issue87 第一次贴作文,只求打个分,心里有个底.

xwjeffUID: 2110458

issue87 "In any field of inquiry, the beginner is more likely than the expert to make important discoveries."

我自己觉得词汇很是问题,用的词汇都好象是cet-4里面写作文用的低级词汇,很多高级词汇只是认识没有把握拼写.再就是分析问题的深度不够,有点肤浅? 另外最重要的逻辑也不知道到底有没有问题.
麻烦斑竹看一下,最好能大概给个分数.

position:在多数情况下新手更有可能取得重要的突破
1.承认在少数领域专家更容易有新发现
2.专家的经验在很多情况下对新发现是无益的
3.新手的创新精神更能有新突破

In the era of rapid information and technological changes, more and more beginners have been making significant discoveries. Are the beginners more likely to make advancements than the experts in any field of inquiry? I agree insofar as in certain fields, experts have more experience as well as knowledge with which to lend some credence for discovering new things. However, in my view, in most fields the beginners have more chances to make important discoveries.

Admittedly, the experts seem to make progress easily in some fields, in which more emphasis is placed on experience. These fields, such as mathematics, are most reliant on basic knowledge. Experts in these fields usually have comprehended the "core" knowledge of the subject and have adroitly used the knowledge many times, during which useful experience has been accumulated. For example, in the field of mathematics, most of the winners of the Noble Prize are experts who have studied mathematics for many years and it is rare to see beginners make great advancements in such a field. However, there are not so many fields in which experience can determine the result of research.

Instead, the experience which experts hold is not beneficial in most fields of inquiry. Experts usually tend to depend on their prior experience too much which thwarts them from making significant discoveries. Since their spirits and minds are restricted by their experience, they might do everything by the same means just because they succeeded by those means before. Unfortunately, nowadays society needs more people who are able to make progress not just keep conservative. The discovery of the correlation between baby diapers and beer will be a telling illustration. It was noticed by an employee working in a supermarket in Britain for only a short time, that a myriad of customers liked to buy beer and baby diapers, which were not arrayed on the same shelves, on the same shopping trip. He gave the advice to the manager that arraying beer and diapers on the same shelves may increase the sale of both items. The manager thought the advice was absurd but he decided to have a try. As a result, the sale on beer and diapers enjoyed a boom as expected. Undoubtedly, this discovery could not be made by “experience”.

With the rapid advancement in technology and science, it is more likely for those who tend to innovate to make significant discoveries. The beginners are informed with the most recent information which allows them to solve problems with new perspectives. For instance, many of the most notable figures in the field of computer engineering are young people who are not the so-called experts, and as we know, the widely used Linux system was designed by a boy in high school, which have been used widely. The thing in common is the innovative spirits.

In the final analysis, I concede that experts in some fields have contributed to our society with their experience. However, we should not overlook the fact that the beginners who have innovative spirits are more likely than the experts to make significant discoveries in most fields of inquiry.

[ 本帖最后由 xwjeff 于 2006-7-20 22:31 编辑 ]

runningpiggyUID: 194977

同学，请根据进版规则里面的发贴规则的贴子修改一下你的帖子。。。

xwjeffUID: 2110458

哦 第一次发作文没注意格式
已经改正

runningpiggyUID: 194977

In the era of rapid information and technological changes, more and more beginners have been making significant discoveries.[我觉得这个用现在进行时就好了，这个开头好像到处都见到] Are the[不要the] beginners more likely to make advancements than the[不要] experts in any field of inquiry?[不要为了回答问题而提出问题，尽量用陈述语气去写] I agree insofar as in certain fields, experts have more experience as well as knowledge[缺逗号] with which[这后面要跟一个完整的句子] to lend some credence for discovering new things. However, in my view, in most fields the[不要] beginners have more chances to make important discoveries. [段落长了点，开头那句需要修改，太多人用这样的句式了，连用词都是差不多的。后面表达观点的地方不错]

Admittedly, the[不要] experts seem to make progress easily in some fields, in which more emphasis is placed on experience.[不错的开头，可是为什么不把让步段放在最后，难道不怕后面会时间不够？] These fields, such as mathematics, are most reliant on basic knowledge.[其实这句可以写成一个插入成分放在前面那句里] Experts in these fields usually have comprehended the "core" knowledge of the subject and have adroitly used the knowledge many times,[说实在的，语言有点不行] during which useful experience has been accumulated.[还能再进一步，就是说其实很多新人还在学习的东西其实就是experts们创造出来的] For example, in the field of mathematics, most of the winners of the Noble Prize are experts who have studied mathematics for many years and it is rare to see beginners make great advancements in such a field.[这个道理似乎太浅显了点] However, there are not so many fields in which experience can determine the result of research. [这段其实没什么要论证的，其实你只要把某些领域的例子举出来，然后就能证明你前面列出的观点了，然而你似乎写得有点长了，搞得倒数第二段异常地短。以后要注意时间和篇幅的分配，让步段并不是表明你观点的地方，所以请尽量简明扼要]

Instead, the experience which experts hold is not beneficial in most fields of inquiry.[究竟是什么field，如果这样的就是你的分论点，未免太一般了点] Experts usually tend to depend on their prior experience too much which thwarts them from making significant discoveries.[我建议你不要写experts有啥不好的，直接写beginners的优势就好了，要不对照着来写，不然就写这个太单薄了点] Since their spirits and minds are restricted by their experience, they might do everything by the same means [the same后面要有个as或者with，这里加上as before就好了]just because they succeeded by those means before. Unfortunately, nowadays society needs more people who are able to make progress not just keep conservative.[说话之前问问自己为什么，不然就整段都是论点了，如果写这么一句后面加个原因状语，那很好，如果没有，那就很不好] The discovery of the correlation between baby diapers and beer will be a telling illustration. It was noticed by an employee working in a supermarket in Britain for only a short time,[这里不需要逗号] that a myriad of customers liked to buy beer and baby diapers, which were not arrayed on the same shelves,[or] on the same shopping trip. He gave the advice to the manager that arraying beer and diapers on the same shelves may increase the sale of both items. The manager thought the advice was absurd but he decided to have a try. As a result, the sale on beer and diapers enjoyed a boom as expected. Undoubtedly, this discovery could not be made by “experience”.[怎么就没有结尾了？例子举得不错，可惜前面只是分析experts依靠experience这个问题，却没有分析beginners究竟依靠什么，而这才是问题的关键]

With the rapid advancement in technology and science[这两个词换个位置], it is more likely for those who tend to innovate to make significant discoveries.[make innovation就好啦，段首的TS句能简则简] The beginners are informed with the most recent information which allows them to solve problems with new perspectives.[我觉得你把这句提前去做TS更好] For instance, many of the most notable figures in the field of computer engineering are young people who are not the so-called experts, and as we know, the widely used Linux system was designed by a boy in high school, which have been used widely. The thing in common is the innovative spirits. [还是没有结尾，整段只有三句话，也说不上什么论述的过程，甚至最基本的文章结构都没有了]

In the final analysis, I concede that experts in some fields have contributed to our society with their experience. However, we should not overlook the fact that the beginners who have innovative spirits are more likely than the experts to make significant discoveries in most fields of inquiry. [结尾还不错]

[总体来说，第一印象是语言很不行，回去好好练练。还有就是文章的基本的结构也没写好，每段至少得有个开头结尾吧，不管中间写得如何。还有我觉得你破题也有点问题，我感觉你这样的写法应该在后面两段写出beginners的优点，可我只看到第三个TS说到一点，随便想点什么优点写出来也好啊，比如新手会比较有激情，肯花时间在研究上等等]