Dark_Tournemant的第二十次作业by jenniferwyy

jenniferwyyUID: 2534935

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is important to know events happening around the world, though sometimes they are unlikely to affect your daily life. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.（04/29/07）

With the technology developed, we live in an information-explosion society. Some people claim that the more events we know the more benefit to us, others have an opposite view. As far as I concern that we should not care about everything that they are unlikely to affect our daily life.

First of all, like I mentioned before today we live in an information-explosion society, so we can access a lot of information in a day, but the energy we have is limited, so the less things we have the better we do it. Take students for example, the society we live is more competitive and advanced than before so we students have more things to learn and after school we always spend hours to do our homework and go to the bed in midnight. So we have no time and energy to care the things that unlikely to affect our daily life. If back then, we want to care all the things happened in the world, I am afraid we definitely have no time in our study. I think it is unnecessary.

Moreover, information that happened in the world sometimes is more violence and horrible such as the terrorists, suicide, kidnap and so on, I think that they have bad effect on children. A study in the university showed that the more times children exposed in the bad information the worse effect on their behaviors, because children are less sensitive to the world and they can’t judge the things in right way. Sometimes they will mimic the things that happened in the world once they heard it.

Finally, I think we can know the things happened around the world even they have no effect on our daily, but it is not important to know that, and the prerequisite is you can treat them as for fun during the leisure time. As for me, during my spare time I will surf the internet to find some funny news which make me laugh around world. Laughing can help me relax and relief the pressure from work and study, it is good for my health.

As the things mentioned above, we can know the things happened around the world, but it is not important for us.

soilinkinUID: 2163892

With the technology developed(with the developing of technology), we live in an information-explosion society(society with information-explosion). Some people claim that the more events we know the more benefit to us(the more benefit we get), others have an opposite view. As far as I concern(as far as i'm concerned，) that（去掉that...用逗号隔开） we should not care about everything that they(不要they...that就可以指代everything) are unlikely to affect our daily life.

First of all, like I mentioned before today（before today换成above） we live in an information-explosion society, so（可以试试therefore或者as a result...） we can access a lot of information in a day, but（可以试试however） the energy we have is limited, so the less things we have the better we do it（这里表达有点问题...the less things we do the better results we get）. Take students for example, the society we live(in) is more competitive and advanced than before so we students have more things to learn and after school we always spend hours to do our homework and go to the bed in(at) midnight. So we have no time and energy to care(about) the things that unlikely to affect our daily life. If back then, we want to care all the things happened in the world, I am afraid we definitely have no time in our study. I think it is unnecessary(to know everything.....把话说完...有个it在这里很容易误导...).

Moreover, information that happened in the world sometimes is（这里的时态有问题...） more violence（violent） and horrible such as the terrorists, suicide, kidnap(kidnapping) and so on, I think that they have bad effect on children. A study in the university showed that the more times children exposed in the bad information the worse effect(will be caused) on their behaviors, because children are less sensitive(是不是应该是more sensitive才对呢...) to the world and they can’t judge the things in right way. Sometimes they will mimic the things that happened in the world once they heard it.

Finally, I think we can know the things happened around the world even they have no effect on our daily, but it is not important to know that, and the prerequisite is （that）you can treat them as（不要as） for fun during the leisure time. As for me, during my spare time I will surf the internet to find some funny news which make me laugh around world. Laughing can help me relax and relief the pressure from work and study, it is good for my health.

As the things mentioned above, we can know the things happened around the world, but it is not important for us.

尝试用了很多长句...值得鼓励...很有进步啊...
值得注意的是有些关联不太紧密的句子可以不用写到一起...写长句的时候也一定要注意主谓宾的基本原则...
不过这篇的reasoning不是太好...二三两段的论证不太有力...回头可以再给你分析分析...
总之还是越来越好了...要继续加油...

gundammoleUID: 2300958

1# jenniferwyy
With the technology developed, we live in an information-explosion society. Some people claim that the more events we know the more benefit(to us用在这里不太恰当,可改为we will get) to us, others have an opposite view (+on it). As far as I concern that we should not care about everything that they are unlikely to affect our daily life.

First of all, like I mentioned before today we live in an information-explosion society, so we can access a lot of information in a day, but the energy we have is limited, so the less things we have the better we (+can) do it. Take students for example, the society we live(are living更好) is more competitive and advanced than before so we students have more things to learn and after school we always spend hours to do our homework and go to the bed in midnight. So (so 出现太多次了,可用as a result等代替) we have no time and energy to care the things that unlikely to affect our daily life. If back then, we want to care (care about) all the things happened in the world, I am afraid we definitely have no time in our study. I think it (it指代不明) is unnecessary.

Moreover, information that happened in the world sometimes is more violence and horrible such as the terrorists (terrorist attack), suicide, kidnap (kidnapping) and so on, I think that they have bad effect on children. A study in the university showed that the more times children exposed in the bad information the worse effect on their behaviors, because children are less sensitive to the world and they can’t judge the things in (a或者the) right way. Sometimes they will mimic the things that happened in the world once they heard it (去掉).

Finally, I think we can know the things happened around the world even they have no effect on our daily, but it is not important to know that, and the prerequisite is you can treat them as for fun during the leisure time. As for me, during my spare time I will surf the internet to find some funny news which make me laugh around world. Laughing can help me relax and relief the pressure from work and study, it is good for my health.

As the things mentioned above, we can know the things happened around the world, but it is not important for us.

佩服LZ有勇气写这个题目的反面论点.总的来说还不错,就是有些语法和用词重复的问题,建议LZ扩大词汇量,背一些好的文章.论述的理由最好也在推敲一下,要有足够的舒服力才行.
我也正在摸索着提高写作能力,大家一起努力吧,基础怎么样不重要,贵在坚持.加油加油~