Issue160 【09GRE作文冲刺组】swbai2月26日作文

swbaiUID: 2600532

题目：ISSUE160 - "The most essential quality of an effective leader is the ability to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives. Any leader who is quickly and easily influenced by shifts in popular opinion will accomplish little."
字数：529          用时：1:00:16          日期：2009-2-26
Leader, as the history always show this kind of job, effect greatly on human history. When one country faces its destiny, there maybe a man came out of the majority, ordered his men, and finally rescued the country from the disaster. Joan of Arc, defeated the Englishmen in the situation of the French were nearly at lost. Her spirit inspires the army and her courage changed the tactics of French generals, which finally make the victory.

The leader's responsibility is to lead the stuff to achieve the goal. Everyone has his particular task at work, and most of the stuff works to deals with things or persons out of the group, while the leader is the only one that deals inside the group. He/She can find a proper goal, make a particular route, and find a unique method. All the stuff need to do is following the leader. This is effective and essential in modern society, and makes the whole organization works as one person, and has only one goal. In doing this, the group can suffer from the critical competition between other groups. Also, the ability of the leader is linked with how much the goal he/she can make the stuff to achieve.

No matter what the goal it is, it's essential for a leader to follow the advice of the popular opinion. That's why leader's major is to attempter other's conflicts. We human beings always have conflicts with others, and the conflicts can be good or bad. The leader's role is to turn the bad conflict into good one. For example, almost everyone in the company cares about salary, even more than the work they are doing. If one see another person have more money than he/she got, but don't know the person actually works harder than him/her, he/she may feel frustrated and do not want to work hard. Then the leader's job is to honor the hard working one reasonably, and set an example for others. When deal with the uncomfortable of the stuff, which is caused by pressure, he/she must find some ways to handle it, perhaps by reducing the working rapid, for the inefficacy of the communication make the whole group dispersed.

The leader also needs to find some ways to accelerate the speed to achieve the goal. There are many ways that leader can use to accomplish it. To highlight the goal is a good way. Except from money, there are other things that human beings are chasing forever, and honor is a best one. The knights in the medieval centuries are a best example. The knights, wore heavy armor and heaved metal lance, fight with the enemies only for one desire: the metal insignia. Pressure is also useful in dealing with work, then the stuff meet with pressure, they have to do the job quickly in order to prevent the leader's chide. Of course, the bonus is the most actual praise, and it greatly improves the living standard.

In conclusion, a leader must set a high goal, find a way out of it, in the mean time, following other's opinion considerably. Only through this way, can a leader achieve the final goal effectively.

tanyujing2UID: 2600111

Leader, as the history always show this kind of job, effect greatly 副词放在动词前面on human history. When one country faces its destiny, there maybe a man came out of the majority, ordered his men, and finally rescued the country from the disaster. Joan of Arc, defeated the Englishmen in the situation of the French were nearly at lost. Her spirit inspires the army and her courage changed the tactics of French generals, which finally make the victory.
恩，开头用例子来概括，很新颖的~有进步了啦

The leader's responsibility is to lead the stuff to achieve the goal. Everyone has his particular task at work, and most of the stuff works to deals with things or persons out of the group, while the leader is the only one that deals inside the group. He/She can find a proper goal, make a particular route, and find a unique method. All the stuff need to do is following the leader. This is effective and essential in modern society, and makes the whole organization works as one person, and has only one goal.有语病 In doing this, the group can suffer from the critical competition between other groups这一句有点奇怪，你本段还是在讨论领导者的地位和责任，我知道你想说的是领导做事的方式就是设定一个目标即使会得罪别人，也要达到，那你可以这么写“在这个。。。社会中，对于一个目标的选择和确定是领导的任务，而且为了完成这个目标，领导要XXXX做”. Also, the ability of the leader is linked with how much the goal he/she can make the stuff to achieve.
然后来一个转折句“即使一心一意坚定地完成这个目标是必要的”

No matter what the goal it is, it's essential for a leader to follow the advice of the popular opinion. That's why leader's major is to attempter other's conflicts. We human beings always have conflicts with others, and the conflicts can be
good or bad. The leader's role is to turn the bad conflict into good one. For example, almost everyone in the company cares about salary, even more than the work they are doing. If one see another person have more money than he/she got, but don't know the person actually works harder than him/her, he/she may feel frustrated and do not want to work hard. Then the leader's job is to honor the hard working one reasonably, and set an example for others. When deal with the uncomfortable of the stuff, which is caused by pressure, he/she must find some ways to handle it, perhaps by reducing the working rapid, for the inefficacy of the communication make the whole group dispersed.
恩，很实在的例子，推荐啊，名人的东西多到让人觉得恶心了

The leader also needs to find some ways to accelerate the speed to achieve the goal. There are many ways that leader can use to accomplish it. To highlight the goal is a good way. Except from money, there are other things that human beings are chasing forever, and honor is a best one. The knights in the medieval centuries are a best example. The knights, wore heavy armor and heaved metal lance, fight with the enemies only for one desire: the metal insignia. Pressure is also useful in dealing with work, then the stuff meet with pressure, they have to do the job quickly in order to prevent the leader's chide. Of course, the bonus is the most actual praise, and it greatly improves the living standard.
这一段是说领导如何激发别人搞七搞八的热情，我觉得可以深入一点谈的，结合“领导力”来说，不要老说如何如何达到目标，还要多说一些“要成为一名优秀的领导，应该要关注和实施的事情”——对整体发展趋势的评估，解决危机的能力（虽然这点你在上面说了），个人的品质（谦逊，有安全感，包容），伯乐的双眼。。。

In conclusion, a leader must set a high goal, find a way out of it, in the mean time, following other's opinion considerably. Only through this way, can a leader achieve the final goal effectively.
恩，结尾挺迅速的，我其实喜欢快点结尾，尾大不掉也没有什么意思，因为大多数的作文结尾都是对上文的循环。
好啦，改完了~~就这些要说的，我个人觉得这篇是你最近几天比较好的啦，没有很模式化，我就是写着怕了所以想停一下。。。

sreapstepUID: 2594982

Leader, as the history always show this kind of job, effect greatly on human history. When one country faces its destiny, there maybe a man(根据你下面的例子，倒是women吧，哈哈，别在意……我找茬呢……) came out of the majority, ordered his men, and finally rescued the country from the disaster. Joan of Arc, defeated the Englishmen in the situation of the French were nearly at lost.(这里还是用从句修饰situation吧，介词的话，后面不能跟完整主谓结构) Her spirit inspires the army and her courage changed the tactics of French generals, which finally make the victory.
开头读完给人耳目一新，没有程式化的模板，直接以例子切入，赞～

The leader's responsibility is to lead the stuff to achieve the goal. Everyone has his particular task at work, and most of the stuff works to deals with things or persons out of the group, while the leader is the only one that deals inside the group. （这里我很明白你要说的意思，但是在一个组织里面也并非只有leader才会做组内工作吧，谁设想一下team work，没有组员的配合，也就不存在合作了。而这些组员也都是在deal in side the group。还是要稍微注意下严谨性）He/She can find a proper goal, make a particular route, and find a unique method. All the stuff need to do is following the leader. This is effective and essential in modern society, and makes the whole organization works as one person, and has only one goal. In doing this, the group can suffer from the critical competition between（用against似乎更妥） other groups. Also, the ability of the leader is linked with how much the goal he/she can make the stuff to achieve.

No matter what the goal it（去掉） is, it's essential for a leader to follow the advice of the popular opinion. That's why leader's major is to attempter other's conflicts. We human beings always have conflicts with others, and the conflicts can be good or bad. The leader's role is to turn the bad conflict into good one. For example, almost everyone in the company cares about salary, even more than the work they are doing. If one see another person have more money than he/she got, but don't know the person actually works harder than him/her, he/she may feel frustrated and do not want to work hard. Then the leader's job is to honor the hard working one reasonably, and set an example for others. When deal with the uncomfortable of the stuff, which is caused by pressure, he/she must find some ways to handle it, perhaps by reducing the working rapid（load，以工作负荷代替吧，在论述上的作用应该是等同的。而且rapid这么用似乎很奇怪）, for the inefficacy of the communication make the whole group dispersed.


The leader also needs to find some ways to accelerate the speed to achieve the goal. There are many ways that leader can use to accomplish it. To highlight the goal is a good way. Except from money, there are other things that human beings are chasing forever, and honor is a best one. The knights in the medieval centuries are a best example. The knights, wore heavy armor and heaved metal lance（who were heavily armored and equiped with metal lance,其实中世纪的骑士也不见得就是这个样子，只是这种形象的令人感觉比较典型。很多情况下他们宣扬的是一种忠君爱民的思想）, fight with the enemies only for one desire: the metal insignia. Pressure is also useful in dealing with work, then（when） the stuff meet with pressure, they have to do the job quickly in order to prevent the leader's chide. Of course, the bonus is the most actual praise, and it greatly improves the living standard.

In conclusion, a leader must set a high goal, find a way out of it, in the mean time, following other's opinion considerably. Only through this way, can a leader achieve the final goal effectively.

文章的开头虽然避免了模板，但是也需要清楚的阐明自己的观点。
另外整篇文章给人感觉是在说领导的作用，确并未对题目中的观点提出自己的看法及分析，即使言之有理，也是在冒跑题之危险。例如第二段说的是领导需要带领大家完成目标；第三段说领导要听取意见，但是在分析上却变成了领导们要体察下属的情况，似乎对不上；第四段说的是领导能提高组织的工作效率。把这些段落大意串起来看看就会发现和题目中说的有偏差。

个人意见，权供参考。