AGUMENT145 高频 欢迎互拍哦~~~~

阿择菜UID: 2110339

Argument145  第4篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：30分4秒     459 words
从2005年6月27日9时26分到2005年6月27日9时56分
------题目------
A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
------正文------
In the argument the arguer points out that the people who snore are more possible to gain weight than those who do not snore. He also finds that a condition called sleep apnea  which makes people too tired to exercise during the day. So the arguer draws a conclusion that people who snore in sleep should try to eat less and exercise more. However, there are  some logical fallacies in the argument. I will ruled out them one by one.

Firstly, the arguer quotes the data, which shows the relationship between snoring and weight, is insufficient to prove that the people who snore will gain weight than others. Because the data does not provide the details, we should not infer the result. The data should give the samples which could be representative and random. Only through amounts of the samples, we can draw some conclusion about the relationship.

Secondly, the arguer lends no strong evidences to imply the apnea will make the people too tired to exercise. In this argument there is not enough evidence to prove that the apnea can be sure to make the people tired. People who awaken at night may not be tired although there is interruption in sleep. For instance, the condition that people who go to the toilet in sleep is commonplace, but we don't find no sign that the people will have no energy in the daytime. Even though the people who snore are tired ,the arguer does not rule out people can not exercise during the day. For example, the sportsmen are exercising in the tired condition everyday. Once people is too tired to exercise, the sportsmen does not train normally.

Finally,  the mere fact that people who eat less and exercise more does not certain to lose weight. There is no evidence to prove that the people will lose weight who only eat less and exercise more. The weight of people is gained depend on the level assorted for the food. And the exercise should be regular and normally-rather than the more exercise the fewer the weight. Even if exercise, it should make adapt exercising-plan  for anyone.

Moreover, the arguer does not take account the disadvantages of gaining weight .In some situation people who is too thin are not benefit for healthy. On the contrary, overweight is not fit certainly. Nevertheless, the arguer describes the facts that if people gain weight ,it should lose. Obviously, it is too extreme.

In sum, we should need the details about the data to support the argument. Additionally, the arguer should account for the reason that apnea makes the people too tired to exercise. Meanwhile it should get more evidence to know why people who snore need eat less and exercise more.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-27 at 13:25 ]

bananatreeUID: 208398

In the argument the arguer points out that the people who snore are more possible to gain weight than those who do not snore. He also finds that a condition called sleep apnea  which makes people too tired to exercise during the day. So the arguer draws a conclusion that people who snore in sleep should try to eat less and exercise more. However, there are  some logical fallacies in the argument. I will ruledrule out them one by one.

Firstly, the arguer quotes the data, which shows the relationship between snoring and weight, is insufficient to prove that the people who snore will gain weight than others. Because the data does not provide the details, we should not infer the result. The data should give the samples which could be representative and random. Only through amounts of the samples, we can draw some conclusion about the relationship.

Secondly, the arguer lends no strong evidences to imply the apnea will make the people too tired to exercise. In this argument there is not no?enough evidence to prove that the apnea can be sure to make the people tired. People who awaken at night may not be tired although there is interruption in sleep. For instance, the condition that people who go to the toilet in sleep is commonplace, but we don't find no sign that the people will have no energy in the daytime. Even though the people who snore are tired , the arguer does not rule out people can not exercise during the day. For example, the sportsmen are exercising in the tired condition everyday. Once people is too tired to exercise, the sportsmen does not train normally.sportsman的例子感觉好像不是很贴切

Finally,  the mere fact that people who eat less and exercise more does not certain to lose weightdoes not certainly lose weight或is not certain to lose weight. There is no evidence to prove that the people will lose weight who only eat less and exercise more. The weight of people is gained dependdepended on the level assorted for the food. And the exercise should be regular and normallynormal-rather than the more exercise the fewer the weight. Even if exercise, it should make adapt exercising-plan  for anyone.

Moreover, the arguer does not take account the disadvantages of gaining weight .In some situation people who is too thin are not benefit for healthy这句话有点问题，首先benefit是名词或动词，貌似不能这样用吧，可以说be of benefit to sth. 其次，看看这句话的主语，是people，不是people对健康没有好处吧，而是太thin了对健康没有好处. On the contrary, overweight is not fit certainly. Nevertheless, the arguer describes the facts that if people gain weight ,itthey? should lose. Obviously, it is too extreme.

In sum, we should need the details about the data to support the argument. Additionally, the arguer should account for the reason that apnea makes the people too tired to exercise. Meanwhile it should get more evidence to know why people who snore need eat less and exercise more.

给你改完了，我觉得你逻辑上没有什么问题。
这篇argument我也看过， 感觉好难写的。你竟然能写出那么多东东来，好佩服哦……

阿择菜UID: 2110339

------题目------
A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
------正文------
In the argument the arguer points out that the people who snore are more possible to gain weight than those who do not snore. He also finds that a condition called sleep apnea  which makes people too tired to exercise during the day. So the arguer draws a conclusion that people who snore in sleep should try to eat less and exercise more. However, there are  some logical fallacies in the argument. I will ruled out them one by one.

Firstly, the arguer quotes the data, which shows the relationship between snoring and weight, is insufficient to prove that the people who snore will gain weight than others. Because the data does not provide the details, we should not infer the result. The data should give the samples which could be representative and random. Only through amounts of the samples, we can draw some conclusion about the relationship.

Secondly, the arguer lends no strong evidences to imply the apnea will make the people too tired to exercise. In this argument there is not enough evidence to prove that the apnea can be sure to make the people tired. People who awaken at night may not be tired although there is interruption in sleep. For instance, the condition that people who go to the toilet in sleep is commonplace, but we don't find no sign that the people will have no energy in the daytime. Even though the people who snore are tired ,the arguer does not rule out people can not exercise during the day. For example, the sportsmen are exercising in the tired condition everyday. Once people is too tired to exercise, the sportsmen does not train normally.

Finally,  the mere fact that people who eat less and exercise more does not certain to lose weight. There is no evidence to prove that the people will lose weight who only eat less and exercise more. The weight of people is gained depend on the level assorted for the food. And the exercise should be regular and normally-rather than the more exercise the fewer the weight. Even if exercise, it should make adapt exercising-plan  for anyone.

Moreover, the arguer does not take account the disadvantages of gaining weight .In some situation people who is too thin are not benefit for healthy. On the contrary, overweight is not fit certainly. Nevertheless, the arguer describes the facts that if people gain weight ,it should lose. Obviously, it is too extreme.

In sum, we should need the details about the data to support the argument. Additionally, the arguer should account for the reason that apnea makes the people too tired to exercise. Meanwhile it should get more evidence to know why people who snore need eat less and exercise more.

sharonhyUID: 2102195

In the argument the arguer points out that the people who snore are more possible to gain weight than those who do not snore. He also finds that a condition called sleep apnea  which makes people too tired to exercise during the day. So the arguer draws a conclusion that people who snore in sleep should try to eat less and exercise more. However, there are  some logical fallacies in the argument. I will ruled out them  (RULE THEM OUT) one by one.

Firstly, the arguer quotes the data, which shows the relationship between snoring and weight, is insufficient to prove that the people who snore will gain weight than others. (这句话语法有问题) Because the data does not provide the details, we should not infer the result. The data should give the samples which could be representative and random. Only through amounts of the samples, we can draw some conclusion about the relationship.

Secondly, the arguer lends no strong evidences to imply the apnea will make the people too tired to exercise. In this argument there is not enough evidence to prove that the apnea can be sure to make the people tired. People who awaken at night may not be tired although there is interruption in sleep. For instance, the condition that people who go to the toilet in sleep is commonplace, but we don't find no sign that the people will have no energy in the daytime. Even though the people who snore are tired ,the arguer does not rule out people can not exercise during the day. For example, the sportsmen are exercising in the tired condition everyday. Once people is too tired to exercise, the sportsmen does not train normally. （这个例子看的有些头昏）

Finally,  the mere fact that people who eat less and exercise more does not certain to lose weight. There is no evidence to prove that the people will lose weight who only eat less and exercise more. The weight of people is gained depend on the level assorted for the food. And the exercise should be regular and normally-rather than the more exercise the fewer the weight. Even if exercise, it should make adapt exercising-plan  for anyone.

Moreover, the arguer does not take account the disadvantages of gaining weight .In some situation people who is too thin are not benefit for healthy. （语法问题，BENEFIT用法？什么是主语？） On the contrary, overweight is not fit certainly. Nevertheless, the arguer describes the facts that if people gain weight ,it should lose. （语意不清楚） Obviously（OBVIOUSLY《《这种词应当尽量少用，因为，ARGUER所说的话也是他觉得OBVIOUSLY的。对你而言显而易见的事情对别人不一定显而易见哦》, it is too extreme. （gain weight在英文当中就有所谓发胖的意思。所以我觉得这点说的有些勉强。如果要考虑究竟GAIN WEIGHT到什么程度的话，还应该说的更清楚一些，就是究竟有多重还有个程度问题。）

In sum, we should need （SHOULD NEEED? CHINGLISH）the details about the data to support the argument. Additionally, the arguer should account for the reason that (THE REASON WHY) apnea makes the people too tired to exercise. Meanwhile it should get more evidence to know why people who snore need eat less and exercise more . (最后这一点感觉在文章BODY中没有说清楚，倒数第二段是打算说这个的吗？应该将倒数第二段的重点放在这点上，而不是多轻多重的问题。)

skaterUID: 2116878

In the argument the arguer points out that the people who snore are more possible to gain weight than those who do not snore. He also finds that a condition called sleep apnea  which makes people too tired to exercise during the day. So the arguer draws a conclusion that people who snore in sleep should try to eat less and exercise more. However, there are  some logical fallacies in the argument. I will ruled out them one by one. （你是几乎不可能rule out one by one 的。一般总会有你没想到的逻辑错误。太绝对了。 还有开头段的逻辑 顺序有点问题。 你一上来说的是作者用以引出结论的其中一个论据。 你在第一句话应该先阐明作者的结论（论点）是什么，而不是任意一个论据。然后说明为了证明观点，他的论据有什么。最后用转折说明你不同意他的结论，主要因为有哪几类的逻辑错误）

Firstly, the arguer quotes（ 作为一个及物动词，用quote 一词来指从另一出处中抄取完全一样的用语是很恰当的。 当原文出处被意译或是间接提及时，一个意义更广泛的词cite 更可取。 quote 这名词形式是由 quatation 削减而来，也已被普遍接受， 虽然许多批评家认为这个词染有不恰当的记者文风或不太正式。因此，在正式的文学讨论中最好避免使用,…金山上查的，因为什么模版都没用过quote 这个词）the data, which shows（你在写作文时尽量不要用口头语.substantiate,什么的） the relationship between snoring and weight, is insufficient to prove that the people who snore will gain weight than others. Because the data does not provide the details, we should not infer the result. The data should give the samples which could be representative and random. Only through amounts of the samples, we can draw some conclusion about the relationship.（

Secondly, the arguer lends no strong evidences to imply the apnea will make the people too tired to exercise. In this argument there is not enough evidence to prove that the apnea can be sure to make the people tired. People who awaken at night may not be tired although there is interruption in sleep. For instance, the condition that people who go to the toilet in sleep is commonplace, but we don't find no sign that the people will have no energy in the daytime.（don’t ,no, no …老外脑子不那么灵光的，转不过那么多圈来，呵呵） Even though the people who snore are tired ,the arguer does not rule out people can not exercise during the day. For example, the sportsmen are exercising in the tired condition everyday. Once people is too tired to exercise, the sportsmen does not train normally.（这个例子有点只怪啊？）

Finally,  the mere fact that people who eat less and exercise more does not certain to lose weight. There is no evidence to prove that the people will lose weight who only eat less and exercise more. The weight of people is gained depend on the level assorted for the food. And the exercise should be regular and normally-rather than the more exercise the fewer the weight. Even if exercise, it should make adapt exercising-plan  for anyone.

Moreover, （怎么忽然冒出来一句moreover呢？不是都finally了吗？）the arguer does not take account the disadvantages of gaining weight .In some situation people who is too thin are not benefit for healthy. On the contrary, overweight is not fit certainly. Nevertheless, the arguer describes the facts that if people gain weight ,it should lose. Obviously, it is too extreme.

In sum, we should need the details about the data to support the argument. Additionally, the arguer should account for the reason that apnea makes the people too tired to exercise. Meanwhile it should get more evidence to know why people who snore need eat less and exercise more.

（好，我从这里开始。不客气！你的作文从整体上来看不容易让人把握你的逻辑。首先，我在第一段里指出了。尽管你挑原题的错误可能比较多，但应该在第一段按错误的 类别一一列举。如果你都没有把自己挑的错误进行分类的话，你下面的结构将是混乱的，比如此文的body 段的1，2 段。 第1段你应该要对原题的第一句话进行反驳的，但第一论据是由两个逻辑错误组成的——vague data和false causal relationship，我的建议是写argue 时将错误分类批判。在这道题里，最明显的是false causal relationship ，因为这道题的特点就是层层推进的，以一个false causal relationship 推出另一个，最后推出结论，所以这类错误是此题的主要错误，如果按错误的严重程度来写，是应该先写，重批此类错误的（snore
stop breathing frequently        wakes the person         leave the person too tired during the day to exercise.      gain weight ，每个推出过程都很有问题）.     Body 的第一段还列了数据模糊的错误，这应该算另一类错误， 但这道题不是明显的survey 类的题目，这只是一个次要但不可不写错误。Finally 那段的错误写还可以。但怎么又有个moreover 出来了呢？而且那段的中心句好像写反了。对结尾，我的意见和开头照应。文章总体感觉是各段之间的逻辑联系比较弱。每段内部的论述没有条理和正反论述。最好重新归纳一下文章的逻辑关系）

skaterUID: 2116878

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

阿择菜UID: 2110339

In the argument the arguer points out that the people who snore are more possible to gain weight than those who do not snore. He also finds that a condition called sleep apnea  which makes people too tired to exercise during the day. So the arguer draws a conclusion that people who snore in sleep should try to eat less and exercise more. However, there are  some logical fallacies in the argument. I will ruled out them one by one.

Firstly, that the arguer quotes the data, which shows the relationship between snoring and weight, is insufficient to prove that the people who snore will gain weight than others. Because the data does not provide the details, we should not infer the result. The data should give the samples which could be representative and random. Only through amounts of the samples, we can draw some conclusion about the relationship.

Secondly, the arguer lends no strong evidences to imply the apnea will make the people too tired to exercise. In this argument there is not enough evidence to prove that the apnea can be sure to make the people tired. People who awaken at night may not be tired although there is interruption in sleep. For instance, the condition that people who go to the toilet in sleep is commonplace, but we don't find no sign that the people will have no energy in the daytime.这个例子我举的不是很好,因为我没有注意题目中的 frequently,感谢miumiu的提醒! Even though the people who snore are tired ,the arguer does not rule out people can not exercise during the day. For example, the sportsmen are exercising in the tired condition everyday. Once people is too tired to exercise, the sportsmen does not train normally.至于这个例子我只想说运动员在日常训练中都处于tired的状态的,如果累了就不能再训练，人的身体素质就不能提高了

Finally,  the mere fact that people who eat less and exercise more does not certain to lose weight. There is no evidence to prove that the people will lose weight who only eat less and exercise more. The weight of people is gained depend on the level assorted for the food. And the exercise should be regular and normally-rather than the more exercise the fewer the weight. Even if exercise, it should make adapt exercising-plan  for anyone.

Moreover, the arguer does not take account the disadvantages of gaining weight .In some situation it is  not of benefit for healthy of people who is too thin. On the contrary, overweight is not fit certainly. Nevertheless, the arguer describes the facts that if people gain weight ,it should lose. Obviously, it is too extreme.这个驳斥点有点勉强,其实anyone是ARGU的一个重要的驳斥点,任何话都不能说太绝对,针对anyone做一个驳斥段,会更有说服力

In sum, we should need the details about the data to support the argument. Additionally, the arguer should account for the reason that apnea makes the people too tired to exercise. Meanwhile it should get more evidence to know why people who snore need eat less and exercise more.

nsuhUID: 2119132

A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
------正文------
In the argument the arguer points out that the people who snore are more possible to gain weight than those who do not snore. He also finds that a condition called sleep apnea  which makes people too tired to exercise during the day. So the arguer draws a conclusion that people who snore in sleep should try to eat less and exercise more. However, there are  some logical fallacies in the argument. I will ruled out them one by one.

Firstly, the arguer quotes the data, which shows the relationship between snoring and weight, is insufficient to prove that the people who snore will gain more weight than others (do?). 这个结构我也不太清楚Because the data does not provide the details, we should not infer the result. The data should give the samples which could be representative and random.Only through amounts of the samples, we can draw some conclusion about the relationship.这两句感觉有点重复,the data should give the samples which could be representative and random 这句data give samples 什么？ which 是定samples 的吧,不太理解这句的意思
Secondly, the arguer lends no strong evidences to imply the apnea will make the people too tired to exercise. In this argument there is not enough evidence to prove that the apnea can be sure to make the people tired. People who awaken at night may not be tired although there is interruption in sleep. For instance, the condition that people who go to the toilet in sleep is commonplace, but we don't find no sign that the people will have no energy in the daytime. Even though the people who snore are tired ,the arguer does not rule out people can not exercise during the day. For example, the sportsmen are exercising in the tired condition everyday. Once people is too tired to exercise, the sportsmen does not train normally.感觉这一段是在驳斥是否tied和是否exercise的关系呀，是否应该把重点突出一些，加上不是很多exercise 就会keep fit or do not gain weight? 这段感觉批驳的重点有点偏。
Finally,  the mere fact that people who eat less and exercise more does not certain to lose weight. There is no evidence to prove that the people will lose weight who only eat less and exercise more. The weight of people is gained depend on the level assorted for the food. And the exercise should be regular and normally-rather than the more exercise the fewer the weight. Even if exercise, it should make adapt exercising-plan  for anyone.

Moreover, the arguer does not take account the disadvantages advantaage? of gaining weight .In some situation people who is too thin are not benefit for (to?)healthy. On the contrary, overweight is not fit certainly. Nevertheless, the arguer describes the facts that if people gain weight ,it should lose  ????. Obviously, it is too extreme.

In sum, we should need the details about the data to support the argument. Additionally, the arguer should account for the reason that apnea makes the people too tired to exercise. Meanwhile it should get more evidence to know why people who snore need eat less and exercise more.

感觉关于数据的代表性的问题说得不是特别清楚。第二个驳斥点有些问题，感觉不应该只围绕snore和exersize 说。