issue83 G-89-互助社-10日写作

huangdaoUID: 190018

不知道是否有跑题的嫌疑 大家看看啊

Issue83 Politics 第13篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分1秒     482 words
从2005年7月10日10时2分到2005年7月10日10时45分
------题目------
Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people.
------提纲------
1 政府应该保护偏远地区的自然环境
2 不保护引起盗猎
3 由于经济而纵容污染是不可取的
4 保护措施的资金需要合理俦取，否则会引起另外的破坏
5 总结
------正文------
As the speaker said, I fundamentally agree with the point of view that the wilderness areas should be preserved in their natural state by the government, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people. Because pollution, hunting, and the like, do not seem to diminish in remote areas, moreover, the natural environment may be ruined more seriously lacking of control of government.

First of all, for the long distance form the core of nation and only a few people, the control of government generally is weak in these areas, and the crime towards the nature environment and wild animals may be serious. In the national natural park, where thousands kinds of wild animals live, including puma, lion, elephant, and so forth, which are the aim of illegal hunters, each year the park manager suffers from the hunting of precious species for the fortune of these innocent animals, like ivory of elephant, the skin of puma, and so on. It is necessary for government to take action to avoid such matter occur, and preserve the neighbors of our human being.

Secondly, for the pale control of government, in the remote place, a lot of company set up their plants which would cause heavy pollution, and damage the natural state of these areas, it is harmful both for the animals living there and the people around. For the local government, there are few people there and the prosperity of industry will bring in the increasing tax revenue, which is the most shortage there, so the government gives the admissions to these companies. Yet, is it worthy to do? They damage their land and the fortune of the future. Although there is remote and less people living, that does not mean the pollution could go ahead. First, the direct result of it may be the instinct of the wild animals which exist nearby. Then other result is the world is a whole one, the pollution here will cause the decrease of environment's quality in other places, and more likely where hundreds of thousands people exhibit. Thus, government should stop the action of companies to damage the natural state of the remote areas.

Nevertheless, the fund and energy of government are limited, so the methods should be thought out to deal with the problem. The natural state should be preserved, meanwhile, the government could explore the resource of the areas carefully to offer the fund for the protect action. And the officials must avoid the situation that the exploit will cause another damage result to the areas.

To conclude, it is necessary for the government to preserve the remote in its natural state, and protect them from the damage of hunting, pollution, and the like. After all, for the fund to this action, the government should carefully gather, because that will cause another kind of damage to the natural state.

[ Last edited by huangdao on 2005-8-10 at 13:11 ]

aurora1206UID: 181614

As the speaker said,(似乎应该放在后面,而且感觉多余) I foundamentally (fundamentally) agree with the point of view that the wilderness areas should be preserved in their natural state by the government, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people. Because pollution, hunting, and the like, do not seem to diminish in remote areas(这里用diminish好像不妥，这句意思应该是即使在边远地区，也存在pollution等问题，对吧，表达有点问题), moreover, the natual (natural) enviorment (environment) may be ruined more seriously lacking of control of government.

First of all, for the long distance form the core of nation and only a few people, the control of government generally is weak in these areas, and the crime towards the nature enviorment (还是拼错了) and wild animals may be serious. In the national natural park, where thousands kinds of wild animals live, including puma, lion, elephant, and so forth, which are the aim of illegal hunters, each year the park manager？ suffers from the hunting of precious species for the fortune of these innocent animals, (for the fortune后面再加这个好像不顺) like virot of elephant, the skin of puma, and so on.(这个长句应该重新组合一下，太长了，几乎构成了这一段，表达反而不清楚了)  It is necessary for government to take action to avoid such matter occur, (occurring).and (to) preserve the neighbours of our human being. (这一段说边远地区犯罪活动猖獗，最好再补充一下这些违法捕猎对环境的危害)

Sceondly,(Secondly 标志词拼写错误要注意噢) for the pale(pale这样用可以么，没见过，请教一下) control  of goverment,(拼写错误，和environment一样，少n)  in the remote place, a lot of company set up their plants which would cause heavy pollution, and damage the natural state of these areas, it is harmful both for the animals living there and the people around. For the local government, there are few people there and the prosper of industry will bring in(bring in 是引进的意思吧，用bring是不是可以呢) the increasing tax reception, which is the most shortage there, so the government gives the admissions to these companies. Yet, is it worthy to do (加so) ? They damage their land and the fortune of the future. Although there is remote and less people living, that does not mean the pollution could go ahead. First, the direct result of it may be the instinct of the wild animals exist nearby. Then other another result is the world is a whole one, the pollution here will cause the decrease of enviroment's quality in other places, and more likely where hundreds of thousands people exhibit. (Then another result is the decrease of environmental quality in other places since that the world is a whole one ) Thus, government should stop the action of companies to damage the natural state of the remote areas.

Nevertheless, the fund and energy of government are limited, so the methods should be thought out to deal with the problem. The natural state should be preserved, meanwhile, the government could explore the resourse (resource) of the areas carefully to offer the fund for the protect action(protection). And the officals (officials) must avoid the situation that the exploit(exploitation) will cause another damage(other damages)  to the areas. (这句别扭，the officials should avoid other damages causing by the exploitation.这句还可以扩展)

To conclude, it is necessary for the government to preserve the remote in  its natural state, and protect them from the damage of hunting, pollution, and the like. After all, for the fund to this action, the government should carefully gather, because that(improper ways) will cause another kind of damage(单数？) to the natural state.

作者的思路大致是这样的：
1.        边远地区不法活动严重
2.        边远地区建造的工厂对环境影响严重
3.        政府应该通过合理的手段筹集基金
不知道分析得对不，没有看到作者的提纲。
我觉得作者是抓住remote areas分析问题的，这样应该没有走题，但是感觉仍有些没有扣紧主题，对各段TS楼主再推敲一下为好（一家之言阿，思路能被清楚的看出来，但是似乎又缺点什么，水平有限，说不出来了，汗。。。）
恩，思路没有问题，可能还是因为楼主的表达。。。语言上句子还不是很流畅，个别长句让人感觉很勉强，（语言问题偶更严重啊，呜呜。。。）还有拼写错误没改正哦，加油！
拍得不好，见谅，觉得有用的收下，拍错的就海涵了，呵呵。。。

恩，也请看以下我的，issue83，同一篇，谢谢了！
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=315489

vieripingUID: 207712

恩 感觉有的部分写的有点离题，应该扣住题目来写，发挥不能太多
有空看看我的https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=315665文章吧