issue150 G-89-互助社-8月13日同主题写作 请拍

jason0926UID：200697

150.Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.


Along with the television and worldwide computer being invented and developed, many people can get much information and pleasure from it, especially the enthusiasts of geography and tourism. They can familiar with great many places from it and enjoy themselves from these images. However, I do not agree that tourism will be replaced by the television and worldwide computer though they have important effect.

In the first place, television and worldwide computer broaden the field of vision of people so that they can see many beautiful places and learn some knowledge about these places. For example, from the television and worldwide computer, people will highly praise the great and grandiose landscape such as the Great Wall and Pyramid. We can also see some beautiful and enjoyable natural scenery such as Aegean sea which stands for the sweet love in people's eyes. People can appreciate these beautiful places and sights and immerse themselves into these sights just from the television and worldwide computer.

In the second place, once they see some beautiful places and sights, they will produce an idea that whether they need to visit these places personally because it is so beautiful and attractive that it usually appear in the dream, and they have strong desire to see the real sights. Moreover, from the television and worldwide computer, people can realize some customs and knowledge which are helpful to their tourisms, they also can know how to arrive at there and which hotel they are fit for living. These information, to a tourist, is necessary.

In the third place, the function of tourism by ourselves is that people can experience real scenery and world by themselves. Because every one has own thoughts and the same scenery, in different people's eyes, is different. Besides, due to different mood, the scenery they saw is dissimilar too. On the other hand, the scenery will also brings different moods to people. For example, the Aegean sea , in some people's eyes, it means sorrow because these people may lose their lovers or never have love while in other peoples' eyes, it stands for the blessedness and eternal love since they have found their true love. So, tourism can bring different feelings to people which can not be given by the television and worldwide computer connections.

In sum, from what has been discussed above, we may draw the conclusion that  television and worldwide computer connections make people become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited, but if you have dream to experience the real world, tourism is the best way to actualize the dream.

hwyireneUID：200039

Along with the television and worldwide computer being invented and developed, many people can get much information and pleasure from it, especially the enthusiasts of geography and tourism. They can familiar with great many places from it and enjoy themselves from these images. However, I do not agree that tourism will be replaced by the television and worldwide computer though they have important effect.开头有点长，不够简洁。前两句里的代词用得有些乱，比如it出现在不同的位置，但有的地方离它所指代的television比较远。

In the first place, television and worldwide computer broaden the field of vision of people so that they can see many beautiful places and learn some knowledge about these places. For example, from the television and worldwide computer, people will highly praise the great and grandiose landscape such as the Great Wall and Pyramid. We can also see some beautiful and enjoyable natural scenery such as Aegean sea which stands for the sweet love in people's eyes. People can appreciate these beautiful places and sights and immerse themselves into these sights just from the television and worldwide computer.

In the second place, once they see some beautiful places and sights, they will produce an idea that whether they need to visit these places personally because it is so beautiful and attractive that it usually appear in the dream, and they have strong desire to see the real sights. Moreover, from the television and worldwide computer, people can realize some customs and knowledge which are helpful to their tourisms, they also can know how to arrive at there and which hotel they are fit for living. These information, to a tourist, is necessary.

In the third place, the function of tourism by ourselves is that people can experience real scenery and world by themselves. Because every one has own thoughts and the same scenery, in different people's eyes, is different.不知道你的意思是不是说，电视中的风景是别人眼中的，也许有更多的东西要自己去亲身体会。不过感觉这里说人的兴趣各异并不能很好证明亲自去旅游的优势。 Besides, due to different mood, the scenery they saw is dissimilar too. On the other handbesides 和 on the other hand 是不是重复了，我看见on the other hand时以为下面是另一个观点了。, the scenery will also brings different moods to people. For example, the Aegean sea , in some people's eyes, it means sorrow because these people may lose their lovers or never have love while in other peoples' eyes, it stands for the blessedness and eternal love since they have found their true love. So, tourism can bring different feelings to people which can not be given by the television and worldwide computer connections.这段没有写出旅游相对于电视上的风景有更大的吸引力。你的文字里有这层意思，不过没有明确地写出来，所以看起来不够有力。

In sum, from what has been discussed above, we may draw the conclusion that  television and worldwide computer connections make people become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited, but if you have dream to experience the real world, tourism is the best way to actualize the dream.

你的论证是平衡观点，但是从ts来看不太明显，建议不要象argu那样采用罗列的形式，而且你的第一，第三个论点立场比较明确，而第二个论点有折衷的意思，即旅游是很好的方式，但电视电脑又可以为旅游提供信息，这个观点本身不错，不过文中的分析还不够，如果要表明电视对旅游有帮助，至少之前应该是关于旅游的正面论证，或者采取让步的态度先承认旅游是更好的选择。不知道我说清楚了没有，你的意见如何。

优点：你的一个爱琴海的例子反复出现我觉得不错，有时候与其举很多例子，不如把一个重点分析，从各方面论述，更能写出理性的色彩，避免只是简单的罗列。

jason0926UID：200697

恩,很感谢你精辟的分析,受益匪浅,多谢