issue185 很快就要考试了, 求达人们百忙之中帮忙.不敢做无理要求, 看看对不对路子就行

jkt53200UID: 2122680

Issue 185
Scandals, whether in politics, academia, or other areas, can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever would.

I agree that under some circumstances, scandals could to some extent arouse the attention of the public to some social problems. However, it is not the way we can always depend on to find out the solution to the existing problems and when exaggerated, scandals could have negative effects on society.

Admittedly, scandals in political or academia circles could serve as a warning of the emergence or spread of certain social problems which could be tackled due to people’s early attention to them. This argument could be best supported by a scandal a few years ago in Beijing University, where a famous professor was accused of quoting others’ findings in one of his papers without putting proper marks. This cheating incident not only led to professor’s downgrading reputation, but also triggered a heated discussion in the academic arena about the necessity to revitalize an honest spirit in scientific research. This scandal may in itself be an abuse to the integrity a scholar has to maintain in his/her career, but if looked at on the other side, it actually served as a reminder of an academic corruption which, without a proper way of control, could cause more damages to future development of the area concerned.

Nevertheless, in most cases, scandals may be more detrimental than beneficial to problem-solving, since the public is often more inclined to focus on the scandal itself rather than look deeper inside the case. If this is true, people would not really obtain any useful implications through the scandal, but only be distracted from other more pressing issues in their community or society. This argument could simply be backed up by the behaviors of my roommates backi in college years, when both of them displayed great enthusiasm in the rosy stories of pop stars without a care of things taking place in the world, in the country or even in the town. Indeed, scandals of celebrities are more luring than the report of a drought spell that keeps plaguing the country, and they may get fun from those possibly-cooked tales, but fun is not enough to make a responsible person. Keeping interest in scandals is about personal choice, but paying attention to social problems which involve the interest of greater amount of people is about the obligation of people as a social being.

Another reason for my fundamental disagreement with the claim is scandals are often accompanied with the exposure of the privacy of celebrities, a brutal violation of people’s legitimate human rights which can not be encouraged in the name of helping tackle social problems. For supporting examples, one should look no further that the former Princess of Wales, Diana who pathetically lived under spotlight of the public, with the world judging every single details of her behaviors. It is the curiosity of the general public to dig into the princess’s private life that led to her break-down, her despise of her marriage and finally her death. If scandals are labeled as an effective means to promote social advance, scandal explorers could find more reason sto violate people’s privacy under the cover of doing good for the public.

In sum, although on some certain occasions scandals could call the alarm to existing social problems and help find solutions to them, they are mostly damaging to social fabrics for the simple fact that people would be distracted from really serious social problems. In some cases advocating the benefits of scandals could also ruin people’s ordinary life.

[ 本帖最后由 lastangel 于 2007-2-22 22:13 编辑 ]

jkt53200UID: 2122680

请大家帮我看看我这路子对不对呢? 不知道这样写从模式到推理到举例是否妥当哩?
有不妥之处请很拍, 有拍必回!!!
谢谢!!!! ^__^

jkt53200UID: 2122680

么的人理我......
自己先顶起来......:)

jkt53200UID: 2122680

up

iq28UID: 2152875

看到你短信了...
偶真的不是达人...就是废话多了一点~
现在要出去吃饭了回来给你看好么^_^

jkt53200UID: 2122680

好!!! 有达人愿意关照我这等孤魂野鬼真是感动的泣血啊!!!!  谢谢!!!! ^__^

firhadayUID: 2287086

为什么LZ不用个提纲啊？

jkt53200UID: 2122680

发表于 2007-2-22 18:41  资料 短消息   
为什么LZ不用个提纲啊？

参照了一下别人的提纲, 但是没有全用, 还是自己想了想加了点, 不知道楼上是指这个么?

firhadayUID: 2287086

Issue 185
Scandals, whether in politics, academia, or other areas, can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever would.

I agree that under some circumstances, scandals could to some extent arouse the attention of the public to some social problems. However, it is not the way we can always depend on to find out the solution to the existing problems and when（even） exaggerated, scandals could have negative effects on society.

Admittedly, scandals in political or academia circles (areas) could serve as a warning of the emergence or spread of certain social problems which could be tackled due to people’s early attention to them. (过长的从句是不是会导致理解的问题，长句至少用个逗号分开吧)This argument could be best supported by a scandal a few years ago in Beijing University（One example could best support the argument relies on that….）, where a famous professor was accused of quoting others’ findings in one of his papers without putting proper marks.(感觉有点怪，看看是不是可以改成 … accused of quoting without marking its source ) This cheating incident not only led to professor’s downgrading reputation, but also triggered a heated(hot) discussion in the academic arena about the necessity to revitalize an honest spirit in scientific research. This scandal may in itself be an abuse to the integrity a scholar has to maintain in his/her career, but if looked at(However,) on the other side, it actually served as a reminder of an academic corruption which, without a proper way of control, could cause more damages to future development of the area concerned.

Nevertheless, in most cases, scandals may be more detrimental than beneficial to problem-solving, since the public is often more inclined to focus on the scandal itself rather than (to) look deeper inside the case. If this is true (in most cases,为什么还要if this is true), people would not really obtain any useful implications through the scandal, but(instead,) only be (being) distracted from other more pressing issues in their community or society. This argument could simply be backed up by the behaviors of my roommates backi in college years, when both of them displayed great enthusiasm in the rosy stories (是love affairs吗？) of pop stars without a care of things taking place in the world, in the country or even in the town. (桃色新闻难到就不是世界上发生的事情？) Indeed, scandals of celebrities are more luring than the report of a drought spell that keeps plaguing the country, and they may get fun from those possibly-cooked tales, but fun is not enough to make a responsible person. Keeping interest in scandals is about personal choice, but paying attention to social problems which involve the interest of greater amount of people is about the obligation of people as a social being.（这一段是要说什么的啊？是要关注丑闻背后的真相还是，要更关注世界大事。TS不明确）

Another reason for my fundamental disagreement with the claim is scandals are often accompanied with the exposure of the privacy of celebrities, a brutal violation of people’s legitimate human rights which can not be encouraged in the name of helping tackle social problems. For supporting examples, one should look no further that the former Princess of Wales, Diana who pathetically lived under spotlight of the public, with the world judging every single details of her behaviors. It is the curiosity of the general public to dig into the princess’s private life that led to her break-down, her despise of her marriage and finally her death. If scandals are labeled as an effective means to promote social advance, scandal explorers could find more reason sto violate people’s privacy under the cover of doing good for the public. （举例是为了什么，没有分析啊~而且，和你的TS好象主题不同~TS说有violation of people’s legitimate human rights, 但是例子没有提到）

In sum, although on some certain occasions scandals could call the alarm to existing social problems and help find solutions to them, they are mostly damaging to social fabrics for the simple fact that people would be distracted from really serious social problems. In some cases advocating the benefits of scandals could also ruin people’s ordinary life.
感觉有些为了凑字数的罗嗦，还有长句似乎写的有些烦琐，最好是长短结合。总体而言，还不错，差不多了吧~这只是我个人的观点，我其实也不太懂，有什么不对的，希望LZ见谅，并帮我指出啊~有空也帮我改改啊~呵呵https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=613721&page=1#pid1769759921

[ 本帖最后由 firhaday 于 2007-2-22 21:05 编辑 ]

iq28UID: 2152875

I agree that under some circumstances, scandals could to some (靠着么近连续用两个some不太好吧~前面一个改成certain吧~) extent arouse the attention of the public to some social problems. However, it is not the way we can always depend on to find out the solution to the existing problems and when exaggerated, scandals could have negative effects on society. (开头挺好的)

Admittedly, (有人说这个转折最好在只用在最后一个body,不知是否属实) scandals in political or academia circles could serve as a warning of the emergence or spread of certain social problems which could be tackled due to people’s early attention to them. This argument could be best supported by a scandal a few years ago in Beijing University, where a famous professor was accused of quoting others’ findings in one of his papers without putting proper marks. This cheating incident not only led to professor’s downgrading reputation, but also triggered a heated discussion in the academic arena about the necessity to revitalize (受教了^_^) an honest spirit in scientific research. (heated discussion的结果呢?说一下吧,support一下ts~) This scandal may in itself be an abuse to the integrity a scholar has to maintain in his/her career, but if looked at on the other side, it actually served as a reminder of an academic corruption which, without a proper way of control, could cause more damages to future development of the area concerned. (只是说了scandal的内容的危害,并没有降到如何tackle,也没有降到early attention.最后还局限在例子,具体的关于ts的正面论证还没有展开~)

Nevertheless, in most cases, scandals may be more detrimental than beneficial to problem-solving, since the public is often more inclined to focus on the scandal itself rather than look deeper inside the case. If this is true (常见于argu,好像没见过issue这么论证的.自己的论点要证明的怎么能说If this is true呢?~改成In this case) , people would not really obtain any useful implications (为什么用这个词暗示?不过我也想不到别的很好的词~enlightenment) through the scandal, but only be distracted from other more pressing issues in their community or society. This argument (这么喜欢用这个词??~似乎没见别人用过~不是很清楚用这个词好不好~) could simply be backed up by the behaviors of my roommates backi (不认识~啥意思?) in college years, when both of them displayed great enthusiasm in the rosy stories of pop stars without a care of things taking place in the world, in the country or even in the town. (干嘛要举自己跟roomates的例子?没有说服力的说~还不如自己改成社会上的many people呢~然后后面的那个转折个人感觉好像反了~因为这个话题比较大~都是谈的什么social problems,世界大事可能比身边的事情更能反应主题~) Indeed, scandals of celebrities are more luring than the report of a drought spell that keeps plaguing the country (这个..华丽了) , and they may get fun from those possibly-cooked tales, but fun is not enough to make a responsible person. Keeping interest in scandals is about personal choice, but paying attention to social problems which involve the interest of greater amount of people is about the obligation of people as a social being. (有点晕,前面论述得都挺好的怎么这边忽然转到了个人的责任了??这里需要你强调的不是因人而异的选择,而是要强调那些社会问题不能用scandals吸引民众肤浅的眼光来解决~两者之间虽然有联系,但还是不同的)

Another reason for my fundamental disagreement with the claim is scandals are often accompanied with the exposure of the privacy of celebrities, a brutal violation of people’s legitimate human rights which can not be encouraged in the name of helping tackle social problems. (ts太长了...主题句简洁一点,把最主要的观念说出来,别的留在下面加强了当论证来用) For supporting examples, one should look no further that the former Princess of Wales, Diana who pathetically lived under spotlight of the public, with the world judging every single details (detail) of her behaviors. It is the curiosity of the general public to dig into the princess’s private life that led to her break-down, her despise of her marriage and finally her death. (Realllllllly?) (个人不太觉得黛安娜那个是scandal...扯远了^_^而你也没有说这些过度的隐私曝光是under the name of helping tackle scandals,不能说明是scandal的问题) If scandals are labeled as an effective means to promote social advance, scandal explorers could find more reason sto (reasons to) violate people’s privacy under the cover of doing good for the public. (论证还是没有啊~论证在哪?~~例子后面一定要有论证啊~)

In sum, although on some certain occasions scandals could call the alarm to existing social problems and help find solutions to them, they are mostly damaging to social fabrics (破坏社会结构?扰乱社会秩序可能更贴切一点~disorders) for the simple fact that people would be distracted from really serious social problems. In some cases advocating the benefits of scandals could also ruin people’s ordinary life. (草率了~这个应该是对应第三个body吧再详细一点)

lz语言不错的说~但是雕琢的痕迹重了一点~
论证有点不足~文章里面都指出来了~
希望我改你的文章不是在误人子弟~~~阿门|||||
加油哈^_^

[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-2-22 21:18 编辑 ]

jkt53200UID: 2122680

谢谢各位的帮助!!!!  认真的看了楼上两位的评点, 觉得自己问题真是一大堆啊, 哎, 诸位看我这情况3月7号是不是危险了啊, 冷汗.........

jkt53200UID: 2122680

还有个问题哦.... 我感觉在每个例子后面都有对它进行说明啊, 弱弱的问: 那个不算论证么? 那要写到哪一步才行?

哎, 真是不靠谱啊我......

jkt53200UID: 2122680

哦 还有, 虽然我的水平....(大家也看到了).... 但是如果有我能帮上忙的请尽管说......我愿意和大家共同进步.....谢谢了....

jkt53200UID: 2122680

firthaday 同志, 你的贴被关了, 我发不上, 我就给你发这里了啊......


The speaker asserts that in any cases, the experts are inferior to the beginner when they are working to make important discoveries. However, in my observation, under some circumstances such as those fields (前面是circumstance, 后面是field 感觉不怎么一致呢)involving high-tech and those (两个those 好象有点重复了)needing creativities, green hand might be superior. While, in the other fields, usually experience is needed,(where ..is needed 原句有语法错误) experts might be more likely to make important discoveries.

Firstly, beginners contribute more to the development of the modern high-tech areas than experts. Admittedly, with the rapid advancement of technologies, some experts might sometimes feel that they cannot keep with the(keep pace with) pace with the ever-changing world. Besides, they might be satisfied with their current achievements, and have no desire to ask for more discoveries. Nevertheless, the beginners, as a new force to such field, enthusiastically devote themselves into the discoveries of the new world, without any frighten(这个词不太恰当) of the foreseen troubles ahead. In these cases, youths are more likely to accept new conceptions that would help them in their way of discoveries.(我论证也不强, 但是我觉得这段有点单薄, 但说理是不是不够呢)

Another argument to support (后面要有一个宾语如fact or my position才能再跟从句)that beginners are better is that youth might have more creative ideas compared with experts. Undoubtedly, those experts, who might have been making research in his field for several years, might be lacking new ideas that often appear to be special and even controversial to the current popular thesis(这个楼主是要表达什么意思呢?). For example, Newton, Edison, Bell, those (and some other)great scientists made their distinguished invent in their twenties. For one thing, youths are more energetic. They are eager to solve the difficult problems they encounter. For the other thing, they are more creative to work out new way of solutions to the problems.

However, on the other hand, there are also two aspects involved in need of experts to make discoveries.(two scenarios where experts are needed to make discoveries) The first one relies on that in the areas of medical care; experts are having more chances to discovery new.这个是什么意思? After all, medical care is a field involving experience. With more experience those experts own, they might conclude some different and similarities to each kind of disease. Based on the conclusion, they might invent their own effective way of treatingtreatment比较好. However, on the contrary, some young doctors might only turn to reference book s to find out a better solution. In conclusion,好象话都讲完了总结了.. 怪怪的, having the knowledge of former experience, experts are more likely to make discoveries.

The second aspect is that it is due to 应该去掉the accumulation of experience that makes a wonderful educator. Indeed, education is a complex issue which might be a problem of many beginners. As the experience of teaching are becoming rich, one may feel better and might obtain the most effective way of teaching based on the feedback of students. Thus, they might think of new methods of teaching or some useful ideas to teach to the students. Accordingly, those educators are trying to make discoveries than those beginners.光讲新手不行, 个人认为要再讲下为什么老手更行,这样看上去更有说服力

In sum, experience helps experts to make discoveries in some fields, while, on the other hand, enthusiasm contribute a lot to the success discoveries of young. Consider, if when we encounter these two kinds of people, to combine the creativity with the experience, I am convinced that we would make great success.

我个人浅见: 总体结构偶认为是可以的, 且思路还是清晰的, 但是语法可能还要加强下, 然后论证如果单说理可能不强, 建议适当举例子....

[ 本帖最后由 jkt53200 于 2007-2-22 22:57 编辑 ]

firhadayUID: 2287086

？有被封了吗？没有吧~我还是上去了啊~有空看看啊~
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1769759921
LZ3.7才考呢，而且感觉辞藻不错，应该没有什么很大的问题
关于举例的论证，个人、感觉能充分说明TS就行了~
看看楼上的IQ28的文章吧，他的论证很好的~