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[i习作temp] issue136 同主题,本来早该交了,因为写疯了,欢迎互拍 [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-7-26 19:50:39 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
Issue136
——题目——
The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare
.——正文——
Nowadays, people seem to have freedom to make many choices, just like the meals, the transport, the clothes, and so on. This phenomenon is superficial, and people always feel they have no choice in real life.

To begin with, I have to concede that to some people, there are many choices in their daily life, but these choices which they take as granted are based on some preconditions. Not everyone has the right to make choices freely, for it is constrained by the reality. For example, many people have the chance to choose the food, the hair style and the clothes. However, there is a premise for one to have so many chances to choose. What is it? The money. We live in the materialized society, and we can hardly imagine that some people in the world never have the right to choose their appearance, for they are so poor that they can even not choose what to eat. Their choice is left to whether he should eat all the food, or left some of them for the next meal. It sounds pathetic, but it is the cruel reality to them, which is imaginable. The choice seems various, but the right to make a choice is whether you have that premise, including the money, the fame and certain status of the society.

Furthermore, many choices existed in people’s life are meaningless, which is equal to say they have no choice. Humans are always aggressive and can never be satisfied to their choices, because the choice they want to make is unavailable, and the others are unattractive. For example, when students graduate from a university, they often complain that they have no choice but to choose a certain job. Does it mean that they really have no choice except that job? Actually, they do have many choices, but to them, these choices are not attractive at all. Some may get many offers from different companies, but they do not feel like to work there, because of the salary, the working conditions, the chance of self development and so on. In this case, the choice that people want to make is less likely to be available, whereas the choice that extensive exited people will not choose, so the absence of choice actually happens in people’s daily life very often.

There is still one more situation that people have no choice, like emergency. During the emergent event, people do not get much to think of, let alone to weigh against every factor so as to make a so-called sensible choice. They act according to their first reaction or sometimes according to their social values. It is heard someone rescue a drowning child and sacrifice himself, because he can not swim, It sounds the person is stupid, but he make his choice according to his social value, to save a life. Another compelling example is that when the country is flooded, the government has no choice but to sacrifice some less important area to release the burden of the river bank, so these people must leave their homeland and sacrifice their farmland. This kind of situation happens frequently, since the social value always tells people to consider others first. In this sense, there are many situations lead to the absence of no choice, even though under many circumstances, people have so many choices superficially.

To sum up, although people have so many choices in their daily life superficially, however, the right for these choices is under a certain premise. Moreover, even though people have got many choices, they probably only emphasize on those unavailable one to fulfill their developing desire, which is equally to say, they have got little to choose for themselves.
主观上说了一些,客观上说了一些,写得很乱,请多包涵,呵呵

[ Last edited by ahqiu on 2005-7-26 at 19:52 ]
谢谢你,虽然我只想亲吻一片雪花,你却给了我银色的世界。
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沙发
发表于 2005-7-27 17:05:21 |只看该作者
自己顶一下吧
谢谢你,虽然我只想亲吻一片雪花,你却给了我银色的世界。

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板凳
发表于 2005-7-27 23:41:59 |只看该作者
Nowadays, people seem to have freedom to make many choices, just like the meals, the transport[是想说交通运输工具吗?transportations比较好], the clothes, and so on.[However] This phenomenon is superficial, and people always feel they have no choice in real life.

To begin with, I have to concede that to some people, there are many choices in their daily life[lives], but these choices which they take as granted are based on some preconditions. Not everyone has the right to make choices freely, for it is constrained by the reality. For example, many people have the chance to choose the food, the hair style and the clothes. However, there is a premise for one to have so many chances to choose. What is it? The money. We live in the materialized society, and we can hardly imagine that some people in the world never have the right to choose their appearance, for they are so poor that they can even not [not even]choose what to eat. Their choice is left to whether he should eat all the food, or left some of them[it] for the next meal. It sounds pathetic, but it is the cruel reality to them, which is imaginable. The choice seems various, but the right to make a choice is whether you have that premise, including the money, the fame and certain status of the society.

Furthermore, many choices existed in people’s life are meaningless, which is equal to say they have no choice. Humans are always aggressive and can never be satisfied to their choices, because the choice they want to make is unavailable, and the others are unattractive. For example, when students graduate from a university, they often complain that they have no choice but to choose a certain job. Does it mean that they really have no choice except that job? Actually, they do have many choices, but to them, these choices are not attractive at all. Some may get many offers from different companies, but they do not feel like to work there, because of the salary, the working conditions, the chance of self development and so on. In this case, the choice that people want to make is less likely to be available, whereas the choice that extensive exited people will not choose[语序有点问题], so the absence of choice actually happens in people’s daily life very often.

There is still one more situation that people have no choice, like emergency. During the emergent event, people do not get much to think of, let alone to weigh against every factor so as to make a so-called sensible choice. They act according to their first reaction or sometimes according to their social values[你是想说价值观吧,是这末表达的吗?我不太确定]. It is heard someone rescue a drowning child and sacrifice himself, because he can not swim, It sounds the person is stupid, but he make his choice according to his social value, to save a life. Another compelling example is that when the country is flooded, the government has no choice but to sacrifice some less important area to release the burden of the river bank, so these people must leave their homeland and sacrifice their farmland. This kind of situation happens frequently, since the social value always tells people to consider others first. In this sense, there are many situations lead to the absence of no choice, even though under many circumstances, people have so many choices superficially.

To sum up, although people have so many choices in their daily life superficially, however, the right for these choices is under a certain premise. Moreover, even though people have got many choices, they probably only emphasize on those unavailable one to fulfill their developing desire, which is equally to say, they have got little to choose for themselves.
[你的观点很新颖啊,角度也不错,我几乎找不出什莫毛病:)这篇我也写了,不过还没有改,改好以后拿给你看。]
Be aggressive!

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地板
发表于 2005-7-28 00:17:37 |只看该作者
The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare
.——正文——
Nowadays, people seem to have freedom to make many choices, just like the meals, the transport, the clothes, and so on. This phenomenon is superficial, and people always feel they have no choice in real life.

To begin with, I have to concede that to some people, there are many choices in their daily life, but these choices which they take as granted are based on some preconditions. Not everyone has the right to make choices freely, for it is constrained by the reality. For example, many people have the chance to choose the food, the hair style and the clothes. However, there is a premise for one to have so many chances to choose. What is it? The money. We live in the materialized society, and we can hardly imagine that some people in the world never have the right to choose their appearance (apparel) , for they are so poor that they can even not choose what to eat. Their choice is left to whether he should eat all the food, or left some of them for the next meal. It sounds pathetic, but it is the cruel reality to them, which is imaginable. The choice seems various, but the right to make a choice is whether you have that premise, including the money, the fame and certain status of the society.  (句子长短结合,读起来很好,知道你说的论证,嗯,值得学习)

Furthermore, many choices existed in people’s life are meaningless, which is equal to say they have no choice. Humans are always aggressive and can never be satisfied to their choices, because the choice they want to make is unavailable, and the others are unattractive. For example, when students graduate from a university, they often complain (about) that they have no choice but to choose a certain job. Does it mean that they really have no choice except that job? Actually, they do have many choices, but to them, these choices are not attractive at all. Some may get many offers from different companies, but they do not feel like to work there, because of the salary, the working conditions, the chance of self development and so on. In this case, the choice that people want to make is less likely to be available, whereas the choice that extensive exited people will not choose, (不太懂的说the choices are extensive besides the needed one which people will not consider to choose?) so the absence of choice actually happens in people’s daily life very often. (和我反驳absence的角度差不多,感觉不充分。我觉得把不情愿、根本不考虑自己理想的选择的方面说的再多些,就好了)

There is still one more situation that people have no choice, like emergency. During the emergent event, people do not get much to think of, let alone to weigh against every factor so as to make a so-called sensible choice. They act according to their first reaction or sometimes according to their social values. It is heard someone rescue a drowning child and sacrifice himself, because he can not swim, It sounds the person is stupid, but he make his choice according to his social value,逗号不要吧 to save a life. Another compelling example is that when the country is flooded, the government has no choice but to sacrifice some less important area to release the burden of the river bank, so these people must leave their homeland and sacrifice their farmland. This kind of situation happens frequently, since the social value always tells people to consider others first. In this sense, there are many situations lead to the absence of no choice, even though under many circumstances, people have so many choices superficially. (还是不够convincing 的说,可能argu写多了,救人的那个,可以限定一下他没有更好的选择,比如让会游泳的人去,或者限定他是第一反应,直觉,不加思考,但是这样又会陷入另一个:不是没有选择,是没有时间选择,呵呵!参考!)

To sum up, although people have so many choices in their daily life superficially, however, the right for these choices is under a certain premise. Moreover, even though people have got many choices, they probably only emphasize on those unavailable one to fulfill their developing desire, which is equally to say, they have got little to choose for themselves. (在结尾还强调主观上没有选择,那就是选择其实很多了?有没有基本态度?没有态度,这样写可不可以?)
语言很好,句型尤其不错,长短句结合,[我走了极端,偏爱长句,凑出来的]
有些句子,逗号断的太多!

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RE: issue136 同主题,本来早该交了,因为写疯了,欢迎互拍 [修改]
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issue136 同主题,本来早该交了,因为写疯了,欢迎互拍
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-306565-1-1.html
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