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[a习作temp] Agument127 by oscar from09年2月-3月GRE作文冲刺组 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-2-14 21:12:25 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
本帖最后由 oscarshu1985 于 2009-2-14 21:39 编辑




TOPIC: ARGUMENT127 - The vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.

"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."
WORDS: 253/497
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2009-2-14 20:26:01

In this argument, the arguer tries to persuade the boss the Climpson Industries (CI) to install detective software to monitor the internet use of the employee and claims that this can prevent employees from wasting time and foster a better work ethic at CI which will lead to overall profits improvement. However, this the argument is totally unreasonable because its reasoning is lack of credibility and doesn't make sense.

First of all. According to the reasoning above, if the company needs to identify the internet use statues of employees by the detective software to then punish them, why is there internet connection on the workstations of the employees? it is unreasonable. so there are probably some purposes of the existence of the internet connection for the employees. Such as they must check out their corporate e-mails, get updates from their bosses, or any other reason that makes them have to use the internet. So when employees use the internet from their workstations, they are necessarily playing games or doing something with no relations with their business. Thus, the statement that CI should punish their employee who use the internet form their workstation doesn't make sense.

Moreover, even they do something non-related with the business, it does not necessarily negatively effect their works. To effectively analyze the final effect of the use of internet by the employees, we should assess the work result rather than punishing how they specifically work. After all, it doesn't do harm if they use internet for a relax after finishing intensive work so that they can do some self adjustment and concentrate more. In this case, the comparably loose corporate regulation can encourage employees and provides them a great place to work and as a result, may improve the work efficiency and inspire new ideas of employees.

Finally, there is not any supportive evidence to show that by implementing an internet control, the CI can profit more. For one thing, if employs don't want to work hard or escape focusing on their jobs which cause a low efficiency that the company will suffer they can't be stopped simply just by the internet monitor, they can do other things for fun or totally do nothing but stare at the screen. Further, increase profit is a result of a complex progress. It is not warranted just by proposal of this internet control without concerning other affect of factors, such as the situation of the market, the finance statues and so on. At all, if the idea to build up a monitor system doesn’t contribute positively on the profit, it, on the contrary, drag down the profit, because the software for enterprise may not be cheap.

To sum up, because of the poor reasoning and lack of substantial evidence to support where he or she stands, the suggestion from the arguer is totally reasonable and unpersuasive. To validate the conclusion, the arguer have to provide more testimony about the negative affect of the use of internet by employees and the statistics about the financial statues of CI

写AW不久,还是没按时写完,作文不够熟练请见谅
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RE: Agument127 by oscar from09年2月-3月GRE作文冲刺组 [修改]

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Agument127 by oscar from09年2月-3月GRE作文冲刺组
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