Issue127 7月高频 写得比较顺，限时基本成功

edgarluUID: 203648

Issue127
Facts are stubborn things. They cannot be altered by our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passions.

Outline:
a) Some facts in the world, so-called universal principles, is permanent and unchangable, which cannot be altered by the will of human beings.
b) Some other facts ¨C a lot of them actually ¨C could be changed by people who are driven by their wishes, inclination or the dictates of their passions.
c) However, the will itself can¡¯t make any different to the reality until solid efforts are applied to the objective world.


Article:
In the first five days, God created everything but human -- in other words, facts -- for this world, and then here comes us. As the latecomer, can people alter these facts by their own wishes, inclinations or passions? In my point of view, part of them will remain the way they are maybe forever while the rest is all adjustable to us human beings who are dedicated to do so.

On the one hand, some facts in the world, so-called universal principles, is permanent and unchangeable, which cannot be altered by the will of human beings. We human being are born as mortals, who can never fight against "God's will". This is not some kind of a religious dogma, but the very first one of all these inviolable facts. The world is constructed with substantial matters, which are bound together and regulated by these fixed axioms. Without this stable framework and foundation, the universe would become an orderless chaotic world where no one knows what's going to happen next. For example, the attraction force between stars and planets. People can find ways to conquer gravity, but there is no way to change it, because that's how the solar system, the galaxy works. The attraction force can not and is not supposed to be changed as our will, otherwise the whole universe would become the biggest Gumball machine in the world. In this sense, stubborn facts do exist everywhere at all times.

On the other hand, some other facts ¨C a lot of them actually ¨C could be changed by people who are driven by their wishes, inclination or the dictates of their passions. As we discussed above, people can't manage to change axioms. Yet, the reason why we are intelligent homosapiens while gorillas are not is that we can maneuver this objective world by mastering and utilizing these general principles. Anytime when there is an obstacle standing in the way of our exploration to the world, we could always figure out a solution to remove it. And what's driving us to do this exploration is exactly our inherent desires and emotions: wishes, inclinations, passions, curiosity, ambition, etc. The first example brought into my mind is how people fight against the Great Nature with their enthusiasm and iron will, to change the seemingly changeless facts one by one. We make the canals and expressways to conquer the distance, we make jet planes and spaceships to exceed the sky, we make computers and robots to make this ability even stronger. Thanks to human wills, a lot of facts have been changed, and more are still on their way.

However, the will itself cannot make any different to the reality until solid efforts are applied to the objective world. Will and emotions are subjective concepts, which is the trigger of all those changes. To make these happens is still up to ourselves. The world is designed to be balance, including ourselves. Whenever there is a "to-do" emerging in our mind, his counterpart "not-to-do" has already been there. Laziness, self-satisfaction or fear to changes could hold us back in this process, which has been proven by the history of human beings for thousands of times. Had Columbus not decided to risk his life to sail west, although a lot of people have been supporting the hypothesis that the world is round, the world would still be flat as usual. To make the world what we hope it to do, people have to overcome the contradiction in their mind and deliver considerable efforts for it.

In my last analysis, facts are of two types: fixed ones, and unfixed ones. The former is for us to obey while the latter, on the contrary, is for us to rebuild at our wills, although the rebuilding process takes more physical contributions than mere wills.

[ Last edited by edgarlu on 2005-7-25 at 05:45 ]

fircattyUID: 166248

呵呵，占座了~~~~

fircattyUID: 166248

Article:
In the first five days, God created everything but human -- in other words, facts -- for this world, and then here comes us.宗教色彩是不是太浓了？个人认为，要不再前面加上“基督教认为”（是基督吧？？）要不然就不要这么写。毕竟是学术性的文章，应该不带任何倾向 As the latecomer, can people alter these facts by their own wishes, inclinations or passions? In my point of view, (part) a part of them (will remain the way they are maybe forever) maybe remain the way they are forever,或者加标点改成插入语也行 while the rest is all adjustable to us human beings who are dedicated to do so.

On the one hand, some facts in the world, so-called universal principles, is permanent and unchangeable, which cannot be altered by the will of human beings. We human being are born as mortals, who can never fight against "God's will". This is not some kind of a religious dogma, but the very first one of all these inviolable facts. The world is constructed with substantial matters, which are bound together and regulated by these fixed axioms. Without this stable framework and foundation, the universe would become an orderless chaotic world where no one knows what's going to happen next. For example, the attraction force between stars and planets这是一个句子？？. People can find ways to conquer gravity, but there is no way to change it, because that's how the solar system, the galaxy works. The attraction force（ can not and is not supposed to ）重复，随便删一个be changed as our will, other the whole universe would become the biggest Gumball machine in the world这一句到底是什么意思啊？？我没看懂. In this sense, stubborn facts do exist everywhere at all times.总结得不好，你要说的是stubborn facts cannot be changed才对

On the other hand, some other facts （¨C a lot of them actually ¨C）？？？ could be changed by people who are driven by their wishes, inclination or the dictates of their passions. As we discussed above, people can't manage to change axioms. Yet, the reason why we are intelligent （homosapiens）？？没查到这个词 while gorillas are not is that we can maneuver this objective world by mastering and utilizing these general principles. Anytime when there is an obstacle standing in the way of our exploration to the world, we could always figure out a solution to remove it. And what's driving us to do this exploration is exactly our inherent desires and emotions: wishes, inclinations, passions, curiosity, ambition, etc. The first example brought into my mind is how people fight against the （Great Nature）这个这个……难道是大自然的意思？ with their enthusiasm and iron will, to change the seemingly changeless facts one by one. We make the canals and expressways to conquer the distance,运河战胜距离？不如说轮船汽车飞机 we make jet planes and spaceships to exceed the sky, we make computers and robots to make this ability even stronger. Thanks to human wills, a lot of facts have been changed, （and more are still on their way.）这一句要不就删掉，和整段都没有关系，就算有也是but的关系

However, the will itself cannot (make any different) 用的不对，你是想说make sense的意思吗 to the reality until solid efforts are applied to the objective world. Will and emotions are subjective concepts, which is are the trigger复数 of all those changes. To makeMaking these happens is still up to ourselves. The world is designed to be balance, including ourselves. Whenever there is a "to-do" emerging in our mind, his counterpart "not-to-do" has already been there为什么？我想吃饭的时候难道想着“我不想吃饭“？. Laziness, self-satisfaction or fear to changes could hold us back in this process, which has been proven by the history of human beings删掉 for thousands of times. Had Columbus not decided to risk his life to sail west, although a lot of people have been supporting the hypothesis that the world is round, the world would still be flat as usual为什么still be flat？事实不是不可改变吗？看到这都糊涂了. To make the world what we hope it to do, people have to overcome the contradiction in their mind and deliver considerable efforts for it.这一段我看糊涂了，读第一句时我以为你要说光有想法不行，必须有行动。可后面说的好像是两种想法，必须克服另一种想法？？不知道是不是表达的问题，反正我越看越糊涂

In my last analysis, facts are of two types: fixed ones, and unfixed ones. The former is for us to obey while the latter, on the contrary, is for us to rebuild at our wills, although the rebuilding process takes more physical contributions than mere wills.

我直说了啊，本文的逻辑关系在提纲中看没有什么问题，可是在具体的展开时却没有围绕提纲，尤其是倒数第二个body。B1B2建议去掉宗教的色彩，这种正规的文章你要说服所有人的，如果别人不信教，相信地球的形成是宇宙大爆炸怎么办？另外，语言上感觉有点罗索，比如we human beings个人觉得这样不好，口语化，直接human beings不就行了。
呵呵，拍的太狠了，楼主也发发言吧

[ Last edited by fircatty on 2005-7-24 at 18:29 ]

edgarluUID: 203648

B2一开始是没有紧跟着TS展开，一直到当中才间接引述到了what's driven the changes to facts上，另外例子也没有提到human wills，确实有待改进
B3的论述没有到位，其实columbus的例子说的是，因为对不可知性的恐惧，即使很多人赞成地圆说，也不敢亲身实践。如果没有columbus迈出这第一步，人类主流文化也许到现在还以为地球是平的
we human beings也是借鉴的别人的用法
宗教色彩其实是个文化差异问题了，美国大部分还都是Catholics，感觉用一点God's will不会有问题，读者也应该不会以为我是在就宗教论宗教。不过开头那段楼上批的是，该有个前提。
Great nature应为mother nature，限时以后低级错误还真是不可避免

谢批，共勉哈！

[ Last edited by edgarlu on 2005-7-25 at 06:01 ]