issue16 新手上路，欢迎乱拍，定回拍

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第二篇习作，耗时近一个钟头，耽误在提纲上。小错误不少，经过word改错。一定回拍，请留链接！
题目：
Although many people think that the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are entirely harmless, they in fact, prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals.
正文：
If to be truly strong and independent means struggling to survive without using any possible tools, I simply agree with the speaker. However, the continuation and development of the humankind depend on their ability to use and invent the instruments. I also believe that the luxuries and convenience of contemporary life are harmful in a different aspect.

Since the existence of humankind on the earth, they are faced with the possibility of being extinct. The discovery of fire was the first great step they have achieved in history. They could use it to frighten away the wild animals, and therefore lived a safer life than before. They could also cook food with it, and thus keep away from the disease caused by eating raw meat of the animals and to a certain extent prolonged the life expectancy. And they made settling down possible by domesticating the wild animals. They have not only discovered but also invented things themselves to make the condition better for surviving and living. For example, they invented the trains so that they could not only travel to places far away but also brought food from elsewhere when the natural disasters hit a certain area. A continuation of such discoveries and inventions make human race stronger and more independent, and at the same time life is becoming more convenient, more and more luxurious. Luxuries and convenience are the collaterals in the process of improving their surviving techniques.

Actually, we don't need to worry that men may lose their ability to adapt to the circumstances while enjoying the luxuries and conveniences. Africa is a place said to lack all those luxuries of the contemporary life, but the scientists, reporters and many travelers have crowded there and come back alive with new discoveries, live reports and piles of beautiful scenery pictures taken there. Consider the difficulties there: the hot weather, the long trek through the deserts and the luxuriant forests and the disgusting food sometimes. Just believe we can better accustom ourselves than our ancestors because we know much more about this world even if we are deprived of all these so-called advanced technologies and convenient appliances.

Nevertheless, I have to admit that it will be ideal if we can get rid of all the concomitant negative consequences while enjoying the luxuries and conveniences of the contemporary life. If only we could ravish in the fast driving of cars without concerning of the wastes behind them! If only we could write on the white paper without worrying about the disappearance of the forests! If only we could enjoy the air condition without worrying about the rise of the temperature caused by carbon dioxide.

In sum to enjoy the luxuries and conveniences of the contemporary life is of great harm to the environment, but I have reason to be optimistic that those concomitants will be dealt with. And I have enough reason to believe the human kind is getting stronger and more independent than before.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-18 at 00:00 ]

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暑假中，有拍必回

staralwaysUID: 193479

Although many people think that the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are entirely harmless, they in fact, prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals.

If, to be truly strong and independent means struggling to survive without using any possible tools, I simply agree with the speaker. However, the continuation and development of the humankind depend on their ability to use and invent [感觉用invent and use更为恰当。] the instruments. I also believe that the luxuries and convenience of contemporary life are harmful in a different aspect.

Since the existence of humankind on the earth, they are faced with the possibility of being extinct. The discovery of fire was the first great step they have achieved in history. They could use it to frighten away the wild animals, and therefore lived a safer life than before. They could also cook food with it, and thus keep away from the disease caused by eating raw meat of the animals and to a certain extent prolonged the life expectancy. And they made settling down possible by domesticating the wild animals. [这句话感觉可以去掉；和前面的“火的发明和使用”联系不大。] They have not only discovered but also invented things themselves to make the condition better for surviving and living. For example, they invented the trains so that they could not only travel to places far away but also brought food from elsewhere when the natural disasters hit a certain area. A continuation of such discoveries and inventions make human race stronger and more independent, and at the same time life is becoming more convenient, more and more luxurious. Luxuries and convenience are the collaterals in the process of improving their surviving techniques. [这句话总结地不错。]

Actually [感觉这里用一个表转折的词，譬如，However会更恰当。], we don't need to worry that men may lose their ability to adapt to the circumstances while enjoying the luxuries and conveniences. Africa is a place said to lack all those luxuries of the contemporary life, but the scientists, reporters and many travelers have crowded there and come back alive with new discoveries, live reports and piles of beautiful scenery pictures taken there. [感觉如果能用那里的居民作例子的话更典型，更有说服力。] Consider the difficulties there: the hot weather, the long trek through the deserts and the luxuriant forests and the disgusting food sometimes. Just believe we can better accustom ourselves than our ancestors because we know much more about this world even if we are deprived of all these so-called advanced technologies and convenient appliances.

Nevertheless, I have to admit that it will be ideal if we can get rid of all the concomitant negative consequences while enjoying the luxuries and conveniences of the contemporary life. If only we could ravish in the fast driving of cars without concerning of the wastes behind them! If only we could write on the white paper without worrying about the disappearance of the forests! If only we could enjoy the air condition without worrying about the rise of the temperature caused by carbon dioxide. [感觉很难说这段有没有偏；不过我觉得如果“harm”是围绕着“独立、坚强的个体”这点来比较好。]

In sum to enjoy the luxuries and conveniences of the contemporary life is of great harm to the environment, but I have reason to be optimistic that those concomitants will be dealt with. And I have enough reason to believe the human kind is getting stronger and more independent than before. [结尾感觉有点虚。]