Issue236 限时失败，还有三天，紧张中

lili1251UID: 192442

作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：0分3秒     721 words
从2005年6月11日21时29分到2005年6月11日21时0分
------题目------
Encouraging young people to believe that they can accomplish great things if they try hard enough is both misleading and potentially harmful.
------正文------
In my opinion, encouraging young people to believe that they can achieve great things if they try hard enough is neither misleading nor potentially harmful, if they would be taught to how to face the failure.

In the first place, it's quite necessary to encourage the young to believe that they have potential abilities to achieve great success through hard work. On one hand, encouraging the youth gives their more courage to strive. Common sense tells us confidence is very important to an individual who want to be successful. Educators have found that children who are praised and encouraged by teachers and parents will have more performance than other children. On the other hand, as a old saying goes, there is no pain, there is no gain. Anyone who want to be successful has to work hard than others. A case suddenly came to my mind, a teacher who has taught us in university has been promoted recently and became the youngest leader of the laboratory. We was not astonish at all when the news came to us. It is actually worthy that he got that position. Because he has been working more than ten hours every day, and spent much time on reading papers and doing experiments, so in a few years, he had published several papers which has significant importance in his field. I remembered that he always repeated the old saying above to us in class. And in fact, he made his practice to testify that again.

In the second place, many successors actually gain great success through hard working than common people, even the children who have talent and special ability. Musician Mozart and Beethoven are two cases to point. No one will deny that they actually present excellent abilities at music, however, without the hard practicing every, neither of them can be the famous and perfect musical performer in their own times. To much better support that the hard working and trying are important for one to pursuit his goals, we can learn more from the case of American inventor Edison. He was always curious about everything around his life from childhood, but he was not smart as his fellows. On a hand-making class, both his teacher and his classmate laughed at his work. The principal of his school even thought he was stupid so he ask Edison's mother to take him home. But his mother didn't give up his son as others, in contrast she encouraged him to find answers which he was always curious about, and encourage him to do experiments to testify his thoughts even he had made mistakes and brought annoyance for her. In a word, his mother encourage him to do and try by any methods. As a result, this child who was once regarded as a fool became the greatest inventor in 20th. So now, how can we say that encouraging young people to believe them will accomplish great things through their efforts is misleading and harmful?

In addition, without encouraging the youth to try and gain success by hard working may restrain the development of them. Every young people has his or her own potential ability, we can not deny that just because he or she has not present in his or her early age. To explore his or her special potential capability, we have to encourage them to try everything and work hard.

At last, we have admitted that even hard try and work cannot guarantee them to gain success. And then the possible failure may bring them great depress, even leads them to give up at all. Much more unfortunately, some young people had given up their lives when they failed. These problems indicate us that we should encourage them accomplish great things if they try and work hard as well as lead them to treat the possible failures in a correctl way, over-accentuate on success through hard work may cover the reality of failure which exists in every aspect of our life.

In summary, we cannot give up encouraging them to pursue great things through hard work because of some cases that young people cannot face the failure even they had hard try.  To reduce the negative effects that failure put on them, we should encourage them to take a objective view on failure as well.


我一般都是把每段的ts写完了，开头和结尾写好再展开，这个题目随便抽的，就没有写完，b1没有想好怎么展开（后来加完整了），耽误了点时间。看来考试时只能碰运气了。

[ Last edited by lili1251 on 2005-7-11 at 21:26 ]

lili1251UID: 192442

提纲：
b1：鼓励年轻人通过努力获得成功是必要的
b2：历史上很多人不管有无先天的才华都要靠努力获得成功
b3：不鼓励年轻人通过努力获得成功可能埋没了他们的潜能
b4：过于强调努力就会成功也不好，要教会青年人面对可能失败的现实。

mmyppUID: 187645

想不出来就举身边的，编也行啊

mmyppUID: 187645

楼主700多字想限时也不容易

lili1251UID: 192442

限时会紧张的，没办法啦。

mmyppUID: 187645

放松，你功底不错，只要别着急，不就是个小作文嘛，跟ets抗争到底

mmyppUID: 187645

In my opinion, encouraging young people to believe that they can achieve great things if they try hard enough is neither misleading nor potentially harmful, if they would be taught to how to face the failure.

In the first place, it's quite necessary to encourage the young to believe that they have potential abilities to achieve great success through hard work. On one hand, encouraging the youth gives their more courage to strive. Common sense tells us confidence is very important to an individual who want to be successful. Educators have found that children who are praised and encouraged by teachers and parents will have more performance than other children. On the other hand, as a(an) old saying goes, there is no pain, there is no gain. Anyone who want(s) to be successful has to work hard than others. A case suddenly came to my mind, a teacher who has taught us in university has been promoted recently and became the youngest leader of the laboratory. We was(were) not astonish(ed) at all when the news came to us. It is actually worthy that he got that position. Because he has been working more than ten hours every day, and spent much time on reading papers and doing experiments, so in a few years, he had published several papers which has have significant importance in his field. I remembered that he always repeated the old saying above to us in class. And in fact, he made his practice to testify that again.

In the second place, many successors actually gain great success through hard working than common people, even the children who have talent and special ability. Musicians Mozart and Beethoven are two cases to point. No one will deny that they actually present excellent abilities at music, however, without the hard practicing every, neither of them can be the famous and perfect musical performer in their own times. To much better support that the hard working and trying are important for one to pursuit his goals, we can learn more from the case of American inventor Edison. He was always curious about everything around his life from childhood, but he was not smart as his fellows. On a hand-making class, both his teacher and his classmates laughed at his work. The principal of his school even thought he was stupid so he ask Edison's mother to take him home. But his mother didn't give up his son as others, in contrast she encouraged him to find answers which he was always curious about, and encouraged him to do experiments to testify his thoughts even he had made mistakes and brought annoyance for(to?) her. In a word, his mother encouraged him to do and try by any methods. As a result, this child who was once regarded as a fool became the greatest inventor in 20th. So now, how can we say that encouraging young people to believe them will accomplish great things through their efforts is misleading and harmful? (叙述太多？)

In addition, without encouraging the youth to try and gain success by hard working may restrain the development of them. Every young people has his or her own potential ability, we can not deny that just because he or she has not present in his or her early age. To explore his or her special potential capability, we have to encourage them to try everything and work hard.

At last, we have admitted that even hard try and work cannot guarantee them to gain success. And then the possible failure may bring them great depress, even leads them to give up at all. Much more unfortunately, some young people had given up their lives when they failed. These problems indicate us that we should encourage them accomplish great things if they try and work hard as well as lead them to treat the possible failures in a correct way, over-accentuate on success through hard work may cover the reality of failure which exists in every aspect of our life.

In summary, we cannot give up encouraging them（用名词好些吧） to pursue great things through hard work because of some cases that young people cannot face the failure even they had hard try.  To reduce the negative effects that failure put on them, we should encourage them to take a（an） objective view on failure as well.

楼主第二段有些累赘了，叙述可适当少些，个人意见：）  还有语法错误有些，但问题都不大。＋u

lili1251UID: 192442

我限时哪里有写七百多哦，是后面加起来总共，当时只有五百来字，第二段没有写完。

rosaryUID: 2109502

In my opinion, encouraging young people to believe that they can achieve great things if they try hard enough is neither misleading nor potentially harmful, if they would be taught to how to face the failure.

In the first place, it's quite necessary to encourage the young to believe that they have potential abilities to achieve great success through hard work. On one hand, encouraging the youth gives their (them) more courage to strive. Common sense tells us confidence is very important to an individual who want to be successful. Educators have found that children who are praised and encouraged by teachers and parents will have more performance than other children. On the other hand, as a(an) old saying goes, there is no pain, there is no gain. Anyone who want(s) to be successful has to work hard than others. A case suddenly came to my mind, a teacher who has taught us in university has been promoted recently and became the youngest leader of the laboratory. We was (were) not astonish(ed) at all when the news came to us. It is actually worthy that he got that position. Because he has been working more than ten hours every day, and spent much time on reading papers and doing experiments, so in a few years, he had published several papers which has significant importance in his field. I remembered that he always repeated the old saying above to us in class. And in fact, he made his practice to testify that again.

In the second place, many successors actually gain great success through hard working than common people, even the children who have talent and special ability. Musician Mozart and Beethoven are two cases to point. No one will deny that they actually present(ed) excellent abilities at music, however, without the hard practicing every(day), neither of them can be the famous and perfect musical performer in their own times. To much better support that the hard working and trying are important for one to pursuit his goals, we can learn more from the case of American inventor Edison. He was always curious about everything around his life from childhood, but he was not smart as his fellows. On a hand-making class, both his teacher and his classmate laughed at his work. The principal of his school even thought he was stupid so he ask(ed) Edison's mother to take him home. But his mother didn't give up his(her) son as others, in contrast she encouraged him to find answers which he was always curious about, and encourage(d) him to do experiments to testify his thoughts even he had made mistakes and brought annoyance for her. In a word, his mother encourage(d) him to do and try by any (every) methods. As a result, this child who was once regarded as a fool became the greatest inventor in 20th (century). So now, how can we say that encouraging young people to believe them will accomplish great things through their efforts is misleading and harmful?(爱迪生的例子缩短一些吧，要不然写不完啊，而且也不必写这么多)
In addition, without encouraging the youth to try and gain success by hard working may restrain the development of them. Every young people has his or her own potential ability, we can not deny that just because he or she has not present(ed) in his or her early age. To explore his or her special potential capability, we have to encourage them to try everything and work hard.

At last, we have admitted that even hard try and work cannot guarantee them to gain success. And then the possible failure may bring them great depress, even leads them to give up at all. Much more unfortunately, some young people had given up their lives when they failed. These problems indicate us that we should encourage them accomplish great things if they try and work hard as well as lead them to treat the possible failures in a correctl(correct) way, over-accentuate on success through hard work may cover the reality of failure which exists in every aspect of our life.

In summary, we cannot give up encouraging them to pursue great things through hard work because of some cases that young people cannot face the failure even they had hard try.  To reduce the negative effects that failure put on them, we should encourage them to take a (an) objective view on failure as well.

题目是要讨论让青年人相信努力一定会取得成功好不好，但b3b4主要分析的是努力对成功的作用，在一定程度上忽略了“相信努力一定会带来成功”这一观点，不知道会不会算偏题？
还有，发现楼主最容易疏忽a和an，要小心啊,这种错太不值了

lili1251UID: 192442

记住了，谢谢！

fhxyweiUID: 157384

Issue236 限时失败，还有三天，紧张中

作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：0分3秒     721 words[写得太多了，500字左右就够了，考试环境下是很难写这么多的]从2005年6月11日21时29分到2005年6月11日21时0分
------题目------
Encouraging young people to believe that they can accomplish great things if they try hard enough is both misleading and potentially harmful.





In my opinion, encouraging young people to believe that they can achieve great things if they try hard enough is neither misleading nor potentially harmful, if they would be =直接用are不行吗，一般条件句，现在时态吗taught to how to face the failure.

[立场鲜明，全盘否定]

In the first place, it's quite necessary to encourage the young to believe that they have potential abilities to achieve great success through hard work. On [the]one hand, encouraging the youth gives their (them) more courage to strive. Common sense tells us confidence is very important to an individual who want to be successful. Educators have found that children who are praised and encouraged by teachers and parents will have more performance than other children. On the other hand, as a(an) old saying goes, there is no pain, there is no gain. Anyone who want(s) to be successful has to work hard than others. A case suddenly came to[leap into,这个短语是不是更好些？] my mind, a teacher who has taught us in university has been promoted recently and became the youngest leader of the laboratory. We was (were) not astonish(ed) at all when the news came to us. It is actually worthy[deserved] that he got that position. Because he has been working more than ten hours every day, and spent much time on reading papers and doing experiments, so in a few years, he had published several papers which has significant importance in his field. [这个勤奋工作的例子扯远了，风马牛不相及，和encouraging没什么关系，没有说到他是受人鼓励取得的成就]I remembered that he always repeated the old saying above to us in class. [这个old saying 只是说明了成功要勤奋，要付出代价]And in fact, he made his practice to testify that again.

In the second place, many successors actually gain great success through hard working than common people, even the children who have talent and special ability. [从这个topic sentence来看，这段又是光讲hard work的重要性，没有结合encourage来讲，打擦边球，没有抓住这个题目的实质：鼓励别人只要勤奋就能成功，究竟对吗？，这个世界上好多事情光勤奋是不够的]Musician Mozart and Beethoven are two cases to point. No one will deny that they actually present(ed) excellent abilities at music, however, without the hard practicing every(day), neither of them can be the famous and perfect musical performer in their own times. To much better support that the hard working and trying are important for one to pursuit his goals, we can learn more from the case of American inventor Edison. He was always curious about everything around his life from childhood, but he was not smart as his fellows. On a hand-making class, both his teacher and his classmate laughed at his work. The principal of his school even thought he was stupid so he ask(ed) Edison's mother to take him home. But his mother didn't give up his(her) son as others, in contrast she encouraged him to find answers which he was always curious about, and encourage(d) him to do experiments to testify his thoughts even he had made mistakes and brought annoyance for her. In a word, his mother encourage(d) him to do and try by any (every) methods.[虽然topic sentence没有讲到encourage,这里还是讲到了enourage，总算没有偏太远，否则这篇文章题目可以定为：勤奋使人成功] As a result, this child who was once regarded as a fool became the greatest inventor in 20th (century). So now, how can we say that encouraging young people to believe them will accomplish great things through their efforts is misleading and harmful?(爱迪生的例子缩短一些吧，要不然写不完啊，而且也不必写这么多)
[1，例子点到为止就行，是为说理服务的，不是要你讲一个精彩的故事！]
[2，这一段基本上是第一段的统一重复，基本上就是讲一个主题：鼓励人勤奋工作能使人成功，没有开辟一个新的角度]

In addition, without encouraging the youth to try and gain success by hard working may restrain the development of them.[反面论证，不错，但是要讲清楚是怎么restrain的阿，举个例子证明也行] Every young people has his or her own potential ability, we can not deny that just because he or she has not present(ed) in his or her early age. [这句和第一句同意重：我们不能否认没个人都有潜能]To explore his or her special potential capability, we have to encourage them to try everything and work hard. [这段没有展开，ets评卷人会下个结论：it is not well-developed,这是典型的3分4份作文的评语，多研究一下范文]

At last, we have admitted that even hard try and work cannot guarantee them to gain success.[自相矛盾，你的开头的立场就是全盘否定，没有让步的意思，写道这里又搞出一个让步了，如果写在第一段开头，用一两句话带过，可表明你论证严谨，各种情况都考虑到了，但在这里单独开一段，就是自相矛盾！] And then the possible failure may bring them great depress, even leads them to give up at all. Much more unfortunately, some young people had given up their lives when they failed. These problems indicate us that we should encourage them accomplish great things if they try and work hard as well as lead them to treat the possible failures in a correctl(correct) way, over-accentuate on success through hard work may cover the reality of failure which exists in every aspect of our life.

In summary, we cannot give up encouraging them to pursue great things through hard work because of some cases that young people cannot face the failure even they had hard try.  To reduce the negative effects that failure put on them, we should encourage them to take a (an) objective view on failure as well.

看完了，语言可以过的去，但论证确实还要加强，你的分析都停留表面上没有深入，打些擦边球，这道题要我写就是中和立场：不能盲目的鼓励别人

我跟别人批，是好不留情面的：） 仅供参考

lili1251UID: 192442

恩，3x。看来没有练过的文章确实不大可能写好了。

这篇是顺手那来写的，自己开始练习的太晚了，没办法了阿

lili1251UID: 192442

In my opinion, encouraging young people to believe that they can achieve great things if they try hard enough is neither misleading nor potentially harmful, if they would be =直接用are不行吗，一般条件句，现在时态吗taught to how to face the failure
[立场鲜明，全盘否定].

我加了条件句的啊。

[ Last edited by lili1251 on 2005-7-12 at 17:41 ]

fhxyweiUID: 157384

Originally posted by lili1251 at 2005-7-12 17:40

我加了条件句的啊。

我的意思是句中的"would be"应当用 are 替换，是一个一般条件句，不是虚拟语气

lili1251UID: 192442

我的意思是说我开头有让步，你怎么说我没有让步呢？