Beccy的作文帖~综合+独写~

bayaUID：2697520

第一篇作业~TPO6综合


The lecture completely refutes the passage, It is said that communal on-line encyclopedias have advantages than traditional ones.The passage contends that traditional more better than online encyclopedia. However, the speaker hold the opinion that
the encyclopedia will probably never perfect.Nevertheless, its advantages is more important.



Contrary to the belief in the reading passage that the online encyclopedia often writing by a nonspecialist. Thereby, it lack accurate in many cases. the professor says thatthe traditional encyclopedia  is not perfect neither,yet traditional errors remain for a long time. on the other hand, the online one can more easy to corrected.  


The lecturer casts doubt on the facts that
even if the information is correct,the hackers or vandals can delete those data. In fact  the online encyclopedia have found two ways to protecting those important information from hacker.
Firstly ,one way is lock the crucial facts in the articles,people just only can read cannot change. Another are used editors whose job is to monitor all changes of articles.



The professor also offers a different opinion on the online encyclopedia information focus too frequently ,and in too great a depth ,which have lack important point .she explains that the traditional encyclopedia is that they have limited space, so they need to chose what's important or not?  As a matter of fact, the academics usually chose which the information that the people did not interesting.However, space is not an issue for online encyclopedias. Diversity of the topic is more positive than tradition encyclopedias.



To sum up, the speaker raises serious counterargument against the reading passage in this set of materials.

bayaUID：2697520

一上来就来篇难得~好痛苦~~:lol 越痛苦约有成效~~912考试~独立发上来了~~

jiangskyskyUID：2478960

童鞋你几号考试啊

jiangskyskyUID：2478960

你的独立写作呢，还有

bayaUID：2697520

2010年8月23日
周一：! ~# @* N/ n" F) a8 D6 x% U
独立：
09.01.10NA8 v* x! Y, T3 {: L; @1 {

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Improving schools is the most important factor in the successful development of a country.

As the proverb goes,” so many people ,so many minds. ”It is quite understandable that people from different background have different interpretations of the issue. Some people believe that improving schools is the most important factor in the successful development of a country.Other people hold the opinion that improving schools is vital factor,but not the most important factor. After weighting all pros and cons that I agree with those people who supports the most vital factor is improving school in the successful development of a country.


The first and foremost reason why I support with above statement is that the education is a fundamental factor of mankind. Education let we know how is thinking. Having opinions about issues is natural.When you stop having opinions , you are probably not breathing anymore. The problem comes when we hold opinions in a way that leads to defensiveness, put-downs, or put-offs. These is the significant spirit in the human being. Thereby, we need improving school education to keep students hold this great value though their hwole life.That is the motivation to create development of a society.


Another argument in parallel to the idea above is that education let me to be a better person. This case come from my own experience. Let me put it in this way, once,our school give us lesson about climbing leo mountain at september nine.that day my classmate and teacher get together, we need to go over the top. And I did love to smell the grass and flowes, hear the cries of the birds and feel the bracing breeze on my face. I am able to find the beauty of nature,through every details such as chrysanthemun by the path.And just high enough above the ground to catch the wind. I walked on the mountain and relax on the cozy benches, breathing the fresh air. My life flashes before my eyes, Bravo on nature! Suddenly, I do not want to go over the top and I felt so tired,than I stopped.At that time, my teacher caught me and told me :”you needed got to have faith and courage, the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. In this rapid developing society , if we are easily freaked out by various challenges, then there is no way we can succeed. In addition, you need willpower, He encourage me and let me know: Rome was not built in a day.So I think most of us would be discouraged if we had to face challenges and difficulties.But what is important is that you keep at it that you don’t given up.” The case is not rare, it is one of many example I through.Therefore,school education make us to be a better person,is the significant reason to judge a successful society, is not it?


It has been a widely held opinion of philosophers and religious teachers since ancient time that the school education can encourages people to challenge fate and take a positive and independent attitude to fight for freedom or equality and success, thus allowing access to our own happiness.

In a nutshell, not matter how to emphasize the education,is not too over.if we want to be a successful country than we need advance our school education. So improving school education is our country’s the most big thing. Obviously, we have a far too much work not to do yet, it is high time that we took some measures to solve the problem. Although, there is price must to pay, nevertheless, every coin will get return. I feel very strongly believe that will bring even more benefits in the future,ones that we cannot even imagine now.

School education is everything!


1# baya

superchaosUID：2863434

The lecture completely refutes the passage, It is said that communal on-line encyclopedias have advantages better than traditional ones(我大概理解你的意思,但是这里单独用than应该不对吧?考虑加个better).The passage contends that traditional encyclopedia is better than online one. However, the speaker holds the opinion that the encyclopedia will probably never be perfect.Nevertheless, its advantages/superiority is more important.
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Contrary to the belief in the reading passage that the online encyclopedia often writing by a nonspecialist, (大概明白你的意思,但是这样说不太合适,可以考虑改成:)To diprove the belife in the reading passage that online encyclopedia is written by nonspecialist, which leads to the lack of accuracy in many cases, the professor says that the traditional encyclopedia  is not perfect neither,yet/moreover, traditional errors remain for a long time. On the other hand, the online one can be more easily corrected.  

The lecturer casts doubt on the facts that even if the information is correct,the hackers or vandals can delete those data. In fact  the online encyclopedia have found two ways to protect those important information from hacker.
Firstly ,one way is to lock the crucial facts in the articles,people just can only read but not change. Another is to use editors whose job is to monitor all changes of articles.2 a3 L  {& c+ k: C
( U% w5 n. F3 W# e! ]1 }" }, D+ t

The professor also offers a different opinion on that the online encyclopedia information focuses too frequently ,and in too great a depth ,which have lack important point. She explains that the traditional encyclopedia is that they have limited space, so they need to chose what's important or not? (看了几遍都没看懂..最后还是问号?) As a matter of fact, the academics usually choose which the information that the people did not interest.However, space is not an issue for online encyclopedias. Diversity of the topic is more positive than online encyclopedias.(这句是说online encyclopedias的缺点?)

To sum up, the speaker raises serious counter arguments against the reading passage in this set of materials.

写的挺好的,句子也很复杂,就是语法错误感觉较多,或许就是这些小细节决定成败..希望引起楼主注意...
本人水平有限,改的不对的地方恳请指正……:D

estopUID：2864494

8-23 独立修改

rstechUID：2547409

4# jiangskysky 这头像也太……了吧？囧。。。:funk:

SilentScorpiusUID：2686998

修改完成

TPO6综合


The lecture completely refutes the passage, It is said that communal on-line encyclopedias have advantages than(compared with) traditional ones. The passage contends that traditional (ones are) more better than online encyclopedias. However, the speaker holds the opinion that the encyclopedia will probably never perfect(这句并不是全文观点，仅放在第一段就行了). Nevertheless, its advantages is more important.

Contrary to the belief in the reading passage that the online encyclopedia often writing by a nonspecialist. Thereby, it lacks accurate in many cases. the professor says that the traditional encyclopedia  is not perfect neither, yet traditional errors(?) remain for a long time. On the other hand, the online one can more easy to corrected.   

The lecturer casts doubt on the facts that even if the information is correct,the hackers or vandals can delete those data. In fact  the online encyclopedia have found two ways to protecting those important information from hacker. Firstly ,one way is (to) lock the crucial facts in the articles,people just only can read (but) cannot change. Another are used(is to use) editors whose job is to monitor all changes of articles.

The professor also offers a different opinion on the online encyclopedia information focus too frequently ,and in too great a depth,(最好不要抄原文) which have lack important point .She explains that the traditional encyclopedia is that they have limited space, so they need to choose what's important or not?  As a matter of fact, the academics usually chose which the information that the people did not interesting(interest in). However, space is not an issue for online encyclopedias. Diversity of the topic is more positive than online encyclopedias(没看懂…).


To sum up, the speaker raises serious counterargument against the reading passage in this set of materials.

语法错误很多，需要仔细修改了。

jiangskyskyUID：2478960

善意的提醒一下，你这模板是水晶小鱼的吧
很多人都在用，最好自己在改改

bayaUID：2697520

楼上好像应该改我的独立吧？

jiangskyskyUID：2478960

修改好了

bayaUID：2697520

书比经验重要？这篇是以前的题目，群主说独立可以写以前的题目~
As the proverb goes:"so many people, so many minds." It is quite understandable that people from different backgrounds have different interpretations of the issue. Some people believe that books is more improtant than experience. Other people hold the opinion that experience much more vital than books.
These question is rencently become a hot topic of debate. After weighing all the pros and cons that I agree with those people who supports books is vital than experience.



The first and foremost reason why i support with above statement is that
It's impossible for a man to learn everything through his own experience.It'snecessary to accumulate knowledge from different books. So that is why ,we have various subjects dealing with different things in the world.Such as history books recording past events.Geography books
dealing with the earth,Mathematics books focusing on space and numbers.




In addition, As a creature, I eat; as a woman, I read. Although one action is to meet the primary need of my body and the other is to satisfy the intellectual need of mind, they are in a way quite similar.different
books can enrich our knowledge and open our mind.We can learn lots of
things we did not previously know, and be aware of what has happened in the past as well as what is going to happen in the future.Different subjects will help us to be a wisdom person.

It has been a widely held opinion of philosophers and religious teachers since ancient times that knowledge is powerful. We can decrease risk if we learned more and more experience from books of the wise people. For example, history books, there are many heroes and sheroes. They are my sprit idols when I was a little gril.when I get trouble , the sprit of heros could light my hope and encourage me to through hard time and challenged fate.



Success comes from wisdom, wisdom comes from knowledge, knowledge comes from books, books from the wise people.If we want to be a successful person, we need help from books’ power. Therefore, only we learn diversified knowledge from books that can play a successful role in the society. In a nutshell, I believe the book could gave us more advantages than experience.

estopUID：2864494

As the proverb goes:"so many people, so many minds." It is quite understandable that people from different backgrounds have different interpretations of the issue.(和前面没有衔接,来个对于xxx问题，Facing the problem of ….) Some people believe that books are more important than experience. Other people hold the opinion that experience much more vital than books./ Y8 @1 r( ^9 p& @3 F' U+ \

These question is recently become a hot topic of debate. After weighing all the pros and cons that I agree with those people who supports books is vital than experience.
(上面这段这里不用另起一段)
The first and foremost reason why I support with above statement is that
It's impossible for a man to learn everything through his own experience. It's necessary to accumulate knowledge from different books. So that is why （that is the reason that）,we have various subjects dealing with different things in the world. Such as history books recording past events. Geography books dealing with the earth, Mathematics books focusing on space and numbers. 这里排比的说服力有限，最好有解释

In addition, As a creature, I eat; as a woman, I read. （这是什么意思？）Although one action is to meet the primary need of my body and the other is to satisfy the intellectual need of mind, they are in a way quite similar. different' E) \9 h2 E! Y) N3 k2 ~1 l
books can enrich our knowledge and open our mind. We can learn lots of
things we did not previously know, and be aware of what has happened in the past as well as what is going to happen in the future. Different subjects will help us to be a wisdom person.
这段和上一段有区别？你看最后一句话，和上一段最后一句很类似。
% ~! Z5 T)
It has been a widely held opinion of philosophers and religious teachers since ancient times that knowledge is powerful. We can decrease risk if we learned more and more experience from books of the wise people. For example, history books, there are many heroes and sheroes（女英雄是heroin这里没有必要提两个，直接heroes就行）. They are my sprit idols when I was a little girl. when I get（我觉得用got好点） trouble , the spirit of heroes could light my hope and encourage me to through hard time and challenged fate.9 }/ o* t: j- z2 v1 A
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Success comes from wisdom, wisdom comes from knowledge, knowledge comes from books, books from the wise people. （第一句很好）If we want to be a successful person, we need help from books’ power. Therefore, only we learn diversified knowledge from books that can play a successful role in the society. In a nutshell, I believe the book could give us more advantages than experience.

拼写，主谓一致要注意，词性时态。看了最后一段的第一句，大概想明白想说什么了，但是文章混乱，3个段落在讲什么缺乏主旨句，或者说太类似了，没有很好的区分开。逻辑还有待加强。文章开篇包括第一部分，缺乏说服力，而且文字太臃肿，不知道是不是用了模板。文字如果表达力有限，可以写一些区分度大的论点，可以论述的充分，而且不会混乱。

bearseuUID：2873933

24号的独立改好了