin with, although modern society has made the most significant advancement in the politic level, including equality, freedom, democracy, legislation, and so forth, people seem to be more discontent than ever before. We are always hearing the claims, such as, "why I get married,” "where is my freedom,” "why the society is replete with kinds of corruption", etc. What is the matter with our society? To answer such complex question, let us resort to the history for curtain help. In the ancient times, there is no so much equality, freedom, democracy, and so on, but at the same time, people are content with what the situation around with them. Nevertheless, since the Industry Revolution, people enhanced increasingly the quality of life; they do not have to worry about any more the food, clothes, and the welfare. What they really need is to meet their increasing demands to the society and the satisfied minds. They want the highest morality of the government while on the other hand the society are replete with kinds of corruption; the highest extent of freedom while there are a lot of regulation around with them; they want to have the absolutely same right to the elites while it is unavailable. This is the true life. This is the very reason why these greatest achievements in politic area bring them with the greatest discontent.

When it comes to the economic realm, the greatest discontents result from the mental vanity rather than the required improvement of living conditions. I say so because that there is no doubt that human are always satisfied with their economic level. However, it tends to be the nature of human beings that we are never satisfied with our mental requirements. Nevertheless, how the greatest achievements in economy bring us the greatest discontent? I think that the reason is evident and clear. For one thing, people are increasingly discontent with their mental life. The rapid development of the industry greatly improve the living condition of the society, while on the other hand cause the pollution of water, air, and others; Ozone layer is becoming thinner and thinner; human are suffering from kinds of cancers due to such pollution; AIDS is around with us and the condition is not better any way. All of these mental disaster and perplexed issues contribute to the increasing discontent to society. In short, human are suffering from the tragedy of the mental discontent.

As for the individual, people are confused and perplexed when they cannot accomplish somewhat achievements in their career areas. As the fast development of technology and science, although they maybe have made greatest progress in the careers, such as being a CEO or president of a famous corporation like General Gas or Microsoft, they nowadays must confront to the real life and the unprecedented cruel competition of our society. Only through the cruel competition can one survive in the job careers. Then he or she suffers from serious mental stress. They feel boring and tired to the modern society and then complaint more. Instead of manumitting from the mental distress, suffer increasing perplexed conditions of the greatest achievement in the individual.

In sum, although we have achieved greatest progress, we are at the same time perplexed and confused by the mental dissatisfaction to the government behaviors, the economic condition, or individual achievement. It is high time to recognize such discontent and take some steps to alleviate the conflicts.

vieripingUID: 207712

It is until nowadays that many people argue that what society has made the greatest achievement often has at the same time brings us the greatest discontent in society, politic, and individual levels. I fundamentally agree with this claim although I admit that these achievements, to a large extent, propel the world's development.

To begin with, although modern society has made the most significant advancement in the politic level, including equality, freedom, democracy, legislation, and so forth, people seem to be more discontent than ever before. We are always hearing the claims, such as, "why I get married,” "where is my freedom,” "why the society is replete with kinds of corruption", etc. What is the matter with our society? To answer such complex question, let us resort to the history for curtain help. In the ancient times, there is no so much equality, freedom, democracy, and so on, but at the same time, people are content with what the situation around with them. Nevertheless, since the Industry Revolution, people enhanced increasingly the quality of life; they do not have to worry about any more the food, clothes, and the welfare. What they really need is to meet their increasing demands to the society and the satisfied minds. They want the highest morality of the government while on the other hand the society are replete with kinds of corruption; the highest extent of freedom while there are a lot of regulation around with them; they want to have the absolutely same right to the elites while it is unavailable. This is the true life. This is the very reason why these greatest achievements in politic area bring them with the greatest discontent.
我觉的这段太长了 例子有点多是不是可以适当减少一点 语言稍微精练一点

When it comes to the economic realm, the greatest discontents result from the mental vanity rather than the required improvement of living conditions. I say so because that there is no doubt that human are always satisfied with their economic level. However, it tends to be the nature of human beings that we are never satisfied with our mental requirements. Nevertheless, how the greatest achievements in economy bring us the greatest discontent? I think that the reason is evident and clear. For one thing, people are increasingly discontent with their mental life. The rapid development of the industry greatly improve the living condition of the society, while on the other hand cause the pollution of water, air, and others; Ozone layer is becoming thinner and thinner; human are suffering from kinds of cancers due to such pollution; AIDS is around with us and the condition is not better any way. All of these mental disaster and perplexed issues contribute to the increasing discontent to society. In short, human are suffering from the tragedy of the mental discontent.
这段写的不错 结构安排很好
As for the individual, people are confused and perplexed when they cannot accomplish somewhat achievements in their career areas. As the fast development of technology and science, although they maybe have made greatest progress in the careers, such as being a CEO or president of a famous corporation like General Gas or Microsoft, they nowadays must confront to the real life and the unprecedented cruel competition of our society. Only through the cruel competition can one survive in the job careers. Then he or she suffers from serious mental stress. They feel boring and tired to the modern society and then complaint more. Instead of manumitting from the mental distress, suffer increasing perplexed conditions of the greatest achievement in the individual.

In sum, although we have achieved greatest progress, we are at the same time perplexed and confused by the mental dissatisfaction to the government behaviors, the economic condition, or individual achievement. It is high time to recognize such discontent and take some steps to alleviate the conflicts.
总的来说写的不错 就是有一段太长了 三段最好能均匀一点
语言很不错 值的学习 有空看看我的我文章吧https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=

yogurt4UID: 198389

楼上的建议太泛泛而谈了
可以给些具体的么?

czl223UID: 2120177

这么个具体法啊？请赐教啊

czl223UID: 2120177

哦，是说那个issue写作之我见那个吧，那个是个对照，只要写的时候根据这个标准，应该问题不大，个人观点。具体的啊，等总结出来了一定分享啊

czl223UID: 2120177

吃完饭马上帮你改哦