issue150 努力写的，算高频么？必回拍！

liulin12369UID: 2112878

150,Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited.As a result ,tourism will soon become obsolete.
     What intrigue the tourist' desire to visit the sight spot?The curiosity across the daily life styles or the landscape around catches the explorers' attention,so they decide to depart from the place with which they are quite familiar and pursue a different view  and experience to extend their horizon and enrich  their life story.Not only the adventurers but also the common individuals are engaged in this kind of sport.Nowadays,along with the development of the science and technology ,the information media such as television and woldwide computer  provid a digital  connection between the tour planner and the sight spot.A issue aroused in this point,will the tour planners change their decisions because of this kind of contact with their dreaming Shangrila?I assert no, for the following reasoning.
     To some extend ,the utilization of telecision and network provide the viewers a global link and partially satisfy their appetite for a fantastic place to visit.For the convenience,they may catch the informations merely by pressing some buttons and clicking  the mouse,or,just watching TV and say "Wow".In my opinion,the kind of satisfaction is called "paint a cake and the hunger will gone"in China,and this is just a good preparation for the excursion.From the digital window ,the tourist could acquire the immediate information about the traffic,the travelling expense,the climate of the destination.Also,if there are insuperable reasons ,for instance,short of money,disease,ocripplehood,etc,I could suggest the digital and false tour.
      But,if all the condition support this travelling,the decision merely sitting behind the media and receiving the report devised  by other people's taste is not so wise,for the pictures and vedio are not enough to satisfy  the explorers's curiosity.What could the media offer?Even if the best deviser ,could only  offer three facts to the audience:picrure,sound and the combining of the  facts.The audience may complain:"Why need I watch this?A movie could provide all this element in a attractive and miraculous way.Why not go to a theatre and enjoy my pop corn?"Moreover,the angle of view to the place is veried from person to person.The beauty point is not always the same for all the visiters.How could one who prefer peaceful shores in the sun set enjoy  the scene  of beach boiling by the jollification?  (乱了，这一段好长，是不是考虑从这里拆开了，理由怎么越说越多，汗）Another reason,the need of  refreshing from hard work  calls for the real excursion.Princess Sissi,the queen of Austria in the 18th,had suffered a sickness because of the complex  etiquette in the palace,and then her husband Franz took her along leave this palace and go to her childhood place in which  her illness is healed.Most  importantly ,the desire for a real personal experience to extend and enrich our life put the emphasis on this point.A several-days' sleep in the Mongolian tent,a chewing of  barbecue  beside the needfire,a first  sitting on the horse,offer us the real feeling,not only the sight and hearing but also the touch and smell,and the most important thing----memory.Taking something to home,no matter the photos,the souvenir,or the anything you like,could presenve this trip in the rest of your life.(这个句子乱了，人称也乱了，但是我写的快要抓狂了！）
      In sum,despite the development of the modern  information linkers,like televisions and  webs,the real excursion could not be replaced,however ,the technology eliminate the distance between the person and the land scope,and rouse more curiosity and then enhance the motivation to start this trip.So,in this condition,there will be more and more people join  in the stream of travelling and the tourism will thrive quite soon.




我的观点：完全反对issue的说法，首段介绍人们外出旅游的动机在哪里？对不同地理和人文的好奇和欣赏。
A.不能否认，电视和电脑确实把远方的信息更快捷，大量的传给人们，使人们熟悉了没有去过的地方。
B.但是，介绍者的文字或者录制的声音和图像，并不能满足人们亲自接触景点的好奇心，反而加强了这种好奇。人们会想亲自去看一看，1，数字图像不能代替真实的感受，不能满足2，完全未知，就不感兴趣，直到一点，反而想体验更清楚。
C.综上所述，旅游业会在数字时代更发达，而不是荒废。
感想：中间是不是可以写3段啊？疑惑中...把B给拆了，写成：
A,不能否认，电视和电脑确实把远方的信息更快捷，大量的传给人们，使人们熟悉了没有去过的地方。（可以举例，也可用常识说，例子不好举的说）
B,如果你身体病弱残疾，借助数字图像和声音就行了，但是如果健全的人，则有必要亲身经历！注意是一种经历！主要从感觉上谈，忽视了触觉和味觉感受，还有不能与当地人对话，风俗上也感受不到。（这个是常识，大家可以想象得到，举一些景点的例子）留影和买纪念品，有的人还喜欢在当地留下自己的名字，哈哈xx到此一游。，每个人欣赏的角度不同，网上和电视的材料都是根据别的欣赏目光来拍的，我自己想看的是不是这些呢？2，就算我想看的是这些，这样的视觉，听觉享受也是不够的，打个比方，要视听享受，我不如去看电影，电影还可以随心所欲的拍，关键是一种经历感，我来到这里了，我看到听到，摸到，闻到，我用过这里的东西，和这里的的人说过话，大家也记得我来过这里。
C,完全不了解也就不好奇，知道一部分却不知道整体，更加强了要亲自去看一看的好奇心。（马可波罗来中国）
结论：由于游客是变多而不是变少，所以旅游业面临的是发展也不是荒废。

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-11 at 13:27 ]

liulin12369UID: 2112878

一定拍我哦，不然55555哭死！！！！

platasUID: 173358

你的格式不对啊，改改（看看别人的），等会我来拍？

adonis0UID: 2109632

150,Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited.As a result ,tourism will soon become obsolete.

这个题6月考的比较多 我有个师妹刚考过 bless her here too~~~~

感觉你第一段有点太绕 虽然自己完全复述题目不好 但是可以简单重述以下
然后给你自己的观点

     What intrigue[s] the tourist[s]' desire to visit the sight spot?The curiosity across the daily life styles or the landscape around catches the explorers' attention[this is not a complete sentence, across can no be a verb ],so they decide to depart from the place with which they are quite familiar and pursue a different view  and experience to extend their horizon and enrich  their life story.Not only the adventurers but also the common individuals are engaged in this kind of sport.Nowadays,along with the development of the science and technology ,the information media such as television and woldwide computer  provid a digital  connection between the tour planner and the sight spot.A issue aroused in this point,will the tour planners change their decisions because of this kind of contact with their dreaming Shangrila?I assert no, for the following reasoning.
     To some extend[extent] ,the utilization of telecision and network provide the viewers a global link and partially satisfy their appetite for a fantastic place to visit.For the convenience,they may catch the informations merely by pressing some buttons and clicking  the mouse,or,just watching TV and say "Wow".In my opinion,the kind of satisfaction is called "paint a cake and the hunger will gone"in China,and this is just a good preparation for the excursion.From the digital window ,the tourist could acquire the immediate information about the traffic,the travelling expense,the climate of the destination.Also,if there are insuperable reasons ,for instance,short of money,disease,ocripplehood,etc,I could suggest the digital and false tour.
这段是在让步吗？ 可是则感觉大部分是在attack?
      But[However,but开头基本不符convention 只有少数文学大牛才这么做过],if all the condition support this travelling,the decision merely sitting behind the media and receiving the report devised  by other people's taste is not so wise,for the pictures and vedio are not enough to satisfy  the explorers's curiosity.What could the media offer?Even if the best deviser ,could only  offer three facts to the audienceicrure,sound and the combining[combination] of the  facts.The audience may complain:"Why need I watch this?A movie could provide all this element in a attractive and miraculous way.Why not go to a theatre and enjoy my pop corn?"Moreover,the angle of view to the place is veried[varies] from person to person.The beauty point is not always the same for all the visiters.How could one who prefer peaceful shores in the sun set enjoy  the scene  of beach boiling by the jollification?  (乱了，这一段好长，是不是考虑从这里拆开了，理由怎么越说越多，汗）Another reason,the need of  refreshing from hard work  calls for the real excursion.Princess Sissi,the queen of Austria in the 18th,had suffered a sickness because of the complex  etiquette in the palace,and then her husband Franz took her along leave this palace and go to her childhood place in which  her illness is healed.Most  importantly ,the desire for a real personal experience to extend and enrich our life put the emphasis on this point.A several-days' sleep in the Mongolian tent,a chewing of  barbecue  beside the needfire,a first  sitting on the horse,offer us the real feeling,not only the sight and hearing but also the touch and smell,and the most important thing----memory.Taking something to home,no matter the photos,the souvenir,or the anything you like,could presenve this trip in the rest of your life.(这个句子乱了，人称也乱了，但是我写的快要抓狂了！） 这个sissi的例子不好 似乎out of point了
      In sum,despite the development of the modern  information linkers,like televisions and  webs,the real excursion could not be replaced,however ,the technology eliminate the distance between the person and the land scope,and rouse more curiosity and then enhance the motivation to start this trip.So,in this condition,there will be more and more people join  in the stream of travelling and the tourism will thrive quite soon.

有一些问题

我感觉这个文章应该说为什么旅游不可以被科技手段代替

不能只说旅游的好处

而是结合他的好处说他不可以被取代


我原来也写了一篇

感觉也不是很好

不过你可以也帮我拍拍

With the rapidity of the development of science and technology, people today can by television or internet become familiar with many places even they haven't actually visited  them. For this reason,  the speaker claims that  tourism will soon become obsolete and fade into the  corner of the society. However, as far as I am concerned, I take a dim view of this opinion and believe toursim shall never become out-of-date from such influence; moreover, it may benefit from the advancement of technology as well.

In the first place, no one can brush aside the fact that personal experience is something which can not be replaced by just viewing pictures or videos through some high-tech apparatus. When a person goes for a sight-seeing, he is a positive participant; but when he is watching the scene on the television, he may well be a passive recipient. Just to think of the excitement in visiting some famous mountains in China. After trying all the effort in climbing the mountain and finally conquering it, one shall definitely be enchanted by a thrilled feeling, which is inspired by the marvelous scene before his eyes as well as the great accomplishment he has just done. If he just click via the internet for some pictures or view a short video on the television, how can he be endowed with such blessing and gratitude. True pursuers of the nature and the beauty of the world shall inevitably choose to experience the scence themselves rather than watch it at home. As a result, toursim shall never become obsolete or less
favoriate than before.

Furthermore, to go for a sight-seeing instead of viewing the pictures at home can benefit people in a number of other aspects, which motivate people to do so at their leisure time. Most important of all, people can meet more people and make new friends, and this quite often produces surprise. A chance conversation may lead a person to discover how little is known of a particular country and encourage him to learn more about it. In addition to acquainting new friends, people can also during a sight-seeing become more familiar with their old ones as well as the members of their families. A parent can better understand how his children think of what the beauty of nature is and share his view with them more readily and without any constraint. All these are the benefits a real tour rather than the pictures and videos can confer to us, and only from it we can have so many wholesome rewards.

What's more, in some sense, toursim shall benefit and have a rapid increase with the advent of new technology and innovations. With the widely estalished electrical advertisement and a great deal of approachs in excahnging  information, the tourism shall see a great boom when more and more people come to be aware of the numerous magnificent heritages our predecessor and the nature itself have left for us.

To sum up, to watch pictures or view a video on television is one thing, and being a tourist is another, and I believe that even more advanced technolog has been invented, toursim can never be replaced by it and become obsolete over time.

liulin12369UID: 2112878

1，开头我就喜欢背景介绍法，难道不可以吗？ets范文第一篇就是，可以去查证。（开头我介绍一个现象，追溯历史，主要给一个背景，再稍微带一下观点，论证观点是在后面的说！这个就是6月的高频，我选来写的，没事你就bless，汗。。。
2，我让步的时候就不能attack吗？我可是花心思故意这么说的，文章才有整体感，给后面埋点伏笔啊，范文也有这种写法，但是我不能保证我模仿的到位，可以继续探讨。
3，感觉however已经不能满足我这里的转折需要了，太弱，感觉。
4，我有2个疑问的地方，你没有甩我得说。
5，sissi我goo了半小时，汗死了，不好是有一点，但是完全没有事例，也说不过去啊，迷惑ing.
6，结合着说，我感觉不算非常结合，但是并没有完全分开说，还是有结合的，我回来看看你的，吃饭去了。

liulin12369UID: 2112878

这一篇，我很用心的考虑了论证方法和词汇修饰，你多少也不要完全忽略我的劳动阿！

liulin12369UID: 2112878

With the rapidity of the development of science and technology, people today can by television or internet（by用在这里别扭的说，放在句末吧） become familiar with many places even they haven't actually visited  them. For this reason,  the speaker claims that  tourism will soon become obsolete and fade into the  corner of the society. However, as far as I am concerned, I take a dim view of this opinion and believe toursim shall never become out-of-date from（用这个更恰当due to) such influence; moreover, it may benefit from the advancement of technology as well.（大哥，每篇都是dim view，有自己的套路）

In the first place, no one can brush aside the fact that personal experience is something which can not be replaced by just viewing pictures or videos through some high-tech apparatus. When a person goes for a sight-seeing, he is a positive（后面没有在这个点上展开说明，虽然这个点不错） participant; but when he is watching the scene on the television, he may well be a passive recipient. Just to think（让人家去想，不是常识，大家不能想到，不是每个人都有这种体验） of the excitement in visiting some famous mountains in China. After trying all the effort in climbing the mountain and finally conquering it, one shall definitely be enchanted by a thrilled feeling,（用此有点夸张吧，汗） which is inspired by the marvelous scene before his eyes as well as the great accomplishment（爬个山也叫成就，又不是珠穆朗玛峰） he has just done. If he just click via （这个词还是第一次见）the internet for some pictures or view a short video on the television, how can he be endowed with such blessing and gratitude.（感受不到，作者自己感受高出读者很多，不能得到共鸣的说） True pursuers of the nature and the beauty of the world shall inevitably choose to experience the scence themselves rather than watch it at home. As a result, toursim shall never become obsolete or less favoriate than before.（论述过后，观点是，为了追求自然的的美景，必须亲自去体验。说了一些读者感受不到的自己的感受，作为论据，不够有说服力。至少不够客观，随便爬个山也叫conquer,喜从何来，细致入微的分析在哪里？显得有一点强制读者同喜的感觉）

Furthermore, to go for a sight-seeing instead of viewing the pictures at home can benefit people in a number of other aspects（抽象的说，最好列举一下，不然摸不到头脑）, which motivate people to do so at their leisure time. Most important of all, people can meet more people and make new friends,(关于这一点理由，我觉得不具备专有性，要是为了交朋友，网络，聚会，很多途径都可以做到，为什么非要外出旅游呢） and this quite often produces surprise（惊奇用过了吧？好奇就可以了curiosity,我文章里的用法）. A chance conversation（交谈用电话都可以，我还得face to face还得花路费）  may lead a person to discover how little is known of a particular country （了解风俗的途径很多，看书都行啊）and encourage him to learn more about it. In addition to acquainting new friends, people can also during a sight-seeing become more familiar with their old ones as well as the members of their families.（这个理由更是不能成立） A parent can better understand how his children think of what the beauty of nature is and share his view with them more readily and without any constraint. All these are the benefits a real tour rather than the pictures and videos can confer to us, and only from it we can have so many wholesome rewards.（旅游就为了交朋友，加固亲人的了解和感情？非旅游不可吗？如果不是非旅游不可，举出来有没有说服力呢？而且你并没有在同时强调数码信息不能提供的弱点，更进一步支持非旅游不可的观点）

What's more, in some sense, toursim shall benefit and have a rapid increase with the advent of new technology and innovations. With the widely estalished electrical advertisement and a great deal of approachs in excahnging  information, the tourism shall see a great boom when more and more people come to be aware of the numerous magnificent heritages our predecessor and the nature itself have left for us.

To sum up, to watch pictures or view a video on television is one thing, and being a tourist is another, and I believe that even more advanced technolog has been invented, toursim can never be replaced by it and become obsolete over time.

我归纳你的分论点
A,不能取代，因为人要追求大自然的美，并且用自身经历和感受这种很虚的东西来证明。
B,不能取代，因为旅游可以交朋友和加固亲人感情以及了解，我觉得这个肯定是存在，但是没有专属性，很多别的途径都可以做到这一点，为什么非要去旅游呢？
C,信息交换加强了人们出去看看的愿望，谈得不够深刻，有点代过去的感觉，没有佐证。

个人观点，若有雷同，纯属巧合。

liulin12369UID: 2112878

liulin12369UID: 2112878

150,Because of television and worldwide computer connections , people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited .As a result ,tourism will soon become obsolete .

What intrigue the tourist' desire to visit the sight spot ?The curiosity across the daily life styles or the landscape around catches the explorers' attention ,so they decide to depart from the place with which they are quite familiar and pursue a different view  and experience to extend their horizon and enrich  their life story . Not only the adventurers but also the common individuals are engaged in this kind of sport .Nowadays,along with the development of the science and technology ,the information media such as television and woldwide computer  provid a digital  connection between the tour planner and the sight spot .A issue aroused in this point,will the tour planners change their decisions because of this kind of contact with their dreaming Shangrila ?I assert no , for the following reasoning .

To some extend ,the utilization of telecision and network provide the viewers a global link and partially satisfy their appetite for a fantastic place to visit.For the convenience ,they may catch the informations merely by pressing some buttons and clicking  the mouse,or,just watching TV and say "Wow" .In my opinion , the kind of satisfaction is called " paint a cake and the hunger will gone " in China , and this is just a good preparation for the excursion . From the digital window , the tourist could acquire the immediate information about the traffic , the travelling expense , the climate of the destination . Also , if there are insuperable reasons , for instance , short of money , disease , ocripplehood , etc , I could suggest the digital and false tour .

But , if all the condition support this travelling , the decision merely sitting behind the media and receiving the report devised  by other people's taste is not so wise , for the pictures and vedio are not enough to satisfy  the explorers's curiosity . What could the media offer ? Even if the best deviser , could only  offer three facts to the audience : picrure , sound and the combining of the  facts . The audience may complain : " Why need I watch this ? A movie could provide all this element in a attractive and miraculous way . Why not go to a theatre and enjoy my pop corn ? " Moreover , the angle of view to the place is veried from person to person . The beauty point is not always the same for all the visiters . How could one who prefer peaceful shores in the sun set enjoy  the scene  of beach boiling by the jollification ?   (乱了，这一段好长，是不是考虑从这里拆开了，理由怎么越说越多，汗）Another reason , the need of  refreshing from hard work  calls for the real excursion . Princess Sissi , the queen of Austria in the 18th , had suffered a sickness because of the complex  etiquette in the palace , and then her husband Franz took her along leave this palace and go to her childhood place in which  her illness is healed . Most  importantly , the desire for a real personal experience to extend and enrich our life put the emphasis on this point . A several-days '  sleep in the Mongolian tent , a chewing of  barbecue  beside the needfire , a first  sitting on the horse , offer us the real feeling,not only the sight and hearing but also the touch and smell , and the most important thing----memory . Taking something to home , no matter the photos , the souvenir , or the anything you like , could presenve this trip in the rest of your life . (这个句子乱了，人称也乱了，但是我写的快要抓狂了！）
      In sum , despite the development of the modern  information linkers , like televisions and  webs , the real excursion could not be replaced , however , the technology eliminate the distance between the person and the land scope , and rouse more curiosity and then enhance the motivation to start this trip . So,in this condition , there will be more and more people join  in the stream of travelling and the tourism will thrive quite soon .

adonis0UID: 2109632

150,Because of television and worldwide computer connections , people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited .As a result ,tourism will soon become obsolete .

What intrigue the tourist' desire to visit the sight spot ?The curiosity across the daily life styles or the landscape around catches the explorers' attention ,so they decide to depart from the place with which they are quite familiar and pursue a different view  and experience to extend their horizon and enrich  their life story . Not only the adventurers but also the common individuals are engaged in this kind of sport .Nowadays,along with the development of the science and technology ,the information media such as television and woldwide computer  provid a digital  connection between the tour planner and the sight spot .A issue aroused in this point,will the tour planners change their decisions because of this kind of contact with their dreaming Shangrila ?I assert no , for the following reasoning .

To some extend ,the utilization of telecision and network provide the viewers a global link and partially satisfy their appetite for a fantastic place to visit.For the convenience ,they may catch the informations merely by pressing some buttons and clicking  the mouse,or,just watching TV and say "Wow" .In my opinion , the kind of satisfaction is called " paint a cake and the hunger will gone " in China , and this is just a good preparation for the excursion . From the digital window , the tourist could acquire the immediate information about the traffic , the travelling expense , the climate of the destination . Also , if there are insuperable reasons , for instance , short of money , disease , ocripplehood , etc , I could suggest the digital and false tour .

But , if all the condition support this travelling , the decision merely sitting behind the media and receiving the report devised  by other people's taste is not so wise , for the pictures and vedio are not enough to satisfy  the explorers's curiosity . What could the media offer ? Even if the best deviser , could only  offer three facts to the audience : picrure , sound and the combining of the  facts . The audience may complain : " Why need I watch this ? A movie could provide all this element in a attractive and miraculous way . Why not go to a theatre and enjoy my pop corn ? " Moreover , the angle of view to the place is veried from person to person . The beauty point is not always the same for all the visiters . How could one who prefer peaceful shores in the sun set enjoy  the scene  of beach boiling by the jollification ?   (乱了，这一段好长，是不是考虑从这里拆开了，理由怎么越说越多，汗）Another reason , the need of  refreshing from hard work  calls for the real excursion . Princess Sissi , the queen of Austria in the 18th , had suffered a sickness because of the complex  etiquette in the palace , and then her husband Franz took her along leave this palace and go to her childhood place in which  her illness is healed . Most  importantly , the desire for a real personal experience to extend and enrich our life put the emphasis on this point . A several-days '  sleep in the Mongolian tent , a chewing of  barbecue  beside the needfire , a first  sitting on the horse , offer us the real feeling,not only the sight and hearing but also the touch and smell , and the most important thing----memory . Taking something to home , no matter the photos , the souvenir , or the anything you like , could presenve this trip in the rest of your life . (这个句子乱了，人称也乱了，但是我写的快要抓狂了！）
      In sum , despite the development of the modern  information linkers , like televisions and  webs , the real excursion could not be replaced , however , the technology eliminate the distance between the person and the land scope , and rouse more curiosity and then enhance the motivation to start this trip . So,in this condition , there will be more and more people join  in the stream of travelling and the tourism will thrive quite soon .

看了一下 一般写5段
最好把4拆了

这样每段观点都比较鲜明

第三个论点 说人需要休息所以去旅游 那时别的方法也可以啊 开个party对有些人也很好

其实我觉得GRE的作文不在于你的理由多么多么让人信服

最终要能够自圆其说

就像我说爬山让人有成就感

只要自己写得没有逻辑问题就可以

45分钟一般写不出来真正东西的

lingli_xiaoaiUID: 172506

你发了两次,我也很希望马上帮你改,可是你现在已经有人帮你改过了,我觉得改得很好,你写新的以后我再帮你改吧,行吗?
另外,我看你的开头觉得你确实写的很认真,我今天有点头昏,明天我清醒了就帮你改.
加油,希望你考试顺利

liulin12369UID: 2112878

to adonis,我指出例证的不足，是希望可以加强论证力度。你说的我那个例子，确实也是有漏洞的，或者说论点也有漏洞，我会在以后注意的。
to灰原，有时间还是帮我看看，毕竟2个新手的力量有限。谢谢~