Issue136 写了之后又重新改了一下,感觉全部推翻了

xiaowenzi118UID：202887

最近一直在写提纲,全文的写作才刚刚开始.昨天就136写了一下,居然只用了25分钟就写了第一篇.:confused:不过感觉太糟糕了,又重改了一下.结果虽然是全盘推翻,还是感觉不对,就是说不出是哪里的问题.还望大家多多指教呀!:handshake

136"The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare."

"How do I go to school?" "Where should I go shopping?" Every day, we encounter a variety of situations which are waiting for us to make choices. The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare to individuals. However, when it comes to nations, the possibility is a little bit higher.

For individuals, the absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare. Although it is true that we can not choose our parents and other relatives, we could choose our soul mates, our career freely. Making choices especially in circumstances that are vital to us all our lives is especially important because it is ourselves, rather than anyone else that decide our destinies. Even sometimes people are not easily to make their choices freely, they are struggling for such kind of rights. For example, in the past, women were despised and often deprived of the right of education, vote, even the right to choose a husband. Therefore, they were struggling for their rights all the time and reached final success. Nowadays, women are treated equal to men in many situation and they are free to make choices by themselves.

For nations, especially democratic ones which represent the interest of the majority of its people, the chance of absence of choice could be higher. It is the accounts of its people that make the difference. In many cases, the nation has no choice when considering the interest of most people. When invaded by foreigners, the nation could do nothing but resist. When civil strife arises, the nation has no choice but quench it. Because only through such kind of procedures could the nation keep its dignity and secure its people. Meanwhile, the nation could have various choices in other circumstances like choosing the president, choosing partners for trades, etc.

In sum, the absence of choice is a circumstance that is very rare to individuals. However, when it comes to nations especially democratic ones, the possibility is a little bit higher.

Issue 136改后稿:
136"The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare."

"Where should I go shopping?" "What should I have for lunch?" Every day, we encounter a lot of situations like these which are waiting for us to make choices. Meanwhile, we are always hearing people complaining that they have no choice in doing something. As far as I am concerned, the absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.

Admittedly, the circumstances in which we are absent of choice do exist. We could not choose our parents and other relatives, nor could we choose the place where we were born. However, in most cases, when people complain that they have no choice but do something, it is actually that they have no better choice rather than no choice. When a graduate finally chooses a small company with low wage, he complains that he has no choice after taking thousands of interviews and with only one offer. In fact, it is the high expectation to the future that make him neglects other possible choices like staying at home or going on job-hunting which are too disappointing that he even does not regard them as choices. When an executive in a business company brings a great loss to the company by using a risky strategy, he asserts that he has no choice but to resign. Otherwise, he could also be fired by the company. Again, instead of having no choice, the executive choose to resign which seems better than to stay. Therefore, the absence of choice in a circumstance is very rare and we should not mistake no better choice for no choice.

The development of science and technology together with the improvement of our society and the whole world is changing the situation of no choices or few choices and providing us with more and more choices. When traveling from one place to another, we could choose to by air, car, train or ship rather than on foot which might be the only choices in the past. In a democratic country, women are free to make choices in many situations like choosing their work and study places or choosing the president of the nation. While in the past, women were despised and even deprived the right of choosing their husbands. With the development of foreign trade today, people have much more choices in the goods. While in the past, the domestic trade market was not even formed which caused a shortage of goods. In the future, it seems that we could only have too many choices instead of no choices.

In sum, absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare. The development of our society is providing us with more and more choices and makes it a better world.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-11 at 16:01 ]

GladysryUID：198609

注明，绿色是我的感觉，红色是我认为的语法错误。:p

"Where should I go shopping?" "What should I have for lunch?" Every day, we encounter a lot of situations like these which are waiting for us to make choices. Meanwhile, we are always hearing people complaining that they have no choice in doing something. As far as I am concerned, the absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare. 赫赫，这种开头我喜欢。应该算得上是介绍背景吧？

Admittedly, the 去掉不？circumstances in which we are absent of choice do exist. We could not choose our parents and other relatives, nor could we choose the place where we were born. However, in most cases, when people complain that they have no choice but do something, it is actually that they have no better choice rather than no choice. :L我们两个人的思想和语言好像都挺相似When a graduate finally chooses a small company with low wage, he complains that he has no choice after taking thousands of interviews and 去掉吧？否则后面应该有谓语，而不是一个withwith only one offer. In fact, it is the high expectation to the future that make him neglects other possible choices like staying at home or going on job-hunting which are too disappointing that he even does not regard them as choices. When an executive in a business company brings a great loss to the company by using a risky strategy, he asserts that he has no choice but to resign. Otherwise, he could also be fired by the company. Again, instead of having no choice, the executive choose to resign which seems better than to stay. Therefore, the absence of choice in a circumstance is very rare and we should not mistake no better choice for no choice. 嗯，我觉得这句话挺好。这一整段思路都很清晰。但是我本人认为对一个论点做多个例子的详细描述虽然详细，但并不是一种很analytical的感觉。但是惭愧的是我也想不出来什么，因为没有全方位思考的情况下，例子是最好的选择。
The development of science and technology together with the improvement of our society and the whole world is changing the situation of no choices or few choices and providing us with more and more choices. When traveling from one place to another, we could choose to by air, car, train or ship rather than on foot which might be the only choices in the past.恩，不错，把过去和现在对比，而且是从最基本的衣食住行方面。我就想不到。:victory:恩？这里是不是要加一个什么过渡之类的？ In a democratic country, women are free to make choices in many situations like choosing their work and study places or choosing the president of the nation. While in the past, women were despised and even deprived the right of choosing their husbands. With the development of foreign trade today, people have much more choices in the goods. While in the past, the domestic trade market was not even formed which caused a shortage of goods. In the future, it seems that we could only have too many choices instead of no choices.:L好多对比和例子。

In sum, absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare. The development of our society is providing us with more and more choices and makes it a better world.

恩，其实你的思路是很清晰的。思维也有独到之处。但是，你的每一个论点都只局限于例子，（恩，回头我再看看我的，看我是不是也有这样的毛病，毕竟看别人的更容易发现）你没有深入递进过。比如第一个理由， no better choices is not equal to no choice,你在举一例后就可以以一种更为精简的方式举出生活中更多的情况而不是又一个具体的例子，这样可以让别人觉得这是一个体系，而不是两个特例。第二段你发展得比较好，这个历史和现在的对比又推广到将来，但是最好还是强调一下理由（比如说由于将来必定有更先进的科技，更民主的政府，更完善的社会制度……嗯，可以来一个排比）再说你最后一句，我想这样会比seems that 更有说服力。

最后一段的总结，把你的那些理由再让步强调一番，一来表明总结，结构紧凑，二来还可以凑凑字数。:lol

个人意见， 希望有所帮助。:)

[ Last edited by Gladysry on 2005-7-26 at 22:51 ]

xiaowenzi118UID：202887

分析得很透彻呀,谢了!不过我总觉得从第一个分论点到第二个分论点之间的连接不自然,不知道你有没有同感。