issue29 关于public figure，上网的第一篇望大家指教！有拍必回拍

咯噔UID: 2114564

29"Public figures such as actors, politicians, and athletes should expect people to be interested in their private lives. When they seek a public role, they should expect that they will lose at least some of their privacy."

Are the public figures destined to have the problem of lack of privacy? The question raises several issues about both personal right and social problems. I concede that public figures, as normal individuals, to some extent can have their private life. On balance, however, I agree with the point since it focusing on the celebrities’ life is the requirement of both their occupations and the public.
First, my proposition is substantiated by the nature of their job which is of no use if public do not pay any attention to them. Consider, for example, Lincoln, eminent politician and president who accomplished the abolition of slavery and avoided the nation’s disintegration. it is because the honesty image that Lincoln’s private life that enables the whole nation trust in his promise. The same cases are also true with actors and athletes, since a fine impression of their private will definitely bring them more fames and money. In short, all such evidence---too much to enumerate---aptly illustrate the validity of my point.
Second, another important, if not the vital, reason to explain my proposition is the consideration of the role that the public media takes, which is of growing significant.. Considering the two tasks of mass media, to entertain the public and to superintend the several people who may have too much prorogue, it has no choice but to focus on the private life of public figures. After all, as the mass media now does a competent job, winning the honor of uncrowned king, every aspects of the famous people’s life is certainly exposed too much to the public.
However, as sentiment sometimes varies according to the different qualifications given, some adverse notions may be justified. For example, a negation, resulted from the inconvenience that the public care has brought to the celebrities’ life, may be put forth. Or consider that the public figures are more and more aware of the attention they draws, the image that they send to us through television, newspapers or other ways are more possible to be pretentious. Albeit all these suggestions are reasonable to some extent, they only play a , if any, supplementary role in my judgment, far from undermining my positive attitude. In sum, as my contention performed above, while in theory public figures can enjoy their private life, I fundamentally agree that the public figure should have no complaints when they lose some of their privacy.
这篇文章提纲并没有花很久，但由于入手方面太抽象写得很不流畅。

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-18 at 17:22 ]

batterflyUID: 196681

Are the public figures destined to have the problem of lack of privacy? The question raises several issues about both personal right and social problems. I concede that public figures, as normal individuals, to some extent can have their private life（这句话作为论点，但是在后面的文章中根本没有提到啊？）. On balance, however, I agree with the point since it（去掉it） focusing on the celebrities’ life is the requirement of both their occupations and the public.
First, my proposition is substantiated by the nature of their job which is of no use if public do not pay any attention to them(指代不明确，如果想指代privacy life of celebrities句子前面并没有出现啊？ ). Consider, for example, Lincoln, eminent politician and president who accomplished the abolition of slavery and avoided the nation’s disintegration. it is because the honesty image that Lincoln’s private life that enables the whole nation trust in his promise. The same cases are also true with actors and athletes, since a fine impression of their private will definitely(尽量避免绝对化的用语) bring them more fames and money. In short, all such evidence---too much to enumerate---aptly illustrate the validity of my point.(觉得这个论据不好，不能说公众不关注名人的私生活，名人的工作就没有用啊。它的逆否命题是，只要一个人的私生活好，他提出的看法即使没有关系到人们的利益也能被支持的，----这在政治上基本上是不可能的，人们不能因为你是老好人而听你的吧)Second, another important, if not the vital, reason to explain my proposition is the consideration of the role that the public media takes, which is of growing significant（significance）. Considering the two tasks of mass media, to entertain the public and to superintend the several people who may have too much prorogue(???休会？？), it has no choice but to focus on the private life of public figures（媒体并不是没有选择只能关注公众人物的原因并不是他的职能决定的）. After all, as the mass media now does a competent job, winning the honor of uncrowned king, every aspects of the famous people’s life is certainly exposed too much to the public. （我觉得说到媒体可以从大众说起啊，说大众想关注名人的生活，然后媒体作为一个靠大众盈利的机构当然要去关注名人的生活了，然后再说这样由于当今日益发达的传媒手段，公共人物的隐私暴露也就不足为奇了）However, as sentiment sometimes varies according to the different qualifications given, some adverse notions may be justified. For example, a negation, resulted from the inconvenience that the public care has brought to the celebrities’ life, may be put forth. Or consider that the public figures are more and more aware of the attention they draws, the image that they send to us through television, newspapers or other ways are more possible to be pretentious. Albeit all these suggestions are reasonable to some extent, they only play a, if any, supplementary role in my judgment, far from undermining my positive attitude. （这段没有看懂，这个转折可以写你第一段提到的名人也应该有自己的隐私啊）In sum, as my contention performed above, while in theory public figures can enjoy their private life, I fundamentally agree that the public figure should have no complaints when they lose some of their privacy.
总的来说思路有点乱，提出的论点没有论据论证，不过第一篇嘛，很正常的了，好好努力哦！~[
改的第一篇，个人意见仅供参考哈:)

[ Last edited by batterfly on 2005-8-18 at 21:05 ]

orange83UID: 2127694

实在不好意思，这几天不能用搜索，所以一直没看自己的帖子，现在占个位，迟些些给你回拍！！

orange83UID: 2127694

29"Public figures such as actors, politicians, and athletes should expect people to be interested in their private lives. When they seek a public role, they should expect that they will lose at least some of their privacy."

Are the public figures destined //destine这个词好像用在这里不太合适，有点消极的意思，换一个中性词比较好// to have the problem of lack // lacking //of // add ‘their’ here// privacy? The question raises several issues about both personal right and social problems. I concede that public figures, as normal individuals, to some extent can have their private life. On balance, however, I agree with the point since it // its// focusing on the celebrities’ life is the requirement of both their occupations and the public. //will this sentence be better when alter to ‘it is the requirement of both the celebrities’ occupations and the public that their lives should be focused. ’
First, my proposition is substantiated by the nature of their job //jobs// which is of no use // 不应该说没有用，这些职业是有用的即使没人关注，例如我们关注的政治家也只是其中几个，那剩下的人你不能说他们没用啊！！你只能说，对于艺人，群众的关注是他们事业得以继续的保证，但对于政治家和运动员来说，就不是这么一回事咯// .if //add ‘the’ here// public do not pay any attention to them. Consider, for example, Lincoln, // add an ‘an’ here// eminent politician and president who accomplished the abolition of slavery and avoided the nation’s disintegration. it is because the honesty image that //of// Lincoln’s private life that enables the whole nation trust in his promise. // 你要把人民的信任和Lincoln 取得的成功联系起来阿，而且，就算林肯的私生活很健康，也不能说明他必须接受大家的监督阿。应该换个说法，正是林肯把自己的私生活公开了，使人民看到他健康的生活，从而对他产生信任和支持，使他的修宪等行动获得成功。// The same cases are also true with actors and athletes, since a fine impression of their private will definitely bring them more fames and money. In short, all such evidence---too much to enumerate---aptly illustrate the validity of my point. // 题目是要谈名人的私隐应不应该公开，而不是说名人健康的私生活对他们有什么好处，小心别跑题了//
Second, another important, //if not the vital,这是废话一句！！// reason to explain //my proposition is the consideration of the role that the public media takes, which is of growing significant.. 没必要重复，感觉是凑字数噢//Considering the two tasks of mass media, to entertain the public and to superintend the several people who may have too much prorogue // prorogue怎么我查到是‘vt.  (在英国等) 使<议会>休会’的意思呢？直接说public figures 不就好了吗？//, it has no choice but to focus on the private life of public figures // it has no choice...这句用得不好，好像媒体被迫这样做似得// . After all, as the mass media now does a competent job, winning the honor of uncrowned king, every aspects of the famous people’s life is certainly exposed too much to the public. // 最后一句有什么用？既然你上面指出大众媒体有两个作用，为什么不展开来说？//
However, //as sentiment sometimes varies according to the different qualifications given, 又是一句作用不大的废话，直接摆出观点就好了//some adverse notions may be justified. For example, a negation resulted from the inconvenience that the public care has brought to the celebrities’ life, may be put forth. Or consider that the public figures are more and more aware of the attention they draws // draw// , the image that they send to us through television, newspapers or other ways are more possible to be pretentious. //Albeit all these suggestions are reasonable to some extent, they only play a , if any, supplementary role in my judgment, far from undermining my positive attitude. 这句话啥意思？// //in sum作为总结，应该另起一段// In sum, as my contention performed above, while in theory public figures can enjoy their private life, I fundamentally agree that the public figure should have no complaints when they lose some of their privacy.// 结尾太匆忙，没有对上文做一个呼应//

总的来说，这篇文章的论证不是太有力，不过这是你的第一篇，慢慢来吧，多看看范文，你会有所改进的。
还有就是issue里面不要写太多废话，有些话存在跟没存在是一样的，那就不要写，应该写一点‘实’的东西。

这是我的issue pp3上的题目，请狠拍！
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=324737