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[主题活动] You are not alone作文小组 刘妍 I17 [复制链接]

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发表于 2010-10-1 22:45:17 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
Law, as what is defined in the dictionary, is the rule established by authority or custom, regulating the behavior of members of a community, country, etc. It acts as a criterion and standard for what ought to be done and what does not in maintaining public order and safeguard the interests of the people. Thus, every individual has the responsibility to abide by law; only in this way can a society be stable and secure.

While, nowadays, we still see many violence and conflicts in the newspaper, there are still some groups of people disregard or even challenge the authority and validity of law. Even many people regard some laws as unjust and violate their personal rights. Take euthanasia as an example, people who are in favor of this issue believe that everyone should have the right to end his own life, while people with particular religious beliefs claims that human life is sacred and should be valued. Then there comes the question, what is just? In my opinion, what most people consider to be morally fair and reasonable could be called just, but inevitably, there is always a chance that the left minority of people against it.

Surely, every piece of law has its duality since laws are made by people and there is a great possibility that they may be unrighteous and partial. Therefore, it is too superficial to judge law as right or wrong, fair or unfair just like there does not exist absolute justice in the world. Owing to its duality, it may probably be of great benefit to some people and disadvantageous to others, while if every individual judge the rightness of law only according to his own assumption and then does not comply with law, it will unavoidably cause conflict and confrontation between each other, thus endanger social harmony and stability and may finally lead to the invalidity of law.

Law is the foundation of a society; consequently, those who bid defiance of law would certainly induce trouble and social unrest. Some people may point out that in old times, autocrats carried out some laws to safeguard the interests of the ruling class, most of which are based on the oppression and exploitation of the people. I believe that these laws should be rebelled against; otherwise, the masses would suffer both morally and physically. While that is not the case in our existing civilized society. Nowadays, most of laws are made to benefit its people and assist government to keep the normal functioning of society. Should an unjust law occur, which means it do injury to the majority of people, the best solution is to amend and refine it instead of revolting and resisting against it.

In a word, only by obeying just laws and improving the unjust ones could achieve a well-developed and stable society.
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沙发
发表于 2010-10-2 05:19:43 |只看该作者
见主贴第九楼,不好意思,发错地方了!!

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板凳
发表于 2010-10-3 17:01:51 |只看该作者
Law, as what is defined in the dictionary,(这是字典里的definition吗?) is the rule established by authority or custom, regulating the behavior of members of a community, country, etc. It acts as a criterion and standard for what ought to be done and what does not in maintaining public order and safeguard the interests of the people. Thus, every individual has the responsibility to abide by law; only in this way can a society be stable and secure.

While, nowadays, we still see many violence and conflicts in the newspaper, there are still some groups of people disregard or even challenge the authority and validity of law. Even many people regard some laws as unjust and violate their personal rights. Take euthanasia as an example, people who are in favor of this issue believe that everyone should have the right to end his own life, while people with particular religious beliefs claims that human life is sacred and should be valued. Then there comes the question, what is just? In my opinion, what most people consider to be morally fair and reasonable could be called just, but inevitably, there is always a chance that the left minority of people against it.(没有指出安乐死到底是多数人还是少数人的意愿,但事实是现在世界上大部分国家是不合法的。)

Surely, every piece of law has its duality since laws are made by people and there is a great possibility that they may be unrighteous and partial. Therefore, it is too superficial to judge law as right or wrong, fair or unfair just like there does not exist absolute justice in the world. Owing to its duality, it may probably be of great benefit to some people and disadvantageous to others, while if every individual judge the rightness of law only according to his own assumption and then does not comply with law, it will unavoidably cause conflict and confrontation between each other, thus endanger social harmony and stability and may finally lead to the invalidity of law.

Law is the foundation of a society; consequently, those who bid defiance of law would certainly induce trouble and social unrest. Some people may point out that in old times, autocrats carried out some laws to safeguard the interests of the ruling class, most of which are based on the oppression and exploitation of the people. I believe that these laws should be rebelled against; otherwise, the masses would suffer both morally and physically. While that is not the case in our existing civilized society.(首先,有文明的社会已经有几千年历史,其次如果指的是先当今社会,好多国家连宪法都还没弄好,前一段时间非洲一个国家才照搬美国的宪法,足以见得法律系统还很不完善,中国的法律更是这样,有很多以党的利益为主,实际上是无党人士才是majority。你得defend) Nowadays, most of laws are made to benefit its people and assist government to keep the normal functioning of society. Should an unjust law occur, which means it do injury to the majority of people, the best solution is to amend and refine it instead of revolting and resisting against it.

In a word, only by obeying just laws and improving the unjust ones could achieve a well-developed and stable society.
每段缺乏主题句,开头没有表明抵制unjust law的态度。留下不少漏洞。

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地板
发表于 2010-10-3 19:25:44 |只看该作者
Law, as what is defined in the dictionary, is the rule established by authority or custom, regulating the behavior of members of a community, country, etc. It acts as a criterion and standard for what ought to be done and what does not in maintaining public order and safeguard the interests of the people. Thus, every individual has the responsibility to abide by law; only in this way can a society be stable and secure.

While, nowadays, we still see many violence and conflicts in the newspaper, there are still some groups of people disregard or even challenge the authority and validity of law. Even many people regard some laws as unjust and violate their personal rights. Take euthanasia as an example, people who are in favor of this issue believe that everyone should have the right to end his own life, while people with particular religious beliefs claims that human life is sacred and should be valued. Then there comes the question, what is just? In my opinion, what most people consider to be morally fair and reasonable could be called just, but inevitably, there is always a chance that the left minority of people against it.

Surely, every piece of law has its duality since laws are made by people and there is a great possibility that they may be unrighteous and partial. Therefore, it is too superficial to judge law as right or wrong, fair or unfair just like there does not exist absolute justice in the world. Owing to its duality, it may probably be of great benefit to some people and disadvantageous to others, while if every individual judge the rightness of law only according to his own assumption and then does not comply with law, it will unavoidably cause conflict and confrontation between each other, thus endanger social harmony and stability and may finally lead to the invalidity of law.

Law is the foundation of a society; consequently, those who bid defiance of law would certainly induce trouble and social unrest. Some people may point out that in old times, autocrats carried out some laws to safeguard the interests of the ruling class, most of which are based on the oppression and exploitation of the people. I believe that these laws should be rebelled against; otherwise, the masses would suffer both morally and physically. While that is not the case in our existing civilized society. Nowadays, most of laws are made to benefit its people and assist government to keep the normal functioning of society. Should an unjust law occur, which means it do injury to the majority of people, the best solution is to amend and refine it instead of revolting and resisting against it.

In a word, only by obeying just laws and improving the unjust ones could achieve a well-developed and stable society.

Red-语法词法问题
Blue-好词好句
Pink-不理解的地方
Green-小结
Orange-建议
Law, as what is defined in the dictionary, is the rule established by authority or custom, regulating the behavior of members of a community, country, etc. It acts as a criterion and standard for what ought to be done and what does not(这两个并列句句式应当对称) in maintaining public order and safeguarding the interests of the people.(这个句子有故意写长的痕迹,本来是两句话,拼在一起就不同了。比如:
in maintaining public order and safeguard the interests of the people与前面表达“法律具有约束性”无关) Thus, every individual has the responsibility to abide by law; only in this way can a society be stable and secure.

While, nowadays, we still see(encounter 比较好) many violence and conflicts in the newspaper, (and)there are still some groups of people disregard or even challenge the authority and validity of law. Even many people regard some laws as unjust and violate their personal rights. Take euthanasia as an example, people who are in favor of this issue believe that everyone should have the right to end his own life, while people with particular religious beliefs claims(claim) that human life is sacred and should be valued. Then there comes the question, what is just? In my opinion, what most people consider to be morally fair and reasonable could be called just, but inevitably, there is always a chance that the left minority of people against it.(总结:这段写的非常不好,主要表现在三处:①语句生硬单调,有严重的中式英语的痕迹。②论据显得很空,没有严密的推论,也没有实例。③没有主题句,导致整段显得很散。)

Surely, every piece of (这应该不能用来修饰law吧??)law has its duality since laws are made by people and there is a great possibility that they may be unrighteous and partial. Therefore, it is too superficial to judge law as right or wrong, fair or unfair just like there does not exist absolute justice in the world. Owing to its duality, it may probably be of great benefit to some people and(but) disadvantageous to others, while if every individual judge the rightness of law only according to his own assumption and then does not comply with law, it will unavoidably cause conflict and confrontation between each other, thus endanger social harmony and stability and may finally lead to the invalidity of law.

Law is the foundation of a society; consequently, those who bid defiance of law would certainly induce trouble and social unrest. Some people may point out that in old times, autocrats carried out some laws to safeguard the interests of the ruling class, most of which(which指的是the ruling class???) are based on the oppression and exploitation of the people(??). I believe that these laws should be rebelled against; otherwise, the masses would suffer both morally and physically. While that is not the case in our existing civilized society. Nowadays, most of laws are made to benefit its people and assist government to keep the normal functioning of society. Should an unjust law occur, which means it do injury to the majority of people, the best solution is to amend and refine it instead of revolting and resisting against it.

In a word, only by obeying just laws and improving the unjust ones could achieve a well-developed and stable society.
(总的来说,语法错误很少,但是可以看出作者在刻意使用长句子,所以在文中到处能找到“and”,导致读起来显得很费力。句子最好是长短结合。长句要用得自然,而不是仅仅有“and”来连接两个短句。最后,本文思路不是很清楚,主要表现在有些论点反复提到,且没有很严密的逻辑。可能是因为没有主题句的缘故吧!)
(附:这是第一次修改意见)

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发表于 2010-10-8 21:00:05 |只看该作者
Law, broadly defined as rules regulating the behavior of members of a community and country, acts as a criterion and standard for what ought to be done and what ought not to in a modern society. It is too superficial to judge law as right or wrong, fair or unfair since it is a complex system requiring taking all kinds of people and situations into consideration. Therefore, not every law benefits all the people at first and it may has the period of being questioned. While instead of disobeying and resisting, it is well advised to amend and improve law to make it more prudent and precise.

Although laws are guidelines of people’ activities, there is a great possibility that they may be unrighteous and partial since they are made by only a small group of people. It may probably be of great benefit to some people but disadvantageous to others, or be reasonable in some circumstances but may has loopholes in other cases. Take euthanasia as an example, on April 10, 2001, the Dutch Upper House passed the euthanasia bill in a vote of 46 to 28, thus Holland became the first country legalizing euthanasia in the world. As a matter of fact, back in July, 1999, the Dutch government has drafted a parliamentary bill to make euthanasia legal, but was strongly opposed by the whole country at that time. People pointed out that it could lead to abuse and many foreigners may go to Holland to seek for euthanasia. Under great pressure, the government had to cast aside the plan.

Objection and protest are inevitable, while if every individual judge the rightness of law only according to his own assumption and then does not comply with law, it will unavoidably cause conflict and confrontation between each other, thus endanger social harmony and stability and may finally lead to the invalidity of law. Some people may point out that in old times, autocrats carried out some laws to safeguard the interests of the ruling class, but most of these laws are based on the oppression and exploitation of the people. I believe that these laws should be rebelled against; otherwise, the masses would suffer both morally and physically. While that is not the case in our existing civilized society. Nowadays, most of laws are made to benefit its people and assist government to keep the normal functioning of society.

I firmly believe that in modern society, some unjust laws could be amended and refined instead of being revolted and resisted. Back to the example mentioned above,, before long, Holland Justice Department modified that it should be carried out only by both doctor and patient’s permission and foreigners does not have the right to have euthanasia in Holland. After the modification, people began to accept and support this bill because they think it is more mature and can protect their interests. What is just? In my opinion, what most people consider to be morally fair and reasonable could be called just. Should an unjust law occur, which means it do injury to the majority of people, the best solution is to change the law or add some side conditions to make it reasonable and prudent.

Law is the foundation of a society; consequently, those who reject and resist it based on his own assumption would certainly induce trouble and social unrest; while by obeying just laws and improving the unjust ones could achieve a well-developed and stable society.

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发表于 2010-10-8 22:30:08 |只看该作者
Law, broadlydefined as rules regulating the behavior of members of a community and country,acts as a criterion and standard for what ought to be done and what ought notto (be) in a modern society. It is toosuperficial to judge law as right or wrong, fair or unfair since it is acomplex system requiring taking all kinds of people and situations intoconsideration. Therefore, not every law benefits all the people at first and itmay has the period of being questioned. Whileinstead of disobeying and resisting, it is well(more)
advised to amend andimprove law to make it more prudent and precise.



Althoughlaws are guidelines of people’(people?) activities,there is a great possibility that they may be unrighteous and partial sincethey are made by only a small group of people. It may probably be of greatbenefit to some people but disadvantageous to others, or be reasonable in somecircumstances but may has loopholes in other cases.Take euthanasia as an example, on April 10, 2001, the Dutch Upper House passedthe euthanasia bill in a vote of 46 to 28, thus Holland became the firstcountry legalizing euthanasia in the world. As a matter of fact, back in July,1999, the Dutch government has drafted a parliamentary bill to make euthanasialegal, but was strongly opposed by the whole country at that time. Peoplepointed out that it could lead to abuse and many foreigners may go to Hollandto seek for euthanasia. Under great pressure, the government had to cast asidethe plan.(可以加一句总结,这个例子说明了什么. BTW, this is agood example!)


Objectionand protest are inevitable, while if every individual judge(judges) the rightness of law only according to hisown assumption and then does not comply with law, it will unavoidably cause conflict and confrontation between each other,thus endanger social harmony and stability and may finally lead to theinvalidity of law. Some people may point out that in old times, autocratscarried out some laws to safeguard the interests of the ruling class, but mostof these laws are based on the oppression and exploitation of the people. Ibelieve that these laws should be rebelled against; otherwise, the masses wouldsuffer both morally and physically. While that is not the case in our existingcivilized society. Nowadays, most of laws are made to benefit its people andassist government to keep the normal functioning of society.


I firmlybelieve that in modern society, some unjust laws could be amended and refinedinstead of being revolted and resisted. Back to the example mentioned above,before long, Holland Justice Department modified that it should be carried outonly by both doctor and patient’s permission and foreigners does not have theright to have euthanasia in Holland. After the modification, people began toaccept and support this bill because they think it is more mature and canprotect their interests. What is just? In my opinion, what most people considerto be morally fair and reasonable could be called just. Should an unjust lawoccur, which means it do injury to the majority of people, the best solution isto change the law or add some side conditions to make it reasonable andprudent.


Law is thefoundation of a society; consequently, those who reject and resist it based onhis own assumption would certainly induce trouble and social unrest; while byobeying just laws and improving the unjust ones could achieve a well-developedand stable society.



总结:论证充分 语言也很得当 例子用的很好啊。 值得学习!

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RE: You are not alone作文小组 刘妍 I17 [修改]

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You are not alone作文小组 刘妍 I17
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