issue103 同主题

tz0412UID: 180794

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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     
从2005年7月8日10时33分到2005年7月8日11时48分

经过逗逗MM的拍砖，推出改良版本了。
------题目------
The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives.
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Dose studying history only has value in the respects that are relevant to people's daily life? Although I concede the fact that studying the past can indeed give us many benefits in our daily life, I could hardly agree with this too extreme assertion, especially when it comes to the political fields and some lasting social problems.

First of all, we must admit the significance and value of study history in our daily life. Since the human society is not an isolated or exclusive one only existing in particular period in history, in the past there were undoubtedly myriad kinds of meaningful events and experience similar to what people encounter nowadays and from which we can lean quite a lot to improve today's society and life.  For instance, scientists and medical experts can study and investigate a specific disease about how it spread in the past and what were the characteristics of the means and pattern it spread. By doing so, they could take more effective and efficient actions to prevent this disease occurring and transmitting in large scale today and thus can enhance the physical security of the overall population in the society.

However, even if the benefit of studying the past to our daily life is pretty prominent and unexceptionable, the author has unfairly and unjustifiably narrowed down the extent to which the study of history has its own value. In fact, studying the events and people in the past could not only benefit our daily life, but is also very useful and helpful in many other respects in today's world.

In political areas, as an illustration, through careful scrutiny of the Watergate scandal of President Nixon, people in United States would reconsider the huge authorities given to their political leaders and the important part of mass medias in society. Whether the presidents had been given too much power and been imposed too little restrictions, which made them so pompous that they did not really take the interests of the overall population seriously. And the indispensable role of the Washingtonpost in this event had made an excellent paragon for all the mainstream medias in the world. Although such event simply could not occur everyday and is not associated with the ordinary people directly, we can still lean quite a lot from them.

Another history events lending credence to my notion that the value of studying history lies in all aspects of our world today is the ruthless atrocity the Jews suffered from during the Second World War. From approximately 1939 to 1945, over 6,000,000 Jews had been killed by the Nazi who were driven crazy by the so-called "mast race" theory of Hitler. Although the discrimination and exclusion between different races are much less sharp and severe nowadays, the study of those brutal slaughter would continually warn us about the evil of race discrimination and admonish people today that we should bear more toleration and give more comprehension and love to people who looks different form us.

Therefore, taking into account of all these factors, I could finally develop my own opinion towards the issue: although the value of studying the past to our daily life is undoubted, the speaker conclude too hastily and unfairly that the value of history only lies in this single aspect. In fact, we could lean from history diverse experience and various kinds of meaningful lessons in almost all respects of world today.

[ Last edited by tz0412 on 2005-8-9 at 00:45 ]

逗逗UID: 173558

Dose studying history only has value to the extent relevant to people's daily life? Although I concede that studying the past can indeed give us many benefits in our daily life, I could hardly agree with the speaker's too(去掉) extreme assertion that the value of history only lies in the respects that are relevant to our everyday life.(个人认为点一下历史研究其他方面的作用更有效)


First of all, we must admit the significance and value of study history in our daily life.  Since the human society is not an isolated or exclusive one only existing in particular period in history, in the past there were undoubtedly myriad kinds of meaningful events and experience similar to what people encounter nowadays and from which we can lean quite a lot to improve today's society and life.  For instance, scientists and medical experts can study and investigate a specific disease about how it spread in the past and what were the characteristics of the means and pattern it spread. By doing so, they could take more effective and efficient actions to prevent this disease occurring and transmitting in large scale today and thus can enhance the physical security of the overall population in the society.（这个例子不是很贴切吧，和通常意义的历史好象有差异，和主题句关系也不紧密，也不要光摆出例子就算了，既然是DAILY LIFE ， 我想到有道题说学习历史有助于做决定 不是很好的利用点吗？）

However, even if the benefit of studying the past to our daily life is pretty prominent and unexceptionable, the author has unfairly and unjustifiably narrow down the extent to which the study of history has its own value. In fact, studying the things and people in the past could not only benefit our daily life, but could（去掉） also favor many other respects in today's world.  As an illustration, by scrutinizing the Watergate scandal of President Nixon and President Clinton’s sex scandal,（克林顿的事算当代的吧） people would reconsider the huge authorities given to our political leads and the important part of mass medias in our life. Although these events simply could not occur everyday and are not associated with the ordinary people directly, we can still lean quite a lot of them.（论证不身，例子也没有力度。中心不明确， OTHER ASPECTS 太空洞了）

Another history events lending credence to my notion that the value of studying history lies in all aspects of our world today is the ruthless atrophy （你确定这种用法吗？）ffered from during the Second World War. From approximately 1939 to 1945, over 6,000,000 Jews had been killed by Assist who was driven crazy by the so-called "mast race" theory of Hitler. Although the discrimination and exclusion between different races are much less sharp and sever nowadays, the study of those brutal slaughter would continually warn us about the evil of race discrimination and admonish people today that we should bear more toleration and give more comprehension and love to people who looks different form us.（其实你上面两段都在论述其他方面，何不各给出一个TS，把层次划分清楚呢，这个例子到是不错）

herefore, taking into account of all these factors, I could finally develop my own opinion towards the issue: although the value of studying the past to our daily life is undoubted, the speaker conclude too hastily and unfairly that the value of history only lies in this single respect. In fact, we could lean from history diverse experience and various kinds of meaningful examples in all respects of world today
这个题目我都还不大敢碰，研究也不深，但是觉得你的论证单薄了些，建议多想下。语言方面 有些表达觉得不是很地道。 楼主加油！

tz0412UID: 180794

恩，谢谢啊，这篇是我练了n天的argu以后，重新开始写得第一篇issue，还限了时，当时写完了就把它发上来了，现在自己再看起来，确实很臭的说，我自己现在连改的欲望都快没了。
真是苦了你了，看了一篇效果不佳的文章，偶还有点担心你会觉得偶水平太差不愿再来拍我文章的说:(

嘶喊的牧歌UID: 197463

Does studying history only have value in the respects that are relevant to people's daily life? Although I concede the fact that studying the past can indeed give us many benefits in our daily life, I could hardly agree with this too extreme assertion, especially when it comes to the political fields and some lasting social problems.
[这是个问句+让步+立场型吧。中规中矩。不过我一直在努力摸索非模版化的行文。我觉得那样会好些。至少让那万恶的改卷人提起点精神。呵呵。]
First of all, we must admit the significance and value of study history in our daily life. Since the human society is not an isolated or exclusive one only existing in particular period in history, in the past there were undoubtedly myriad kinds of meaningful events and experience similar to what people encounter nowadays and from which we can learn quite a lot to improve today's society and life.  For instance, scientists and medical experts can study and investigate [这两个动词意思重复了。]a specific disease about how it spread in the past and what were the characteristics of the means and pattern it spread. By doing so, they could take more effective and efficient[又有点重复。] actions to prevent this disease occurring and transmitting in large scale today and thus can enhance the physical security of the overall population in the society.

However, even if the benefit of studying the past to our daily life is pretty prominent and unexceptionable, the author has unfairly and unjustifiably narrowed down the extent to which the study of history has its own value. In fact, studying the events and people in the past could not only benefit our daily life, but is also very useful and helpful in many other respects in today's world.
[这个过渡段不错。not only…but also…的书面形式其实是去掉also。]
In political areas, as an illustration, through careful scrutiny of the Watergate scandal of President Nixon, people in United States would reconsider the huge authorities given to their political leaders and the important part of mass medias in society. Whether the presidents had been given too much power and been imposed too little restrictions, which made them so pompous that they did not really take the interests of the overall population seriously. And the indispensable role of the Washington Post in this event had made an excellent paragon for all the mainstream medias in the world. Although such event simply could not occur everyday and is not associated with the ordinary people directly, we can still learn quite a lot from them.
[千万别再用Nixon这个例子了。老米可不觉得这家伙是美国人的光彩。另外。单单一句we can still learn quite a lot from them并没有做出有效的response呀。我们究竟学到了很多什么呢？历史给我们的日常生活之外带来了啥？需要反复强调的正是这一点。]
Another history events lending credence to my notion [这个用法你确定么？] that the value of studying history lies in all aspects of our world today is the ruthless atrocity the Jews suffered from during the Second World War. [World War II 就行吧？] From approximately 1939 to 1945, over 6,000,000 Jews had been killed by the Nazi who were driven crazy by the so-called "mast race" theory of Hitler. Although the discrimination and exclusion between different races are much less sharp and severe nowadays, the study of those brutal slaughter would continually warn us about the evil of race discrimination and admonish people today that we should bear more toleration and give more comprehension and love people who looks different form us.
[bear…, give…, and love… 这样规范些。这个段落例证还不错。我觉得再说明一下“这种历史并不相关于daily life，但对它的研究仍然很有价值。”就会更有力了。]
Therefore, taking into account of all these factors, I could finally develop my own opinion towards the issue: although the value of studying the past to our daily life is undoubted, the speaker conclude too hastily and unfairly that the value of history only lies in this single aspect. In fact, we could learn from history diverse experience and various kinds of meaningful lessons in almost all respects of world today.
[这个结尾倒第一次见。蛮有“我宣布”这种雄伟的姿态。呵呵。不过感觉有点像Argu了。其实你没必要多提speaker的。回应题目本身就行了。]

嘶喊的牧歌UID: 197463

对。忘了说一点。你有些语法和拼写错误。我觉得问题不大就顺手帮你改了。
你限时还写了570字。我可是真服了。:(

thinairUID: 2116321

发现一个小毛病：
Jew是有侮辱含义的词吧，应该用 Jewish people.

tz0412UID: 180794

Originally posted by thinair at 2005-8-14 15:06
发现一个小毛病：
Jew是有侮辱含义的词吧，应该用 Jewish people.

这样啊，多谢了啊！！