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[i习作temp] Issue150 请各位用力拍,逢拍必回拍! [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-8-12 12:47:45 |显示全部楼层
看见蚊子你拍不拍?要拍!看见篮球你拍不拍?必要拍!看演唱会你拍不拍?还是要拍?那你看我帖子拍不拍?^_^,说拍的我谢谢你,必定回拍!请留链接或文章!
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In my point of view, it is unreasonable to state that television and worldwide computer connection enable people to be more familiar with a great many places where they have never been on one hand, and the speaker’s assertion that this would make tourism soon become obsolete is presumptuous on the other. As far as I am concerned, all the advantages brought by television and worldwide computer connection have nothing to do with anyone’s familiarity with certain place; tourism will continue to be flourishing with the emergence of televisions and worldwide computer connections.
The speaker makes a fallacy assertion about television and computer connection because he fails to see what the real function that television and worldwide computer connection--the internet—serve firstly, and neglect the fact that information on television and internet is neither unbiased nor adequate secondly.
Television as well as internet only provides people a convenient access to information about the most remote and strange places. But this information, from a psychological point of view, is not gained from personal experiences, but from highly concise and briefed second-handed materials and thus is sketchy. It is preposterous for any ordinary people who had gained some geological knowledge of certain place from National Geography Channel to declare that he is "familiar" with that place. We could say he ‘knows something rudimentary’ about the place, but far from familiarity. To this extent and to this extent only that television and internet afford people conveniences and access to the information. In order to gain the real experienced of familiarity with certain place, he’d better pay a visit there himself.
Additionally, information from television and internet might be misguided and inadequate. The reason is simple and obvious: television and internet are exploited by the profit-oriented profiteers. They bring out every sensational piece of information about a place while omit the most profound ones. You might hear from the television about the city of Dubai for its luxury hotel—the only seven-star hotel in the world, or you might know that all the stores in the city center of Dubai are totally tax-free, but television would not tell you that Dubai once was famous for its camel breeding in the Persian Gulf and it has the most beautiful camel farm in the world. For the former information would bring some affluent customers to the profiteers, while the latter only interests those old-fashioned penniless hikers. With all these biased and predisposed information, one certain has no chance to be very familiar with the true fact of any place.
Furthermore, the speaker fails to take into consideration what tourism really offers to people. One of the most important advantages of tourism, I would like to say, is not to be 'familiar' with a place, but to gain some empiric experiences of certain place, for example, the local foods. One could by chance get to know something about paella through watching television and surfing on the internet, but except for going to the city of Torremolinos, Spanish, how could he have a nice serve of the real fresh delicious paella? After all, supermarket doesn't sell traditional hand-made food at present, nor does the internet business website ‘www.ebay.com’. Just image how wonderful it would be to sit near the sea and have a delicious juicy serve of the assorted sea-food instead of sitting in the semi-dark bedroom and watch others eating it in the television. This self experience along with many others would outweigh any indirect information. After all, as we see, tourism could not be replaced by simply providing information or knowledge about some places through televisions and internet.
Televisions and internet have not been with us long, what they provided about a city or country is nothing more than some superficial and narrow information. We have seen tourism flourishing for more than 1000 years. Today, with the development of new technology, to travel no longer mean to be tortured, instead, one could enjoy a level of comfort which lords and ladies in the old days couldn’t have dreamed of—whether by sea, land or air. With all these luxuries and conveniences, we could be sure that tourism would continue booming.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-14 at 18:21 ]

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发表于 2005-8-13 08:10:11 |显示全部楼层
In my point of view, it is unreasonable to state that television and worldwide computer connection enable people to be more familiar with a great many places where they have never been on one hand, and the speaker’s assertion that this would make tourism soon become obsolete is presumptuous on the other. As far as I am concerned, all the advantages brought by television and worldwide computer connection have nothing to do with anyone’s familiarity with certain place; tourism will continue to be flourishing with the emergence of televisions and worldwide computer connections.

The speaker makes a fallacy assertion about television and computer connection because he fails to see what the real function that television and worldwide computer connection--the internet—serve firstly, and neglect the fact that information on television and internet is neither unbiased nor adequate secondly.
Television as well as internet only provides people a convenient access to information about the most remote and strange places. But this information, from a psychological point of view, is not gained from personal experiences, but from highly concise and briefed second-handed materials and thus is sketchy. It is preposterous for any ordinary people who had gained some geological knowledge of certain place from National Geography Channel to declare that he is "familiar" with that place. We could say he ‘knows something rudimentary’ about the place, but far from familiarity. To this extent and to this extent(粗心了) only that television and internet afford(afford是付得起得意思?) people conveniences and access to the information. In order to gain the real experienced (experience)of familiarity with certain place, he’d better pay a visit there (by?) himself.
Additionally, information from television and internet might be misguided(misguiding?) and inadequate. The reason is simple and obvious: television and internet are exploited by the profit-oriented profiteers. They bring out every sensational piece of information about a place while omit the most profound ones. You might hear from the television about the city of Dubai for its luxury hotel—the only seven-star hotel in the world, or you might know that all the stores in the city center of Dubai are totally tax-free, but television would not tell you that Dubai once was famous for its camel breeding in the Persian Gulf and it has the most beautiful camel farm in the world. For(后面有while,这里再用for,觉得不妥) the former information would bring some affluent customers to the profiteers, while the latter only interests those old-fashioned penniless hikers. With all these biased and predisposed information, one certain has no chance to be very familiar with the true fact of any place.(例子好)
Furthermore, the speaker fails to take into consideration what tourism really offers to people. One of the most important advantages of tourism, I would like to say, is not to be 'familiar' with a place, but to gain some empiric experiences of certain place, for example, the local foods(tasting the local food, chatting with the local residents, etc.). One could by chance get to know something about paella through watching television and surfing on the internet, but except for going to the city of Torremolinos, Spanish, how could he have a nice serve of the real fresh delicious paella? After all, supermarket doesn't sell traditional hand-made food at present, nor does the internet business website ‘www.ebay.com’. Just image how wonderful it would be to sit near the sea and have a delicious juicy serve of the assorted sea-food instead of sitting in the semi-dark bedroom and watch others eating it in the television. (例子好)This self experience along with many others would outweigh any indirect information. After all, as we see, tourism could not be replaced by simply providing information or knowledge about some places through televisions and internet.

(结尾段应该有标志词吧?To sum up?) Televisions and internet have not been with us long, what they provided about a city or country is nothing more than some superficial and narrow information. We have seen tourism flourishing for more than 1000 years. Today, with the development of new technology, to travel no longer mean to be tortured, instead, one could enjoy a level of comfort which lords and ladies in the old days couldn’t have dreamed of—whether by sea, land or air. With all these luxuries and conveniences, we could be sure that tourism would continue booming.(结尾段太像在说理,为什么不再写一段理由呢?)
例子都很好,不知道我写这片能不能想到这种好例子啊

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发表于 2005-8-13 11:38:40 |显示全部楼层

万分感谢!

谢谢楼上的,^_^,但是文章修改的地方有的值得商量,比如(1)To this extent and to this extent——是说在这个程度上而且仅仅只到这个程度上,为什么讲“粗心了”呢;(2)afford有provid,furnish的意思,例如韦氏里面有这样的例子:Your presence will afford us great pleasure.(你的出席将给我们带来极大的快乐);(3)himself这里作主语he的同位语,由于谓语would better太长,因此将其后置到句末,如韦氏字典里有“a visit from the Prince himself“如果使用by himself表示“某某独自一人”即韦氏字典中的
”alone without help“之意,反而有歧义;:lol^_^,暂且就说这些,再次感谢Theo,意见非常中肯!!!

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发表于 2005-8-13 13:46:30 |显示全部楼层
To this extent and to this extent.好的,我要借用了哦。不过请问能不能是to some extent and to some extent? 前者能否用在句尾?谢谢
查了韦shi,确实afford有provide的意思,呵呵,谢谢指教

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发表于 2005-8-14 00:50:00 |显示全部楼层

我的一点建议

In my point of view, it is unreasonable to state that television and worldwide computer connection enable people to be more familiar with a great many places where they have never been on one hand, and the speaker’s assertion that this would make tourism soon become obsolete is presumptuous on the other. As far as I am concerned, all the advantages brought by television and worldwide computer connection have nothing to do with anyone’s familiarity with certain place; tourism will continue to be flourishing with the emergence of televisions and worldwide computer connections.(观点明确,好,值得学习)
The speaker makes a fallacy assertion about television and computer connection because he fails to see what the real function that television and worldwide computer connection--the internet—serve firstly, and neglect the fact that information on television and internet is neither unbiased nor adequate secondly.有点写阿狗的风格,赞)
Television as well as internet only provides people a convenient access to information about the most remote and strange places. But this information(不可数名词,换成the), from a psychological point of view, is not gained from personal experiences, but from highly concise and briefed second-handed materials and thus is sketchy. It is preposterous for any ordinary people who had gained some geological knowledge of certain place from National Geography Channel to declare that he is "familiar" with that place. We could say he(换成he/she) ‘knows something rudimentary’ about the place, but far from familiarity. To this extent and to this extent only that television and internet afford people conveniences and access to the information. In order to gain the real experienced of familiarity with certain place, he’d better pay a visit there himself.(最好换成两个代词,避免有性别歧视的嫌疑)
Additionally, information from television and internet might be misguided and inadequate. The reason is simple and obvious: television and internet are exploited by the profit-oriented profiteers. They bring out every sensational piece of information about a place while omit the most profound ones. You might hear from the television about the city of Dubai for its luxury hotel—the only seven-star hotel in the world, or you might know that all the stores in the city center of Dubai are totally tax-free, but television would not tell you that Dubai once was famous for its camel breeding in the Persian Gulf and it has the most beautiful camel farm in the world. For the former information would bring some affluent customers to the profiteers, while the latter only interests those old-fashioned penniless hikers. With all these biased and predisposed information, one certain has no chance to be very familiar with the true fact of any place.(例子很有力,很好)
Furthermore, the speaker fails to take into consideration what tourism really offers to people. One of the most important advantages of tourism, I would like to say, is not to be 'familiar' with a place, but to gain some empiric experiences of certain place, for example, the local foods. One could by chance get to know something about paella through watching television and surfing on the internet, but except for going to the city of Torremolinos, Spanish, how could he have a nice serve of the real fresh delicious paella? After all, supermarket doesn't sell traditional hand-made food at present, nor does the internet business website ‘www.ebay.com’. Just image how wonderful it would be to sit near the sea and have a delicious juicy serve of the assorted sea-food instead of sitting in the semi-dark bedroom and watch others eating it in the television. This self experience(personal experience) along with many others would outweigh any indirect information.(例子有点多,是不是考虑一下集中说一点,然后自然过渡到得出结论)
After all(重复使用,考虑一下换个词), as we see, tourism could not be replaced by simply providing information or knowledge about some places through televisions and internet.Televisions and internet have not been with us long, what they provided about a city or country is nothing more than some superficial and narrow(换成limited更好) information. We(避免主观词) have seen tourism flourishing for more than 1000 years. Today, with the development of new technology, to travel no longer mean to be tortured, instead, one could enjoy a level of comfort which lords and ladies in the old days couldn’t have dreamed of—whether by sea, land or air. With all these luxuries and conveniences, we could be sure that tourism would continue booming.
总的来说,很佩服你论证的有力,丰富的例子。清晰的结构。
  建议:
  为了更有力的反驳,能否另加一段,更进一步说,如果电视和网络提供更多的旅游信息,例如,旅游目的地,交通路线等信息,反而会给想旅游的人提供更多的方便,从而促进旅游业的发展。这样会全面一些。
   限于水平,仅供参考。


[ Last edited by DanielTyan on 2005-8-13 at 03:04 ]

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RE: Issue150 请各位用力拍,逢拍必回拍! [修改]

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