10.14作文，狠拍

doubledianUID: 2661760

10.13 The parents do not understand their children as well today as parents understood their children 50 years ago
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In the recent years, many people especially young people hold the opinion that it is more difficult for them to make a success now than that in the past. But others claim to the contrary opinion, they think that as the development of the science more work are provided to people, it is easer for people to success. In my point of view, I agree with neither of the two opinions. As the old proverb says, A coin has two sides. Whether it is more different or easier for people succeed now is depends on people themselves not the environment. I will provide concrete evidences to demonstrate my point of view.


First and foremost, although with the development of the technology people can find a job easier than the past, it not means people can make a success easier. For instance, if a person finds a job that he can work as a dustman in a big company, every month he receives a little of money to feed his family, seldom people will say he is success in his career no matter he lives in nowadays or in the old days. It is persons themselves not the time they live that determines their success.


In the second place, even in the old days people can also make a success. We can't say that Bill would not succeed if he lived in the nineteenth century,
it is because the advanced time he lives in that makes him success. We also can't say that Beethoven would not success if he lived in nowadays. Napoleon who lived in the era that many wars were broken he is also success in the eyes of today's people. It seems too absurd to say that whether a person could success is depend on the time.


Last but not least, whether a person can make a success is depend on his ability, dream and his will. If a person say he will be successful all days without any activities to do useful things, it is obvious that he will never succeed. Moreover, people's success sometimes depends on the luck. Maybe without these little lucks some people successful now may fail in the past.


To sum up, if a person want to successful he can do it whichever ear he lives in. It is a person's characters more than the ear that makes people to make a success.
今天的写得很差劲。。。感觉有很多错误。。辛苦了

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

错的地方我用下划线标出来，劳您自己改~

最后一段：
To sum up, if a person want to successful he can do it whichever ear he lives in. It is a person's characters more than the ear that makes people to make a success.

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

倒数第二段：

Last but not least, whether a person can make a success is depend on his ability, dream and his will. If a person say he will be successful all days without any activities to do useful things, it is obvious that he will never succeed. Moreover, people's success sometimes depends on the luck. Maybe without these little lucks some people successful now may fail in the past.

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

倒数第三段：

In the second place, even in the old days people can also make a success. We can't say that Bill would not succeed if he lived in the nineteenth century,【另起一句】it is because the advanced time he lives in that makes him success. We also can't say that Beethoven would not success if he lived in nowadays. Napoleon who lived in the era that many wars were broken he is also success in the eyes of today's people. It seems too absurd to say that whether a person could success is depend on the time.

In the eyes of是在想象中的意思，用在这里不合适。

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

倒数第四段：

First and foremost, although with the development of the technology people can find a job easier than 【in】the past, it not means people can make a success easier. For instance, if a person finds a job that he can work as a dustman in a big company, 【and】every month he receives a little of money to feed his family, seldom people will say he is success in his career no matter he lives in nowadays or in the old days. It is persons themselves not the time they live that determines their success.

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

倒数第五段：

In the recent years, many people especially young people hold the opinion that it is more difficult for them to make a success now than that in the past. But others claim to the contrary opinion, 【and】they think that as the development of the science more work are provided to people, it is easer for people to success. In my point of view, I agree with neither of the two opinions. As the old proverb says, A coin has two sides. Whether it is more different or easier for people succeed now is depends on people themselves not the environment. I will provide concrete evidences to demonstrate my point of view.

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

总结：
1）强调结构看到吐，能换换么？
2）算是所有文章里最好的一篇。
3）路漫漫。

doubledianUID: 2661760

虽然是很痛苦的写作，但是还是非常感谢你，谢谢你能在繁忙是时候来给我改作文！ 7# cinderella1016

ly8768UID: 2452066

1# doubledian



In the(不要the) recent years, many people especially young people hold the opinion that it is more difficult for them to make a success now than that in the past. But others claim to the contrary opinion, they think that as the development of the science more work are provided to people, it is easer(easier) for people to success(succeed). In my point of view, I agree with neither of the two opinions. As the old proverb says, A coin has two sides. Whether it is more different(difficult) or easier for people succeed now is(不要) depends on people themselves not the environment. I will provide concrete evidences to demonstrate my point of view.

First and foremost, although with the development of the technology people can find a job easier(more easily) than the past, it not(dose not) means people can make a success easier. For instance, if a person finds a job that he can work as a dustman in a big company, every month he receives a little of money to feed his family, seldom people will say he is success(successful) in his career no matter he lives in nowadays or in the old days. It is persons themselves not the time they live that determines their success.

In the second place, even in the old days people can also make a success. We can't say that Bill would not succeed if he lived in the nineteenth century(…这个你怎么证明啊), it is because the advanced time he lives in that makes him success. We also can't say that Beethoven would not success if he lived in nowadays. Napoleon who lived in the era that many wars were broken he is also success in the eyes of today's people. It seems too absurd to say that whether a person could success is depend on the time.

这个你也不能证明他们能成功啊

Last but not least, whether a person can make a success is(depend是动词) depend on his ability, dream and his will. If a person say he will be successful all days without any activities to do useful things, it is obvious that he will never succeed. Moreover, people's success sometimes depends on the luck. Maybe without these little lucks some people successful now may fail in the past.

To sum up, if a person want to successful he can do it whichever ear he lives in. It is a person's characters more than the ear that makes people to make a success.

1 写三段每段都不具体
2 这个，到最后都没明白你说的主题，无论过去很现在的人都不容易成功？这是个什么命题啊。
3 注意动词的使用

HYPS2011UID: 2618437

In the(删除) recent years, many people especially young people hold the opinion that it is more difficult for them to make a success now than that in the past. But others claim to the contrary opinion, they think that as the development of the science more work are provided to people, it is easer for people to success (succeed ). In my point of view, I agree with neither of the two opinions. As the old proverb says, A coin has two sides. Whether it is more different or easier for people succeed now is depends on people themselves not the environment. I will provide concrete evidences to demonstrate my point of view.


First and foremost, although with the development of the technology people can find a job easier than the past, it not means people can make a success easier. For instance, if a person finds a job that he can work as a dustman in a big company, every month he receives a little of money to feed his family, seldom people will say he is success in his career no matter he lives in nowadays or in the old days. It is persons themselves not the time they live that determines their success.

In the second place, even in the old days people can also make a success. We can't say that Bill (Gates 光说Bill 不能代表他哈) would not succeed if he lived in the nineteenth century （if had sb…. ,sb + would 是对过去假设的句型吧 ）, it is because the advanced time he lives in that makes him success. We also can't say that Beethoven would not success if he lived in nowadays. Napoleon who lived in the era that many wars were broken he is also success in the eyes of today's people. It seems too absurd to say that whether a person could success is depend on the time

这一段你的例子很好，Bill Gates, Beethoven, Napoleon但是都没有展开，只是一句话带过，所以 没能支撑你的论点.1

Last but not least, whether a person can make a success is depend on his ability, dream and his will. If a person say he will be successful all days without any activities to do useful things, it is obvious that he will never succeed. Moreover, people's success sometimes depends on the luck. Maybe without these little lucks some people successful now may fail in the past.
To sum up, if a person want to （be） successful he can do it whichever ear (era)he lives in. It is a(the) person's characters more than the ear that makes people to make a success

中心句 一定要展开，例子必须用来支撑你的论点，论点+例子+总结。加油

heqiang_1001UID: 2607349

不好意思发晚了。
10.13 The parents do not understand their children as well today as parents understood their children 50 years ago, U, u9 Q& o5 j2 B/

In the recent years, many people especially young people hold the opinion that it is more difficult for them to make a success now than that in the past. But others claim to the contrary opinion, they think that as the development of the science more work(job opportunities) are provided to people, it is easer(easier) for people to success. In my point of view, I agree with neither of the two opinions. As the old proverb says, A coin has two sides(以后换一个吧，感觉这个说的太泛滥了). Whether it is more different(?) or easier for people succeed（people’s succeeding） now is (is 去掉)depends on people themselves not（instead of） the environment. I will provide concrete evidences to demonstrate my point of view.7 d5 R' v! D0 j9 C0 Q8 D
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First and foremost, although with the development of the technology , people can find a job easier than (in) the past, it not means (which is not synonymous with the argument that)people can make a success easier. For instance, if a person finds a job that he can work(……job working as a ……) as a dustman in a big company, every month(改成each month 放到句尾) he receives a little of  money（low salary）to feed his family. seldom people will say he is success in his career no matter he lives in nowadays or in the old days. （评判success的价值标准是什么呢？得到自我满足还是一定要功成名就呢。我写的的时候也很纠结这个问题）It is persons themselves not the time they live that determines their success.
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In the second place, even in the old days people can also make a success. We can't say that Bill would not succeed if he lived in the nineteenth century, it is because the advanced time he lives in that makes him success.（这句例子有点问题吧？） We also can't say that Beethoven would not success if he lived in nowadays. Napoleon who lived in the era that many wars were broken he is also（a）success in the eyes of today's people. It seems too absurd to say that whether a person could success is depend(depending) on the time.  ?; ?0 E% v5 b0 x/ t


Last but not least, whether a person can make a success is depend(depending) on his ability, dream and his will. If a person say he will be successful all days without any activities to do useful things, it is obvious that he will never succeed. Moreover, people's success sometimes depends on the luck. Maybe without these little lucks some people successful now may fail in the past.(这个论证有些不严密啊，过去某些人的成功也不排除运气的原因吧)


To sum up, if a person want to successful he can do it whichever ear he lives in. It is a person's characters more than the ear（era one lives in）that makes people to make a success.

结构比较完整，观点也挺好的。但是感觉论证不是很严密，语言还要加强（这也是我的一个弱点）。加油！