argument52 w小组作业，请大家帮忙！

calsunnyUID: 2163431

52.The following appeared in a memo to the human resources manager at Baobob Inc., a large architectural firm.

"Several well-known, retired architects were interviewed in Architecture Today about changes in the field. Only one had earned a college degree in architecture. All others had come into the field at an early age by serving apprenticeships that required them to work under the direct supervision of an experienced architect. Several of the colleges that we recruit from report that many promising architecture students leave school early in their undergraduate career. Therefore, because finding talented architecture graduates is becoming more difficult, Baobob Inc. should start an aggressive apprenticeship program and hire students who express an interest in architecture directly out of high school rather than wait for them to get out of college."

------正文

Though interviewing several well-known, retired architects and report from several colleges, the memo draws one conclusion that Baobob Inc. should start an apprenticeship program. Due to this argument based on some vague data, we can not accept the author’s conclusion.

To begin with, several retired architects are rarely sufficient to establish a general conclusion that it is not necessary to earn a college degree and the apprenticeships is effective. Firstly, the word” several” is so vague that it lends the memo unpersuasive. In all likelihood, the sample is not sufficient because much more well- known may get the degree or a large percent of apprentices account for nothing in the end. Secondly, even if the former is not in the case, these architects may have few opportunities to get the college degree because they have not enough money or the architecture subject is not fully developed. And they might be more efficient and effective if they could earn a college degree. Thirdly, neglecting the disparity of the time, the arguer unfairly infers from several retired architects to substantiate the future apprenticeships is effective. All these presumptions will undermine the claim.

Secondly, the report the arguer cited is susceptible. For one thing, the words “several” and” many” the author cited are not accurate words to make the memo believable. They ma be not representative enough. For another, the arguer does not explain why the promising architecture students leave school early in their undergraduate career. Maybe, they go to better university for further study which means that the firm may hire more promising students. Without the reason that the students leave and the specific ratio of the college and the students, we cannot summarize the convincible conclusion that it is hard for the large architectural firm to hire talented college students.  


Last but not least, it is unwarranted that whether the Baobob Inc. has the ability to fulfill an aggressive apprenticeship program. It is necessary for the program to get experienced architects. The economic for this program is also a problem because one experienced architect, not like the teacher in the college, may just have one or two apprentices for a long time. Meanwhile the author overlooks the fact that whether the students who express an interest in architecture is necessary also enthusiastic to this program. Or the interested students have the talent to study the architecture. Without such information, we can not believe that the firm can foster better architectures more effectively.

In sum, the argument is limited due to some vague words. To make more reliable, the arguer should make more accurate survey to prove the necessary and applicable of apprenticeship program.

ciceUID: 2140424

Though(Through) interviewing(an interview with) several well-known, retired architects and report from several colleges, the memo draws one conclusion that Baobob Inc. should start an apprenticeship program. Due to (that) this argument is based on some vague data, we can not accept the author’s conclusion. (第一句觉得别扭，应该是引用访谈和报告。)

To begin with, several retired architects are rarely sufficient to establish a general conclusion that it is not necessary to earn a college degree and the apprenticeships is effective. Firstly, the word” several” is so vague that it lends the memo unpersuasive. In all likelihood, the sample is not sufficient because much more well- known may get the degree or a large percent of apprentices account for nothing in the end. Secondly, even if the former is not in the case, these architects may have few opportunities to get the college degree because they have not enough money or the architecture subject is not fully developed. And they might be more efficient and effective if they could earn a college degree. Thirdly, neglecting the disparity of the time, the arguer unfairly infers from several retired architects to substantiate the future apprenticeships is effective. All these presumptions will undermine the claim. (在一段之内，用firstly, secondly, thirdly表示层次，不知好不好。)

Secondly, the report the arguer cited is susceptible. For one thing, the words “several” and” many” the author cited are not accurate words to make the memo believable. They ma(may) be not representative enough. For another, the arguer does not explain why the promising architecture students leave school early in their undergraduate career. Maybe, they go to better university for further study which means that the firm may hire more promising students. Without the reason that the students leave and the specific ratio of the college and the students, we cannot summarize the convincible conclusion that it is hard for the large architectural firm to hire talented college students.  


Last but not least, it is unwarranted that whether the Baobob Inc. has the ability to fulfill an aggressive apprenticeship program. It is necessary for the program to get(hire) experienced architects(to train the apprentices). The economic for this program is also a problem because one experienced architect, not like the teacher in the college(college teachers), may just have one or two apprentices for a long time. Meanwhile the author overlooks the fact that whether the students who express an interest in architecture is necessary also enthusiastic to this program. Or the interested students have the talent to study the architecture. Without such information, we can not believe that the firm can foster better architectures more effectively.

In sum, the argument is limited due to some vague words.(不只是vague words) To make more reliable, the arguer should make more accurate survey to prove the necessary and applicable of apprenticeship program.

又领略到了一些自己没想到的地方。写得很具体，有说服力。

calsunnyUID: 2163431

(在一段之内，用firstly, secondly, thirdly表示层次，不知好不好。)-------我也不知道，正是我困惑的地方，有时一段里面攻击了好几个错误，但是说明的是一个问题，不知道这样好不好？

eyemeiUID: 205999

Though interviewing several well-known, retired architects and report from several colleges, the memo draws one conclusion that Baobob Inc. should start an apprenticeship program. Due to this argument based on some vague data, we can not accept the author’s conclusion.(我也觉得别扭)

To begin with, several retired architects are rarely sufficient to establish a general conclusion that it is not necessary to earn a college degree and the apprenticeships is effective. Firstly, the word” several” is so vague that it lends the memo unpersuasive. In all likelihood, the sample is not sufficient because much more well- known may get the degree or a large percent of apprentices account for nothing in the end. Secondly, even if the former is not in the case, these architects may have few opportunities to get the college degree because they have not enough money or the architecture subject is not fully developed. And they might be more efficient and effective if they could earn a college degree. Thirdly, neglecting the disparity of the time, the arguer unfairly infers from several retired architects to substantiate the future apprenticeships is effective. All these presumptions will undermine the claim.(这里是不是就是你说的写了很多错误，呵呵，其实把一点些深入是最可贵的；你的第二点理由我也是想到的，最后放弃了是因为觉得他不太中要害，毕竟它的直接的结论是好毕业生难找，所以我觉得直接也是最简单就是要说在大学找到好学生不难，而不是他们为什么不在大学，你想就算那些interviewee是被迫辍学的，难道那个arguer就不能说在大学招好的毕业生很难么)

Secondly, if the report the arguer cited could suppor the conclusion is susceptible. For one thing, the words “several” and” many” the author cited are not accurate words to make the memo believable. They may be not representative enough For another, the arguer does not explain why the promising architecture students leaveschool early in their undergraduate career. Maybe, they go to better university for further study which means that the firm may hire more promising students. 我觉得这个是可以写的应为他很直接的说明了我们的论点Without the reason that the students leave and the specific ratio of the college and the students,这句式不是也vague we cannot summarize the convincible conclusion that it is hard for the large architectural firm to hire talented college graduates. 这样是因为文章里提到了辍学的学生


Last but not least, it is unwarranted that whether the Baobob Inc. has the ability to fulfill an aggressive apprenticeship program. It is necessary for the program to get experienced architects. The economic for this program is also a problem because one experienced architect, not like the teacher in the college, may just have one or two apprentices for a long time. Meanwhile the author overlooks the fact that whether the students who express an interest in architecture is necessary also enthusiastic to this program.（我的理解这只是录取方案，只是行动代号） Or the interested students have the talent to study the architecture. Without such information, we can not believe that the firm can foster better architectures more effectively.

In sum, the argument is limited due to some vague words. To make more reliable, the arguer should make more accurate survey to prove the necessary and applicable of apprenticeship program. （坦白说，我的结尾是大本子的范文的模仿，呵呵我很欣赏所以，就仿了，始终很喜欢）

(有的时候我总感觉一个抽象的结论可以加一个supporting或detail，这就是美国人眼里的完美论证，当然一篇文章有一两个不加也是很正常的)

[ 本帖最后由 eyemei 于 2006-3-18 08:19 编辑 ]

zwzylrUID: 2132510

Though interviewing several well-known, retired architects and report from several colleges, the memo draws one conclusion that Baobob Inc. should start an apprenticeship program. Due to this argument based on some vague data,这句话感觉不妥，建议用从句 we can not accept the author’s conclusion.

To begin with, several retired architects are rarely sufficient to establish a general conclusion that it is not necessary to earn a college degree and the apprenticeships is effective. Firstly, the word” several” is so vague that it lends the memo unpersuasive. In all likelihood, the sample is not sufficient because much more well- known may get the degree or a large percent of apprentices account for nothing in the end. Secondly, even if the former is not in the case, these architects may have few opportunities to get the college degree because they have not enough money or the architecture subject is not fully developed. And they might be more efficient and effective if they could earn a college degree. Thirdly, neglecting the disparity of the time, the arguer unfairly infers from several retired architects to substantiate the future apprenticeships is effective. All these presumptions will undermine the claim.结构很清楚

Secondly, the report the arguer citedcited by the arguer is susceptible. For one thing, the words “several” and” many” the author cited are not accurate words to make the memo believable. They ma be not representative enough. For another, the arguer does not explain why the promising architecture students leave school early in their undergraduate career. Maybe, they go to better university for further study which means that the firm may hire more promising students. 加上graduate会更严谨Without the reason that the students leave and the specific ratio of the college and the students,有点问题，说的不清楚，改下吧 we cannot summarize the convincible conclusion that it is hard for the large architectural firm to hire talented college students.  


Last but not least, it is unwarranted that whether the Baobob Inc. has the ability to fulfill an aggressive apprenticeship program. It is necessary for the program to get experienced architects. The economic for this program is also a problem because one experienced architect, not like the teacher in the college, may just have one or two apprentices for a long time. Meanwhile the author overlooks the fact that whether the students who express an interest in architecture is necessary also enthusiastic to this program. Or the interested students have the talent to study the architecture. Without such information, we can not believe that the firm can foster better architectures more effectively.

In sum, the argument is limited due to some vague words. To makethe conclusion more reliable, the arguer should make more accurate survey to prove the necessary and applicable of apprenticeship program.

结构清晰，找的错误也挺好，呵呵，就是句子注意一下。