0910AW SPECTACULAR之【同主题写作】第二期 Argument173--by Lovella

LovellaUID: 2616552

173.The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a
newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.


"Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those
that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the
same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the
number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover,
the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international
news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on
international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our
magazine covers."


This argument is likely to be credible under certain circumstance, however, the arguer, the one who make decisions, seems to develop superficial thinking on what consists a good magazine. When assessing the magazine’s sale, the arguer simply draw a reasoning line among magazine’s cover, international news on the cover, and competing news-magazine’s measures without taking account of many other important elements and rational comparison. And then the decision-maker would answer for the fateful consequence to his magazine.

The decision-maker first needs to clarify that how much a magazine’s cover affects its sale. Admittedly, a good-designed cover containing major information in the magazine does attract readers at the first time, however, a general review of the magazine’s capacity of information, contents editing, level of price, market share and its major group of readers matters much more important in assessing its sale. Alsothe arguer fails to make it known that how critical the international news on the cover affect its impression to readers. It is highly possible that readers would see its pictorial elements like people’s photos, colors at first instead of the literal information. Meanwhile, the competing-news magazine’s decreasing in international news on its cover proves no relationship between them since we are not informed any specific statistic about its sale before and after this change. So, before the arguer enforces this step he should rethink what essentially make a magazine sells well, and then to judge how international news serve to that.

Even presumes the reasoning line above, it is necessary for the decision-maker to know that news, in itself, has certain length of limitation period. If there were not many crucial news of international society or if news in other fields were more interesting, then editing former on covers might make important information be overlooked. However, no one can predict what may happen in the future, if Newsbeat decreases international news on covers or contents; it would face much more detriments on both sales and market share when any great occurrence happens at that time. Another, assessment about whether a news magazine’s information attracts readers depends on social occurrence and changes as well as magazines’ first-time response to them. Newsbeat’s competitor significantly decreased its covers’ international news could be probably regarded as its excellent ability of effectively response to any social changes. Rather, in the same period Newsbeat did not carry out any actual steps, through which we might find a potential lack of this ability on it. If so, then possibility appears that Newsbeat would also fall behind its competitor when news happens. All of these possibilities will bring Newsbeat’s sale detriments but no benefits, unless its decision-maker realizes his real needs—replacing attention on what should be put on covers with an innovation on what make his team and mechanism more effective.

Finally, the arguer fails to provide adequate comparison between earning and costs. Though these certain issues of Newsbeat sold not well while costs on foreign bureaus increased, there was no statistic to indicate Newsbeat did not earn a profit. There might be a recession in the past three years so that people would spend less on magazines and other consumers than before. In this case, what Newsbeat’s decision-maker should do is not only to focus on covers, but to decrease self-cost and, in doing so, low its price to attract readers.

This argument is possible to be helpful when international news on covers is not important or compelling enough and occupy layout space for information which are really critical. Nevertheless, whether for seeking a solution about immediate problems or making progress with Newsbeat, both contribute to the better magazine and considerable profits, the decision-maker should take many other factors seriously besides its covers and news on them. Failure of considering one or two of them will not merely stay Newsbeat the same, but make it from bad to worse.

dacongfanUID: 2644717

This argument is likely to be credible under certain circumstance, circumstance 应该为复数however, the arguer, the one who make decisions, seems to develop superficial thinking on what consists a good magazine. When assessing the magazine’s sale, the arguer simply draw a reasoning line among magazine’s cover, international news on the cover, and competing news-magazine’s measures without taking account of many other important elements and rational comparison. And then the decision-maker would answer for the fateful consequence to his magazine.有点不是很明白，为什么要decision-maker去answer for.


The decision-maker first needs to clarify that how much a magazine’s cover affects its sale. Admittedly, a good-designed cover containing major information in the magazine does attract readers at the first time, however, a general review of the magazine’s capacity of information, contents editing, level of price, market share and its major group of readers matters much more important in assessing its sale.admittedly和however是不是只用一个就好了
Also the arguer fails to make it known that how critical the international news on the cover affect its impression to readers.critical的用词不够准确，我觉得是否how critical 可以改为to what degree It is highly possible that readers would see its pictorial elements like people’s photos, colors at first instead of the literal information. Meanwhile, the competing-news magazine’s decreasing in international news on its cover proves no relationship between them since we are not informed any specific statistic about its sale before and after this change. So, before the arguer enforces this step he should rethink what essentially make应该为makes a magazine sells well, and then to judge how international news serve to that.
Even presumes the reasoning line above, it is necessary for the decision-maker to know that news, in itself, has certain length of limitation period.不懂 If there were not many crucial news of international society or if news in other fields were more interesting, then editing former on covers might make important information be overlooked. However, no one can predict what may happen in the future, if Newsbeat decreases international news on covers or contents; it would face much more detriments on both sales and market share when any great occurrence不够清楚 happens at that time. Another, assessment about whether a news magazine’s information attracts readers depends on social occurrence and changes as well as magazines’ first-time response to them. Newsbeat’s competitor significantly decreased its covers’ international news could be probably regarded as its excellent ability of effectively response to any social changes. Rather, in the same period Newsbeat did not carry out any actual steps, through which we might find a potential lack of this ability on it. If so, then possibility appears that Newsbeat would also fall behind its competitor competitors when news happens. All of these possibilities will bring Newsbeat’s sale detriments but no benefits, unless its decision-maker realizes his real needs—replacing attention on what should be put on covers with an innovation on what make his team and mechanism more effective.
Finally, the arguer fails to provide adequate comparison between earning and costs. Though these certain issues of Newsbeat sold not well while costs on foreign bureaus increased, though和while只用一个there was no statistics to indicate Newsbeat did not earn a profit. There might be a recession in the past three years so that people would spend less on magazines and other consumers than before. In this case, what Newsbeat’s decision-maker should do is not only to focus on covers, but to decrease self-cost and, in doing so, low its price to attract readers.
This argument is possible to be helpful when international news on covers is not important or compelling enough and occupy layout space for information which are really critical. Nevertheless, whether for seeking a solution about immediate problems or making progress with Newsbeat, both contribute to the better magazine and considerable profits, the decision-maker should take many other factors seriously besides its covers and news on them. Failure of considering one or two of them will not merely stay Newsbeat the same, but make it from bad to worse.
个人觉得作者自己的观点不够明确，而且逻辑也不是很清晰，需要在多看看例文。不到之处，见谅。

dacongfanUID: 2644717

呵呵，我重新发下，刚刚没有注意颜色的变化

dacongfanUID: 2644717

This argument is likely to be credible under certain circumstance, circumstance 应该为复数however, the arguer, the one who make decisions, seems to develop superficial thinking on what consists a good magazine. When assessing the magazine’s sale, the arguer simply draw a reasoning line among magazine’s cover, international news on the cover, and competing news-magazine’s measures without taking account of many other important elements and rational comparison. And then the decision-maker would answer for the fateful consequence to his magazine.有点不是很明白，为什么要decision-maker去answer for.
The decision-maker first needs to clarify that how much a magazine’s cover affects its sale. Admittedly, a good-designed cover containing major information in the magazine does attract readers at the first time, however, a general review of the magazine’s capacity of information, contents editing, level of price, market share and its major group of readers matters much more important in assessing its sale.admittedly和however是不是只用一个就好了 Also the arguer fails to make it known that how critical the international news on the cover affect its impression to readers.critical的用词不够准确，我觉得是否how critical 可以改为to what degree It is highly possible that readers would see its pictorial elements like people’s photos, colors at first instead of the literal information. Meanwhile, the competing-news magazine’s decreasing in international news on its cover proves no relationship between them since we are not informed any specific statistic about its sale before and after this change. So, before the arguer enforces this step he should rethink what essentially make应该为makes a magazine sells well, and then to judge how international news serve to that.
Even presumes the reasoning line above, it is necessary for the decision-maker to know that news, in itself, has certain length of limitation period.不懂 If there were not many crucial news of international society or if news in other fields were more interesting, then editing former on covers might make important information be overlooked. However, no one can predict what may happen in the future, if Newsbeat decreases international news on covers or contents; it would face much more detriments on both sales and market share when any great occurrence不够清楚 happens at that time. Another, assessment about whether a news magazine’s information attracts readers depends on social occurrence and changes as well as magazines’ first-time response to them. Newsbeat’s competitor significantly decreased its covers’ international news could be probably regarded as its excellent ability of effectively response to any social changes. Rather, in the same period Newsbeat did not carry out any actual steps, through which we might find a potential lack of this ability on it. If so, then possibility appears that Newsbeat would also fall behind its competitor competitors when news happens. All of these possibilities will bring Newsbeat’s sale detriments but no benefits, unless its decision-maker realizes his real needs—replacing attention on what should be put on covers with an innovation on what make his team and mechanism more effective.
Finally, the arguer fails to provide adequate comparison between earning and costs. Though these certain issues of Newsbeat sold not well while costs on foreign bureaus increased, though和while只用一个there was no statistics to indicate Newsbeat did not earn a profit. There might be a recession in the past three years so that people would spend less on magazines and other consumers than before. In this case, what Newsbeat’s decision-maker should do is not only to focus on covers, but to decrease self-cost and, in doing so, low its price to attract readers.

This argument is possible to be helpful when international news on covers is not important or compelling enough and occupy layout space for information which are really critical. Nevertheless, whether for seeking a solution about immediate problems or making progress with Newsbeat, both contribute to the better magazine and considerable profits, the decision-maker should take many other factors seriously besides its covers and news on them. Failure of considering one or two of them will not merely stay Newsbeat the same, but make it from bad to worse.
个人觉得作者自己的观点不够明确，而且逻辑也不是很清晰，需要在多看看例文。不到之处，见谅。

brianwangboUID: 2643722

This argument is likely to be credible under certain circumstance, however, the arguer, the one who makes decisions, seems to develop superficial thinking on what consists（form? consist of?） a good magazine. When assessing the magazine’s sale, the arguer simply draw a reasoning line among magazine’s cover, international news on the cover, and competing news-magazine’s measures without taking account of many other important elements and rational comparison. And then the decision-maker would answer for the fateful(这么严重？) consequence to his magazine. （本段的单复数运用较为混乱…..希望加以修改）

The decision-maker first needs to clarify that how much a magazine’s cover affects its sale. Admittedly, a good-designed cover containing major information in the magazine does attract readers at the first time (glance?), however, a general review of the magazine’s capacity of information, contents editing, level of price, market share and its major group of readers matters much more important in assessing its sale.(本句可以拆开说) Also the arguer fails to make it（us?） known that how critical(what’s the role do it play?) the international news on the cover affect its impression to readers. It is highly possible that readers would see its pictorial elements like people’s photos, colors at first instead of the literal information. Meanwhile, the competing-news magazine’s decreasing in international news on its cover proves no relationship between them since we are not informed any specific statistic about its sale before and after this change. So, before the arguer enforces this step he should rethink what essentially make a magazine sells well, and then to judge how international news serve to that. (the logic of this paragraph is not so clear , although I know you want to tell us the relationship between sale and cover o(∩_∩)o…)

Even presumes the reasoning line（这是个短语吗？俺不会用~~） above, it is necessary for the decision-maker to know that news, in itself, has certain length of limitation period. If there were not many crucial news of international society or if news in other fields were more interesting, then editing former（？） on covers might make important information be overlooked. However, no one can predict what may happen in the future, if Newsbeat decreases international news on covers or contents; it would face much more detriments on both sales and market share when any great occurrence happens at that time.（这么夸张？从和得出？） Another assessment（本文中的这个词你是指evaluation? ） about whether a news magazine’s information attracts readers depends on social occurrence and changes as well as magazines’ first-time response to them. Newsbeat’s competitor significantly decreased its covers’ international news could be probably regarded as its excellent ability of effectively response to any social changes. Rather, in the same period Newsbeat did not carry out any actual steps, through which we might find a potential lack of this ability on it.(这个确实有些臆断吧~~) If so, then possibility appears that Newsbeat would also fall behind its competitor when news happens. All of these possibilities will bring Newsbeat’s sale detriments but no benefits, unless its decision-maker realizes his real needs—replacing attention on what should be put on covers with an innovation on what make his team and mechanism more effective.（这段的想象太丰富了的说…..我觉得重点是不是放到news 本身也是很重要的因素）

Finally, the arguer fails to provide adequate comparison between earning and costs. Though these certain issues of Newsbeat sold not well while costs on foreign bureaus increased, there was no statistic to indicate Newsbeat did not earn a profit. There might be a recession in the past three years so that people would spend less on magazines and other consumers than before. In this case, what Newsbeat’s decision-maker should do is not only to focus on covers, but to decrease self-cost and, in doing so, low its price to attract readers.

This argument is possible to be helpful when international news on covers is not important or compelling enough and occupy layout space for information which are really critical. Nevertheless, whether for seeking a solution about immediate problems or making progress with Newsbeat, both contribute to the better magazine and considerable profits, the decision-maker should take many other factors seriously besides its covers and news on them. Failure of considering one or two of them will not merely stay Newsbeat the same, but make it from bad to worse.

各段的大意都基本清楚，但是每段的中心句不是特别清楚，还有各段的论证逻辑稍有混乱，语言需要多雕琢，我也是新手，可能修改不恰当还请见谅，加油~~o(∩_∩)o…

leopard2009UID: 2596872

Thisargument is likely to be credible under certain circumstance, 这里好像应该接句号However,the arguer, the one who makes decisions, seems to develop superficialthinking on what consists a good magazine. When assessing themagazine’s sale, the arguer simply draw a reasoning line 不知道是否这种表达可行 amongmagazine’s cover, international news on the cover, and competingnews-magazine’s measures without taking account of many other importantelements and rational comparison. 感觉有点绕哈And then the decision-maker wouldanswer for the fateful consequence to his magazine. 这个句子也不是很清楚

Thedecision-maker first needs to clarify that这个that应该去掉 how much a magazine’s coveraffects its sale.  Admittedly, a good-designed cover containing majorinformation in the magazine does attract readers at the first time,however, a general review of the magazine’s capacity of information,contents editing, level of price, market share and its major group ofreaders matters much more important in assessing its sale. 前面的靶子好像树错了，作者并没有谈封面设计的问题，是谈的是否封面上为国际新闻影响了杂志的销售Alsothearguer fails to make it known that how critical the international newson the cover affect its impression to readers. It is highly possiblethat readers would see its pictorial elements like people’s photos,colors at first instead of the literal information. Meanwhile, thecompeting-news magazine’s decreasing in international news on its coverproves no relationship between them since we are not informed anyspecific statistics about its sale before and after this change. So,before the arguer enforces this step he should rethink what essentiallymake a magazine sells well, and then to judge how international newsserve to that.
感觉有点绕，如果第一句就说出问题，感觉更好。
Evenpresumes the reasoning line above 少了主语, it is necessary for thedecision-maker to know that news, in itself, has certain length oflimitation period. If there were not many crucial news of internationalsociety or if news in other fields were more interesting, then editingformer on covers might make important information be overlooked.However, no one can predict what may happen in the future,这里也应该为句号 if Newsbeatdecreases international news on covers or contents; it would face muchmore detriments on both sales and market share when any greatoccurrence happens at that time. Another,这个句号应该去掉 assessment about whether anews magazine’s information attracts readers depends on socialoccurrence and changes as well as magazines’ first-time response tothem. Newsbeat’s competitors significantly decreased its covers’international news这是个句子不能作主语 could be probably regarded as its excellent abilityof effectively response to any social changes. Rather, in the sameperiod Newsbeat did not carry out any actual steps, through which wemight find a potential lack of this ability on it. If so, thenpossibility appears that Newsbeat would also fall behind its competitorwhen news happens. All of these possibilities will bring Newsbeat’ssale detriments but no benefits, unless its decision-maker realizes hisreal needs—replacing attention on what should be put on covers with aninnovation on what make his team and mechanism more effective.
还是应该以开头就说明一个问题，然后再展开，不然太绕了哈
Finally,the arguer fails to provide adequate comparison between earning andcosts. Though these certain issues of Newsbeat sold not well whilecosts on foreign bureausincreased, there was no statistic to indicate Newsbeat did not earn aprofit. There might be a recession in the past three years so thatpeople would spend less on magazines and other consumers than before.In this case, what Newsbeat’s decision-maker should do is not only tofocus on covers, but to decrease self-cost and, in doing so, lower itsprice to attract readers.
这段开头就表明了问题，很好，但是后面的展开太少了哈。
Thisargument is possible to be helpful?换一个更准确的词更好 when international news on covers isnot important or compelling enough and occupy layout space forinformation which are really critical 没看懂这点. Nevertheless, whether forseeking a solution about immediate problems or making progress withNewsbeat, both contribute to the better magazine and considerableprofits, the decision-maker should take many other factors seriouslybesides its covers and news on them这句语法有问题哈. Failure of considering one or twoof them will not merely stay Newsbeat the same, but make it from bad toworse.

在表述问题的时候直接点更好，读者更容易理解。这篇文章感觉太绕了哈。
不一定正确的评论，继续努力哈

LovellaUID: 2616552

6# leopard2009
好久没看，才看到你给我改了呢，这篇问题是挺多的，谢谢！！因为貌似是改两人，我不记得之前有没有改过你的了，如果没的话告诉我链接我去改哈~