missmumuxi的作文

missmumuxiUID: 2710337

The impact of both telephone and TV have had on human daily life are obvious, and they indispensably act on diverse aspects, specifically, TV has became the most powerful mean of getting entertainment, news and communication, whose affect is skyrocketing; For telephone, it enhance the efficiency of people’s conversation, either it speed it up. As my statement above, the contribution of both are significant, I can’t decide which is better rashly.
Television, invented in last century, with its wide availability, becomes a necessity of human ever since. First, TV has magic power to make people immerse themselves in amusement. Combined with acoustic and visual effect, TV is more acceptable to audience who has exhausted themselves in working than books, which consume vim to get through. What’s more, with the help of TV, we get update news of earth. Everyday morning, we efficiently avoid traffic jam by check the road condition on Morning News. We put on the appropriate clothes to keep off flu by the great help of weather man. We no longer have to sail like Columbus, because pictures of over globe are shown on TV. Finally, TV shapes our spirits. Such as public-interest ad, it teaches us what is good and evil, what is legal and illegal.
For telephone, it extremely makes communication convenient and efficiency. In the ancient time, we tall by means of mails, which are send by dove and take a endless period. If one of the corresponder does not express clearly or one can’t understand intensively, then much time has to be consumed up. Misunderstandings are easily handled because of the immediate and interactive nature of people to people conversation. Moreover, We have to admit that face-to-face interact is the ultimate form of communication, however, the efficiency of it suspend. With the birth of telephone, we will set up a meeting time and topic, which actually enhance the ability to communicate effectively.
In brief, TV and telephone have been performing nicely in their own field ever since their advent, and both of them can’t instead of each other, so, the contribution of both are equal.

missmumuxiUID: 2710337

8.19 Do you agree or disagree: Playing sports give you more lessons about the life。
Sports exists all around the world in varies form and manifestations since the emergence of human beings. As its significance to us, we have set Olympic games at 776 BC. Athletes come from all around the world and all social stratums and express spirits of sports, so that it may be share with people. In my opinion, the spirits could be interpreted by: competition and cooperation, learning how to win and control the life.
Sports help us to learn the importance of competition and cooperation. In the first place, when we run in a race, we solicitously want to be the first one to across the line. In order to achieve this goal, one’s potential ability must be stimulated to the upmost. First place exists in one time but not always, so we keep competing and then make the society improved, which lively evidenced sports’ positive influence on people. At the same time, the tug-of-war and relay race teach us, if you don’t want to be defeat, you have to cooperate with others. Inspired by that, parents send children in the same district to school in turn, in which save time and energy, friend to earth also.
  Moreover, sports act as a teacher, telling us how to win in life. In the sports fighting, we may win or defeated by opponent, how can we keep victory all the time? The ever-victorious will firmly told you: keep hard training and never give up. Take a look around, none of the advent of invention was not accompanied by the inventor’s adherence. Such as Edison’s yearly insisting on bulb, 14 times lose and 1600 times material test to find out the perfect for filament.
  Finally, sports make discipline for people, as the same time, for life. General impression of writer’s life might be desultory and sloppy combined with cigarettes and wine. However, the Japanese famed master Haruki murakami lived in extremely disciplined. Every morning, he get up at 5 a.m, write for 4 hours and then running like marathon athlete for hours. He demands himself to take participate in at least one marathon every year. He owns his success most to running, as it trains concentration and endurance, without which couldn’t win at long, either with the America famous Hemingway.
  Therefore, I totally agree with playing sports give classes to our life. Without competition and cooperation, both society and personal life won’t step forward. Without hard training yearly, we might never think of closing to triumph. Without a disciplined life, even genius could not be caressed by god all the time. In one word, life’s secret could be comprehend in sports.

kimi海纳UID: 2855420

The impact of both telephone and TV have had on human daily life are obvious, and they indispensably act on diverse aspects, specifically, TV has became the most powerful mean of getting entertainment, news and communication, whose affect is skyrocketing; For telephone, it enhance the efficiency of people’s conversation, either it speed it up. As my statement above, the contribution of both are significant, I can’t decide which is better rashly.; j; P1 D& u* {/ R9 c( L
Television, invented in last century, with its wide availability, becomes（1） a necessity of human ever since. First, TV has magic power to make people immerse themselves in amusement. Combined with acoustic and visual effects, TV is more acceptable to audiences who have exhausted themselves in working than books, which consume vim to get through. What’s more, with the help of TV, we get update news of earth(2). Everyday morning, we efficiently avoid traffic jam by check the road condition on Morning News. We put on the appropriate clothes to keep off flu by the great help of weather man. We no longer have to sail like Columbus, because pictures of over globe are shown on TV. Finally, TV shapes our spirits. Such as public-interest ad, it teaches us what is good and (3)evil, what is legal and (3)illegal.  
For telephone, it extremely makes communication convenient and efficiency. In the ancient time, we told by means of mails, which are send by dove and take a endless period. If one of the correspondents does not express clearly or one can’t understand intensively, then much time has to be consumed up. Misunderstandings are easily handled because of the immediate and interactive nature of people to people conversation. Moreover, We have to admit that face-to-face interaction is the ultimate form of communication, however, the efficiency of it suspend. With the birth of telephone, we will set up a meeting time and topic, which actually enhance the ability to communicate effectively.  w$ O) ~+ E' u9 Z: p
In brief, TV and telephone have been performing nicely in their own field ever since their advent, and both of them can not （4）instead of each other, so, the contribution of both are equal.
（1）        has become
（2）        the world
（3）        加what is
（4）        加 act（instead是副词）
不知道写作考试的时候能不能采取折中的意见？？

AnnneUID: 2819919

Sports exists all around the world in varies form and manifestations（这个词好像用得不是很适合） since the emergence of human beings. As its significance to us, we have set Olympic games at 776 BC. Athletes come from all around the world and all social stratums and express spirits of sports, so that it may be share with people. （愚见athlete from all around the world and social status gather together to express the spirits of sports in order to share with the ordinary people In my opinion, the spirits could be interpreted by: competition and cooperation, learning how to win and control the life.
Sports help us to learn the importance of competition and cooperation. In the first place, when we run in a race, we solicitously want to be the first one to across the line. In order to achieve this goal, one’s potential ability must be stimulated to the upmost. First place exists in one time but not always, so we keep competing and then make the society improved, which lively evidenced sports’ positive influence on people. At the same time, the tug-of-war and relay race teach us, if you don’t want to be defeat(defeated), you have to cooperate with others. Inspired by that, parents send children in the same district to school in turn, in which save time and energy, friend to earth also.
  Moreover, sports act as a teacher, telling us how to win in life. In the sports fighting, we may win or defeated by opponent, how can we keep victory all the time? The ever-victorious will firmly told you: keep hard training and never give up. Take a look around, none of the advent of invention was not accompanied by the inventor’s adherence. Such as Edison’s yearly insisting on bulb, 14 times lose and 1600 times material test to find out the perfect for filament.发明家的例子是类比运动员，所以最好是用运动员的例子比较好，不然看着看着思维就有点乱咯）
  Finally, sports make discipline for people, as the same time, for life. General impression of writer’s life might be desultory and sloppy combined with cigarettes and wine. However, the Japanese famed master Haruki murakami lived in extremely disciplined. Every morning, he get up at 5 a.m, write for 4 hours and then running like marathon athlete for hours. He demands himself to take participate in at least one marathon every year. He owns his success most to running, as it trains concentration and endurance, without which couldn’t win at long, either with the America famous Hemingway.
  Therefore, I totally agree with playing sports give classes to our life. Without competition and cooperation, both society and personal life won’t step forward. Without hard training yearly, we might never think of closing to triumph. Without a disciplined life, even genius could not be caressed by god all the time. In one word, life’s secret could be comprehend in sports.

3.5-4分
整体还是比较清晰的，不过有些句子表达可以更好
愚见愚见，吹毛求疵鸟~~~~加油加油，一起加油

johnmclainUID: 2676153

2# missmumuxi Sports exists all around the world in varies forms and manifestations since the emergence of human beings. As its significance to us, we have set Olympic games at 776 BC. Athletes come from all around the world and all social stratus（疏忽用红色） and express spirits of sports, so that it may be share with people. In my opinion, the spirits of sports could be interpreted by: competition and cooperation, learning how to win and control the life.
首先，首句没有和题目相关性不大。因为没有提及与teach more lessons有关的东西。其次，前两句和最后一句关系没说明白。要是说Sports have always been become  an indispensable part of life in everywhere in the world, from ancient Rome to the 21 century, from New York to small tribes in Africa, owing to the benefits as well as its respectable spirits. 就能把两者联系起来了。
Sports help us to learn the importance of competition and cooperation. In the first place, when we run in a race, we solicitously(好，用黄色) want to be the first one to cross the line. In order to achieve this goal（建议再考虑考虑，thereby，thus怎么样）, one’s potential ability（潜能力，应该用潜力即 potential） must be stimulated to the up-most. First place exists in one time but not always（确定这么说对吗？）, so we keep competing and then make the society improving, which lively evidenced sports’ positive influence on people. At the same time, the tug-of-war and relay race teach us, if you don’t want to be defeated, you have to cooperate with others. Inspired by that, parents send children in the same district to school in turn, in which save time and energy, friend to earth also.（有点远了，虽然正确却不利于理解）


Moreover, sports act as a teacher, telling us how to win in life. In the sports fighting, we may win or defeated by opponent, how can we keep victory all the time? The ever-victorious will firmly told you: keep hard training and never give up. Take a look around, none of the advent of invention was not accompanied by the inventor’s adherence.（valid，yet读起来别扭） Such as Edison’s yearly insisting on bulb, 14 times lose and 1600 times material test to find out the perfect for filament.
  Finally, sports make people disciplined in life. General impression of writer’s life might be desultory and sloppy combined with cigarettes and wine. However, the Japanese famed master Haruki murakami lived in extremely disciplined. Every morning, he get up at 5 a.m, write for 4 hours and then running like marathon athlete for hours. He demands himself to take participate in at least one marathon every year. He owns his success most to running, as it trains concentration and endurance, without which couldn’t win at long, either with the America famous Hemingway.
例子里的语言很好，可是个例不能说明问题，而且海明威貌似成就不比日本那人低，巨匠巴尔扎克abandon himself in coffee，李白耍酒疯。所以说明不了disciplined life 的好处。 只能说，disciplined people live longer。是吧？觉得，结合你自身的感受更好，比如说，你通过跑步锻炼了坚强的意志，面对学习上，生活中的困难的时候，更加有耐性，肯吃苦了。就挺好的。
Therefore, I totally agree with playing sports give classes to our life. Without competition and cooperation, both society and personal life won’t step forward. Without hard training yearly, we might never think of closing to triumph. Without a disciplined life, even genius could not be caressed by god all the time. In one word, life’s secret could be comprehend in sports.
没了运动就学不到竞争和合作吗？没有运动就没有自律的生活吗？
当然，我这是在挑拣，对于一篇在短时间写出的文章，这是精品。思路清晰，语言流畅。

missmumuxiUID: 2710337

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career.

Whether people should switch to numerous varies kinds of jobs before they take a long term career largely depends on the compatibility between the job and job taker. Someone may lucky enough to find out his career on his first seeking job, while the others, suffering from long period of job-hopping intermittently, and open up his career at last. In my opinion, as the fact that most of us do not appreciate which kind of job worth paying painstaking effort, we should attempt considerable jobs and then chose one of those as career.
In my country, most of high school graduates are influenced immensely by parents when they choose the college major, and that situation will put on again when the college graduate seeking job. That circumstance possibly leads to discomfort between the job and graduate. In order to find a good job, the young have to try different jobs. If you don’t attempt, you don’t know what this work tend to be and what will it be in the future and the most essential is you can not pick flaws which may worth you devote yourself to revolute as your career.
Someone may complain that it cost long time to find out the most proper work, you may achieve a big deal in this period, however you waste it. I fully object to this opinion, and in order to defeat it, I will take my friend’s story as live evidence. He didn’t entrance any college but work for several sorts of company, referring to education, accounting, selling, software and manufacturing, and he owned little computer office at last. Generally thinking, none of the preceding jobs helped his career, nevertheless, all of this jobs assist enlarge his field. He asked friends doing education help him exploit education software, studying from the sells to promote goods, inviting the accounting to manage his company. In short, you may encounter your treasure when the job-hopping period.
I have to admit that some genius may not need to experience a long undecided time, but the scale is mini when compared with the most general people. Scanning on plentiful biography, it’s obvious to find that many successful begin their career at very first sight they tend to work. Systematically speaking, they know and sting to their job at early age, and the most significant discovery is they devote for their hobbies. For instance, the American famous inventor Edison, he worked for his career since his childhood. More specially, He concentrated to invent the bulb for more than 10 years. In a nutshell, Edison’s success most owns to his perseverance on his hobby and also his job. Obviously, his story tells us, if you find the proper job at the first time, just keep it whatever frustration you faced and run it as your career.
Selecting one field as your career needs prudence and comprehensive understanding of that field, and working in several field help you to make the significant determination. As I said above, some genius specially caressed by god might omit this step; however, who can confidently said he was one of them. In a nutshell, trying several jobs before sting to career was a sagacious choice for most general people.

雅典城的包子UID: 2742653

To：missmumuxi~
8.24作文批改，个人意见，呵呵

greenegeUID: 2886404

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career.

Whether people should switch to numerous varies kinds of jobs before they take a long term career largely depends on the compatibility between the job and job taker. (我只知道what开头的句子..我不知道whether开头能不能这样写…)Someone may (be) lucky enough to find out his career on his first seeking job(我觉得first job就可以了), while the others, suffering from long period of job-hopping intermittently, and(before) open up his(or her) career at last. In my opinion, as the fact that most of us do not appreciate (do not appreciate放在这里很奇怪，不清楚你要表达的意思)which kind of job worth paying painstaking effort, we should attempt considerable(我觉得也没必要大量吧，重在several，换过就熬) jobs and then chose one of those as career.
In my country, most of high school graduates are influenced immensely by parents when they choose the college major, and that situation will put on again when the college graduate seeking job. That circumstance possibly leads to discomfort between the job and graduate. In order to find a good job, the young have to try different jobs. If you don’t attempt, you don’t know what this work tend to be and what will it be in the future and the most essential is you can not pick flaws which may worth you devote yourself to revolute as your career.(最后一句句式太长,而且都用and链接不是很好,可以讲动词改伴随状语，使句子看起来不是那么的繁复)
Someone may complain that it cost(s) long time to find out the most proper work, (这里就可以断句了.)you may achieve a big deal(不懂..)in this period, however you waste it. I fully object to this opinion, and in order to defeat it, I will take my friend’s story as live evidence. He didn’t entrance any college but work(ed) for several sorts of company, referring to education, accounting, selling, software and manufacturing, (此处可以断句.去掉and,可以改成Finnaly,然后去at last)and he owned little computer office at last. Generally thinking, none of the preceding jobs helped his career, nevertheless, all of this jobs assist enlarge his field(这句用法比较生硬,可以尝试换种说法). He asked friends (?不懂friends后面加doing代表了什么.是说做教育方面的朋友吗?如果是的话,这个表达方式应该不正确…还有ask sb to do sth.没有to)doing education help him exploit education software, studying from the sells to promote goods, inviting the accounting to manage his company(呃,inviting和studying是两个伴随状语吗?我觉得这个伴随的有点拖沓,建议转换下表达方式.这是个好机会用分号呐.~). In short, you may encounter your treasure when(换during) the job-hopping period. ' E7 Y& i0 I6 G, g$ B2 u
I have to admit that some genius may not need to experience a long undecided time, but the scale is mini when compared with the most general people. Scanning on plentiful biography, it’s obvious to find that many successful(successors) begin their career at very first sight they tend to work. Systematically speaking, they know and sting to their job at early age, and the most significant discovery is they devote for their hobbies. For instance, the American famous inventor Edison, he worked for his career since his childhood. More specially, He concentrated to invent the bulb for more than 10 years. In a nutshell, Edison’s success most owns(owned) to his perseverance on his hobby and also his job. Obviously, his story tells us, if you find the proper job at the first time, just keep it whatever frustration you faced and run it as your career.
Selecting one field as your career needs prudence and comprehensive understanding of that field, (去and用分号)and working in several field help you to make the significant determination. As I said above, some genius specially caressed by god might omit this step;(这里的分号是不是就可以不用恩…) however, who can confidently said he was one of them. In a nutshell, trying several jobs before sting to career was a sagacious choice for most general people.


首先我觉得你的理由可以在清晰些，逻辑显得有些模糊。
总体来说总分总格式用词都还是不错的。
但是有时候句式比较拖沓，而且我发现你比较喜欢写完一句+逗号，再+and继续写.导致很多长句都是并列句。
我觉得有时候适当长短句穿插是不要的。恩恩恩。加油~

missmumuxiUID: 2710337

8.26 作文 请多多指教

javenUID: 2108322

改好了

ruiquan2003UID: 2772076

童鞋，改好了
(沐沐汐).doc (18 KB, 下载次数: 4)

2010-8-28 10:02:36 上传

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missmumuxiUID: 2710337

8.28作文

missmumuxiUID: 2710337

11# ruiquan2003 您稍等 我周日给您改作文好不 今天有事出远门 不好意思呢。。。见谅哦

ruiquan2003UID: 2772076

...!!!好吧，这次又和你一组！！！ 13# missmumuxi

ruiquan2003UID: 2772076

童鞋，改好了

沐沐汐8.28.doc (17.5 KB, 下载次数: 6)

2010-8-29 09:12:25 上传

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