argument53 smile小组，已经修改， 欢迎提建议，谢谢！

smiles11UID: 2232631

TOPIC: ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
WORDS: 558          TIME: 12:25:00 AM          DATE: 7/21/2006

That the increased levels of melatonin before birth causes shyness and continues into later life seems a myth. Considering the character of one person is affected by many complicated factors, there may be no indirect connection between melatonin and shyness.

Firstly, the study which has only 25 infants is not enough to get a general conclusion, taking into account of the significance of the character to one person. Given the 25 infants are sufficient, we are not informed where these infants come from. Are they selected by random from different places or just come from one district hospital? And how to judge the signs of mild distress, through the hospital apparatus such as testing the beat or the respiration, or just through observation? Obviously, the former will be more accurate, but we do not know whether the study ruled out other interfering factors such as the unfamiliar persons and the unfamiliar tape which will lead infants’ distress besides the odor or voice. Moreover, does mild distress equate with the shyness referred in the later argument?  Maybe there are different concepts although they have intersected meaning in some extent.

Furthermore, there is no evidence to substantiate that the infants conceived in early autumn are more shyness than in other seasons due to increased levels of melatonin. The melatonin is just one kind of hormone which just affects brain functions then whether it is the melatonin that leads the infants to be shy , the arguer fails to tell us, not mention whether the melatonin will and in what extent affect the infants conceived by the mother. Provided that the increased melatonin causes shy, according to the arguer, the melatonin would increase due to decreased daylight, then we could draw the conclusion that the infants nearby North or South  Pole will be shier than the infants of other places  because there are much less daylight than other places. However, there is no such evidence to prove this conclusion.  

The follow-up study is problematic due to absence of relative evidence. What comes first is that the study comes from the self-report rather than through questionnaire to test the teenager’s character and tell whether they are outsiders or shyness. Self-report, a kind of method of study is not especially accurate in this kind of study because the teenagers are easier to feel shyness due to adolescents’ psychological and physiological development.  Even if they identified themselves shyness, it does not follow that it is the melatonin before birth that causes shyness. There are so many factors will be the probabilities to the shyness. Maybe the shyness of these teenagers are from the condensational situations, for example, they feel they have not get high scores in the test,  they have not pretty appearance, or they have not decent clothing due to poverty. Still more, it is entirely possible that teenagers’ parents of the study are more shyness than other parents; then it is genetic or heritage that leads to their shyness. Therefore, it is questionable that the melatonin will affect later life of the infants.

In sum, the conclusion that the increased melatonin leads shyness and continues into later life is only reasonable in the skin deep, but the evidence provided is far from credible. More information such as the melatonin should be collected along with more considerate study to make this allegation persuasive.

[ 本帖最后由 smiles11 于 2006-7-23 04:00 编辑 ]

maommUID: 2224730

That the increased levels of melatonin before (the)birth causes (one's)shyness and continues into [/u]（till )[/color](their)later life seems a myth. Considering the character of one person is affected by many complicated factors, there may be no indirect(direct) connection between melatonin and shyness.

Firstly, the study which has only 25 infants is not enough to get a general conclusion(, taking into account of )delete) for the significance of the character to one personman's personality. Given the 25 infants are sufficient, we are not informed where (do the study conducted). Do the respondents selected from different places or just come from one district local hospital? And how to judge the signs of mild distress, through the hospital apparatus such as testing the beat or the respirationadopting the means of test the beats or the respiration by the medical instrument, or just through (direct) observation? Obviously, the former will be more accurate, but we do not know(no information convince us that) whether the study ruled out other interfering factors such as the unfamiliar persons and the unfamiliar tape which will lead infants’ distress besides the odor or voice. Moreover, does mild distress equate with the shyness referred in the later argument?  Maybe there are different concepts although they have intersected meaning in some extent.

Furthermore, there is no evidence to substantiate that the infants conceived in early autumn are more shyness (since born in Autumn, the infants are more shy than in other seasons (those's birthday are besides fall), due to(influenced by) increased levels of delete melatonin. The melatonin is just one kind of hormone which just affects brain functions then whether it is the melatonin that leads the infants to be shy , (as a kind of hormone, do melatonin the only reason leads to shyness for the infants?)the arguer fails to tell us, deletedo not mention whether the melatonin will and in what extent affect the infants conceived by the mother how melatonin make influence on fetus. Provided that the increased melatonin causes shy(ness), according to the arguer, the melatonin would increase(be increased) due to decreased(waned) daylight, then we could draw the conclusion that the infants nearby North or South  Pole will be shier (?)than the infants in(those_) other places  because there are much less daylight than other places. However, there is no such evidence to prove this conclusion.  

The follow-up study is problematic due to (the)absence of relative evidence. What comes first is that the study comes from the self-report (?what do you mean)rather than through questionnaire to test the teenager’s character and tell whether they are outsiders or shyness. Self-report, a kind of method of study is not especially accurate in this kind of study because the teenagers are easier to feel shyness due to adolescents’ psychological and physiological development.  Even if they identified themselves(their) shyness, it does not follow that it is the melatonin before birth that causes shynessattribute to the melatonin from their mother's body. There are so many (slew of, so many is likely green words )factors will be the probabilities to the shyness. Maybe the shyness of these teenagers are (originate)from the condensational situations[/u](the quotidian life), for example, they feel they have not get high scores (would)in the test, (or) they have not pretty appearance(they feel diffident of their appearence, or(even) they have not decent clothing due to poverty(delete, the meaning of the previous sentence could comprise of it). Still more, it is entirely possible that teenagers’ parents of the study are more shyness than other parents; then it is genetic or heritage that leads to their shyness. Therefore, it is questionable that the melatonin will affect later life of the infants.

In sum, the conclusion that the increased melatonin leads shyness and continues into later life is only reasonable in the skin deep, but the evidence provided is far from credible. More information such as the melatonin should be collected along with more considerate study to make this allegation persuasive.

一家之言，供参考。
我的提纲会是：
1. Melatonin function直接导致害羞吗？即使是，不一定来自 mom，即使来自妈妈，不一定非在秋天，the winter也日照短呀。
2。婴儿表现紧张是天生的，与melatonin没有必然联系。
3。即使婴儿时紧张跟m有关, no represent which would exert the influence in adolesent. probably害羞与环境因素有关。随着成长可能改变
language need to be polished (the same as i). you may as well put you logic into order, which will stronger your article.

:victory:

maommUID: 2224730

it's my first time to revise other's argument. i'm so sorry for the awesome color.555.....
here you go...


That the increased levels of melatonin before (the)birth causes (one's)shyness and continues into （till their)later life seems a myth. Considering the character of one person is affected by many complicated factors, there may be no indirect(direct) connection between melatonin and shyness.

Firstly, the study which has only 25 infants is not enough to get a general conclusion(, taking into account of==delete) for the significance of the character to one personman's personality. Given the 25 infants are sufficient, we are not informed where (do the study conducted), (and)Do the respondents selected from different places or just come from one district (local )hospital? And how to judge the signs of mild distress, through the hospital apparatus such as testing the beat or the respiration)===(adopting the means of test the beats or the respiration by the medical instrument), or just through (direct) observation? Obviously, the former will be more accurate, but (we do not know)===(no information convince us that) whether the study ruled out other interfering factors such as the unfamiliar persons and the unfamiliar tape which will lead infants’ distress besides the odor or voice. Moreover, does mild distress equate with the shyness referred in the later argument?  Maybe there are different concepts although they have intersected meaning in some extent.

Furthermore, there is no evidence to substantiate that (the infants conceived in early autumn are more shyness since being born in Autumn, they are more shy than (in other seasons )===(those's birthday are besides fall), (due to)===(influenced by) increased (levels of )===delete melatonin. (The melatonin is just one kind of hormone which just affects brain functions then whether it is the melatonin that leads the infants to be shy)=== (as a kind of hormone, do melatonin the only reason leads to shyness for the infants?)the arguer fails to tell us, deletedo not mention whether the melatonin will and in what extent affect the infants conceived by the mother how melatonin make influence on fetus. Provided that the increased melatonin causes shy(ness), according to the arguer, the melatonin would increase(be increased) due to decreased(waned) daylight, then we could draw the conclusion that the infants nearby North or South  Pole will be shier (?)than the infants in(those_) other places  because there are much less daylight than other places. However, there is no such evidence to prove this conclusion.  

The follow-up study is problematic due to (the)absence of relative evidence. What comes first is that the study comes from the self-report (?what do you mean)rather than through questionnaire to test the teenager’s character and tell whether they are outsiders or shyness. Self-report, a kind of method of study is not especially accurate in this kind of study because the teenagers are easier to feel shyness due to adolescents’ psychological and physiological development.  Even if they identified themselves(their) shyness, it does not follow that it is the melatonin before birth that causes shynessattribute to the melatonin from their mother's body. There are so many (slew of, so many is likely green words )factors will be the probabilities to the shyness. Maybe the shyness of these teenagers are (originate)from the condensational situations (the quotidian life), for example, they feel they have not get high scores (would)in the test, (or) they have not pretty appearance(they feel diffident of their appearence, or(even) they have not decent clothing due to poverty(delete, the meaning of the previous sentence could comprise of it). Still more, it is entirely possible that teenagers’ parents of the study are more shyness than other parents; then it is genetic or heritage that leads to their shyness. Therefore, it is questionable that the melatonin will affect later life of the infants.

In sum, the conclusion that the increased melatonin leads shyness and continues into later life is only reasonable in the skin deep, but the evidence provided is far from credible. More information such as the melatonin should be collected along with more considerate study to make this allegation persuasive.

smiles11UID: 2232631

原帖由 maomm 于 2006-7-22 10:06 发表
1. Melatonin function直接导致害羞吗？即使是，不一定来自 mom，即使来自妈妈，不一定非在秋天，the winter也日照短呀。

不是，人家就说因为秋天怀孕，然后冬天时日光减少！-----晕！


我的是这样：研究有问题，即使研究没有问题，M 与害羞也不一定有关，即使有关，后续研究也没有问题！

非常感谢修改，受益匪浅，特别是一些词句！

smiles11UID: 2232631

TOPIC: ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
WORDS: 558          TIME: 12:25:00 AM          DATE: 7/21/2006

That the increased levels of melatonin before birth causes shyness ----这个是原文中的句子，所以应该没有什么语法问题！and continues into later life seems a myth. Considering the character of one person is affected by many complicated factors, there may be no direct connection between melatonin and shyness.

Firstly, the study which has only 25 infants is not enough to get a general conclusion,for the significance of the character to one person. Given the 25 infants are sufficient, we are not informed where these infants come from. Are they selected by random from different places or just come from one district hospital? And how to judge the signs of mild distress, through the hospital apparatus such as testing the beat or the respiration, or just through direct observation? Obviously, the former will be more accurate, but no information convinces us whether the study ruled out other interfering factors such as the unfamiliar persons and the unfamiliar tape which will lead infants’ distress besides the odor or voice. Moreover, does mild distress equate with the shyness referred in the later argument?  Maybe there are different concepts although they have intersected meaning in some extent.

Furthermore, there is no evidence to substantiate that the infants conceived in early autumn are more shyness than in other seasons due to increased levels of melatonin. ---这句话的意思是在早秋怀孕的孩子比其他季节的更害羞The melatonin is  one kind of hormone which just affects brain functions; then whether it is the melatonin that leads the infants to be shy , the arguer fails to tell us, not mention whether the melatonin is how and in what extent affect the infants conceived by the mother. Provided that the increased melatonin causes shy, according to the arguer, the melatonin would increase due to waned daylight, then did the study has controlled experiment to test other seasons' baby? Were the infants in early autumn more shyness than others. If so, then we could draw the conclusion that the infants nearby North or South  Pole will be more shyness than the infants of other places  because there are much less daylight. However, there is no such evidence in sofar to prove this conclusion.  

The follow-up study is problematic due to absence of relative evidence. What comes first is that the study comes from the self-report---我的意思是他们自己认为害羞，但是实际上他们可能并不害羞，比如通过量表之类的测定 rather than through questionnaire to test the teenager’s character and tell whether they are outsiders or shyness. Self-report, a kind of method of study is not especially accurate in this kind of study because the teenagers are easier to feel shyness due to adolescents’ psychological and physiological development.  Even if they identified themselves shyness, it does not follow that it is the melatonin before birth that causes shyness. There are so many factors will be the probabilities to the shyness. Maybe the shyness of these teenagers are from the condensational situations, for example, they feel they have not get high scores in the test,  they have not  confidence about their appearance, or they have not decent clothing due to poverty. Still more, it is entirely possible that teenagers’ parents of the study are more shyness than other parents; then it is genetic or heritage that leads to their shyness. Therefore, it is questionable that the melatonin will affect later life of the infants.

In sum, the conclusion that the increased melatonin leads shyness and continues into later life is only reasonable in the skin deep, but the evidence provided is far from credible. More information such as the melatonin should be collected along with more considerate study to make this allegation persuasive.

稍微改了一下，大家帮我看看还有其他什么问题没有？
非常感谢maomm的修改！