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It has been frequently(不清楚这里用它感情色彩对否..) assumed that one seldom has any choice in any circumstance.(这句话好象说的是没有选择阿,?) I fundamentally agree with such a point of view, especially reasoning from the following discussion of experience of one’s growth.
To begin with, children before school do not have to make any perplexed choice because he or she has too many choices. As we all know, a child can laugh or cry at any time unlike an adult. He has choices to eat or not, to sleep or not. He does not have to worry about money, job, marriage, and so forth. He can resort to others for money, clothes, and toys without any rejection(without any, 这么说貌似不合实际了). He can play games the whole day if he does feel tired. (老大,是不是doesn't ?) In short, by claiming disqualify for doing many things, a child can have many requirements (这个词描述需求,放这里不大合适)and choices.
第一步,人小的时候有很多选择。论据选得相当不错,不过用baby没有判断力来支持是否薄弱了些?感觉上加上用父母和kindergarten的爱心与照顾给与他这样的权利似乎好些
Furthermore, when he comes to school for study, again, he seldom has no choice. First, he can choose to study what he interests without considering others' opinions. Critics might argue that he has to consider the curriculum provided by the school. He cannot study other curricula that the school does not provide for him.(这样缺乏有力地回击的情形貌似不应该在提出反面问题了,反而会弱化你的论证。) Nevertheless, he can alternatively choose to hire a tutor to teach him, or to study by himself. (前提是由这个选择能力,貌似在美国也不常见吧,最好换个说法) Moreover, he has choices to make great achievements or not. (一个相对难以展开和支持的小论点作论据,不明智,而且本身容易产生误导,成绩是能选择的吗,不如说努力获取成绩是能选择的) If he interests the (interests in some) curriculum, he may gain a high mark. In addition, he can get a low grade without hard work. (vague 了) As for making friends with others, many choices present (确定可以这么说?) to him. If they have common interests, they may become close friends. If not, they can have choice to continue a good relationship or not. In short, as for the school life, one seldom has any choice.看到这里我才明白,你搞错seldom了....老大,话说反了!
Last but not least(好), graduating from University, one may face increasingly pressure and difficulty, admittedly (这么用?好像不对劲), he may has fewer and fewer choices.(why?) However, he also has a series of choices considering what he may confront. He has to make girlfriend but he can choose the correspondent.(虾米意思?) If he likes her and happily gets together, they become an envy companions.(envying pair better) If not, they can choose to "say bye" to each other. Similarly, when one gets married, he also has choices to make friends with other people. (小论证有点偏,没直接说明怎么有choice了) He can choose to work or not, suppose he does not want to have a rich life. He can work hard or not, suppose that he has no aspiration for promotion. When he gets old, he has the choice to retire or to work continually until death. However, this time, he cannot choose to die or not. There is no denying that every person should confront the death issue (就the death不好么). Yet, considering that he has so many choices in his lifetime, he must be satisfied with his own life.
In sum, the absence of choice is negligible to the long lifetime although there are few occasions like choice of death.
给兄弟你提一个总的意见,你说有选择较女朋友,婚后交朋友之类,感觉不能直接说明你得idea,而且这些更像是有自由怎样怎样,建议你修改一下论据
PS:你的论证方式还是相当规矩的 |
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